*This is a recap of events from noon Monday to noon Tuesday*
Nervous hamsters are awaiting the veto ceremony as my shift starts, and the question of the day is: will she or won’t she? No, we’re not talking about Jen flashing her buttcheeks to the world. We already know the answer to that one. Will Jameka use the veto? Considering that she’s holed up in bed reading her bible before the ceremony, I’d hazard a guess that yes, she will use it. Don’t want to piss the Almighty off, now, do we?
Others while away their time practicing veto speeches, discussing haircuts, and doing a little Zach-bashing - standard stuff. Daniele does some whining to King Dustin about Nick going on the block, and compares it to how Dustin would feel if Amber went up. If he’s anything like me, I’d throw a freaking party. They might even have some tissue left in the damn house with the Town Crier gone. Anyhow, Dustin tries to comfort Dani by telling her that he’ll be there if she needs to talk, and that “no one should grieve alone.” Grieve? Is Nick going in front of the firing squad today or something? What a bunch of drama queens these hamsters are.
Must...cry...more. Nobody is paying me attention!
Speaking of drama. After the veto ceremony, we learn that Jameka kept her word to God, and Nick was indeed put on the block. Let the crying commence. Daniele is crying. Amber is crying (I know, you’re shocked.). Kail goes off to have a meltdown. And Dick does what Dick does best - rant and rave. He does this after every single ceremony, competition, whatever. He turns to his favorite target, Jen, and tries to rip her a new one. Anyone remember George Carlin’s seven dirty words routine? The Dick borrows heavily from that list. He compares her to Saddam Hussein while she nonchalantly blows him off with a slight smile. I think it enrages him even more when she does that. And she knows it.
Dick (to Jen): “I can smell you from here. Why don't you get some Draino and douche yourself. Then drink it when you're done.”
Lovely. Not exactly made for prime time, is it? Off in other parts of the house, Amber is still sniveling about Nick, grabbing onto his leg and bawling like a five year old who just had his cookies taken away. Or, she's just trying to grab his goodies before he goes. He tries to comfort her, as do others. I think they just want her to shut the hell up. I also think that this is Amber’s way of getting attention. Nobody cries this much. Nobody! Is she trying to set a Guiness world record for pity parties? Nothing says “hey, I’m a basketcase!” more than a grown woman (and a mother, lest you forget) who spends ninety percent of her waking life crying and the other ten percent finding thing to cry about.
I #%&@ing hate you this &*$%ing much, Jen!
Kiss my oft-exposed buttcheeks, Dick!
Meanwhile, Jen is reading the rulebook to see if Dick has crossed the line. Crossed it? He’s crossed it, jumped up and down on it, and spit on it. While she studies, the others fret about who’s mad at who. Dustin thinks Jameka is mad at him because of something said during the ceremony. Nick is mad that Dustin didn’t just come out and tell him that he was being put up. Dick is mad at Amber for pretending to Nick that she had no idea he was going up. Daniele’s upset that Nick’s upset because she didn’t tell him what was going on, and she lies to him, telling him that she tried sooo hard to keep him safe. I’m going to need some boots to wade through all this BS.
More random BS:
- Nick says he’s not bisexual. Believe it if you wish.
- Jessica wants to be a TV broadcaster when she grows up.
- Kail offered to get Nick some interviews in Oregon to be a PE teacher.
- Dustin hates the letter “C”. Really. He thinks it’s a useless letter.
- Nick says he graduated magna cum laude.
- Zach wanted to put hot sauce in Jen’s unitard, which Dick apparently has taken hostage. Zach is a freak.
So, what does a hamster do when he figures out that he’s getting backdoored? Why, he cuts all his hair off, of course. Well, not all of it. Nick only goes partial Full Metal Jacket, shaving his emo boy ‘do into a mohawk. Actually, it’s not half bad. It’s the pornstar ‘stache and the mandanna that ruin the look. But by itself, the mohawk suits him. Daniele doesn’t like it, though, and asks him to shave the mustache. He doesn’t. Dick thinks it rocks (go figure). Dustin finishes up the mohawk trimming, then snips a little off Zach’s big head. He even joins the fun himself by getting a buzzcut later. It makes him look 10 years old.
Dustin takes the opportunity to shove his man-cleavage in Nick's face.
I'm...too sexy for this haircut.
Kail and Jen are upstairs commiserating about the evil that is Dick, and Kail is in full-on Amber mode: covers over head, shaking and bawling her eyes out. Jen nods her head and agrees with Kail, looks around to see which camera is on, then pretends to wipe a tear from her eye. Gotta get that perfect camera angle, Jen? They talk about getting Dick kicked off the show, and how this would never happen in the real world. Yeah, because someone in the real world would have stomped a mudhole in his ass by now.
On to happier hamsters - Jessica and Eric talk junk about a rematch of Beer Pong, with Eric saying she can’t handle it. Jessica wants to have an eating contest, and Jameka just sits and listens to them. Mmmm hmm. Eric, Jameka, and Dustin later have a get-together in the HoH bathroom, bashing Dick’s game. Or lack of game. They laugh at Dick’s attempts to have super-secret alliances with everyone in the house at some point. Even the topiary bunnies? They then bash Jen, with a little Daniele hate thrown in. Dustin thinks Dani is Janelle 2.0. Blasphemer! And of course, what would a bash-fest be without a little Zach attack thrown in? Jameka goes off on the socially inept Zach, telling the others that he should “have some f***ing dignity” and let people come to him instead of stalking them down. So much for Jameka being a member of the God Squad. Thou shalt not bash thy creepy housemate.
Eric (about Zach, but not to his face): "You're a dirty molester. Your one-inch penis and your molesting ways will keep you from having a date ever again. Have fun outside the house."
Night falls in Wonderland, and with it comes another Jen bashing session led by the Dickster. This time, Nick is jumping on the bandwagon. Dick calls her many foul, unrepeatable names, Nick tells her to just go ahead and leave because nobody likes her, and Jen retorts that at least she doesn’t cheat on her boyfriend for all to see on TV. Oh, no she didn’t! Dick starts foaming at the mouth, yelling at her to not bring Daniele into this and that Daniele would be justified if whacking Jen over the head with a pot. Huh? Zach tries to make a friend by jumping on Dick’s side, but nobody pays him attention, as usual. Daniele appears to defend herself, saying Jen was just jealous. Jen claims to have tried becoming friends with Dani. Dani says that's crap. Then Nick jumps into it after Daniele stomps off, telling Jen “f*** you” and get out of the house and other pleasant things. To top it all off, Dick walks by and dumps a cup of tea on Jen’s head. To her credit, she doesn’t turn around and slug him. She stays calm. Nick gets called to the DR and we get the blue vortex.
I am like, sooo staying out of all this drama.
Ugh. Nick comes out of the DR, Kail goes in, then Daniele. Dani is upset and wants to go home. Again. Kail isn’t interested in the game anymore, and is now going to focus on getting Dick out. After the house is somewhat calmed down, Dick starts up on Jen again, calling her R.P. It stands for rank...um, kitty cat. Dick makes it hard to transcribe, I tell you. Jen later appears in a craptastic leopard skin bikini, joining the others in the hot tub. They tell her that BB is dealing with the blowup, but Dick returns from his DR visit and tells them that no line was crossed, and everything is cool. The others don’t think so.
A pickin' and a grinnin'.
They finally simmer down, and return to idiotic discussions of how to stay regular (prunes, or bananas...you decide!) and talk of how Amber has barfed up everything she ate that day. Eric decides to cut his hair into a modified mohawk with Jen’s help, and they dye his hair almost black. Dick compares Eric’s head to a shark fin, humming the theme from Jaws to make his point. Eric jokes that we’ll think there’s a new houseguest, and calls himself Derek, Eric’s evil brother. One of you is more than enough, rat boy.
Here’s something out of left field - Eric seems to have formed an alliance with Jen, of all people. Must have been the haircut. He takes great care in telling her how to play, giving her inside info about the others and how she should lay low for a while to take the heat off. Of course, she immediately runs to tell Kail, and I throw things at the computer screen. Just wait til Dick finds out....
Thanks to Jewelsy and Aero for the screencaps!