This recap covers from noon Tuesday to noon Wednesday
Welcome to my first live feed recap of the year! This is the point in the week when the two hamsters on the block have a last chance to campaign to stay in Wonderland. As my shift starts at noon Tuesday HST (Hamster Standard Time), it looks like Carol has deluded herself into thinking she has the votes to stay when in fact she is going to be meeting Julie Chen face to face on Thursday night. For awhile, I was afraid the most exciting thing I was going to have to recap was a wrestling match and Jen’s complete cluelessness. But wait! As my shift went on, the tide started to change in Carol’s favor while oblivious Amber continued to feel safe for most of the time. There were also several interesting strategic developments and some alliances became more apparent. In fact, my head was spinning because of all the strategy talk by the end of my shift. Of course, there was also a lot of boring and disgusting small talk and plenty of sunbathing, weightlifting, golfing, hot tubbing, facials, chess playing, and primping.
Some Random Hamster Facts I Learned in 24 Hours
*Zach has never made a grilled cheese sandwich.
*Dick is obsessed with his namesake and proved it by talking ad nauseum about same.
*The houseguests really, really, really miss bubblegum.
*Mike has decided to grow facial hair. He should reconsider.
*Nick wants Daniele to go on the Back to the Future Ride at Disneyland with him after the show ends.
*The hamsters actually debated whether the rubber ducky is a boy or a girl. Seriously.
*Jameka thinks that she has to vote for Amber to stay because it was God’s will that she be chosen to play for Amber in the POV competition. I think/hope God has more important things to worry about.
*Jen’s favorite food is cold spaghetti sauce. Notice I said sauce and not cold spaghetti.
*Daniele loves hot dogs. Especially the Oscar Mayer hotdogs with cheese inside.
I Wish I Was An Oscar Mayer Weiner
In the early afternoon, Carol has a conversation with Zach. Carol tells him that the one person she wants gone is Dick. Zach asks her if she would vote for whoever he instructed her to no matter what for two weeks if he voted to save her and she stayed. Carol readily agrees. Zach doesn’t give her any guarantee but he certainly seems to be considering the idea. Meanwhile Amber is sleeping and doesn’t even make an appearance until almost two o’clock HST. Later Zach asks Mike to go make the same offer to Carol. For some reason, the genius seems to think that if she agrees to Mike’s proposal she is lying to him. Whatever.
One of the more amusing conversations of my shift occurs between Dustin and Kail. Dustin schools Kail on fashion and tells her that he and Amber just clicked. Kail makes me embarrassed to admit that I grew up in Oregon by asking him if he sees the relationship becoming romantic. Dustin exhibits way more patience than I would have and patiently tells her “No” and that he can just be friends with women. He should have screamed, “I’m GAY you idiot!” if you ask me. Maybe she was just trying to distract us all from how ridiculous her asking Dustin if Cosmopolitan is a leading fashion magazine was.
In the kitchen, Eric brags to Dick about his wrestling prowess saying that anyone in the house would have a hard time taking him down. This is too much for Zach who is listening in and promptly challenges Eric. Boys being boys, they go out to the backyard for the first ever BB wrestling match. Dick acts as a referee/commentator. What was supposed to be round one lasts all of about 90 seconds ending when Eric pants Zach. Those who were watching were “lucky” enough to see Zach’s bare ass. Those of you who weren’t watching were even luckier. All three sit down to rest and analyze the match. They agree that Eric held his own. Eric spends the next several hours complaining about how tired he is. You’d think he just finished a marathon.
Father Knows Best
Dick tells Nick in the storage room about Jen’s assertion that Nick apologized to her and her delusional belief that Nick and Jen will date after the show ends. Nick can’t believe it. I can’t believe it either Nick.
Daniele tells Joe repeatedly during a conversation about their “secret alliance” of Joe, Daniele, Nick, and Jessica that she has only spoken with her father once since they’ve been in the house together. Dick tells Kail about how badly Daniele treated his father and mother. The other hamsters seem to believe that they aren’t working together at all. However, when Daniele and Dick go to one of the bedrooms supposedly to discuss taping a happy birthday message to their brother/son, they quickly turn to strategy talk. Dick tells Daniele that Mike and Kail are working together and that if he gets HOH he will nominate the two of them. Dick and Daniele also seem to think that Jen and Zach are working with Mike and Kail. Replace Jen with Nick and the two of them have the Mrs. Robinson alliance figured out. Daniele wants both Kail and Jen gone but doesn’t want to win HOH after having just won POV. Daniele is apparently smart enough to avoid putting a Janelle sized target on her back by winning every competition.
At some point, Daniele shared with Not-as-Love-Struck-as-he-Likes-to-Appear Nick that Dick would nominate Kail and Mike if he was HOH. She also told Nick that Jessica would vote to boot Carol this week. Nick shares this intelligence with Zach in the storeroom as they are trying to count votes to see if Carol might be staying after all. The two of them decide that as things stand, Carol will be going even though she seems to think she’s got the votes she needs.
Yes, the Chip on My Shoulder is Green. What’s Your Point?
She’ll Have to be Put on a Psychiatric Hold When She Sees This Picture
This Half a Bud’s For You!
At 8:42 pm HST, Big Brother delivers twelve beers to the storage room. For fourteen people. I’m pretty sure someone at Showtime is ticked. That’s not going to produce much in the way of drunken antics for the nightly show.
A little later, Mike and Kail “sneak” up to the HOH room. Mike tells Kail that Zach wants to keep Carol because Amber is close to some people in the house and because Zach has a deal with Carol. Mike also tells Kail that he has the exact same deal. Nick joins them and they discuss the pros and cons of keeping Carol or Amber. Nick would prefer to keep Amber but doesn’t care deeply one way or the other. Once Nick breaks the news about Dick targeting Mike and Kail, Kail starts channeling her inner Maggie to the extent that I wouldn’t be surprised if she left Dick a present in the HOH toilet if he wins the next HOH.
Kail practically orders Nick to see if he can divert Dick’s attention to Dustin and Joe. Mike and Kail are convinced that no one knows about the Mrs. Robinson alliance. Nick tries to tell them that the others are convinced that Mike and Kail are working together but think Jen is with them. Mike asks Nick to tell people that Mike is working alone. In the end, the three of them decide that their alliance should vote to keep Carol. The conversation stops when Jen enters the HOH room and Mike and Nick quickly flee leaving Jen and Kail alone. Kail would make a lousy spy. When Jen asks if “the boys” are coming back, Kail says that they hardly ever come to the HOH room.
Meanwhile Dustin, Amber, and Daniele are together. The three of them discuss the fact that the Mrs. Robinson alliance has been in the HOH room for awhile and Amber maybe starts to get an inkling that she is in jeopardy.
Carol and Jessica also have a chat. Carol begs Jessica for her vote and promises to have her back if she gets it. Jessica plays her cards very close to the vest. Carol tells her that she thinks she’s got four votes out of the six she needs with Jessica and Eric as maybes. She asks for Jessica’s help with Eric. Little does she know that Eric’s vote is up to America. Jessica tells Carol that if she stays she needs to compete and win the next HOH.
Facials of Various Kinds
Now, you would think that if someone was going to be injured during my shift it would have been during the wrestling. Au contraire, my readers. While playing tetherball with Amber, Dustin manages to hit the ball into her face with enough force that it breaks off the chain. Needless to say, Amber is not happy about this and uses several of Dick’s favorite words to express her displeasure. She also goes for the dramatic claiming that her jaw is out of joint. Dustin feels horrible and offers his lack of athleticism as an excuse. Later, Amber is called to the Diary Room. As she goes inside, Dustin yells that he hopes there is a dentist in there. Amber later claims that they did in fact bring in a dentist and that he had to pop her jaw back into place. She also shared some story about her mother running over her with a car when she was three. And, I thought I was accident prone.
Zach and Dustin spent some time in the teacup talking code. Apparently everyone has a color codename. I have no idea what that’s about. The one thing I gleaned is that Dustin wouldn’t nominate Joe for eviction but would have no problem backdooring him. Insert your own joke here.
Joe, Nick, Daniele, Jameka, and Jessica all meet together in one of the bedrooms. I am now ready to award Nick the stealth award. How does he get to know what everyone is doing? They discuss who each of them would put up if they won HOH. Daniele and Nick both duck the question. Joe sticks with his same two naming Dustin and Jen. Jessica names Kail. Watch your back Jessica. Maggie Jr. will be after your head when Nick reports back. Jameka talks about nominating Mike and some other guy.
There are more confusing conversations with Nick and Amber and Amber and Dustin. Other than the fact that Amber and Dustin are even closer than I thought and that Nick makes an excellent undercover agent, I’m too tired to learn much. The hamsters stay up to ungodly hours but don’t talk much more strategy. In fact Zach gets a facial along with two of the women. Amber and Dick are the last two up and Dick is impressed by Amber’s ability to fart on command. Apparently, her earlier injury has no effect on this talent of hers. Zombie Dick is, of course, the last to turn in after doing a load of towels at sometime after 5 am HST.
Really! It’s This Big! I Saw When I Opened the Shower Door!
Preening and Praying
The first two up in the morning are Daniele and Nick at around 7:30 am HST. Nick takes a hot tub while Daniele showers and then slathers lotion all over herself. The two of them talk about exciting things like coffee and bagels. At about 9 am HST we get the Rabbit Hole or the blue vortex of death or whatever you want to call it while BB wakes up the houseguests with “Cruel Summer.” After all, they have voting to do! Part of the conversation is speculation on how long voting will take.
Daniele and Dustin do have a conversation about whether Eric is part of the Mrs. Robinson alliance. Dustin tries to convince her that Eric is a wild card. Dustin would be right.
One of the funnier moments of the morning is Dick asking the other houseguests where the name “Big Brother” came from. They all show appalling ignorance before Dick tells them about George Orwell and 1984. Most of the rest of the morning is taken up with primping for the voting sessions and tampon and masturbation talk. Oh joy.
Just before my shift ends, Amber does confess to being nervous to Daniele. Daniele assures her it will be a 10-1 vote. I think Daniele will be surprised. I am not sure of the votes but I think after all that that the final tally to evict as of noon HST will be:
Mike, Zach, Nick, Jen: Amber
Daniele, Dick, Dustin, Joe, Jessica, Jameka: Carol
Eric: Whatever America tells him to do
If I’m right, sayonara to you Carol. Too bad you gave up your job for this.
Thanks to waywyrd and lildago for the excellent screen caps.
Please PM all vote corrections to me