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Thread: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, Bitches!

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    Magical Elf MFWalkoff's Avatar
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    8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, Bitches!

    *This is a recap of events from Noon Friday to Noon Saturday*

    It's the last day of August, the summer is flying by, and Amber is still gone. Let's begin this star-studded edition with some useless facts:
    • Dick weighs 173 lbs.
    • After brushing his teeth, Eric leaves the last bit of rinsing water in his mouth, grabs his mouthwash, takes a swig from the bottle to mix in his mouth with the water, swishes it and then spits the whole thing.
    • Every morning, Dani wakes up having to pee really badly.
    • Zach's pee turns funny colors due to his regular intake of vitamins.
    • Zach says he has been surrounded by "Meatwads, Psycho Women and Gay Dudes"
    • If Zach could be any fictional character, he would be Wile E Coyote, for the access to all the ACME products.
    • Zach dated someone from Temptation Island.
    • Dick dated the daughter of the Raiders' then-head coach
    • Dick went out with a "chick" who would ask him to slap her around. But that ain't his deal, man.
    • Dani hated Dick's 2nd wife, because she would always wear short spandex outfits, which scared Dani as a kid.
    • During the 2nd wife's reign, they had 2 dogs named Babs and Buster, after the Tiny Toons characters.
    • Dick misses flirting with women. None of the women in the house are Dick's type. Dani will be glad to hear this. Eric will be surprised.
    • Zach's parents' names are Mary Ann and Frank.
    • Dani never calls either of her parents Mom or Dad, she just says, "Hey you!"
    • Before acquiring his boss Corvette, Dick owned a VW Rabbit and an Amigo "Jeep wannabee"
    • Dani thinks that BB8 is the most popular show on TV right now. Which it is, except for 15 or 16 other shows.

    When I began to write this, I was thinking it would be the shortest recap in history, thanks to almost half the shift consisting of our favorite, BB Trivia. (I think they stopped using the Vortex Flush because of LA's water shortage) But it turns out that there's lots to talk about, even if the biggest and best parts happened off-camera...

    As we zoom in at High Noon, Jess is excited to learn that her phone call from home (a gift from Eric during last night's HoH comp) will take place shortly. Dick, the only other person up, is excited for her too, until she goes to the DR to take the call, and he mutters 'that b**** needs to go home.' In all fairness, he could have meant:
    • Jessica, for getting something Dick wanted
    • Jameka, who was Eric's runner-up choice for the phone call
    • Eric, for giving the phone call away like a little b****
    • Eric, for just being a little b**** in general
    Enter Zhrek, I mean Zach, who wants to revel in his newfound HoH powers with Donkey, I mean Dick, and how he might wield his mighty Nomination Hammer. Zach's first thought is to put up Jess and Jameka, no doubt due to some mathematical formula he worked out proving that he would win in a house where no one's name starts with J. He really wants to give Jameka the boot for being a non-player, and for now Dick harumphs in agreement. Zach shares other calculations he worked up, including the probability of the Donatos making it past the final 6, final 5, final 4, and even the semis on Dancing With the Stars. Smarter than a 5th grade ogre, that's our HoH. Dick retorts 'what kind of math is that?' I call it Pigonometry myself.

    Jess returns from her phone call, which was from her brother Dean and his BFF Tucker, who both have just returned from Iraq for a visit. Apparently the call lasted a whopping 3 minutes. Way to spare no expense, BB. But Jess was happy and excited: "I was so glad I got to talk to both of them, I knew Tucker would be right by him." Hmmm...too bad they already got rid of both the Gay Guys™, one of them would have something to interject right about now. Something to do with Gaydar and foxholes, I imagine all too easily...

    We find out that a sick girl from Jess' dance team is receiving the proceeds from the sale of the "Booyah!" t-shirts back home. It's heartening to know that something good will come of this season! As a thank-you to Eric for his generous gift, Jess gives him a big long hug. OK I admit it, I think these kids are sweet together. Even sweeter with the sound off. After the hug, they go off on their merry way, and Zhrek puts the cherry on the sundae by remarking that Eric better get some play out of this. I could almost hear his unspoken next sentence in his head: And there better be video of it on YouTube...

    Later by the pool, we learn that while Dick agrees with Zach's "J-squared" nominations, Dani has other ideas, mainly putting up Jess and Eric. This gets Zhrek and Donkey thinking for a while, but ultimately Dani is outnumbered and may not get what she wants. (Insert your own favorite Dani whine here, at this point I've worn out the vowel keys on my keyboard transcribing them). Zach informs Dani that Eric promised Zach that if Jameka goes up, he will vote to evict her. Funny, I don't remember that AP poll, do you? One thing they all agree on is that Eric has been (understandably) walking around scared out of his wits all day. They delight in his every shake.

    Soon Eric gets his shot in the HoH hotseat with the Head Ogre. Eric makes a magical guarantee to Zach that if he puts Jameka up, Jameka will go. Apparently Eric spent his $30,000 on an Olivander's wand, which is coming FedEx from Diagon Alley. Eric shows Zach the numbers on how he & Jess have had Zach's back the past couple of weeks. Eric reminds Zach that when he came and asked for a deal recently, Eric gave it to him. Eric wonders why he doesn't just put up the Donatos instead. Zach comes back with a rare good one: "Because I've had pretty good relationships with them since the beginning, not since the 40th day." Don't you see? Zach just wants to be loved, is that so wrong!!?

    After this queasy attempt at male bonding, Eric leaves to prepare Jess & Jameka for the worst, and Zach summons Dick to his HoH Swamp for a follow-up. They agree that Eric has been munching on a Crazy Bar today (Zach calls him a sniveling little rat), but that nominating the two J's still makes the most sense. They can keep their options open on who to evict if the POV isn't used. Eric's biggest selling point seems to be that in a final 2 with almost anyone, he would lose, so why not keep him. Unfortunately, this might be true since America may not get much say in the matter...

    Before the nomination ceremony, Dani takes one more shot at selling out Eric to Zach. They bond over their delight in watching him squirm. Eric reminds Zach of "that rat creature from Harry Potter" (that's Peter Pettigrew, better known as Wormtail, thank you). They agree that Eric is shady, and not to be trusted. Zach loves to agree with people. And then go and agree on the opposite thing with other people. Maybe Zach finally realizes that he is the 5th wheel on this wagon. I give him credit for rolling the dice, even if his mad math skills may not save him in the end...

    Zach decides he wants to see Eric dance some more before the ceremony, so Eric gives another command performance in the HoH. This time the focus is on "What can Eric do for Zach next week?" Ever the smooth talker, Eric "promises" that if he wins HoH and it comes down to saving Zach against someone else, he "would take it into extreme due consideration." (Is that like "double secret probation" from Animal House?) It's as close to a deal as they get, but apparently it's enough, because Zach gets called to the DR and after an hour of delicious, nutritious Trivia...

    ...the J-Girls are on the block.

    Dani joins Zach in the HoH for some E/J bashing; apparently Jess took the nom pretty hard. They recall the evil look on Jess' face when she was put up. Zach can't believe she didn't see it coming: "She's way too young. I would never date her." No, but you'd slip something into her slop, wouldn't cha? You dawg you...Dani and Zach proceed to bash everyone else who ever set foot in the house this year. They're good at it. I'm sure it will be a marketable skill on their resumes.

    Meanwhile, Jess & Jam commiserate over their plight. They decide that neither of them are going to kiss Zach's a**, he doesn't deserve it. Apparently Zach didn't make eye contact with anyone during his speech; I can't wait to see how he pulled that off. Later, Eric privately tries to prepare Jess mentally for the possibility that they will have to campaign to make sure Jameka goes home. This hits her like a brick. Maybe she is young. I sure wouldn't date her. But that's because I'd only be using her to get to Eric. Ah well...

    Eric later confides to Jameka that he thinks he’s having a nervous breakdown over recent events. I can't tell the difference in his behavior, but that's just me. He reveals that he's in the house 2 weeks longer than he thought he'd be. He feels terrible for J/J, but Jam says it's all good, she knew she was going up anyway. Maybe Amber appeared to her in a dream. Eric starts pouring his heart out to Jam about Jess. He's unraveling, and I can just hear the squeals of delight from so many feed watchers. Personally I still like the guy in spite of myself.

    And now, for the next several hours we enter...The Smalltalk Zone!
    • In the kitchen, Zach & Dick drop hints to CBS to hand out tickets to some football games to the HGs.
    • Eric remarks how Jess' boobs look fuller this evening. She says they get "gi-normous" whenever Aunt Flo comes to visit. (Oh just kill me...)
    • Zach, Dick & Eric reminisce about Will and Boogie in S2 vs. S7. All 3 of them are knowledgeable, but Eric is the expert. Dick thinks Boogie is an a*****e. (Join the club). Eric recounts how Will would only do All-Stars if Boogie came with him. I still haven't forgiven him for that...
    • Dick wonders what it means when the girls call each other "G"...is it gangsta, he wonders?
    • Eric wonders how the live feeds work. Dick subscribed last year, and explains the process: It's nothing but talk about toenail clipping all day, and when anyone does any real scheming or plotting, it's whispered so you can't hear it. (Thanks, I'll remember that for next year)
    • Dick asks Eric if they have 31 Flavors (Baskin-Robbins) on his coast (yes we do). Dick prefers Carvel as ice cream chains go, but Ben & Jerry's is his favorite flavor. Now I hate Dick even more because I'm lactose intolerant.
    Also, I'm starting to understand this toenail-clipping theory more than ever...

    At 11:00pm BB time, all the HGs have been in the little bedroom chatting away for a while. Jess talks of going to bed, and goes into the big bedroom. Dick and Dani leave to brush teeth, pop zits and clip toenails, and Eric follows Jess into the now-dark bedroom where they get comfy and cuddle and talks in whispers. Eric does the numbers for Jess: Number of times Jess has seen Eric naked: 2. Number of times Eric has seen Jess naked: 0. Number of times Jess has touched Eric's nipples: 1. Number of times Eric has touched Jess' nipples: 0. Welcome to the world of men and women, Eric.

    At the stroke of midnight, Dick announces "We're out of Advil!" He's grouchy because they have been on lockdown for hours while the POV competition is being set up in the BY. Which means no smokes for Dick. Also, Dick and Eric are noticeably sore from last night's HoH comp, and they're all jonesing for a trip to Jacuzzi Heaven. No such luck tonight, my achy breaky hamsters...

    But the stroke of midnight also brings what Dick said was foretold to him in the DR earlier: a surprise (well, half-surprise) POV competition featuring the one and only Janelle from S6 & All-Stars! Won't this be great to watch?

    It would be great, except that instead we watch 3 solid hours of more trivia. But, maybe after the comp is over, Janie will hang out with the HGs for a while! Wouldn't that be great to watch?

    But she doesn't, and it isn't. When the feeds come back, Sen. Craig has resigned, Tropical Storm Felix has gained momentum, and the HGs are sitting around, Janie-less. We learn that it was the face-morph competition from last year, as Dani and Zach laugh that Jen's comp picture was better than her notorious memory wall picture. Never miss an opportunity, those two...



    Jess has retreated to bed and looks catatonic; this would be because Dani has won her umpteenth POV. Eric kneels at her bedside dutifully, telling her she's gonna pull through like it's a Lifetime Disease of the Week movie, until he is called to the DR. He turns out the lights for Jess and leaves, after which Jameka comes in and proceeds to chat with Jess in the dark for an hour about how screwed they are.

    Dick is happy for his daughter, and even happier that Janie told him he was hot. Dani is ecstatic that Janie told her that she loves her, and that she's glad Dani is carrying on her traditions (winning comps but ultimately being backdoored?) They are starstruck. Dick says that in his next DR, they'd better give him Janie's number. Gee, maybe Dani will finally have a mommy that she can love...

    Dani says that Janie was cheering Zach on at one point. She worries that Zach might actually be popular with the viewers. Y'all crazy, girl! BB messes with her head briefly by putting two Dani pics on the memory wall while moving her to the POV spot. Amber would call this a sign. And look what happened to her.

    The HGs are in lockdown again so that the BY can be put back together. Eric coaxes Jess out of bed to share in some food made by D/D. They all munch and engage in more smalltalk. Apparently Janie wasn't as enchanted with Eric; she was laughing at how bad he did. Dick is entranced by Janie, and observes that none of his current female HGs are his type.



    Jessica slyly says, "I'm not your type, Dick?" He comes back with, "you're my daughter's age, and I really don't think you want to f*** me." I never figured that this was a factor in Dick's partnering choices. Ya learn something new every day.

    Jess is wired now, and launches into song and primal screaming with her blockmate Jam. Which brings about more pepperings of trivia, but the sounds coming from them make it worthwhile. It's like a bad method acting class on helium.

    Eventually everyone goes back to bed. Zach had long ago retreated to the HoH to fall asleep to his CD, Music to Flog Donkeys By. Dick is left alone in the BY, as usual, still enchanted by his All-Star Dream Date. "What a great way to end the day," he marvels, "flirting with Janelle! It was a good night in so many ways..."



    As this shift ends, all the hamsters are still asleep and all is quiet, except for the occasional grunts, knuckle-cracks and moans from Dick, who is no doubt chasing 6-foot Janie-rabbits in his sleep.



    Want to know more about how to score with an All-Star? PM me!
    Last edited by MFWalkoff; 08-30-2008 at 03:52 AM.
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  2. #2
    Premium Member gagi's Avatar
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    Re: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, B*tches!

    Great job!

    What an awesome recap. I can't believe I missed Janie! I thought she was going to be live on Thursday's show. I love the fact that she didn't like Eric Janie has impeccable taste in men!
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    Staying Afloat speedbump's Avatar
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    Re: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, B*tches!

    Bravissamo, MFW!!! That was hilarious from start to finish.
    You got to cry without weeping. Talk without speaking. Scream without raising your voice.- U2

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    Shark Week! dagwood's Avatar
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    Re: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, B*tches!

    You didn't miss Janie, gagi. They will show the POV on Tuesday.

    Great recap, MfWalkoff.
    He who laughs last thinks slowest

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    Who Dat lildago's Avatar
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    Re: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, B*tches!

    I call it Pigonometry myself.

    Maybe Amber appeared to her in a dream.

    Now I hate Dick even more because I'm lactose intolerant.

    When the feeds come back, Sen. Craig has resigned, Tropical Storm Felix has gained momentum, and the HGs are sitting around, Janie-less.

    Gee, maybe Dani will finally have a mommy that she can love...

    I never figured that this was a factor in Dick's partnering choices. Ya learn something new every day.
    Hilarious! Awesome recap, MFWalkoff!
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    Mullet/Summer Enthusiast AshleyPSU's Avatar
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    Re: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, B*tches!

    MFWalkoff, you did an awesome job! Thanks for guest recapping!

    Some of my favorite things:

    Eric does the numbers for Jess: Number of times Jess has seen Eric naked: 2. Number of times Eric has seen Jess naked: 0. Number of times Jess has touched Eric's nipples: 1. Number of times Eric has touched Jess' nipples: 0. Welcome to the world of men and women, Eric.

    Dani thinks that BB8 is the most popular show on TV right now. Which it is, except for 15 or 16 other shows.

    Don't you see? Zach just wants to be loved, is that so wrong!!?

    It's like a bad method acting class on helium.
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    FORT Fogey GabbyG's Avatar
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    Re: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, B*tches!

    Excellent!

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    Just Forting Around roseskid's Avatar
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    Re: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, B*tches!

    Holy crap, MF, now that's some funny stuff. I could have quoted the whole thing, but worked hard to pare it down to these.
    Dani thinks that BB8 is the most popular show on TV right now. Which it is, except for 15 or 16 other shows.

    (I think they stopped using the Vortex Flush because of LA's water shortage)

    Enter Zhrek, I mean Zach, who wants to revel in his newfound HoH powers with Donkey, I mean Dick, and how he might wield his mighty Nomination Hammer. Zach's first thought is to put up Jess and Jameka, no doubt due to some mathematical formula he worked out proving that he would win in a house where no one's name starts with J. He really wants to give Jameka the boot for being a non-player, and for now Dick harumphs in agreement. Zach shares other calculations he worked up, including the probability of the Donatos making it past the final 6, final 5, final 4, and even the semis on Dancing With the Stars. Smarter than a 5th grade ogre, that's our HoH. Dick retorts 'what kind of math is that?' I call it Pigonometry myself.

    Apparently the call lasted a whopping 3 minutes. Way to spare no expense, BB.

    Something to do with Gaydar and foxholes, I imagine all too easily...

    And there better be video of it on YouTube...

    that while Dick agrees with Zach's "J-squared" nominations,

    that if he puts Jameka up, Jameka will go. Apparently Eric spent his $30,000 on an Olivander's wand, which is coming FedEx from Diagon Alley.

    I give him credit for rolling the dice, even if his mad math skills may not save him in the end...


    (Is that like "double secret probation" from Animal House?)

    They're good at it. I'm sure it will be a marketable skill on their resumes.

    behavior, but that's just me. He reveals that he's in the house 2 weeks longer than he thought he'd be. He feels terrible for J/J, but Jam says it's all good, she knew she was going up anyway. Maybe Amber appeared to her in a dream.

    Now I hate Dick even more because I'm lactose intolerant.

    Gee, maybe Dani will finally have a mommy that she can love...
    Love The Bachelor? Catch the recap for this season's sacrificial lamb lucky guy here in Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6 and Episode 7.

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    Being VIP Yardgnome's Avatar
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    Re: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, B*tches!

    Hilarious recap, MFWalkoff!

  10. #10
    CCL
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    Re: 8/31 Big Brother Live Feed Recap - See You in September, B*tches!

    Apparently Eric spent his $30,000 on an Olivander's wand, which is coming FedEx from Diagon Alley.
    Nice one.

    Great recap, MFWalkoff.
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