*This recap covers from noon Thursday to noon Friday BB time
Forgive me for the title, as I blaspheme a golden musical song from "Porgy and Bess". My excuse is this...I am running out of ways to say this Big Brother season is BORING. I'll just quote Daniele with "It suuuucks!" I've been thinking about a simpler time, when I was new to Big Brother, back in season 4. The Thursday show had just ended in a cliff-hanging endurance challenge, and I was desperate to find out who would win! A brilliant idea occurred to me, (after Julie Chen's suggestion) to "look online". I wasn't desperate enough to subscribe to the live feeds that second, but I googled, and found my beloved FORT. I stayed up for hours to find out who won, beginning in me what I can only describe as an addiction to Big Brother. I stayed online constantly after that, refreshing, refreshing, refreshing...what did Allison do? How gross was Robert now? How fat was Jun getting? I couldn't get enough of the info, it was like a drug. When season 5 came around, I got the live feeds myself, and cheered to the insanity that was Scott and Cowboy in the bathtub. Wanted to throw things at the computer at the sound of Holly's voice. Learned new and interesting curse words from the always entertaining Marvin. As the Coke cans lined up on my desk, I fell deeper and deeper into the Big Brother abyss. Season 6? That was like Christmas to me, some of the finest BB eye candy ever in Kaysar, the powerhouse that was Janelle, and the curiousity that was Hurricane Howie. I wanted BB to be on ALL the time, I was a goner. My hopes were high but cautious with the Allstars edition, as having never seen Dr. Will in action, I scoffed at his "legend". I was so wrong to doubt my summer lifeline, my treasured Big Brother would not disappoint me, and I would stay up until 5 A.M. my time, immersed in Will's smarmy charm. Big Brother would never let me down. Big Brother meant summer to me like the smell of Coppertone used to. Until NOW. Now, my addiction goes unfed. NOW my summer viewing is a shell of it's former self. Now I am in full detox, wondering how I could ever be addicted to this mess, wondering how I could have given so many of my summers to this sea of vileness. After this season, I am thinking a full chemical shower may not even do the trick. Alas, I bring you yet another day of ....nothing.
It rubs the lotion on it's skin.
My shift starts with the houseguests in lockdown in the HOH room. They're in various stages of sleep, boredom, or just trying to ignore each other. Occasionally they speculate about when they will get released, and if they are shutting one of the bedrooms since there are so few people left. This continues for about 45 minutes. Afterwards, they begin cleaning their cage. Well, most of them clean. Jen just goes about eating and making more of a mess for others, according TO the others. Zach vacuums and manages to break a platter in the living room. They tease him and call him an ogre, and he plays along.
Ogres have layers. And break things.
For reasons unknown to me, Amber shows a little hostility and calls Jess a "little bitch" under her breath. I keep thinking that Amber is getting wound tighter and tighter, and that she's going to bug the heck out before this season is over. At least I hope so. Not a lot happens pre-show, with the exception of Eric wanting to write "Jenitals" on his chest in body paint for the live show. A class act, our America's Player.
Eh, you know what happened. Jen got ousted, Jess won Head of Household. Whoopee!
Jessica prances around that you can never be "too blonde, too tan, too skinny, or win too many HOH's." Daniele tells her that she forgot "too rich." All of the hamsters are pretty happy, and there is lots of crowing by all about Jen no longer being there. Dick and Daniele seem particularly happy with it, as well as with Jessica's HOH position. Watch out, never get too comfy in the BB house!
Amber tells Jameka that she asked God to not give her HOH, but to give it to Jessica. Ask and ye shall receive. Also, she thinks that Jessica will nominate Dick and Daniele. Ha!
The face of America's Next Top Model
Did you know that one of Jameka's favorite things to do at home is lay in bed naked, and that her friends are always telling her to put clothes on? No? Why are her friends there when she's laying around in the bed naked? Does she answer the door like that? These and other burning questions remain unanswered.
But wait, that's not all about Jameka. She hates to read, and has only read about one book in two years. Man! Still, that's not the MOST interesting fact we find out about her today. Are you ready? Are you? Are you SURE? Okay, you asked for it...Jameka hates pubic hair. Look, I'm just recapping here, okay? I don't make this stuff up!
"Without pubic hair, a wee-wee looks thiiiis big!"
I know you think it can't get worse after that, don't you? Well you're WRONG. Dick, Eric and Zach bash on Jen, since it's even easier to do without her there, and Dick comes up with this gem regarding Dustin and Jen in the sequester house..."Dustin will find out that Jen has a penis and they'll be having sex all week." Zach says "Ewww." So do I. Why am I recapping the vileness? Because there IS nothing else!
Dick gets called into the diary room for writing "Ding Dong the _____ is dead" on the bedroom door. Why he left a blank in the sentence, I do not know. And why he acts 12, I do not know, either.
Amber tells Jess that Jen told her that Eric has a girlfriend named Cheryl. Jessica isn't sure she believes it. Eric seems very distraught that this info got out. "Cheryl" is apparently in California, and as we all know, Eric is from New York. Did he meet me "Cheryl" on the internet, and her name is really "Sid" and she's really a 56 year old man who's into weasel-faced America's Player? Sid, c'mon, let us know the truth!
Hey America! Bite Me!"
Jessica gets her HOH room, complete with a shirt that says "Booyah". People start coming to her to talk game, and it's all pretty much as expected. Jameka wants her to nominate Dick and Daniele. Eric wants her to nominate Amber and Zach. He strongly suggests going to the final four with Dick and Daniele, saying that either he or Jessica can win against them in a final vote. Together they decide they no longer like Amber (did they ever?) Eric, never content to be just mildly weird, says "I do, in a disturbing way, think Dick is better looking than Zach." Jessica tells him not to go there. I am telling you..."Cheryl" is SID, and Sid is sitting there in California, chomping on his cigar getting a kick out of his little rodent playing them all in the BB house.
Random: Dinner is from "In and Out Burgers". Dick drops fries on the floor.
The next morning, the wake up music is "Tiny Bubbles". They're all excited about a food competition, speculating whether it will be a group thing or individual. They mill about, eating and such, and Eric blows his nose at the table. I want to punch him in the face. As my shift ends, they are still excitedly waiting for something to happen. So am I.
Random and totally off-topic: As I am writing this recap, I got a very late phone call from my internet provider, the ever efficient Comcast. *coughcough*. They asked me if I had paid my bill recently. I said "yes, online a week ago, would you like the confirmation number?" and here is their reply...."GOOD GIRL!" I kid you not. Gee, I now have such a warm and glowy feeling...thanks, Comcast!
I can't end on that note, can I? Okay, one last screencap. Because you all deserve it, for sticking with my ramblings this long. I present, for your viewing pleasure...
*What's YOUR addiction? PM me here.