This recap covers Sunday noon to Monday noon, house time.
The Big Brother house is like a completely different world. A world where people eat slop for a week or get chained together, strong man competitions are the norm, and someone is trying to bring sexy back in the form of a red unitard. Itís a strange place, and not one Iíd like to be in, but it sure is fun to watch!
If I was in the Big Brother house, and male, you can bet Iíd have one thing on my mind at all times. One thing that I thought about and planned for obsessively. Something that kept me awake at night and I just knew I had to have soon or I would burst from the tension. And whatís that one thing? Why, a Strong Man Competition, of course! What adult male doesnít fantasize about competing in ridiculous events while wearing a tiny swimsuit stuffed with fruit? None that I know, thatís for sure!
Yes, adjust that potato you have stuffed in your shorts.
Cragnus, Magnus, Diagnus and Zagnus, (or Nick, Mike, Dustin and Zach as theyíre sometimes called), proceed to compete in a Strong Man Competition that is nothing like the ones Iíve seen on ESPN. For one thing, some of these guys are not so buff. For another, I donít think traditional Strong Man Competitions have events like the Boulder Roll and Hot Grass Dance. Maybe Iím just watching the wrong ones.
Every silly competition like this needs a scantily clad woman to keep score, right? That special lady is Jen, who has rigged her unitard so that the top is sleeveless and fits like a tube top. She tops it off with a snazzy headband and some fabulous silver shoes, and with vapid smile in place, Jen is ready to get her score keeping on!
The shoes always make the outfit.
After some incredible athleticism, and many grueling events, Cragnus is named the winner of the BB8 Strong Man Competition, and he winsÖ nothing. Actually, he takes one of the king pieces from the chess board, so I guess that means no one is going to be playing chess any more.
Nick looks like he's getting ready to direct some porn.
After the excitement from the competition dies down, the gang gets to talking some game. Jameka and Dick dish about what a hoot it would be for Dick to win the next HOH, Nick and Joe discuss that it would be ideal if Zach was nominated. Well, Nick says that while Joe swoons and says that he wants a guy just like Nick- average looking with average sized genitalia. Itís good to have standards, Joe. Finally, Dustin and Jameka steal away to talk about the nominations, and Jameka is surprised that Dustin thinks Jen is most likely going to put Joe or Nick up.
Tonight, Amber and Mike have a romantic date planned, and Amberís going all out and taking her hair to new heights. She spends so much time applying mascara, Iím really starting to wonder if Iíve been doing it wrong all these years because it takes me about 15 seconds tops to apply it. Amber is late for the date, leaving Mike lonely and pacing around the kitchen.
When Amber finally shows up for the date, she sees that a beautiful candlelit table has been set up for their enjoyment. Mike presents her with a flower, and she gushes about how romantic the whole thing is. They break right into the wine, make some toasts, discuss how to use the silverware and then Mike reveals that he likes steak better than chicken because he grew up in Wisconsin. I guess because Wisconsin is known for its cheese, and cheese comes from milk which comes from cows?
This man is obviously in love.
The conversation flows along well, and theyíre discussing their families and some superficial things, when Amber drops the bombshell that she was addicted to speed for over a year and quit nine months ago. She then goes into more detail about how she got into car accidents, only ate fast food which gave her stomach pains that she thought was constipation, but an enema didnít help and blah, blah, blahÖ until her doctor told her she should get high off her daughter, and she kicked the habit that same day.
This is what boredom looks like.
Amber keeps talking and talking and talking, and Mike is just staring at her blankly. Finally, when she stops to take a breath Mike says ďthose are some amazing stories,Ē and then tries to get her on a topic that does not involve her bodily functions. After a lot more boring conversation, (do you like Wal-Mart or Target? Whatís your favorite vegetable?) the date mercifully ends, and Mike and Amber join the other HGs, who are playing a drinking game, without alcohol. Sounds great, guys!
The house is on lockdown, and Evel Dick is not interested in drinking water with the other HGs, so he corners Daniele to ask her if sheís doing okay with the slop. She petulantly answers that heís asked her that like 10 times already today and sheís fine, and then leaves the room. Dick seems sad over her snippiness, and I honestly feel bad for both of them.
You're not the boss of me!
Once lockdown is over, Daniele gets over her snit and joins Dick in the backyard. They discuss Mikeís sneakiness, the leak in the Mrs. Robinson alliance, and the sinus cold thatís going around the house. Dani remarks that she canít stand the slop, and does not want to get sick, and then the talk turns to strategy. Dick warns Dani that the other HGs are starting to talk about how she doesnít participate in the house, and Dani informs Dicks that she can get almost everyone in the house to do whatever she wants.
Amber has been on slop since the food competition, but she was lucky enough to get to drink two bottles of wine on her date with Mike, and she really seems to be feeling it. Sheís even more talkative than usual, which is really saying a lot. First she sits down with Dani to have a very earnest conversation about how close they are and how much they have each otherís backs. Amber asks Daniele who she would vote for if it came down to Nick versus Dick, and Dani replies that she would choose Nick over her dad any day.
A real meeting of the minds.
Amber moves on to her BFF in the house, Dustin, and tells him that Mike is totally in love with her because she caught him staring at her so many times during dinner. I guess it doesnít occur to her that since they were alone, there probably wasnít much else for him to look at. Amberís starting to doubt everyone in the house, and thinks she is just being used. Joe ambles over and tells Dustin and Amber that they need to watch their backs because people in the house are becoming very suspicious of their chumminess.
Next, Amber heads up to the HOH room and inflicts herself on Jen for a while. They discuss how Jen is not putting Nick up because heís just too nice, (and buff), how Jen is not giving into Joeís tactics to get her to cave and not put him up for nomination, and how Jenís body is perfect. That last part comes from Amber, although Iím sure Jen agrees. Then Amber shares stories of her speedy past, but leaves out the part about the enema, because I guess thatís only appropriate to discuss while on a date.
Finally, Amber stumbles out to the yard to talk to Dick. She tells him that Mike is in love with her, and Kail also loves her, just not romantically, but she doesnít care and is going to put Kail up as soon as she wins HOH. Dick just laughs at her, but warns her that she needs to spend less time with Dustin because the other HGs are starting to talk. He then tells her that he might have to start talking smack about her, but itís just for show and part of the game. Yeah, right Dick.
Early Monday morning, the house is quiet and all of the HGs are snug in their bedsÖ except for Eric who is stumbling around. He puts on a little show for the camera, pretending heís a puppet, and then a zombie, and makes his way into Joeís bed. I guess America has spoken, and we want to see Eric in bed with Joe! He stumbles around some more, and tries to get into bed with Joe, wakes him up, and then leaves the room.
After the HGs get up for the day, Eric and Joe are in the showers, and Joe asks Eric if he sleepwalks, because someone tried to get in his bed that morning. Eric denies any shenanigans and tries to convince Joe that he was just dreaming. Joeís not buying it though, tells him that someone tried to get into his bed and was ramming his legs. Eric replies that it sounds like one of Joeís boyhood fantasies and laughs it off. Joe wonít let it go though, and proceeds to tell everyone he runs into the story about how someone got into his bed. Joe insists the guy who got into his bed was wearing a dark t-shirt and was being followed by the cameras. He asks Nick if he did it, but I am positive he knows it was Eric. Iím sure he doesnít know that Eric is now $10,000 richer though.
Eric heads up to the HOH room to tell Jen the hilarious story of how Joe thinks someone tried to get into his bed, and nuzzled him like a cat, and they laugh and laugh. Then discuss how Jen is going to put Joe up, and they laugh some more.
The HGs hang around the house waiting for the POV ceremony to begin. Jen flat out tells Joe that sheís putting him up, and he replies by asking her if she knows who she is putting up. Um yeah- sheís putting you up, Joe. Did you not hear her? He tries to talk her out of it, and asks her to put up Zach instead, but sheís not budging. Joe storms out of the HOH room and announces to everyone that he is being put up. Somehow, the other HGs are not surprised, and he doesnít get much sympathy. Heís really grasping at straws when he asks Dani not to use the veto, because she has the votes to stay. She wonít tell him yes or no, but my moneyís on the veto.
Guys? You won't vote for me to leave, right? Right??
Itís POV time, and (surprise, surprise), Daniele uses the veto to save herself, and Jen puts Joe on the block opposite Evel Dick. Joeís cool though- he doesnít hold it against Daniele for using the veto that she won to save herself. Wow, what an amazing guy. He asks Daniele if he has her vote to stay, and once again she wonít tell him yes or no.
And thatís where our hamsters stand. Could it really be this easy to get rid of annoying Joe after only two weeks? Only a few more days until we find out!