7/9 Big Brother Live Feed Recap: Attack of the Cracks

[waywyrd]

*This is a recap of events from noon Monday to noon Tuesday*

As my shift starts, I turn on the feeds to find most everyone in the backyard, sunning and running their mouths. Except for Jen, who is upstairs sleeping (can’t have those bags under her eyes again, she might just leap off the balcony). Jameka? I have no idea where she is. She is MIA for hours, probably hunting for an emergency exit to get away from these boring white people.

And let me tell you about boring! Here’s a rundown of some of the afternoon’s conversations: housing prices in Kansas, Dick’s bowel movements, Amber’s stretch marks, Carol’s cell phone bill, Eric’s infected piercing, hairstyles, and tampons. Riveting stuff. Joe also made a joke about peeing in the pool (at least I hope it was a joke), and several people engage in a mind-numbingly boring game of twenty questions. Joe complained about the words Dustin chose for twenty questions (such as “love”) and refused to play with him any more. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that it’s Dustin who won’t let go?

Random stuff:

• Nick tells Amber that he is interested in Daniele, “but she has a boyfriend.”

• Nick lives with his parents and does not have a driver’s license.

• Apparently Zach asked Jessica on a date and she refused, claiming she had other plans. He’s upset.

• Zach says he is a neat freak, though Mike did all the cleaning last night.

• Dick can blow gas out of both ends at the same time. Really!

• Only four of the fourteen houseguests do not have tattoos.

• Dustin is convinced Jen’s boobs are fake, having seen them fall out when she was running in the pool.

• Jen says she didn’t have to go into sequester like the others did before the show.

There are snippets of strategy being discussed amongst the drivel, though. Zach told Dustin that if Joe won HoH, he would put up Jen and Dustin with the hopes of getting Dustin out. Dick comments to Amber on how much Eric has been kissing Joe’s behind ever since the pillow incident. Of course, Dick used language that I can’t repeat here. And Amber didn’t know what brown-nosing meant. I'm not surprised.


Daniele finds her armpits more interesting than the conversation.


Jen’s crack is hungry. It’s eating her bikini bottoms.

They can’t keep up intelligent conversation for long, however, and it degrades into the usual crapola. Jen and Mikey lay in the hammock, talking about how often she washes her undies and how his beard itches. She tells Mike that she’s painted her nails red and now Zach won’t talk to her because he hates red. Yeah, I’m sure that’s the reason. Jen then asks Mike who he’s going out with tonight, and he says he’s taking a break from dating tonight. Jen looks confused, and Mike yawns. Way to lay the smackdown, Mike!

Mike, Zach, and Dustin talk about setting up and obstacle course where they would carry one of the women, climb over bleachers, and dive to the bottom of the pool. They don’t actually do it, though, because that would be interesting. Dustin wants to use the slip and slide to fly into the pool, but that’s frowned upon by Big Brother. It might cause Big Injuries which bring out Big Lawyers. They still end up doing cannonballs and flips into the pool, so all was good.

Nick to Daniele: "I use to have a top girls list until I met you. You're 1 through 5.”

It’s dinner time in Wonderland, and everyone gathers around the table to chow down. Jameka (hey, she is here…she must not have found the escape hatch) goes to the workout room to tell Jen that dinner’s ready, but Jen says she’s not eating. “No hard feelings there!” exclaims Jameka as Eric cracks up. Lots of clanking and banging around ensues as the hamsters eat their pasta. There must be about 20 bottles of salad dressing on the table. Seriously, how many bottles do they need? Carol pouts quietly (big surprise), Nick shovels food into his face like he’s starved, and Daniele picks at her food. Some of it actually gets swallowed, too. Joe is spouting miscellaneous trivia while everyone eats, and the Zach O’ Lantern joins in with talk of lobotomies. Like, how they were performed back in the day. Trust me, it wasn’t pleasant dinner conversation.


Yeah, I'll have a cup of that.


Run, Forrest, run!

Where’s Jen? Does anyone care? Not really, but she’s glued to the elliptical trainer, and claims that she wants to work out until she passes out or burns 1000 calories or something. Alrighty then. People were a bit put off by her refusal to eat with the group, and rip on her in the backyard after dinner. Turns out that Joe feels awful because he made a comment to her about being chubby, and being the self-absorbed vapid brat that Jen is, she promptly ran to the gym and stayed there for what seemed like hours. Joe tries to drum up some sympathy for Jen, but nobody is interested. The cameraman kept focus on her jiggling boobs as she ran like a maniac, and I lost interest. Sorry, guys.

The Mrs. Robinson alliance tries to do a little scheming, but too many people are wandering around after dinner. There’s talk of throwing the HoH comp to Dustin so he can put Joe up. Some think that’s a dumb idea, but they do want Joe out because he’s an instigator. Zach says that Joe was pushing him to keep Carol in the house, but then Joe gave his word to Amber that he wanted her to stay. They also want to keep Jen around just to use her, and neither Zach nor Mike trust Jessica. Kail keeps freaking out, wanting to change their vote to get Amber out, but Nick shoots that down. I don't think Kail's wall of man protection is quite as strong as she thinks it is.

For tonight’s scripted Showtime sleaze, we have Jen and Jessica showering together in the HoH bathroom. They’re wearing their bathing suits, so it was no big deal. And it was so incredibly scripted. For us gals, we get stuck with Dick and Eric showering in the other bathroom (with the curtain between them!), and then we get a full moon thanks to Dick. I can’t post the screencap, but trust me, you’re not missing anything. Dick also opened the door on Eric, exposing "little Eric" in the shower. From what I heard, there wasn’t much to see. Eric was still mad as a wet cat. Afterwards, Joe gathers everyone for story time, but he doesn’t have any to tell. So he tells a few that are copyrighted, and BB put an end to story time. For good. Joe and his nipples are crestfallen, because they love being the center of attention.


The internet saw me naked?!

Dustin, Mike, and Zach make up a drinking game: whenever Jen says “I”, Zach takes a drink. If she says “you” it’s Dustin’s turn, and Mike almost gets stuck with the word “like,” but he would have been plastered in ten minutes if he did, so he takes turns with “I”. They keep it up even when Jen comes into the room, barely containing their laughter. She’s clueless as they keep drinking.

It’s after 1 am in the house, and talk has turned to underwear. I’ll spare you the gross stuff, but they discuss their doctor’s exams before they went into the house, and Eric seems traumatized by the whole experience. Wuss. Dick says the doctor asked him to strip down to his drawers, but he wasn’t wearing any. There's a mental image for you to ponder. Then Jameka asks what causes skid marks, Dick complains that the toilet paper in the house is making certain parts of him sore, and I think this is a good time to change the subject. Bleah.

The hamsters have decided to set up a wrestling match, with Eric and Jen putting on the show. Jameka provides commentary, but Dick pipes up in the background with a few foul comments that I can’t repeat here. Again. Jen wins, and Eric claims that he let her win, of course. Jen is grossed out over Eric’s bleeding ankle, caused by Jessica earlier - she accidently on purpose made him slip off the stool and he fell. And oh yes, he whined about this for hours on end. Zach comes in, pissy about the others making a bunch of noise.


Eric's all tired after the girls abused him.


Jen shows us her best side.

The party breaks up after sourpuss Zach makes an appearance, and Joe and Dick go outside to smoke. Dick tells Joe that if he won HoH, he wouldn’t put him (Joe) up. He also tells him that he’s started an alliance with Amber, who in turn has an alliance with Dustin. They both want Jen gone before sequester. Inside, Jen has cornered poor Mike and is yapping non-stop, even though the guy is yawning and dropping huge hints about wanting to go to sleep. Still, she yammers on about hemlines and if the live feeders can hear them or if we can just see them (unfortunately, we can hear you, ditz). He eventually escapes.

Close to 4 am, and they’ve all crawled into bed. By 10:30 the next morning, the only one up is Dustin, showing us much butt cleavage. And on that note, my shift ends.

Thanks to Jewelsy and lildago for the screencaps!

[Google]

 

[suncat7]

Oh my Waywyrd, I think you have set some sort of new standard. That was hilarious! Fantastic job!

[frosty]

Way----
You made my day. I was laughing up a storm. Very cleaverly said.

[amycue]

too funny! Great Recap.
Amy

[Julian Pyke]

hey, she is here…she must not have found the escape hatch

She did find it, but Joe pulled her back through because she wouldn't let Nick be his partner during the HOH ocmpetition. Payback.

[CCL]

Thanks, waywyrd.

[DreamTeam]

Awesome recap Waywyrd!

[speedbump]

Originally Posted by Way

Joe tries to drum up some sympathy for Jen, but nobody is interested. The cameraman kept focus on her jiggling boobs as she ran like a maniac, and I lost interest. Sorry, guys.

It's ok. I'll forgive you...someday. Excellent read, way!

[lildago]

Great job, way!

[Jewelsy]

*snort* Oh my GAWD, I am still laughing. Great job, Way.