This recap covers events from noon Tuesday to noon Wednesday, BB time
Trivia, trivia, trivia! Vortex, vortex, vortex! I screamed those in my best Jan Brady voice, did you hear it? The noon hour brings a few lovely rounds of older-than-dirt trivia and several in and out moments of vortex. Hooray! When the feeds come back, Dick is in the backyard smoking, Zach is running on the treadmill, and
America’s Next Top ModelAmber is asleep. Seeing Amber sleep makes me happy beyond belief. The less I have to hear of her constant groveling to be saved because she is a good person or a nun or whatever, the better. My snark runs high for Amber, I apologize. Wait, I don’t! Onward we go!
BB played “Joy to the World” as the hamsters’ Tuesday afternoon wake up song. Could it be foreshadowing for
the world’smy joyous reaction after Amber's possible eviction Thursday night? Jess and Eric are sunning themselves out in the backyard while Dick is still smoking. Eric tells her that she hasn’t been herself lately and she says she knows. She says just gets so stressed about nominations and she doesn’t feel good about them. Dick and Eric talk about how long this season is going to run. Eric thinks 75-99 days is reasonable. Dick wonders why there hasn’t been a double eviction yet. Eric thinks this season is pretty straightforward and there won’t be any curveballs for the rest of their time in the house. There better be some more curveballs or I’m going to start throwing things! Back to Jess and Eric. Eric asks her if she wants to go upstairs and talk, but she declines and says she is okay. He says he wants to go upstairs anyway. She declines again. Dude, take a hint! They all make fun of Zach and say he is going to try to cut a deal with Dick. Eric says Amber already knows she needs Eric’s vote, but he wonders if Zach is done with him and will just try to get Dick and Daniele’s votes. Daniele comes out to the backyard to join the Zach bashing fest. They make fun of how creepy, unhygienic, and inconsiderate he is. Poor Zach. He might be an ogre, but ogres need love too!
This year’s twist... there are two Jamekas! Mmmm Mmmm Hmmm Hmmm!
Eventually everyone except Dick and Daniele trickles back inside, complaining about how hot it is outside. BB gives Zach a pair of scissors and he asks resident stylist Jameka to cut his hair. What does she reply? Mmmhmm! After seeing those braids that Jameka gave to Amber a few weeks ago, I probably wouldn’t let her anywhere near my hair.
Daddy and daughter aren’t playing very nice again Tuesday afternoon. Daniele tells Dick he always acts like he knows how she feels and she says she is soooo done with this. He said he doesn’t act like he always knows how she feels. He keeps saying things to her and she keeps yelling “Yep, that’s what I said. Yep, that’s what I said.” in a snotty and sarcastic tone. Someone smack this girl! My pinky toe is more mature than Daniele. Dick moves from the pool to the hot tub and tells her to be quiet because he can’t hear her anyway. She tells him to shut up. We have silence for a little bit then Dick starts to talk again and Daniele interrupts him with “Oh my God, you always have to have the last word!” Actually, it sounds like you always have to have the last word.
Daniele is always having a good time!
Eric and Jess head up to the HoH. She is very sad and upset about her nominations this week and begins to cry. Eric tells her that she is very well liked by everyone and she says she isn’t anymore. She says she feels like she played the game great so far then there is just one week that can screw it all up and this is her week for that. She tells Eric that it was his idea but it’s ultimately on her because she made the decision. She feels like she is screwed for the long run and she doesn’t know if they can really trust Dick and Daniele. Eric says he thinks they can. He then spews some random BS about how she did the right thing and about how Amber and Zach haven’t played the game. Eric asks Jess if she thinks Amber really likes her and she says no. He rambles on and on, talking about Zach, Amber, Daniele, Dick, Jack, Suzy, Johnny, Sally, Jimmy, Peter Pan, etc. Oops, I zoned out. Scratch those last few. Jess continues to sulk while her
knightdork in shining armor tries to cheer her up. Jess says she feels helpless because she can’t compete in the next HoH and Eric says that Zach or Amber would come after him first. He says everyone in the house knows that anything they do is his fault, not hers. She says that all 5 people she’s nominated will be in the jury house. Eric tells Jess that he is going to take her to the final 2 with him and she will definitely win against him. He says she is so close to the $500,000 and not to give up. He tells her that everything he’s done in the house has been in the best interest of both of them and that he has thought about her in every decision he’s made. Eric's tool thinks about her in every decision it makes, too. Eric said he was excited to win the veto but he feels bad because he feels like he forced Jessica to do something she didn’t want to do. She says he didn’t force any decisions on her.
Eric switches gears from talking about strategy to talking about his emotions. *Cheeseball alert* He says the best thing that has happened so far in the game is when Jess won HoH the week after he was on the block. He says he went from his lowest low to his highest high. He tells her that she picks him up when he’s down. He comments that his moods aren’t related to anything having to do with strategy or the game; they are directly related to his interactions with her. He says when he is happy, it isn’t because of the game, it’s because of something she has said or done. He tells her that when she is disappointed in him he gets sad and mopey. He grabs her and tells her he is going to squeeze her until she is annoyed. She says she isn’t annoyed. Am I considered in this equation? I’m certainly annoyed! Eric goes on to tell his lady love that he will win HoH this week and he expects a big celebration. He tells Jess he wants her to wear a shirt where her boobs will come out because a big celebration calls for the biggest things in the house. Wow. There’s nothing like a really touching moment followed by a boob comment. If that’s not romance, I don’t know what is. You bagged a real catch, Jess!
The day progresses very slowly with not much to write home about. Amber tells Jess and Eric that she can’t believe they don’t want to keep a “good” person like her in the game. She says that if she is the one that is going to be voted out then she wants to know on Thursday before the vote. Eric says he doesn’t know how he is voting yet. For what seems like hours and hours, she shamelessly begs to stay in the game. She is honest, she’s a good person, Jesus loves me this I know, yada yada. I mute my feeds. Amber then dyes Dick’s hair in the HoH room and they go out in the backyard to talk. She is pleading her case to try to get his vote to stay. He says that BB told them that the season will be 80 days and that there must be a double eviction week coming soon and how does he know Amber won’t put him up. She says she doesn’t know who she will put up if she gets HoH. She says she can’t go around making deals with everyone. She is going on and on about Dustin and how she doesn’t hold a grudge. She said Eric was in her ear for weeks and she voted with the group. Amber says she has never been against Daniele and that they have always been close. Dick is taking what Amber is dishing out and throwing it right back to her. He thinks that he did the most for the group and he doesn’t think Amber has pulled her weight. (Insert joke about Amber’s weight here) He can’t believe that Amber and Dustin voted to keep Eric. Dick says he can’t trust Zach or Amber. He says Zach is a sell out. Amber tells Dick she isn’t perfect (ha!) and she says she knows she lied to Dick but it was for Dustin. Amber keeps saying over and over that she is alone in the house and she is fighting for herself. Um, what happened to her BFF and best Bible totin’ buddy Jameka?
Meanwhile, Zach is in the HoH pleading his case to Jessica. He reminds her that he voted how she wanted him to when Dustin was evicted. She gives him her token “yeah” after every single thing he says. He starts talking about a dream he had about his scuba diving business. Jessica gives her polite “yeahs” every so often so Zach thinks she is still listening and then she starts stretching and obviously quits paying attention to Zach. Jameka and Eric come in and Jessica starts yelling and making goofy noises. Zach leaves and Jessica yells at them for not coming up and saving her sooner. Come on guys! I told you that an ogre needs love too!
Zach literally bores Jess to death.
I check back with Dick and Amber. He is still sitting outside with Jameka’s hair dryer bag-like thing on his head and Amber is still groveling for his vote. Dick says he has a feeling Zach has sold Dick and Daniele out, but he would talk to Jess and Eric. Amber says she didn’t ask Eric to use the POV, she just gave him the pros and cons of using it. Amber, here’s 20 bucks. Buy yourself some dignity. And that’s that.
Dick is bringing sexy back.
The hamsters have a late night dinner of hamburgers and hot dogs. They all talk about their childhood days of boy scouts and girl scouts. Zach says Jessica was probably pretty hot in her Brownies uniform. She informs him she was 6 years old. Add 10 points to Zach’s skeevy score. Eric shoves as much food as possible into his mouth and chews with his mouth open. He has the table manners of an ape. Jessica tells a story about how when she was little, she was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said the first female president or a waitress. They all have a hearty laugh, including Amber and Daniele, the waitresses. Dick then imitates Jess and says, “Yes, I want to be president or a stripper!” Daniele says a stripper and a waitress aren’t the same thing and the daddy/daughter fireworks begin again. He tells her he was just joking around and she always twists his words around. She gets angry and pouty (what’s new?) and storms away from the table. After dinner, he tells her what he said was not directed at her and she didn’t need to comment. Dani screams at him a little bit and storms away again. Dick calls her a little snot. Ah, a day in the life of the Donatos.
Hey Eric, you missed a bite.
The sun goes down and so do the hamsters’ inhibitions. Let the drinking games begin! They have 24 beers to enjoy. The men of the house are playing Quarters. The rules for this round are that each of them has to say certain things to the girls. Zach and Eric go up to the HoH room where Amber, Jess, and Jameka are chatting.
Zach: “I just want to make sure nothing fishy is going on in here.”
Eric: “Saddle up bitch, I’m ready to ride!”
Amber and Jameka Christ Superstar begin putting some pressure on Jessica to break away from Eric. They tell her that he is pushing his own agenda through her and that he is going to screw her over. They think he is playing her and that he has a deal with Dick and Daniele. Jessica acts shocked about everything, and for a minute I actually believe those two sneaky weasels have gotten to precious little Jessica. They continue telling her that Eric called her a whore the other night and that he can’t be trusted. Amber finishes her Eric bashing by saying if she stays this week and wins HoH (yeah, right) she is going to put up Eric. She also claims that she used to be a master manipulator, but isn’t anymore. Yes Amber, and I used to be the Queen of England.
Everyone heads to the kitchen for some more drinking fun. Well, everyone except for one party pooper who is lying in her bed pouting. I’ll give you a hint. Her name starts with a D and she needs to eat a sandwich. Quarters continues, and some new rules are created.
The rules if the girls win:
1. The guys must all kiss each other on the cheek. This leads to Eric kissing Zach, Zach kissing Dick, and Dick licking Eric.
2. The guys must run their fingers through one another’s hair before kissing.
3. The guys must walk around like they have on high heels.
4. The guys must go to the memory wall and put their private regions near someone’s picture and make an inappropriate comment. (ED chooses Amber, Zach chooses Jess, Eric chooses Jameka)
5. The guys must take off their shirts and wear the girls’ bikini tops.
The rules if the guys win:
1. The girls must wear a clean pair of panties on their heads.
The girls won most of the games:
But they did lose once:
After all the beer is gone, Jessica and Eric head up to the HoH to talk. She asks why he called her a whore and he said it was because of one of the rules in Quarters. He tells her that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt her or disappoint her. He says their kiss meant a lot to him because he doesn’t go around kissing just anyone. Eric says the way he feels about her is real and that the game is a completely separate thing. He tells her that she makes him happy and that she’s gorgeous. Let's say it together everyone. Awww. Once again, after a sweet moment, Eric’s “other brain” takes control and they then begin to make out. Jessica tells him she likes kissing him. They talk a little more and Eric admits that it was him who put the mustard all over Jen’s shirt and it was him who cast the two mystery votes. He tells her that he’s wanted to tell her for weeks but he’s been too scared. She thinks he is so funny and she is glad he told her. She calls him the Phantom Voter (PV for short) and gives him a kiss. Call me crazy, but I love these two. It still creeps me out a bit when Eric kisses her with that psycho look on his face, but I’ll just close my eyes. They chat a little more about their most embarrassing moments, their friends, and their lives. The waters are once again smooth for America’s Tool and his new Toolette.
Workin’ on the night moves.
My shift finally ends with Eric and Jess STILL cuddling and talking in the HoH room, Dick burping and farting, and Zach showering and meowing. Yes, meowing. I would write a clever/mean comment about our boy Zach and how weird he is, but remember: Ogres need love too.
One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn’t belong.
My asterisks bring all the boys to the yard:
*Eric says the house makes him schizophrenic and bipolar.
*Eric trusts Jameka but doesn’t think she trusts him.
*Jameka tells Zach that she and Jessica speak “woman”. Is that a new language?
*Jessica hasn’t straightened her hair in like, 10 days.
*Amber is embarrassed that she hasn’t won anything yet. Well, her exact words were, “I haven’t won nothing yet.” I guess Amber doesn’t know
nothinganything about double negatives either.
*Zach uses Aveeno hand lotion as hair gel.
Tyra STILL hasn’t called? I can’t imagine why!
If you like wearing panties on your head, send me a PM. Maybe we can hang out sometime.
Also, if you’ve read my recaps before, you know it’s my goal to catch Eric picking his nose and post a screencap. Unfortunately, his booger factory was completely shut off during my shift. Darn.
Thanks to my gals Snapit, bbnbama, and clowe9138 for the screencaps!