This recap covers Sunday noon to Monday noon, house time.
Well. I was really hoping the Big Brother would stop the live feeds, just for the weekend, so that I could enjoy my long holiday weekend off work, and not have to write about the hamsters, but CBS really let me down! Not only did they show the live feeds, but I think they told the HGs to make sure and not do anything at all interesting or noteworthy between noon Sunday and noon Monday, because they sure didn’t, and I sure don’t have anything interesting to write about.
Something I wish had happened during my live feed shift? Jessica painting Eric with latex, and then ripping out his nipple ring as she tried to remove the latex. That was all kinds of funny, and apparently the crew thought so too, because Dani claims that she heard uproarious laughing coming from the walls as this was all going down.
To kick things off on Sunday, Dani and Zach have a little bonding session because everyone else is still asleep. They gripe about how hot it is outside, and then the talk turns to how Zach will only buy cereal that is on sale, and used to buy foods he knew his roommate hated. Dani heads out to the yard to tan, and Zach comments about how pale she is, to which she replies: “Have you seen my dad?” Unfortunately, we’ve all seen your dad, Dani, and you’re right- he is also extremely pasty.
I am happy to see Dani working out on the treadmill, because that girl is just getting a little too big for her size 0 tube tops! I’m kidding, of course, but I am dead serious about the fact that she wore a little pink sports bra, short shorts and tube socks to work out in. Sexxy!
See... doesn't she look silly?
Jessica is understandably upset about being nominated for eviction, and nothing Eric can do or say is making her feel any better. Not even ripping out his nipple ring made her feel any better. He promises up and down that he will do everything he can to keep her in the house, and that they have an alliance with Dick and Dani, and for sure Jameka will be going home. At one point, Dick tells them they need to watch everything they say around Zach because they don’t want to seem too confident, and they don’t want Zach to find out about their alliance. This makes Jess mad, because not only is she on the block, but she has to watch every word she says too, and she is not at all happy about that.
This is not a happy woman.
Jameka is also on the block, and is dealing with it in a very Jameka-like way- she’s sitting outside the HOH room reading her bible. The other HGs suspect that she’s doing more eavesdropping than reading, and Dick comments about how mad it makes him when she sits on the couch and listens in on their conversations.
We're just as bored as you are, Jameka.
The talk turns to reality TV, specifically Survivor and BB All Stars. Eric thinks that BB should have an ending like Survivor, and when he says that I don’t think he means ultra-cheesy what with the live audience and Jeff Probst rappelling in from a helicopter; I think he means it would be nice if BB had a time line with a set end date. Luckily, BB does have a time line with a set end date, and I know this because I’ve marked the date on my calendar and am counting down every day. I guess the HGs don’t know this though, which probably helps to keep them all crazy and drama filled. Oh, and something else interesting: Daniele thinks that Ozzy should have won Survivor Cook Islands over Yul, which just confirms that the girl is a fool.
Did you drop your brain down there?
The guys continue to dish about reality TV, and it eventually changes into gossip about the house. Dick asks why Jessica is so snippy lately, and Eric replies that she’s having her period. Yeah Eric, I’m sure it has nothing at all to do with the fact that she has been nominated for eviction, knows the POV won’t be used to save her and she could very well be going into the sequester house on Thursday. I’m sure that none of that is bothering her at all- it’s just PMS. What a jackass. Later, he asks Jess if he has this kind of behavior to look forward from her once a month for the rest of their lives, and again, what a jackass.
Yes, Jessica- he's a jackass!
Jameka and Jessica hang out together and have a little pity party until Eric tells them to cheer up and enjoy the week. That’s pretty easy for him to say as he’s not on the block, and Jess points out that he wasn’t all that easy to live with when he was up for nomination either. The talk shifts to how being nominated is like going to the dentist, (??), which segues into stories about going to the dentist, and ends with Eric talking about dentists shoving needles into peoples’ brains. Sorry, all you dentists out there- I know that you would never shove a needle into someone’s brain.
Moving on, Zach begs Dick to tell a story about one of his conquests, because Zach has no such stories of his own, and needs some sort of fantasy fodder, and Dick is very happy to comply. And I am very happy that Daniele is not in the room, although I don’t think that would have stopped Dick. He tells a kind of stupid story about two female Swedish tourists, and dropping a condom down the stairs and then leaving it in a cash register, and although I think the story is ridiculous, Zach and Eric are just captivated. Eric comments that Dick has probably “bagged” more than 111 women in his lifetime, and Dick just laughs in his face and tells him that it’s been way more than that. Zach is very impressed, but I’m sure anything over 3 would have been impressive to Zach.
Me like stories about pretty ladies.
The gang prepares a buffet supper of pizza, tacos, quesadillas, bacon and ice cream. While they’re “cooking” Jessica comments that she’s had a lot of fun in the house, but wouldn’t mind if it was over. She misses tanning, and dancing, and her day to day routine. She also misses Dancing with the Stars. Yes, that’s sure what I’d miss if I was cut off from the world for three months! Jess and Eric argue about who is the biggest reality TV fan, and then try to remember the order of elimination on the first two DWTS seasons. Wow. I guess they have to do something to pass the time.
Do you miss Dancing With the Stars too?
The group settles down to dinner and some random conversation and we learn a few interesting things:
• Dani is really embarrassed that Amber beat her on Power of 10, (as she should be).
• Eric frequently tans.
• The HGs don’t really believe Drew Carey is replacing Bob Barker on the Price is Right.
• Jessica hates Rosie O’Donnell, and even wrote down her name on her BB application as the celebrity she hates the most.
• Zach once took an upholstery class.
• If there was an intruder at Jessica’s house, her dad would try to pull the intruder inside so that he could shoot him, and then says it’s legal to shoot an intruder if he enters your dwelling.
• Dick once threw a Taco Bell burrito in someone’s face while he was driving.
• Jess will never have a big family, and will always have a dishwasher.
Drew Carey?? Pshaw!
After dinner, Dick and Dani have one of their little spats, this time about a spider. Dick wants to smoke and asks Dani to move out of the way so that he doesn’t blow smoke in her face, but Dani refuses to move because there is a spider web there, and she ends up storming off while saying she doesn’t want to be a bother to anyone. I guess at least Dick was trying to be considerate about the smoke, and Dani was trying to be considerate about not wanting to bother anyone, but that’s not really working, because they’re both bothering me. Dick complains that he just can’t win when it comes to Dani, and Zach tells him that everything will be okay in a few years, he and Dani will get along well, and they’ve already come a long way in the house just by talking to one another.
Remember how Zach got a Frisbee in his HOH room? Well, apparently it’s because he really, really likes Frisbee. A lot. He begs the other HGs to play with him, and Jessica blows him off so he tries to play by himself. Did you get that? The man tries to play Frisbee by himself. Yikes!
It wouldn’t be Sunday without BB’s gift of beer and wine, and the HGs dive right in and start to get liquored up. They split into different groups, and some of them play beer pong/ quarters, while others (Dani and Zach) discuss going to raves and doing drugs. Jameka, Eric and Jess get rally, really drunk, but unfortunately we miss a lot of their antics because Jameka keeps singing Lionel Richie and Whitney Houston songs, which propels us to the blue vortex of doom and boredom.
Everybody's friends when they're drunk.
The beer is soon gone, but there’s plenty of wine, and the HGs continue on the downward spiral to Drunk Town. Dick will not stop talking about how Eric insulted Janelle, (he called her “a fat ass Miss Piggy,” which I think was uncalled for, and certainly untrue. Well, mostly untrue). Dick doesn’t agree and thinks that Janelle is beautiful. He really hopes she shows up at the wrap party so that he can have a deep and meaningful conversation with her, and probably “accidentally” grab her boobs.
Next up, drunk Eric decides to imitate Dick. Everything Dick says or does, Eric also says or does, and this is amusing for a few minutes, but really gets old quickly. It’s gross enough when Dick spits, but when Eric spits in imitation, it’s so much worse! Jess soon gets annoyed, as does Dick and everyone else… except Zach who thinks it’s the funniest thing he’s ever seen. Ever! Now I know I haven’t been too nice to Zach today, but I can’t help it- he just keeps setting himself up!
You would make that face too if you saw Dick pants Eric right in front of you.
Eric and Jessica hang out in the hot tub for a while, and at one point Eric gets chastised from BB for whispering. He and Jess talk about their sexual histories. Jessica is fine talking about that, but wouldn’t tell Dick what her favorite position was earlier in the day because her mom watches the show. I think that if she’s worried about what her parents think, she should maybe stay away from the whole sex topic altogether. She doesn’t though, and we learn that since she’s conservative, her first time with anyone has to be in a bed, (as opposed to what? Standing up in the bathroom of a club? I’m not sure that’s just a conservative thing, Jess), and she’s a little embarrassed that her first kiss with Eric was in a bed! Eric counters and tells her that his first time was with a woman he dated for a year before they did the deed, and that he would be respectful to Jess and honor her wish to do it in a bed. I’m glad they got that talk out of the way, because the bed/ not bed decision is really something that can break a couple apart.
While all this naughty talk is going on, Dani and Dick take the opportunity to discuss their plan to vote Jessica out on the sly. They’re going to get Zach to go along, but won’t clue him in on how he’s voting until the very last moment, so that the big oaf doesn’t have a chance to spill the beans to Jess and Eric before the vote. Dick really wants to get rid of Jameka, but knows it makes more sense to vote Jess out this week. He’s counting on Eric being so upset by the vote that he won’t be able to effectively compete for HOH, leaving the slot open for Dick or Dani, and allowing them to nominate Zach and Jameka next week.
The HGs slowly wander off to bed, and Eric wanders off to Jessica’s bed. They kiss for a while, and it looks kind of awkward but they seem to be enjoying it. They talk a little game, but mostly just enjoy hanging out together. Eric gives Jess a back rub, kisses her some more, and then ambles off to his own bed, and I’m not going to talk about what he did when he got there, except to wonder if Eric understands that a camera is almost always on him, and the viewers all know what he is doing, even if he tries to hide under the covers.
The next morning the HGs do not get up until after 10am, and then they all do boring things like take showers, eat breakfast and get dressed. And with that, my shift is over, and I can now enjoy my Labor Day the traditional way- by loafing around and eating food that is really bad for me.
At least I'm not hungover.