*This recap covers from noon Thursday to noon Friday BB time.*
Have you ever had a moment when it hit you that you had actually, finally watched too much reality television? No, I'm not talking about having saucy dreams about Phil from Amazing Race, or thinking you could have a go as Amercia's Top Model. I'm talking about a moment when you realize that some aspect of the sordid reality world has rubbed off on you, infiltrated your actual life. Well, it happened to me today, when I caught myself saying "The thing is" or "here's the thing" no less than 4 times. The first two times were embarrassing, but the last two... they really made me start to worry. Now if I add "at the end of the day" and "it is what it is" to my repertoire, you all can just go ahead and shoot me. Or cast me on any random reality show.
Once upon a time in Big Brother land, Thursdays used to be a fiiiiine day to recap, as the houseguests were all crazy after the HOH competition, and Big Brother would give them alcohol to fuel their antics. Apparently Arnold Shapiro took all the booze with him when he left the Big Brother producing gig, and Alison Grodner won't spring for more. Our hamsters need to get loaded! Perhaps we can start a FORT fund, and send in a few cases of whatever is on sale.
As my shift starts at noon, Jen is organizing the kitchen cabinets, which for whatever reason annoys Dick, and he suggests that she can organize his underwear drawer. Dustin is ironing, and Daniele paints Dick's nails. I can hardly contain my excitement. Kail and Mike begin sitting on the loveseat of eviction THREE HOURS early, as they are so bored they're begging to be put out of the house. Dick, always one to try to liven things up, suggests that Jessica gets on the treadmill, naked. Zach helpfully adds, "on speed 12". Does anyone else find it creepy that Dick talks about the nakedness of someone his daughter's age? Eww. Finally the vortex puts us all out of our bored misery, as it's show time. When the show returns, our new HOH is...
I think it takes more than rolling around fitfully on the HOH bed to kill Dick's cooties.
Dustin is the new king, Big Kahuna, master of his domain, and yes, head of household. He says again and again that he knew he was going to win HOH. Because he's psychic. Amber breaks down crying (no, really!) because she is so, so happy for Dustin. Don't you wish you had a loyal, weeping friend like her?
The BFF of everyone's nightmares.
Kail is estatic that she has remained in the house.
The big question is, besides Zach, WHO voted to oust Kail? Of course all of us lucky viewers know it was America's Player, Eric. He's a sneaky one, and suggests that it had to be Nick. Amber says it was Nick, and that he voted that way to align himself with Zach, in case Zach won HOH. Dustin and Dick also think it was Nick. They think he leaks info and isn't trustworthy. Dani even gets in on the Nick-doubting, telling Jameka that she's not trusting him, but will act like everything is normal. She says he's playing every angle. The guy can't catch a break, as he's guilty of nothing other than a craptastic hairstyle choice and unfortunate facial hair.
Would YOU let this guy near your daughter? Or son? Because he's equal-opportunity.
Nick, thinking he's tight with all the right people, tells Amber that he was excited when Zach, Kail, and Jen went out in the HOH competition. Add himself to that list, and that's the same way about half the house is feeling right now.
Insert your own pervy caption here.
Dustin gets his HOH room, and the magic that was King Dick is contagious, because Dustin starts cursing like a sailor as he parades around in his HOH robe. Perhaps it's to impress Dick, I am not sure. I miss tons of what they are saying as I have to turn down my speakers when Dustin SCREAMS the "F" word really loudly, to see if someone outside the door can hear him. Dick acts as if it's still his HOH, and they both cackle with glee about how easy things will be this week, etc. Dustin's head keeps getting bigger and bigger, and I believe he just might surpass Dick's record of being a pompous ass before the week is out. Dustin decrees that he doesn't want anyone "following him around" and names people he thinks will come to him to make deals. He also drops the tidbit that he doesn't shower often, which I think might keep anyone from "following him around."
Future Botox user.
- Dustin told Dick that he asked Amber to reign in her emotions.
- Amber's boyfriend passes gas and then lights said gas on fire. Obviously the mating rituals of the pathetically stupid.
- Big Brother has suggested Jameka find outside counseling for her anger. She goes off about Zach in the diary room.
- Dustin told Amber that he didn't like her being tight with Nick. Oooh, jealousy!
- Dick has started writing a children's book. I think this must be a beginner's guide to cursing, or "My First Ten Curse Words."
Someone finally knocks that smirk off Daniele's face.
Daniele and Dick sit down for a heart-to-heart, or at least to not fight for ten seconds, and Daniele spills that after the show, she won't have a place to live. Her lease will be up, and her boyfriend Kris is moving back in with his parents. She says that Kris is on a 4 year apprenticeship, and she makes more than he does. Sakes alive, Kris, your Hooter's waitress girlfriend is pulling in more cash than you? And now she's told the world that you're moving back with your parents. I bet you're feeling mighty manly right now. Daniele hasn't done enough damage, as she goes on to tell us that Kris is terrible with money. Trying to be fatherly, Dick says she can live with him, but she says "no no no." He suggests Grandma's but Daniele says it smells. Homeless Hooter's waitresses shouldn't be so picky, I think.
Zach tries to not be creepy for five seconds.
The house activity is Zach-bashing, and it is revealed that he pulls his eyebrows in the mirror, and doesn't wash his hands after using the restroom. Okay, I'm with them on that second one, who wants germs all around, that can make you seriously ill. Dustin refers to him as something I can't repeat here, but it's equal to being a pedophile. After a meeting, it is decided that Jen and Kail will go on the block, but that the actual plan is to backdoor Zach. If this doesn't work out, Kail will go home, Jen is just a pawn.
Kail, not a member of this meeting, has other ideas, and thinks the nominations should be Dick and Zach. She even offers to go up against Dick as a pawn, as this thinks she would stay and he would go. Kail is delusional.
The houseguests go to bed about the same time I get up for the day, and when they finally wake up they do nothing of interest until the feeds turn blue for the food competition. With any luck, by the time the feeds come back, someone will have punched someone in the face to liven things up a bit. Nothing says Big Brother fun to me like random violence.
"Screw you all! I do TOO eat!"
Tell me all about YOUR excitement here.