This is a recap of events from noon Tuesday to noon Wednesday
Yes ladies, these are the men of the Big Brother 8 house
As I begin my very first shift as a FORT writer and BB Live feed recapper, various questions are running through my mind. Will I do a good job? Will everyone want to read it? Does Jen still love herself? Is Amber still a mother? Okay seriously folks, on to the goods.
The day begins with half of the hamsters still sleeping. Why wouldn’t they still be sleeping? It’s only noon! The others are hanging out in the kitchen. Jen complains that BB woke them up today for no reason. Dick decides nap time is in order and everyone parts ways for a long afternoon of nothing. Kail is on the treadmill running for her life. She is seriously running like there is no tomorrow, because well... (insert corny joke here). We find out later she ran three miles without stopping. Mike is gleefully cleaning the kitchen alone.
Kail has two tickets to the gun show
BB announces an outside lockdown. The sleepy hamsters wander outside for more of the same thing: absolutely nothing. Eric and Daniele pass the time by comparing each of the current houseguests to a previous houseguest. They say Dustin is Will from Season 5 and Jameka is Monica. Eric and Dani seem to know a lot about the previous seasons, as they talk a lot about which people they liked and didn’t like. I check out the Dick conversation, and it seems Dick has held a lot of jobs in his lifetime. His first job was pumping gas. He informs everyone that he used to smoke cigarettes while pumping gas. Sounds safe to me. He has also worked at the Beverly Hills Hotel, the Ritz, and Macy’s in NYC. Apparently he has also walked on water. Oh wait, I think I made up that last one.
Dick or Al Bundy?
Nearly two hours later, lockdown is over. Most of the houseguests decide to go inside, except for Dick, who wants to do cannonballs into the pool. Amber and Eric were carrying on a conversation (if you call Amber blabbing and Eric zoning out a conversation), but decide to get out after Dick starts going cannonball crazy. God forbid they get wet in a pool. Mike decides to come out and join Dick in his cannonball funfest.
Jen: “Do you see this dark spot on my back? It looks like I like pooped up or something."
All the cameras switch to Amber and Eric who are now in the hot tub. She is talking, and talking, and talking. Eric is politely listening to her with the occasional “yeah”, “mm hmm”, and “really” thrown in there, but otherwise he has a blank look on his face. She tells him all about her life on drugs and how she has always taken care of everyone. She was in the hospital and she has overcome so many obstacles. She helped her mom out of her depression and she pays rent for her family. She rescues orphans from burning buildings, and she too can walk on water. Whoops, there I go hearing things again. This past year she has really cleaned up her act and God has helped her. She’s a better person. More talk of her past life and how she has risen from adversity. Blah blah blah. Yada yada yada. She seriously has not come up for air in a half hour time span. Excuse me while I put my feeds on mute. The hot tub bore fest ends with a hug and Eric goes and gets in the pool again. Oh look, Amber follows him. I sense that BB can tell I’m starting to hold my ears and poke my eyes out with pencils, and they promptly move the cameras to Dick.
Seriously, is Amber still talking?
Later in the afternoon, Nick and Amber get to talking in the backyard. Amber asks Nick how things with Daniele are going. He says they only talked in passing today and things are a little bit awkward. In between bites of potato chips, Nick says he doesn’t want to be “that guy” and Amber tells him he can always go back to Jen. For some reason, I just don’t see Nick going for a girl who loves wearing unitards. I bet if he wore that stupid sweater of his and she wore her unitard, they could make the cover of Glamour. Nick goes into the house and Jen comes out. Amber tells her that she is “having a moment” just thinking about her family. Daniele comes out and the whole scene reminds me of a slumber party out in the back yard: gossiping about boys, painting each other’s toenails, and having pillow fights. Daniele talks about a funny dream she had about the house. In the dream, Daniele stuck up for Amber. Amber tells her she is the only one who really does anyway. The conversation went back to Amber? You don’t say?! Daniele claims she has “some mullet thing” going on today. This, as some of you may know, piques my interest because I love a good mullet. I look, expecting to see a Billy Ray Cyrus caliber hairstyle, but instead I just see Daniele. Maybe next time.
Dustin's tonsils say "helllooooo!"
Daniele says she thinks she is hungry because she hasn’t eaten yet in the day. It is almost evening in the BB house and the girl hasn’t eaten yet. No wonder she is so skinny. Jen decides that she is always going to try to look good because she hated it on past seasons when people went into the diary room and looked ugly. Visions of Alison and Maggie dance in my head. Jen starts talking game with Amber and tells her she doesn’t know why people think she is in an alliance with Nick. She hasn’t talked to Nick since like, Day four. Amber thinks it’s sad (gee that’s a shocker, Amber thinks something is sad) that if Kail ends up staying this week, nobody will be able to trust her. Amber and Jen discuss the votes this week. Jen is going to vote for the person who campaigns the least. Amber doesn’t care who goes. Way to play the game girls.
We go to vortex for a little while and come back to all four cameras on Daniele eating. Yes, she is eating. Phew. Daniele and Mike discuss what will be shown on the show and what time it comes on. Mike says that America is in for a treat. They think we haven’t had one dull episode yet since they are so entertaining. Apparently today is also opposite day. They think there might be a segment on everyone using racial slurs and a segment on everyone bashing Julie. Daniele says she never bashed Julie, and Mike says the same. Daniele then proclaims, “We love you Julie!” I don’t love Julie, but I do love her constant stream of high-waisted, superflared pants and her robot-like movements. Just kidding. Remember, it’s opposite day.
BB announces another lockdown, this time inside. King Dick walks around the backyard and tells everyone to take their time going in. Thanks Dick. Amber now corners Jameka on the couch to talk some more about
herselfthe game. I hear a baby yelling in the background. Oh, that’s just Jessica. I digress. Amber wants to get Zach, Kail, and Mike out of the game. She wants Dick gone one week before Nick.
Jessica: “I didn’t have any serious relationships in high school because I wasn’t, like, into doing stuff.”
Evening rolls around and finds Dick and Jen having inappropriate conversations in the backyard. The conversation between Dick and Jen is so disgusting, I feel like I need a shower. Meanwhile, Eric and Jessica are taking a bubble bath together in the HoH tub. Jessica accuses Eric of wanting to see her boobs. He says if he wanted to see them, he’d say he wanted to see them. She chuckles. I cringe. America’s Tool flirting with Jessica is painful for me to watch, but yet I can’t pull away. I always knew I was secretly a sadist. They discuss that they don’t think anyone in the house is a virgin and Jessica says maybe Zach. They think he is a creepy predator who tries to pick up young girls. Eric begins talking about himself and says he wasn’t as good with girls in high school as he is now. Hmm. I think Eric is probably as good with girls as Britney Spears is at parenting. Dick leaves the backyard and decides to go break up the pow-wow in the HoH tub. Eric tells Dick he hid the chess pieces so Zach can’t do his little chess piece/strategy BS. Let the Zach bashing begin.
Eric, that better be the soap!
The cam switches to Nick, Zach, and Daniele in mid-conversation. Nick is yelling at Zach about panties and streaking. Dustin and Amber are in bed talking and Nick and Daniele shout to them from the next room. They all make fun of Zach. Poor Zach. I almost want to give him a hug. Almost. Jessica and Eric are still having bathtub fun as King Dick watches. They are making fun of Zach’s manhood (or lack thereof) and Dick holds up his pinky to compare. Jameka comes up to check on Jessica, and Eric gets offended and asks Jessica what kind of person Jameka thinks he is. Jessica tells him she probably thinks he is “a Zach”. Downstairs, Daniele and Nick are reviewing the BB manual while Zach sits alone on a nearby bed staring at the ground. Daniele whispers to Nick to look at poor Zach. Hey kids, look at that poor caged monkey! Here boy! Come get the banana!
Zach chills with all of his friends.
BB decides to give the houseguests beer, and the drinking games begin! College girl Jessica schools Mike, Zach, Dick, and Eric at Quarters again. The object of the game is to bounce a quarter into a cup of beer. I will say that I’ve played a few games of Quarters in my life, and I always use one cup of beer for drinking and have another for the quarter to land into. Not these nasty hamsters. Dirty coins and dirty fingers? It’s all good! The non lushes of the house are outside goofing around. Boring! Bring on the Quarters!
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!
The morning comes way too soon for most of the hungover houseguests. BB chooses the Star Wars theme as one of the wake up songs and an outside lockdown is announced. Events from last night are discussed and a good laugh is had by all. I feel like I’m watching a cheesy sitcom.
As my shift ends, the houseguests settle in for another afternoon of silence and lounging. Ah, the life of a dim-witted famewhore.
Some interesting tidbits:
*Jen thinks the house smells bad. Dick wants a noseplug because it stinks so bad.
*Dustin doesn’t wash his hands after going to the bathroom.
*Jameka tells Dick that she isn’t gassy today. Alert the media.
*Kail wants to get a tattoo of a half moon with stars now that she has been around so many people who have tattoos. She thinks she wants it on her ankle because she has too many stretch marks elsewhere.
*One time, Dick put Vaseline on his girlfriend’s toilet seat and she slid off.
*Jen says if you tan all day then go in the pool, the chlorine takes the tan off of you.
*Dick thinks Kaysar was a tool.
*Kail’s goals for the day are to work out and shave her legs. Thanks for sharing, Kail.
*If Amber ever won veto, the only 2 people she’d save would be Dustin and Jameka.
*Eric thinks Jen is a ho and has had sex with at least 35 guys.
*Dustin thinks Mike has the personality of a dead fish.
*Amber wears a size 10 shoe.
*Nick calls his moustache a “molestache” and refers to himself as Tom Selleck.
*Dustin and Jessica decide they want to try to stay in bed for 24 hours. Next Tuesday is the target day to begin this mission.
*‘Dick at Night’ update: Dick says that Mike should be going home this week.
If you want to challenge me to a game of Quarters, PM me here
Thanks to DreamTeam for the Jessica screencap!