This recap covers events from noon Tuesday to noon Wednesday, BB time
an alwaysa never action packed Tuesday shift begins, I turn on my feeds expecting to see sleeping hamsters or even a Zach/Eric streak show. Instead, I’m instantly treated to the lovely and oh so stimulating vortex. Buckle your seatbelts thrill-seeking FORT readers; we are in for an exciting day. I hope you caught the sarcasm leaking through my keyboard.
We come back to find Zach, Dick, and Eric on the backyard couch yelling at Jen. If you missed all of the Jenuine Jen action from Monday, please read waywyrd’s recap here. They tell her she caused Kail to get kicked out, Eric to be on the block, and possibly Jameka to be booted this week. They think that if Jen isn’t going to honor the promises made during the POV competition (her 30 days on slop) then Jameka shouldn’t have to sit out 5 HoHs. They say Jen is walking around like she’s proud of her penalty nomination. Yeah, we know, Jen is a piece of crap, she loves herself, doesn’t care about other people, etc. Is this anything new? Eric thinks BB needs to give Jen a harsher punishment than just a penalty nomination. Once again, BB does not like this talk and we get trivia. At least I don’t have to look at Eric anymore.
In my last recap, I mentioned it was my new goal to put a screencap of Dustin picking his nose in every recap. Sadly, he was evicted last week so Eric will do!
Is Eric’s arm attached?
A short time later, the vortex ends and we hear Zach calling BB a bunch of cheaters and spouting out nonsense about The Matrix. He says everyone has to follow the rules, including Jen. Dick thinks that the producers are going crazy trying to figure out the right way to handle Jen’s situation. Dick thinks Jen is just trying to find a loophole. Zach says BB isn’t a video game. Oh Zach. Sometimes I just want to tape his mouth shut. Eric wants to throw Jen into the pool. Dick thinks it isn’t even worth the effort. They can’t overexert themselves, it is only noon. Zach goes on to tell Eric and Dick about a reality show that he built, and he hopes Alison will let him pitch it to her when the show is over. He says he can’t divulge any details. Damn. I wonder what kind of reality show Zach might have created. America’s Next Top Bunny? Last Stalker Standing? American S&M Idol? I guess we’ll never know.
Rubber ducky, you’re the one.
Zach can’t wait to tell Daniele and Amber all about the fun and Jen drama that happened while they were gone. Dick thinks they won’t give a f***. Guess what? I don’t either. Shut up! Dick and Zach decide to frolic in the pool while Eric, Jess, and Jameka lay on the backyard couch. Eric thinks that Zach is a completely different person since the bunny suits. It’s amazing that a ratty, fur covered mammal costume can make a grown man gain so much confidence. I almost wrote mature grown man, but well, we are talking about Zach.
Jess thinks it would be funny to play a trick on the house, so she announces that Jen’s picture has now turned black and white. The houseguests barrel into the kitchen faster than you can say “like, what?” and we find out it was all just a joke. Silly hamsters, tricks are for kids! Oh, you all have the mentality of children? Continue.
Eric, come on. We’ve seen it 100 times now. Please put it away!
Jen is still rebelling against BB by eating anything that she feels like. She tells Jessica, Eric, and Zach that if she does end up voting on the jury, she will be voting for Dick and Daniele because they played everyone all summer. Eric tells her to shut up and stop threatening them. We pop in and out of vortex some more, and Jameka comes out of the DR saying that she was told if anyone in the house wants to talk about the Jen situation in the DR, now is the time to start going in. After another lengthy vortex, we discover that BB held a house meeting, and now decided that instead of a penalty nomination, Jen would be receiving a penalty vote. It seems as though everyone felt Jameka wouldn’t have a fighting chance of staying this week if it was assured that Jen would be on the block automatically next week. For the fairness of all involved, the integrity of the game, yada yada yada, Jen will be receiving a penalty vote. There will be 6 votes this week. For those of you whose brains are fried from all of this feed watching, I’ll do the math for you. The 5 voting houseguests (Dick, Eric, Amber, Jessica, Zach) plus 1 penalty vote equals 6 votes.
Jen continues munching on the forbidden fruit.
The rest of the afternoon and evening pretty much consists of lying around outside, watching a spider make its web, playing in the pool, napping here and there, and bashing Jen. Watching the feeds this season is sometimes just about as fun as watching paint dry. BB does try to liven the mood a little bit by giving the hamsters a bottle of wine and a few beers. By a few, I really mean four. Those will last Jessica about 20 minutes.
Eric remembers Jessica’s trick from earlier and decides it’s his turn to join in on the fun. He takes a board and wedges it under the door to the round room where Jen is so she won’t be able to get out. This lame scheme doesn’t last too long because BB comes on and scolds America’s Tool for endangering his fellow housemates. Well, at least he tried to give us something exciting to watch. Zach, not being one to be original, now pulls the "board under the door" prank on Dick who gets right out of the storage room. Showing what true Neanderthal men they really are, Zach and Eric decide to play a hand slapping game. I can’t imagine slapping each other’s hands until they turn as red as Jen’s unitard is remotely fun or purposeful.
Just when I start getting used to the lack of whining and crying in the house, guess who’s back? Mother of the year and the human stick figure! They are not allowed to talk about their exciting day out of the house. (For those of you who missed the memo, they went to a taping of the Power of 10 on CBS). The only thing they can tell the other houseguests is that they went to New York and everyone will find out about the adventure in a few days. They say they had to wear sunglasses and headphones when they were outside of the limo. Eric, Dick, and Jen fill the ladies in on all of the Jen shenanigans. Not wanting to go against the other cool kids, Amber gets super pissed and starts going off on Jen.
Big Brother (and Zach) are watching you…
Everyone is having fun giving it to Jen (not like that, sickos), but Jameka gets a little overwhelmed and has to go to the storage room to cool off and pray. She tells God that she has never met a more self-centered person in her life and she thanks him over and over for not being “that” person anymore. Mmmhmmm. We go back to Amber yelling at Jen about reading the rule book and being a piece of crap. Amber calling someone else a piece of crap. Amber, have you looked in the mirror lately?
One second Amber and Jen are enemies and the next they are BFFs. Jen decides to fill Amber in on all of the things she has learned since being in the house. All two things. Kidding. Jen tells Amber that Dick and Daniele are dangerous players in the game and that Jess is very fake. She also warns her to be skeptical about Eric and that Zach would be the best person to align with. Jen thinks that it’s too bad she is on the block with Jameka because Jen, Jameka, and Amber are the most honest people in the house. Does anyone have a pair of boots I could borrow? The BS is getting pretty deep in here!
I’m too sexy for my shirt.
Eric gets called to the DR, and when he comes back out, I can’t tell if America wants him to evict Jameka or Jen. He marches straight over to Jameka and says she 100% has his vote to stay this week. He wants her just to relax the rest of the week. From this conversation, I get the impression America wants Jen gone. Then Eric tells her that the vote might be 4-2. From this conversation, I get the impression that Eric is trying to cover up his vote already and that America wants Jameka gone. Ugh, Eric is such a tool!
Daddy and daughter are bonding in the HoH room. By bonding, I mean Dick is talking to her and she is whining. Dick tells her that she treats him like sh** and that he looks out for her but she doesn’t do the same for him. He leaves the HoH room and she whines some more. They continue the family fun fest in the backyard. She says it pisses her off when he gets involved in her situations. Dick says he can do and say whatever he wants whenever he wants. He is such a big boy! They now go back to the HoH. Dick apologizes and Daniele whines that everyone blames her for what he says and, here it comes folks, it’s soooooooo frustrating! She says she dreaded coming back to the house and he has no idea what it’s like to be her. More petty bickering ensues, and the end result is a Daniele tear fest. Daniele is starting to cry more than Amber. Sheesh.
Maybe if I wear this disguise, Zach will leave me alone.
The late night/early morning is pretty much more of the same thing – boredom. The hamsters all go to bed by about 6am, and when my shift ends at noon, most of them are still in bed. Up all night, sleep all day? I’d do that for a dollar!
And now a list of those crazy hammies and their crazy quotes!
Zach: “There’s no use worrying about spilt milk until there’s something to worry about.”
Jameka: “You know you’re hot when you’re sweating and doing nothing.”
Jessica: “I love the sun and the sun loves me. I love slop in my tummy. They thought I’d be another Holly. Eric never gets to play in POV.”
Jen: “The producers shouldn’t have begged me to be on this show.”
Jen: “I’m just a person who eats. What’s the big deal?”
Dick: “Would you hire Jen as your nanny?”
Eric: “I’d rather leave my kids home alone.”
Thanks to Snapit and clowe9138 for the screencaps!