*This is a recap of events from noon Monday to noon Tuesday*
Mustardgate is still going strong as my shift starts. Jen is sniffing around for clues but doesn’t seem particularly upset about it, while Kail spouts her conspiracy theories – it was all a plan to get Jen to not use the veto! Yeah, because mustard on a shirt would frighten someone into not saving themselves from the block. Kail, you’re a jenious. Dick says it’s not his style (maybe he prefers ketchup?) and Eric thinks they should hold an investigation with fingerprinting and all. Hey, why not call Grissom and the CSI’s out while we’re at it? Sheesh.
Eric could have done better than this.
Dustin Clouseau figures out that the mustard in question came from the storage room as everyone is in awe of his mad sleuthing skills. At first Jen thinks it’s Daniele, but Kail provides Dani with an alibi. Soon Jen tells the others that she knows who it is but won’t say. She can tell because of their shifty, beady little eyes. And she says this as she leans on the counter right across from the real culprit, Eric. Coincidence, or is Jen smarter than we think she is? Nah.
For your consideration:
- Mike was nominated in Jen’s place, but it took half the afternoon for him to come out of his comatose state and actually speak about it to Kail.
- If anyone cares, Jen did get the mustard out of her shirt and pillowcase.
- Jameka refuses to call Dick “Evil”, because she believes in the power of words.
- Jen is thinking about going on the watermelon diet. Cucumbers everywhere are crying.
- Daniele says she always hungry in the house.
- Amber likes salty food but doesn’t like salt, and Eric likes breakfast food, but not at breakfast.
- Zach doesn’t practice good hygiene after using the bathroom, and it grosses Jameka out. She thinks he’s spreading pee all over the house and her “life is in danger.”
- Jen says that she can do 20 hula hoops at once. Nobody was impressed.
Jessica finally had enough of Zach going through her lingerie.
Amber and Dick have a little chat about the previous night’s tiff (one of the many) and Amber says that while he rubbed her the wrong way, she’ll be fine. I’m here to tell you, this chick is not fine. How she passed the psych exam to get in the house is beyond me. Dick tells her that he’s tried to be her friend and be honest with her, but you can tell she’s still pissed. He leaves and Kail slithers up to Amber, letting her know that she’s there if Amber wants to talk about Dick. This woman’s obsessed!
Finally, everyone shuts up about the mustard and we lose the feeds while the veto ceremony takes place. When they return, we find out…nothing. Yet. Everyone’s stuffing their faces and talking about power naps. I’m forced to listen to Zach and Dick talk about gas-offs and which foods give the best gas. Seriously, grown men have “gas-offs”? Doofus Zach talks about how he was afraid that he’d forget where everything was in the house at first. And that he thought the house would be bigger when he first came in. Hey Zach, I thought something would be bigger, too, that night you went streaking and showed everyone your little tic-tac. Dick then apologizes to Eric for some bad joke he made during the ceremony, and Jen comes sauntering out in a skimpy yellow bikini with her assets hanging out. Cameraman is happy. Really, though, Jen needs to start shopping in the big girl’s aisle, because you can’t fit a ten pound ass in a five pound bikini.
Amber's reaction to seeing herself in the mirror.
Dick and Kail lounge on the couch and rehash the same mind-numbingly boring conversation they’ve had over and over and over. We could have been a great team if we didn’t have a falling out, Dick says. Dick thinks he’s had a tough week as HoH with all the drama and suballiances going on, and he’s quite proud of himself. He also tells Kail that he’s disappointed in her because he thought she would be smarter. Huh? Kail sits back and calmly listens, barely defending herself. I’d have ripped him a new one.
The late afternoon is a snoozefest, with Kail still harping on Mustardgate even though nobody else cares. Dustin and Jessica have a tan-off, with Dustin declared winner by Jen. It’s better than a gas-off, I suppose. Daniele whines about not having any nail polish remover. Oh, the horror! Nick is in the hot tub, throwing balls at Zach and Dick, who are cannonballing into the pool and making a mess. No sign of Jameka, who is probably still trying to escape this nuthouse, or Mike, who is probably lying catatonic somewhere.
Not enough stupidity for tonight? How’s this: Nick tells Daniele that if they sleep with their heads together, they’ll have the same dreams. Ugh. Dani does her nails, having gotten some polish remover. Then she does Nick’s nails. Double ugh. I look for something more interesting to watch and get nada, so I come back to these two and Nick has suddenly fallen into a funk. Maybe she’s using the wrong color nail polish on him. Daniele keeps asking him what’s wrong, and he just stares at her. And looks away. Then stares some more. They whisper but I can’t hear much, but I do pick up that Nick thinks Daniele has some wicked mood swings. She disagrees, but I’m with Nick on this one.
What? We're out of nail polish remover?!
Dustin wants the final four to be himself, Jameka, Eric, and Amber. It would be the bestest final four evah, he says, claiming that they’ll all have each other’s backs and be there for each other. Happiness, love and rainbows everywhere. Because that’s really going to happen. Have these people never watched previous seasons?
Night falls, and it’s time for ab class once again with Jen, Jameka, Dustin, Jessica, Amber and the Zach ‘O Lantern, presumably hoping to sneak a peek at the ladies. Perv. Jessica does her exercises in a short skirt while Jen is still in her yellow bikini - hey, what a coincidence! Right about the same time that Showtime starts broadcasting. Pff. Dick watches the class, scratches, farts, and goes to reload with some more of Jen’s deviled eggs. Someone cuts the cheese during ab class and it’s bad enough to break up the group. Yep, I paid good money to listen to people fart for three months. Silly me.
Disgusted, I go to watch Jen try and figure out how to test the pool chemicals, then watch Eric and Jessica do some kind of swing dance/flip thing. I don’t know what they were doing, but they looked like they were having a blast. Jessica sure has perked up since Carol got booted. Ooo, look at this - a real conversation that doesn’t involve gas! Dick and Dani are having it out again in one of the bedrooms. Daniele is mad that Dick all of a sudden wants to be a dad now that they’re in the house together, and didn’t like when he tried to give her advice the other night when she was crying on the hammock. My opinion, but she’s acting like a gigantic brat. Dick retorts that she’s the one who wouldn’t talk to him for years, and returned a letter he sent her. She whines that she’s miserable in the house and doesn’t want to be there. Her boyfriend’s birthday is coming up and she wonders what he’s doing. She’s full-out bawling, and Dick gently touches her back and lets her cry. He promises that he won’t give up on her and that he loves her. *sniff*
Dick: “You mean so much to me, Daniele, you'll never know. I've never abandoned you and I never will. I may not be the greatest dad in the world, but I'm trying and I'll never give up trying.”
Kail and Jen are in the hammock, doing some Dick bashing and talking strategy. As much as these two can, I guess. Jen says her strategy is to have people she’s close to claim that they don’t like her. But that makes it hard for her to influence votes, because people want to vote out the friends of the people they are closest to. Kail is confused. So am I. Jen gives an example: Daniele wants Zach gone and he wants her gone, both so they can get closer to Nick. A lightbulb goes on over Kail’s head. Mine just hurts from listening to these two.
Wait, these are chocolate chips...right?
Late night chatting outside, and hamsters are laughing at Kail for not understanding that Dustin is gay. She asks if he could ever be interested in a woman, and I want to throw something at her. Jameka asks her if she could ever be interested in a woman, and Kail says no way! It’s the same for Dustin, you dumbass. Dick comes out and starts making fun of Zach’s privates once again, and the feeds change over to Dani and Nick in bed. Thanks, Skippy. Nick thinks Daniele is giving out mixed signals (well, duh!) and he’s upset with himself for getting into this situation. Dani gets called to the DR and Zach wanders in to talk with Nick. I don’t know why he would go to Zach for relationship advice, but he does. Zach tells him that he just got out of a lot of bulls***, and Nick replies that maybe he just likes bulls***. Daniele comes back, sending Zach off pouting, and they end up arguing again. Nick is afraid of looking stupid at the end of all this. Too late, Nicky!
The night winds down after some silly three-legged races in the backyard. Oh, and Daniele and Nick made up. Again. Dick does his usual muttering to himself after the others crash, rearranging the bunnies and making up a gonorrhea song. Poor Joe, he’ll always be known as that gonorrhea guy from season eight.
Thanks to Telcta, Jewelsy, and Snapit for the awesome screencaps!