*This recap covers from noon Thursday to noon Friday
Did any of you ever see The Neverending Story? Where the NOTHING is taking over the land? No? Only *I* am sad enough to be reliving the 80's here? Well, that's what this Big Brother season reminds me of...the nothing, taking over the show. Only there is no cute luck dragon like Falkor. *sigh* *smacks self back into reality. Make that reality-tv.
Okay, so as my shift begins, what's up? A fight? Great strategy? A fun game? Nope, just hamster-cage cleaning and some nail-gnawing from the resident rodent, Eric. And while I know this is such a minor thing, I have to ask, WHERE did Dick get that mop? He's cleaning the bathrooms floors! With a mop! (hey, it doesn't take much to get me excited here.) If there has been a mop all of this time, then why oh why did people constantly clean the bathroom floor on their hands and knees? Living out some deep-rooted Cinderella fantasties? Has Dick been hiding this mop from everyone else all of this time? If so, where has he been hiding it? Do we really want to know? How many questions can I put in this riveting paragraph about mopping?
Clean floor, dirty mouth. *yes, I am aware of the lameness.*
What, what are they doing besides cleaning, you ask? NOTHING, that's what. Eric burrows into his bed, Zach lays around like a ...laying around thing, Jessica and Jameka both look nervous. There's a whole lot of deep blue vortex, followed by trivia we all know by heart. When we finally come back, the show has aired on BOTH coasts, and half my shift is over. I'm working with nothing here, people.
Just like in Shrek the Third, the ogre gets a crown.
When we (finally!) come back, both Jessica and Eric have been evicted, thanks to double-eviction, Dick has had a very short HOH stint, and Zach is our new reigning head of household. All hail the ogre! Or not. Danielle is furious, as apparently the HOH competition was extremely close, and only one point or one question separated her and Zach.
Stop it young lady, your face will freeze that way.
Daniele complains. And complains. And complains. Oh, and whiiiiines. "It's not faiiiir! You don't understaaand! It was stuuuupid!" I have seen some mighty fine whiners in my time, but she really takes the cake. Beautiful, yes. Annoying as hell, yes. Dick attempts to console her, but of course this just makes her mad, because how DARE he possibly care that she is upset? She says that Zach didn't use his brain, that he just averaged some numbers together. Last time I checked, you have to have a brain to average numbers together. Like, I don't think Amber could do it. She'd ask "what's 'average' mean?"
"Dear Lord, please give me the patience to put up with Dani's whining. Oh, and let me win, too. Amen."
Daniele goes to the treadmill to take out her anger, and runs for five seconds before stopping. BB tells her three times to put on her microphone, but she yells back that she's not talking! How DARE Big Brother demand she put on her microphone when she's not saying anything? How DARE they expect her to abide by the general structure of the game? Don't they know that it's haard? Obviously they don't understaaand! For all of the reasons that I could find to feel sorry for Dick, the main one I find is that his daughter is a raging brat of epic proportions. But again, she is beautiful, so nothing else matters! Go Dani!
I tear myself away from the whining to find Dick and Jameka having a somewhat civil conversation. When there's not many houseguests left, you can't be picky for conversation. Jameka is doubting the sincerity of the Eric/Jessica "showmance" and can't wait to see if it was real. She thinks that Eric ran Jessica's HOH reigns. Man, she's going to be in for some surprises.
Just say no to crack.
Daniele and Dick go to the backyard to rehash the HOH competition. Daniele feels like she let "everyone" down by not winning. Actually, Daniele, Jameka and Zach are pretty daggone happy that you didn't win. You just let down Papa Bear. Dick points out that she's never had to pack. She thinks that's great, because she has five drawers completely filled. With her teeny-weenie size subzero clothes. Can you imagine the whining when she does have to pack? Gah! Dani wants Dick to drive it home to Zach that he will lose against Jameka in the final two. Which is probably true. Daniele gets called to the diary room, and says she doesn't want to go, that she'll just sit there and refuse to answer questions. Because Big Brother doesn't understaaand!
Zach and Jameka pack up Eric's belongings, which I am sure include some really nasty socks and such that we shall not speak of again. Thank goodness he is GONE. Zach gets his HOH room, some snacks, a blanket. Dick is mad that he got NOTHING for his ever-so-brief HOH reign. He got to boot out Eric, that's got to count for something.
Zach and Jameka chat alone, and he tells her that he will put up Dick and Daniele, and that he wants Jameka to play hard for the veto. He says that he'd love to take her to the end. What an odd pair for final two. Somewhere along the line Zach suggests that Jameka give him money in exchange for keeping her off the block. Later he tells her that he was informed in the diary room that he can't do that (what, EXTORTION?) so he's sorry. He also tells her not to tell anyone that he asked. And why can HE talk about what the diary room told him? We don't know. Zach can talk out his rear all he wants about Dick's behavior, but Dick didn't attempt to extort money from another houseguest. Hypocrisy, your name is ZACH.
In other Zach news, he says that he was recruited and cast in a day, had one day to get ready. Big Brother casting people, even if you were desperate and needed someone last second, you couldn't do better than ZACH? What about that "alternate" that was on that one clip show, Samantha, that some of us thought would be a houseguest? Surely she would've been more interesting. Heck, a turnip would have been more interesting.
Zach gets a little alcohol in him, and tells Jameka that he doesn't care about winning, that he's fine with second place. He even tells her that she's given his faith a shot, and that he might go back to church. Since she's extremely religious, I'm calling extortion on him again. He's implying that she's instrumental in saving his eternal soul, or at least getting his eternal soul into a church after a hard Saturday night of lame-pick up lines and a bottle of the Hampton's best "Summer Blush." He mumbles some stuff about doing things honorably, and really, after his extortion attempts, how he can say that is beyond me. I am quite bored with this, so I move on.
He's almost cute when he's asleep. *For Pete's sake, where is my mind?*
Newsflash! Zach grills hotdogs at 3 A.M.!
Finally the houseguests go to sleep. Jameka and Daniele talk late into the night about Eric. After a brief snooze, the hamsters wake up for an outside lock down. When they come back, they have a tiny table with only four chairs. They still don't have any hot water. The absolute last thing I cover is Dani going to Zach, asking him if he's going to put up her and her dad. Zach tells her that it's a possibility.
With that, my shift ends, and with any luck I won't have to look at these people ever again. Who will Zach nominate? Who will win POV? What could I have done with these wasted hours of my summer? Regrets, I've had a few...
Daniele succumbs to the boredom that is BB8.
*Tell me YOUR summer stories... here.
Thanks to Snapit for some of the screencaps!
*Thanks to Oscar Wilde for my title. What, you aren't familiar with Oscar Wilde? You have about a week between Big Brother and Survivor. Read! Also, it's a shout-out to one of my favorite people who returned to college this week. Alas, summer is over. Rock on, Manny!