This recap covers Wednesday noon to Thursday noon, house time.
*yawn* That is how my shift begins…..with a big, fat yawn! Anyone see the trend this season? Well, it’s not getting any better. I’m warning you now : I’m a very disgruntled recapper and fully intend to take it out on these contemptible hamsters. I’ve been with Big Brother since day one, season one; and honestly, I’ve never disliked a group of houseguests more.
The hamsters have just received their wake up call. Zach is in the shower, and Jen is swimming laps in the pool. Several times over the past few weeks, BB has announced that 440 laps in the BB pool equals one mile. Apparently, Jen’s going for the mile. The others all gather ‘round for the first Jen bashing party of the day. Zach says that Jen thinks she’ll get some kind of special power if she does the mile. If she does, Dick says he’ll voluntarily leave the house. Now that I’d like to see but I know it’s an empty threat. After all, empty threats are his specialty. Eric comments that he hopes she gets an ear infection. He and Dick both say that they hope she drowns. I expect nothing more than cheap shots like that from our two most loathsome houseguests. Those two just wish they had enough stamina to swim a mile.
Jen completes the mile and wanders around the house in her bikini. Apparently, some wise ass took her clothes(the one outfit she had left) while she was in the pool. Some people may say she deserves the treatment she’s getting but for me, it’s getting old. She goes up to HOH and asks Dani if any of her things are there and the lying princess blows her off saying to ask Dick. So Jen goes down to the dining room where Eric, Amber, and Jameka are sitting and asks if any of them know where her things are. Eric, America’s Liar, tells her he has no idea. She continues her search outside and finds a bag hidden in the jack shack. Dick wakes up informing her that if she touches anything of his, all of her stuff is going over the wall. He refuses to tell her where the rest of her things are. I hate Dick.
Jen heads to the kitchen in search of the other bags. They sit around the table whispering and snickering. To make things worse, the little plastic doodad holding her bikini top together breaks and it falls to the floor. She covers herself and laughs but I’m embarrassed for her. Jameka gets up, hands her the broken top, and tells her to go get another one. What did she think? She was going to stand there topless? Eric then pipes up that she did it on purpose to get attention. I hate Eric. Jen gets dressed and returns to the kitchen where the others, now joined by the Dick and Dani stare at her without saying a word. Jameka is the only one who speaks to her. She sits off to the side for a few minutes while they ignore her. Finally, she leaves to continue her search and they talk about her when she’s gone. I’m no Jen fan but what the hell is wrong with these people? This is the most despicable bunch of hamsters ever. EVER!
Lest I throw something at my computer screen, I take a break to see how the Rangers are doing against the Orioles. We were down 3-0 in the 4th the last time I looked. It’s now the top of the 6th and my guys are up 14-3. Damn, I missed a Marlon Byrd grand slam while watching the junior high antics of Dick’s clique. I should have been watching the game. It’s apparently been more exciting. What? You don’t care about baseball? Ok, I’ll get back to the feeds now but just so you know, I will be watching both.
Dani and Eric keep slamming Jen when the others leave. They think she’s the most hated houseguest and make fun of her crying. Dani thinks it’s funny that Dear Old Dad made her cry. Jen walks in and they quickly shut up because people like them don’t talk in front of you, only behind your back. Jen digs through the planters in the living room to see if anything is hidden there while Eric hassles her about “breaking the whole house.” I wish she’d break one of them over his beaky nose. Or at least punch him in the throat. One crushing blow to the windpipe and I wouldn’t have to hear his irritating voice for ….oh, sorry. I’m getting a little carried away here. Did I mention that I’m a little fed up with this tasteless bunch of jackasses?
Dick is called to the DR and comes out bitching that he has to give Jen’s things back. About time you came to your senses, BB!
Dani starts to complain about Jen to Zach because that’s what she does…complain and whine. He quickly tells her that while Jen started it, Dick wasn’t innocent in the whole ordeal. Dick comes out about that time and naturally, he disagrees. Zach calls him an instigator to which he replies that Jen is the one who came out and sat next to him. His facts are a little mixed up. I wish Skippy would rewind and show him the footage. HE came out and sat next to HER. Zach backs off and goes into the kitchen to eat. Dick must have been outside stewing over it because he comes in and asks Zach why he thinks he’s an instigator. Zach asks him if he thinks he provoked the situation by blowing smoke in Jen’s face. He thinks Dick could have handled the situation differently by being the bigger person and walking away. Dick thinks not and accepts no responsibility whatsoever. Surprised? Jen enters when Dick leaves and talks to Zach. She isn’t campaigning for his vote but wants to clear the air. He tells her he isn’t mad at her but doesn’t approve of her breaking the rules. She explains that eating wasn’t a slam against her fellow houseguests but against BB. She’s pissed that they gave her permission to destroy Dick’s cigarettes but then left her hanging. To top it off, they didn’t make Dick return her clothes. So, she ate and ate and continues to eat. Zach then goes outside where he and Dick disagree again. Dick walks away in a huff when Zach stands his ground so Zach says, “Run away. Run away from problems. You're good at that.” followed by “Oh, Big Brother, why did you put me in a house with a 12 year old?” Dick returns after a few minutes and they agree to disagree. Zach is now my new favorite hamster. I realize that isn’t saying much but hey, my choices are limited this season.
Jameka is nervous about Jen swimming the mile. If she does get some “special power” for doing it, she could use it to save herself and Jameka would be voted out. I think if anything, it’ll be an upcoming trivia question but it’s nice to see Jameka sweating it. Amber has been feeling very “blah” all day. She’s been moping around looking like her dog just ran away. Her back must also hurt because the next thing I know, she’s shirtless on the floor and Jameka is sitting on top of her, massaging her. I know, I lost my appetite too. All the while they talk game and Jameka is nervous. She still thinks she could be evicted this week. She’s massaging Amber, looking up to the heavens, and whispering, “Oh God” at the same time. Top of the 8th and Metcalf hits the second grand slam of the game. The score is now 24-3. Oh, the massage….it was grossing me out so I needed another break. I look back-just for you-and Jameka is now walking on Amber’s back. Is it wrong that I want her to jump? Perhaps a good stomp to the cerebrum will knock some of those brain cells back together.
We’re now treated to Jameka scolding her unruly curls. Seriously, for some reason, Skippy finds it necessary for us to watch it on all four cams. Fifteen minutes of Jameka talking to her hair. I go back to the game just in time to see a two run double followed by a run scoring single. Vasquez comes to the plate and I smell a dinger. Yes! It’s a three run homer to right! The Rangers have 30 unanswered runs and smash the AL record for most runs scored in one game! Ok, ok, I’ll get back to the recapping the feeds now. But it’s not that exciting, really. A white spider drops down on Jen and Jameka comes to the rescue. She smacks it with her shoe and picks it up with her handy lint roller. Lucky for me, it’s a doubleheader.
It doesn’t get much better, folks. Dani files her nails. Jen eats. Dick smokes and spits. They all bash Jen as much as possible. At one point, they sit in the kitchen discussing Jen’s exit from the house. Because Dani is an immature little brat, she wants to say or do something cruel as Jen leaves. They suggest several disgusting things to say and joke about dumping a bucket of slop over her head. I hope Jen gives them all a middle finger salute as she walks out the door. Or better yet, I hope she does it tonight so things liven up a little.
Instead Jen fills Amber and Jameka in on all of the alliances and side deals going on in the house. Don’t trust the Donatos, she warns, as they have a deal with everyone. She also tells Amber some of Eric’s trash talk about her. Amber looks like she wants to cry and I’m surprised she doesn’t. She does pray though. Skippy does me a favor because I can’t hear it all, only something about trust, love, and winning an HOH.
Later on, Dick and Dani provide a little excitement. Up in the HOH room, Dick is bent out of shape because Dani didn’t include him in the deal with Amber. He reminds her of how he’s protected her and how he used the veto to save her. He would have included her in a deal if the roles were reversed and says she only thinks of herself. True, score one for Dick. She starts to answer him and he interrupts her. She calls him on it and tells him to stop interrupting her. Score one for Dani. Dani, who is too immature to have a real discussion, deflects by saying she doesn’t like how rude Dick is or the way he talks about her personal business in front of everyone. Her relationships, or lack thereof, with her mother, brother, and grandmother are no one’s business. True, score one for Dani. He points out that she’s turned her back on everyone who loves her. She’s now done with the conversation and wants Dick to leave her room. “Because you can’t talk about the things that are hard.” Dick says. Score one more for Dick and they both lose. The argument turns into a string of sarcasm as he gathers his things to leave.
Dick : You’re so sweet.
Dani : So are you. Dad of the Year, I know.
Dick : Daughter of the Year
Dick : You’re a prize.
Dick : You act like it was only me.
Dani : You’re right ‘cause it was my choice to be born into this world.
Dick : No, it’s your choice on how you act and treat people.
Dani : I know it is.
Dick : Always a pleasure, Daniele.
Dick : It’s all everybody else’s fault. None of it’s yours.
Dani : I’m done talking to you.
Dick : You take no responsibility for nothing.
Dani : I’m done talking to you.
Dick : Good, I’m glad.
Dani : Good, me too.
Alone, Dani whispers, “I hate this house.”
Alone, Dick speaks to us. "So you get to see the rebirth of a relationship and the disintegration of one all in the same f***ing show. So glad this was played out on national TV. Thanks for bringing us both in here.”
Amber goes up to comfort Dani and I’m sorry, I simply can’t listen to all of it. Amber’s voice makes me wish all over again that Jameka was stomping her. She drones on and on for at least 10 minutes without pause and Dani says absolutely nothing. When she finally does speak, she whines about how unfair it all is and how it’s all Dick’s fault. Meanwhile, Jameka is in the hammock crying and praying for strength.
Dick later tries to make up. He tells Dani that he loves her very much and wants them to have a relationship. He recognizes that they have a lot of deep-seated issues that they’ll never work out while in the house. Dani sits with a stone cold expression and finally tells him that he always wants to act like nothing happened. Dick is really trying hard to bridge the gap but Dani isn’t having it. She has a lot of growing up to do. Dick looks exasperated and close to tears, a lot like the way he makes everyone in the house feel. He asks her for examples of what he does to her. She goes on a rant about how her relationships with others in the family are none of his business and she’s never had a close family. He apologizes for not giving her that as a child and points out that she never takes any responsibility for the breakdown in their relationship. He’s a class act jerk but he obviously loves his daughter. I’ll give him that. He seems genuinely invested in mending things but she can’t deal with it and walks out. They both go to bed and for once, there’s not much of a Dick at Night show. Sadly, I believe these two need more help than the on-call BB psychologist can provide.
Amber and Dani Tidbits I Learned Today
- Dani tells Amber about a couple of her regular Hooter’s customers. She says it’s no big deal because they’re married but they once bought her a pizza and Dippin’ Dots. She likes hanging out with them and can’t wait to see them. I hope their wives are watching.
- Amber once got a $5,000 tip from an Asian guy that bought cigarettes from her. I guess this surprises Dani who says that Asians are stingy and always carry around their calculators. I hope Asians everywhere are watching.
- Dani spells out “153” in M&Ms™ on the upstairs couch for Nick. This is their secret code for “I adore you.” I hope Kris is watching.
- Amber has a feeling that her boyfriend is going to propose after the show. They’d only been back together for four months when the show started and he’s had a wall up. She still has “this feeling.” I hope her boyfriend is watching…..and runs far, far away.
Noon approaches and the hamsters are on lockdown in the HOH room. They’re all asleep so my shift ends as it began…..with a big, fat yawn.
Has your team ever had a multiple grand salami game? PM me with the details.