Big Brother Live Feed Recap: A Little Less Soul, A Lot More Mate

[waywyrd]

Can't keep up with the fights, the drama, who's sleeping with who this week? Fear not, brave feed watchers. All ten of you. We shall wade through the filth that is BB9 and bring you only the lowlights highlights of what has to be the sleaziest season yet. Every few days, we'll give you a recap of what's been going on. Because really, who wants to read about these people every day? Yeah, I thought not. So, break out the disinfectant and gather around...

The Fight Heard 'Round The Net
The week started off with a bang. No, not Jen and Ryan’s 30 seconds of pure pleasure in the bathroom again - it was an enormous fight that went on for what seemed like forever. Amanda and her ever-running mouth was the instigator. Apparently she went a-blabbing that James would target Natalie and Matt if he got HoH, which not only pissed off Natalie, but James’ partner Chelsia, who said it was lies, all lies. This led to Chelsia screaming bloody murder at a dazed-looking Amanda in the hot tub while the whole house looked on. Joshuah got in on the fun, calling Amanda a horse-faced c word, liberally dropping f-bombs along the way. Explosive temper, this one. He's just mad he never got busy with Neil. Alex tried to defuse the situation and explain to Amanda why everyone was upset with her, but she still denied saying anything. Someone said to give Amanda a halo, then Chelsia said “give her a noose,” but Joshuah went overboard when he then said “like her dad.”

So not cool.

That finally broke Amanda down, and she went wailing into the house. Allison consoled Amanda, and Chelsia apologized, saying she didn’t mean it to reference her dad’s suicide. Joshuah eventually apologizes later in the week, but still claims he was provoked. Amanda and Joshuah even stage a play fight a few days later, complete with her pushing him into the pool. James freaked out, thinking it was for real, and everyone got a good laugh. Har-de-har.


Is that your mic, or are you just happy to see me?

Jen threw her beau Ryan under the bus, whispering to various hamsters that he was a racist. Sheila spilled the beans to Ryan, and he confronted Jen, who lied and denied. Yes, she DID say he was racist. This didn’t stop them from making out under the covers and in the bathroom, spreading the love and the germs far and wide. Not to be outdone, Natalie has shown Matt that a stripper pole isn’t the only pole she has talents with, making Matt a happy boy twice so far. Yes, I'm keeping track. All that work, and the girl doesn’t even get a kiss or a cuddle for her efforts. Matt’s big strategy is to play all the girlies for their votes, and with these airheads, it just might work.

Parker, upset that he got “screwed over” by Big Brother sticking him with someone else’s girlfriend, goes on strike, refusing to talk to BB and generally pouting around the house. As expected, he and Jen are voted out. No tears were shed. I dare say Ryan was even...relieved. Even though he won't be getting any more bathroom booty calls.


Natalie prays that Matt will finally give her some.

James and Chelsia win HoH, and enjoy their room full of junk food and rock music. Oh, and booze. Chugging back Bloody Marys out of bowls (the house lost the use of drinking cups for a week), the two get thoroughly sloshed and end up kissing on the HoH bed. James, our resident porn star, pushes Chelsia for more but she puts the brakes on the make-out session, paranoid about her family seeing her on TV. A disappointed James goes down to the spa room, where Natalie gives him a massage and he promptly passes out cold. Sharon thought he was dead. Seriously. BB told the other hamsters to move him to a couch, since they couldn’t wake him or drag him up the spiral staircase. Gee, can’t wait for the margarita party - these hamsters can’t hold their liquor. Chelsia later throws up “from the tomato juice.” Yeah, right.

Results of the HoH comp:

• No hot water for 72 hours.
• On Sunday, the women must wear bathing suits for 24 hours (what, no equal opportunity sleaze? I'm offended.).
• No drinking cups for a week.
• They get a margarita party.
• No washing machine for 2 weeks.
• The women must cook dinner for their soul mate for a week. (The guys are making out like bandits here!)

Sheila sees Adam naked for the first time.


Even Chelsia's cat looks sloshed.

Lesbiangate was still going strong until after evictions, when all of a sudden Allison and Sheila decide to go back in the closet and tell everyone it was just a joke. Ryan says he never bought it, but others aren’t so sure, thinking it’s just a ploy to keep another “real life couple” from being evicted. Joshuah thinks Sheila is “flaming.” Yes, these people are as dumb as they look.

More controversy to go along with Adam’s “retard” comment - James drops the N word outside to Ryan and Adam, neither of which respond. Something about “N” knocking on his door later. Oh, and it was broadcast on Showtime. Lovely hamsters this season, yes?

Food comp was held on Thursday, having something to do with fish guts and leading to new bikinis for the girls and Alex/Amanda and Adam/Sheila being on slop. Much time is spent sponge bathing with boiled water since these boneheads gave up their running hot water. Also, Operation Condor (what’s a BB season without a dumbass alliance name?) is in full swing, consisting of Adam, Ryan, and James. They’re targeting Alex and Amanda for eviction.


Bloody Mary is not James' friend.

Want to read Alex and Amanda’s HoH blog? Because I just can’t do it, it makes my head hurt. Click here.

After some surprisingly coherent strategy talk and much ass-kissing from the others, James and Chelsia decide to nominate Matt and Natalie and Alex and Amanda for eviction. No surprise there. Amanda immediately goes to pouting, and Natalie immediately begins whining for Matt to spend more time with her. Only a few days left to get some, Nat - get to work! Looks like Operation Condor is in full effect.

Random stupid things:

• Natalie complained to James that Matt isn’t interested in getting to know her.
• Sheila and Adam have been snippy with each other all week, trading STFUps and calling each other nuts.
• Sheila tried to sneak Tylenol PM into the house in her makeup bag, but BB found out.
• Allison and Sheila have vowed not to cuss in the house.
• Adam is ascared of being hurt in comps. Wuss.
• Natalie thinks it takes both a rooster and a hen to make eggs. I lose IQ points listening to this.

Is it too much to hope that the old spy satellite crash lands right on top of the BB house?

*Thanks to Snapit and clowe9138 for the screencaps...and MsFroggy for the title idea!

[Google]

 

[mom2]

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for the recap, waywrd!!

[iguanachocolate]

you da bomb, Wayward! i hope you're getting hazard pay for this!

[hepcat]

Wow, I'm so happy to read this and was glued to the whole thing, yet I'm finding it so hard to watch the feeds this season. It's a testament to your writing, Waywyrd. Great job!

I had missed James passing out on the massage table....priceless.

[Bubba-Jo-Lyn]

Now I feel like BB has started with the first live feed recap. Thank you so much that was terrific.

[marthakent]

I have so missed the recaps! Now it feels like a Big Brother season!

Way- You rock!!!!! Thanks!

[jellybean]

Thank you so much for a great recap....such duds...

[marybethp]

Originally Posted by waywyrd

Is it too much to hope that the old spy satellite crash lands right on top of the BB house?

now THAT is funny!!

I'm just glad I didn't invest in the feeds this year. What a bunch of morons, they are!

Great recap Way!

[amycue]

I like that idea about the satellite!!! Great recap! This group of hamsters is SCARY!!! Yuck!
Amy

[lildago]

So, break out the disinfectant and gather around...

The week started off with a bang. No, not Jen and Ryan’s 30 seconds of pure pleasure in the bathroom again

Is that your mic, or are you just happy to see me?

Natalie has shown Matt that a stripper pole isn’t the only pole she has talents with,

Lesbiangate

Is it too much to hope that the old spy satellite crash lands right on top of the BB house?

Hilarious take on a week of these morons! Thanks, way!