Welcome to your final four, Big Brother fans – also known as recapper’s hell. Strategy is pretty much done with, save for a few last minute ass-saving attempts and some planning for the final HoH competition. They’re bored, restless, and don’t have much to do besides sleep and wait out the rest of their jail time. It’s not a pretty sight.
So here’s what I get when I crank up the feeds this fine day: two feeds on Dick and Daniele sleeping, one on Jameka eating cereal, and one on Zach, scrubbing his weird Chiclet teeth so hard that his mouth is full of foam, making him look like a rabid Shrek. He then goes to lie down in his HoH room and listen to some music while Jameka cleans like a madwoman, sweeping floors, washing dishes and making ice. You’d think the cheap bastards at CBS would spring for an icemaker in the fridge, but nooo. Zach begins counting and doing math with his fingers in mid-air, because he has nothing better to do, I suppose. If he needs to count past twenty and drops his drawers, I’m cutting the feeds off. Sorry, guys. My eyes can only take so much.
I am Ogre, hear me roar.
And so the afternoon goes. Snore, sweep, count, wash, scrub, snort. Daniele arises and puts on more makeup than I use in a month (really, she doesn’t need all of that goop!), Dick gets up after some snippy prompting from BB, and Zach runs all Forrest Gump-like on the treadmill with his thumbs up. I have no idea what that’s about, but its silly looking.
While Daniele is in her second hour of applying her war paint, Zach comes in with offerings of his leftover HoH goodies. Daniele manages to squeak out a not-so-heartfelt “thank you” in return. She puts on a cute green tank top with a short sleeve shirt (I want her clothes!) as Dick dons his kitty smoking green beans shirt. Where do you buy such things? Ugh. I tell you of their attire because there’s not much else to tell. Daniele plops down on the living room sofa, picking her split ends, as Zach comes in and tries to talk to her highness. He speaks, she ignores. “Seven days to freedom,” Zach says. Pick, pick, pick.
- Daniele doesn’t think the jury will be bitter – they’ll be brutal. I can't wait.
- Dick says Jessica is a lazy, spoiled, and inconsiderate. Sounds like someone else we all know.
- Dick asked Dani who she’ll use the veto on, and she didn’t reply. He thinks it would be “good tv” to use it on him. We passed "good tv" about two months ago, guys.
- Dick once stood in line eight hours to get Daniele some Spice Girls tickets. Hee!
- Zach once got eight eviction notices and lost some of his stuff when he was thrown out. His daddy helped him get it back.
- Dani says the DR told her this was the best ratings year ever. Seriously?
- Dani’s dog almost got lost when BB came to her house to film her clip. The crew left the door open and the dog ran away.
Dick comes out of the Diary Room after a marathon session and Zach comments that he likes the kitty/green bean shirt. Seriously, Zach? Dude is desperate for conversation. Daniele goes into the DR and Dick wanders off, leaving poor Zach alone in the living room to stare off into space. Four whole feeds of Zach, staring blankly at nothing. I check to make sure my viewer hasn’t frozen. Nope.
Noooo! Who put the Backstreet Boys in the CD player?!
Zach goes to the DR just to have someone to talk to. Daniele reappears with news – oh, joy – they told her that the last show is on Sunday. They also told her “expect the unexpected.” I'd like some entertainment, that would be unexpected. She whispers to Dick, but BB lays the smackdown and tells them not to discuss DR sessions. They keep at it anyhow, sending us to the stupid trivia. Dani keeps saying that she doesn’t care, as long as she can use her veto. Why wouldn’t she be able to use it? Hmm.
Zach comes out and heads up to Jameka, who has agreed to hang out from sheer boredom. They do some jedi drilling, and Jameka uses Zach’s shaving cream to write numbers on the bathroom counter – until BB yells at her to “Knock it off!” What, Dick can write all over the kitchen table with mustard, but nobody else can? Back to air math, and endless reviewing of house stuff. Zach says that if he knew then what he knows now, he would have used the veto to get rid of a Donato. And not picked his nose so much on camera. Zach also says he’s this year’s Janelle. *snort* Back to the double D’s, Dani is telling Dick about her vacation plans. He wants them both to go to Europe, she bitches about something or another and says that she spent the whole summer with him (Dick) and needs a break from him.
You're good, but Dr. Will did it better.
I guess Dick needs a break, too – he goes to the round room and jumps around, playing air guitar and lip synching like a maniac. Better than Britney, I might add. *ahem* Skippy even gets in on the action, bouncing the camera around as Dick snoopy dances. All that exercise wears him out, and Dick retreats to the backyard to spit out the chunks of tar that were shook from his lungs. Dani joins him for some Eric/Zach/insert name here bashing, and says that there is no way you can play this game without telling a lie. Dick says he didn’t intend to play the game this way, but that’s how it worked out for him. They both think they’re shoo-ins for the next All-Stars. I laugh. But they're probably right, sad as that is.
Yippee. The remaining hamsters get stuck on indoor lockdown for the night, and Dick is livid. Spitting on the carpet just isn’t the same as spitting on grass, dammit. They sit around and discuss tv shows. Dick liked Six Feet Under, and Zach liked Rome on HBO. Hey, two of my favorites! Who'd have thunk it. Both Dani and Zach liked X Files, leaving Dani with a snarl on her face for having something in common with the guy she calls the "panty muncher." Some lame talk of 80’s shows and David Hasselhoff’s music ensues, and now I know we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel. Daniele asks for some cards, and BB grants her wish later on lest she give them one of her patented evil glares for the remainder of the week.
Dani shows us her happy face.
This is gonna be one stinker of a night. Jameka goes to read her bible, Zach goes MIA, and Dick and Dani hole up to rehash days gone by and do more hamster bashing. They laugh at Zach pulling out his eyelashes. Laugh at Eric’s picture being packed into Jen’s bag without her knowing (I missed that one!). They plan on prank calling other houseguests later on and leaving messages in the BB voice. Whee fun. Jameka then eats cookies, Zach eats turkey jerky, and Dick manages to cut himself with an electric razor. Dani and Dick dress up the topiaries, then Dani gets yelled at by BB for poking at the walls and front door. She and Dick end up playing catch with the gross moss balls. This is as exciting as it gets, guys.
All that bible studying has made Jameka hungry, so she wanders out to make a frozen pizza. And drink some wine. Dick is on a nicotine withdrawal headbanging spree again, trying to screw up his shoulder for the upcoming comp. Jameka overcooks the pizza - how hard is it to cook a frozen pizza? - and peels the poor thing off the pan, trying to cut it with a butter knife. BB couldn’t buy them a pizza cutter, it would have eaten into Julie’s glitter budget. Jameka and Daniele actually have a nice conversation over burnt DiGiornio, discussing high school friends, apartment prices, and what to wear to the wrap party. Dick joins them for a new game: who would hate me from past seasons? Gah. Dick thinks Marcellas and James would hate him. Jameka thinks Will and Holly wouldn’t like her. More talk of past houseguests, dumb twists, who should have been on other seasons, blah blah blah.
Introducing the new Abs of Flab class.
I could have tried out for The Amazing Race, or Survivor, but nooo...
One in the morning, and everyone’s asleep. Dick doesn’t stay down for long, though (man, that sounded bad), getting up to use the bathroom and fumigate the house with natural gas. Take that, ants! As he washes his hands we get...trivia? There were some rumors that Dick was allowed outside to smoke - he’d been bitching about it all evening - and if he was, he got to see the HoH setup before the others. He did disappear from the feeds for about 20 minutes. Coincidence, or reason for more conspiracy theories? You decide.
Daniele later gets up in the wee hours to play cards with Dick, who is beside himself with joy that just the smell of his farts woke Jameka up. He blames the tuna. I blame Ms. Grodner for making this season so craptastic. I swear on Amber’s dog, if it’s this bad next year, I’ll...I’ll...watch anyway. Because I'm lame like that.
The hamsters are still under lockdown at noon, with few signs of life. Skippy did screw up, however, forgetting to flush us down the vortex when the wake up music was played. Bad Skippy, bad. The song was Seed 2.0 by The Roots, if you care about such things.
Daniele: “I feel like we’ve been here forever, and I feel like it’s never going to end.”
Huge thanks to Snapit for taking such great screencaps this season!