*This is a recap of events from noon Saturday to noon Sunday*
By now you all know that Eric has won the veto, in some kind of cat themed competition. There were fake rats, too. The four legged kind, not the ones currently inhabiting the house. So finally, America’s puppet has won something. Eric is happy. Jessica is happy. Hell, even Dick looks happy. Now that Jen is gone, the whole house is relatively peaceful and calm and...boring as all get out. I feel like I’m watching season one of Big Brother, which was one big, boring lovefest. Why isn’t Amber bawling? Why hasn’t Dick turned his evil eye on someone new? Bah.
So that leaves us with a bunch of happy hamsters in the kitchen while Jessica plays with Mr. Bubble upstairs in the HoH tub. Dick is hollering “Tuna!” out to no one in particular, and at first I thought he was about to start insulting Jen again. Alas, he’s just talking about a tuna melt, and he offers to make Amber one. Sigh. Eric, Zach and Daniele sit around the kitchen while chef Dick makes tuna melts and Amber scarfs half a watermelon. Socially inept Zach makes a joke about being out of clean undies (they’re still having washing machine issues) and says that he has to turn the dirty ones inside out to wear them. Har har. He says he’s just kidding, but I wonder.
Daniele practices her bitchface.
Everyone is in high spirits with the exception of Jameka, who is being quiet, and Amber, who is busily stuffing tuna melt in her face and not quite getting it all in. Pieces keep falling on her lap. Table manners are a lost art in this house. Daniele is being Daniele, with her feet up on the counter and the same miffed look on her face that she always has. Eric says that they aren’t giving the cameramen much to work with (exactly!) and they all decide to give shout-outs to us, the bored feed watchers. Canada gets a hello, and Jessica gives a howdy to Puerto Rico in Spanish. Yay. Talk turns to tv shows, and Zach zachily brings up Pirate Master yet again. Nobody cares. Dick pokes some fun at Jameka, saying her favorite letter is “m”, as in mmmm hmmm. The others giggle, but Jameka doesn’t seem amused. They then discuss avocados and the differences between fruits and vegetables, and I go to watch the paint dry on the walls in my kitchen. It’s more interesting than this.
I pop back in to find them all asleep. Wonderful. Skippy is overcome with boredom, switching shots back and forth between sleeping hamsters, toiletries, shoe boxes, and other miscellaneous stuff. We see extreme close ups of Dick snoring, Amber drooling, and Eric cocooned in a fluffy blanket, dreaming about groping Jess.
Random silly things:
- Dick claims that he might exchange emails with Jen after it’s all over. Might.
- Eric and Dick plan on getting BB8 tattoos.
- Eric claims that Jen promised him a gig cohosting the Lingerie Bowl this year. But that was probably before his parting comments.
- Daniele tells Dick that he’s sooo negative and hates everything. Pot, meet kettle.
- Jessica says BB has cost her a whole year at school.
- Zach’s ex-girlfriend’s grandfather did all the accordion music in the Godfather movies.
- Eric doesn’t know Power Point. Zach is flabbergasted at this.
- Dick asked BB for Ho Ho’s and Jerry Garcia ice cream, and got them. What Dick wants, Dick gets, I guess.
- Jen taught Zach the alphabet in sign language but he can’t remember it all.
After snoozing for about an hour, Zach wanders into the workout room and runs for a while, then slugs down a glass of milk (ew) and crawls back into bed, sweaty. Criminy. Princess Dani finally awakens, puts on her bitchface and heads out to the backyard to stare into space. I’m going to need a drink to get through these people tonight, I tell you.
He loves me! He really loves me!
Finally, hamsters wake up and begin puttering around. Jameka goes to talk to Jessica in the HoH room, but before she gets a chance, stinky Zach shows up and puts the kibosh on any strategy talk. He clumsily talks of not wanting to go to sequester, but gets no reassurance from Jess. The three chit-chat, and Jameka asks what the R in RV stands for. Jessica says it’s “roaming.” Zach doesn’t know, either. It’s recreational vehicle, people! Argh. Jessica does what I want to do, and leaves the room to go elsewhere. Amber joins Zach and Jameka in the HoH a short time later, Zach leaves, and Amber comments that she just knows Eric will use the veto on her because she’s just that damn wonderful. Jameka thinks Eric would be stupid not to use this opportunity to get rid of Daniele. Then Dick would go after Eric next week, and the Holy Rollers could just sit back and watch the carnage.
Downstairs, all that napping must have made the hamsters hungry, as chef Dick is at it again, this time fixing chicken cutlets. Zach scrubs potatoes to help, because that’s one thing that’s hard to screw up. Daniele spends her time whining and reading the rule book out loud, which causes Skippy to give us Boring Trivia because we’re not supposed to know the rules, apparently. We do get to hear that “A penalty nomination should not be used as part of your strategy...” before getting dumped. Hmm.
Here's America's Next Top Model once again, folks.
Dick asks Daniele to peel some carrots, and she whines. I will, but I don’t waaaant to, she says. She then lays a carrot on the counter and drags the peeler across it, because the effort of actually holding it would drain her. I’m pretty sure she’s not the one prepping the carrot sticks at Hooters. Dick laughs at her “technique,” then goes back to pounding the living hell out of the poor defenseless chicken pieces. Zach walks around with a bunch of broccoli in his hand, Jessica appears wearing a strange red wig/hat thing with something stuffed down her dress to make her look pregnant, Amber is holding a fake rat to her chest and petting it, and I wonder what institution these people were found at. Seriously.
Jessica and her "daughter," who takes after Eric, I think.
About 9 pm housetime, and Daniele is still reading the rulebook after sulking off because Dick had the audacity to ask her to not put the bread in the oven quite yet. How dare he. Dick hisses bad words under his breath at having to use plastic utensils to cut veggies, as bits of carrot and broccoli go flying. Dinner is finally served, consisting of chicken parmesan, chicken cutlets, baked potatoes, veggies and garlic bread. And all I have is leftover pizza. Hmph. They jam food into their faces and tell stories, and I marvel once again at the awful table manners some of them have.
Jameka, Amber, and Jessica get to cleaning up after dinner while Dick goes outside to smoke and spit. Daniele flounces out and declares to Dick that “I can’t staaand these people!” She had nothing to say to him as he tried to make dinner, didn’t want to help, and let the others clean up. I bet they can’t staaand you, either, Princess.
Note the striking resemblance.
All of the hamsters with the exception of Daniele hop in the hot tub, sipping beer and wine and laughing it up. Daniele prefers to remain curled up in a fetal position on the couch and do her nails, thankyouverymuch. They talk of Smurfs and silly things, such as Amber’s mop piled high on her head like Marge Simpson. Dick asks if her hair could be any taller. Hee!
Eric later tells Jessica that he’s comfortable going to the end with Dick and Daniele, but Jessica wonders if she’s missing an opportunity to lose one of them. They rehash the POV comp, and it sounds like Eric barely beat out Zach. Eric is leaning toward dumping Amber but doesn’t want to commit to either one yet. He doesn’t plan on using the veto on either of them, but talks about offering a deal to both of them at the last minute. Eric starts to get bruised from all the pats on the back he’s giving himself for finally winning something. He says he’s going to buy a tanning bed for Jess if he wins, and she says no, they’re getting married. It’ll be for both of us, then, replies Eric. Zach brings up one of the fake rats, and Jessica says that’s her and Eric’s daughter, Baby Teacup. Mmmkay. Just what was in that wine, Jessica?
2 am, and they’re still going strong. Eric managed to talk Jessica into giving him a massage, and Dick and Daniele come up to talk strategy and bash the others. Eric insists on waiting til Wednesday to decide who to vote out, and they all cackle about Amber’s “visions.” Eric tells them that if Daniele wins HoH again next week, that he and Dick should dye their hair blonde because the blondes seem to be winning. They declare the new name for their alliance - The Little Julie Chens, or LJC - and they all put their fists together in a bump of solidarity.
So, I know what you’re waiting for. You’ve heard about it. You may have even seen it. It’s Eric and Jessica’s first kiss! Forgive me for being slightly skeeved out, since I don’t think Jess would give him the time of day outside the house. Anyhow, the two "lovebirds" stay up into the wee hours, with Eric yammering on endlessly about how their first kiss will be. Jessica says she wants America to see it, they won’t be hiding under the covers when it happens. Eric discusses Boogie and Erika and if they really had sex. Thanks for the memories, ferret face. I could have done without ever thinking about those two again.
If this is how he acts about a kiss, can you imagine if we had sex?
Eric continues prattling on about kissing, but never makes a move. I don’t think he HAS any moves. He just hovers over her like a vulture in the dark, and she lays like a zombie with her arms at her sides. This is comical. Will and Janelle just oozed sexual tension, but these two? Ha. Eric gets the guts to stroke her hair and cheek, but still can’t seem to shut his piehole and just kiss the girl. I want to get a rolled up newspaper and smack him on the back of his head. Finally, about 7:30 in the morning, he stops yapping like a weasel on speed and kisses her for a full minute or two. Jessica giggles and says “It’s about time! You’re a good kisser.”
So, what does he do? Talks some more! Grr. He asks her what she’s thinking (probably that you’re a dork, Eric) and she tells him that he thinks too much. He kisses her again, then declares that he could use some Chapstick. Good lord. There’s no hope for this guy. She still lies catatonic, never even putting her arms around his neck. He asks her “How is it so far?” and talk turns to stalkers and murderers, Jameka’s butt, and how to weigh Jessica’s boobs. This is our showmance for the year, folks. I weep for this season.
The sun has come up, Dick is talking to himself out in the teacup outside, and Jess and Eric are still not asleep. She obviously wants to go to sleep, he wants to cuddle her but she can’t sleep like that. Tough, he says, and does it anyway. That's about it for today's festivities, folks. Sad, isn't it?
Thanks to Snapit and Jewelsy for the screencaps!