This recap covers events from noon Tuesday to noon Wednesday, BB time
Ahhh, another exciting Tuesday shift. Nominations made? Check. POV competition played? Check. POV ceremony held? Check. Hamsters running around in bunny suits? Check. Amber making inappropriate comments about other groups of people? Check. Fasten your seatbelts FORT readers. You are in for a day of… nothing!
The hamsters are on inside lockdown because another banner flew by. For my first magic trick, I will now make Daniele’s conversation with Zach, Jen, and Kail in the kitchen seem interesting! She tells them how a girl came to interview at Hooters wearing – *gasp*- a SWEATER! How dare she? The boss asked her if she… VORTEX! I hate it when BB does that. The music on the vortex is the old BB music. Foreshadowing for something? We’ll have to wait and see! We come back to Daniele now talking about the first day they all came into the house. The other bunnies listen intently and then Zach says he was so excited but nobody could get past his huge bag. Daniele says that she entered with Jameka and Nick, and Jameka walked so slowly. Daniele also says that Mike had a huge crazy smile on his face. Apparently it took “like a million” takes to get the entrance correct. Mike and Daniele didn’t get out of the way for Joe to enter the house and they kept getting yelled at. Daniele says the banner outside must be a long one and like, duh, America, the houseguests don’t even get up that early.
I miss my unitard! *sniffle*
Kail isn’t sure if she can get Jessica’s to vote to keep her. Daniele is going on about how she shouldn’t have voted out Nick. Seriously Daniele, get over it. It is what it is. Kail thinks that Amber, Daniele, and Dick got tricked into sending Nick home. Hey Kail, last time I checked, if Nick didn’t get voted out it would have been your ass out the door. The girls head up to the HoH room. Kail wants to know how she is going to get 4 votes. Jen tells her that she’ll be fine and to leave them all alone until Wednesday.
Meanwhile, Dustin and Jessica are trying to be slumber party princesses all day. Their mission is to stay in bed for 24 hours straight. The other houseguests bring them food and drink whenever they ask for it. They are only allowed to get up to use the bathroom. They aren’t going to shower or change their clothes either. Dustin shouldn’t have too much trouble with that! Dustin says he deserves the bed rest because he had an exhausting reign as HoH. He says Jessica deserves it because she was tempted by the dark side. There is talk that there is going to be an outside lockdown soon, thus ruining Jessica and Dustin’s game for a little while. Eric walks in and tells them that people are probably sending banners saying that everyone loves Eric. Um, yep Eric, that’s exactly what we all think of you. I’d like to send a banner over the BB house, but do you think they can put a middle finger on a banner? Eric starts spouting strategy talk and Jessica tells him to shut up and quit being paranoid.
Oops, I missed my nose.
Dick is in the kitchen chopping potatoes and slicing onions. It looks like he is prepping for some kind of big dinner tonight. Even though I personally think Dick is a jerk, he can come play Emeril for me any day!
Chef BoyardeeEric comes in and is making waffles for bedridden Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. I don’t know what BB put in King Dick’s coffee today, but he is being nice. That’s right, nice. He is laughing WITH Jen rather than AT her. He’s talking and joking around with everyone in the kitchen.
The hamsters go on outside lockdown. Kail and Dustin lift weights and everyone else sits on the backyard sofa pretty much in silence. There is occasional chit chat, but nothing major. There are police sirens in the background. I hope they come arrest these houseguests for boring me to death! For my second magic trick of the recap, I will now make Jameka say something other than “mmm hmmm”! Poof! Jameka tells everyone that the most hardcore she goes as far as rap is Jay-Z and Busta Rhymes. She talks about radio DJs in Maryland. I hear God is a fan of Tupac, you know, since God is so gangsta.
Cheers to being the laziest and drunkest asses in the house!
Evening rolls around and lockdown is over. Mrs. Robinson and the human stick figure have a chat about the votes this week. Kail never shuts up about the stupid votes! She really wants to stay this week, but she isn’t sure she can get any of the LNC to throw a vote her way. Daniele tells her that people are so phony.
Jameka, Amber, and Jen are in the backyard. Jameka is braiding Amber’s hair. Jen tells them she wants to get second place at the end and she wants someone to win that deserves it. Daniele and Kail are sitting on the backyard sofa talking about the votes. Daniele now thinks one of the votes may have been Amber or Jameka, but she doesn’t care because Amber, Jameka, and Eric are working together anyway.
The BB Salon
Amber and Jameka take the hairstyle party inside. Jameka sees Kail go into the bathroom where Eric is and assumes they are talking strategy. These 2 girls are not happy with Eric. Amber goes into the bedroom to whisper with Princess Dustin. She thinks voting Eric out this week could be the right move. Jen has been telling her things to make her second guess herself. Dustin gets snippy and says Jen isn’t a reliable source. Amber thinks it would be better to keep Kail in the house because they know what side she’s on (not yours, smart one) rather than Eric who they can’t trust anymore. Amber says she’s f***** because she swore on her daughter’s life not to evict Eric. Her family must be proud that she uses her daughter like that. She thinks if Dustin casts the vote to evict Eric then Dick and Daniele will sing his praises far and wide. King Dick will be very proud of Princess Dustin and not come after him. Amber is delusional.
The hamsters discover that there are 14 cans of beer and a bottle of wine in the storage room tonight. Daniele, Zach, and Eric go in to carry it out. Zach tells Daniele her butt looks good in the bunny suit. She calls him a perv and he says he isn’t a perv, he’s just a guy. He laughs like a Neanderthal Man. Dustin orders one of his servants for the day to bring him a glass of wine. Zach tells Dustin he holds his champagne glass like a man. Zach also says the only action he’s gotten today was that an ant bit him. I’m guessing that’s the only action Zach has gotten in awhile. And it’s probably the only action he’ll get for awhile after this.
Yes, ladies. They are single.
Jessica starts downing Coors Light like a seasoned frat boy and Dustin starts sipping on his wine like a country club snob. They both decide it would be a good idea to jump on the bed. In all of their childish glory, they bounce up and down screaming. Jessica keeps yelling “booyah”. As much as I hate Jessica’s voice, she is rather endearing at times. Call me crazy, but I think Jessica would be a fun best friend. She keeps screaming things to Amber and Jameka in the other room, making sure not to leave her bed.
Dustin, you are like so my new BFF!
Jessica and Dustin decide to have compliment hour. Wow. I hope some of you faithful feed watchers caught this, because it sure was funny.
Jessica: Your hair looks like the sun shined an extra ray on you. Your toes are very clean for a man. Your clothes are like a new kid shopping for school clothes. Wait, that didn’t come out right. Your clothes are like your parents have money when shopping for school clothes. The way you sleep reminds me of a small infant deer.
Dustin: Your skin is radiant. Your shoe collection is from Charlotte Russe. Your natural hair color should suit you well. The year you were born was probably the best year ever.
Jameka finally closed the 2 day BB salon and offers to bring Dustin and Jessica some dinner. Dustin informs her that Dick didn’t make enough for Dustin because he hates him. Jameka says she will eat cereal so Dustin can have some dinner. Eric walks in and adjusts the thermostat. Dustin tells Eric he doesn’t have “a big Jew ass” like Eric to keep him warm. Amber asks Dustin his opinion of her hair and he says it’s nice but not sexy. Dustin is flopping around on his bed like a crazy fish out of water. I swear Amber slipped him some of her speed. Dustin and Jessica are really making me laugh tonight, but I decide to switch to the dinner party in the kitchen.
Eric decides to lay low. Literally.
Dick has prepared chicken tenders and potatoes, and the hamsters have a very late night dinner. Zach, Daniele, Jameka, Eric, and Dick enjoy the dinner. Kail and Jen sit with everyone but eat their slop instead of the meal King Dick hath bestowed upon his subjects. Everyone thanks Dick for a nice dinner. Daniele whines about her job for awhile. She hates it when she has two drinks in her hands and someone stops her and asks for a refill. She like, only has two hands, douchebag. She thinks people are so rude. Daniele sounds like a
wonderfulterrible waitress. Eric talks about last season when Chicken George got to meet Colonel Sanders. Dick gets his ego stroked by asking everyone every 5 seconds if they like his food. Does Jameka like his food? Mmmm Hmmmm!
King Dick’s royal dinner
I check back on the crazy, half-drunk, glued to the bed Jessica and Dustin. Jessica says she trusts Eric less and less and Dustin says Eric is kind of annoying. He said this week they have to keep Eric for the numbers, even if they don’t trust him at all. Jessica agrees. She said 2 or 3 weeks from now, it may be a different story. They decide to get out of bed for a few minutes because they both have to go to the bathroom. Jessica goes in first while Dustin picks his nose and lotions his thighs.
Daniele, Dick, and Amber stay up late and chat in the backyard about how much they all hate Eric. Amber wants Dustin to vote to evict Eric. She tells Dick and Daniele that if Dustin doesn’t, she will. Remember when she swore on her daughter’s life she wouldn’t evict Eric? How quickly things change. Gag. She’s repulsive. Amber makes Dustin come outside to talk with King Dick and Alice. Uh oh, Dustin got out of bed! Dustin says some pretty crappy things about Eric, everyone agrees, and a decision is made. Dustin swears he will now vote to evict Eric. Dustin, Amber, Dick, and Daniele also agree that if any of them get HoH in the next 2 weeks, they won’t put each other up. Could a new alliance be forming? These people change their minds as often as Dick farts - all the damn time!
For my third and final magic trick, I will now give you an accidental look at Amber in the DR! Yes folks, she is crying.
Jameka and Jessica are in the kitchen talking about Eric. Jessica says she will do whatever the group wants to do. She says she wants Kail gone, but Eric is really starting to creep her out. He got into bed with her and tried to put his arm around her, and she yelled and moved his arm. America’s Tool is now more hated than Zach in the house.
As my shift comes to an end, Jessica and Dustin are sunbathing. Dustin says they were on the fence so long about Eric because they liked him so much as a person. Kail is in the kitchen talking to Zach about what it’s like to be on the block so much. As of right now, it appears that Eric will indeed be voted out on Thursday night. Another “awesome” twist down the drain. In my best Janelle voice: “Thanks BB!!”
This extra info will surely make you smarter than a 5th grader:
*Daniele says she doesn’t know 2 of her brothers’ birthdays and she doesn’t know her little sister’s birthday. Daniele has a little sister that isn’t her dad’s child.
*Amber dropped her microphone into the toilet.
*Jen now has drops for water in her ears.
*Amber and Jameka love it when the BB voice says “thank you”.
*Zach says they got beer because today was so lame. I agree.
*Dustin and Jessica have never been broken up with.
*Dustin used to wear women’s deodorant in high school.
*Dustin has been wearing makeup since eighth grade.
Dustin puts on his face.