This recap covers noon Tuesday to noon Wednesday
My name is totoro and my mission is twofold: One, to stay alert for a 24 hour period every third Tuesday starting at noon and report back to you, the faithful Hamster Watchers, on every happening in the Big Brother house. And two, to be as complete and accurate (and preferably unbiased) as possible while doing so. Well, I hate to let you down, kiddies, but that’s something I can’t co-sign this time. I turned on the feeds here and there throughout my shift, and all I saw was Will and Janelle. I followed the transcript thread, I looked at the screen caps you posted, I hollered into the mighty wind, and the echo that returned was “will-and-janelle-anelle-anelle-anelle….” So cry two tears in a bucket, pluck it - it’s time for the
(with special guest appearances by)
Erika, as the scheming man-eater with eyelids of elastic!
Mike Boogie, as the new owner of the neighborhood hang-out The Jack Shack!
Chicken George, as The Pond!
And Danielle, as the Lady Behind the Couch!
Perfection. No wait, it will be perfect when Will is here.
In all honesty, not much else happened but “Will and Janelle.” By noon on Tuesday, the only hamster stirring in the house was George, who was getting his grub on as much as possible before his slop pass expires. Dani had made it to the backyard earlier to have a crying jag, but was passed out on the red couch by high noon. Erika awoke briefly to pick a pimple and make up her pretty pretty daisy bed, only to crawl right back under the covers minutes later. It wasn’t until BB called an outdoor lockdown at 3pm that everyone was finally up and about for the day. And even then the conversation was dull and lifeless (much like Erika’s under-nourished hair.)
If you don’t have the time (or the stomach) to stay tuned for the mushy-gushy-goo-goo that’s ahead, here are the highlights of the day:
Would You Like Sighs With That?
- The houseguests had their 5 star dinner today, which was Surf n Turf with garlic mashed and a few bottles of Dom Perignon. Or maybe it was actually Martini & Rossi with some re-purposed labels from Julie’s thrice-daily champagne bath with foie gras moisturizer spa routine.
- The trampoline is gone. No more gratuitous Bouncy Will viewing for you!
- George whipped out the BB Official Rule Book and perused the section about Sequester, probably trying to figure out if violence is allowed there, especially that of the Jedi variety.
- Uh… I guess that’s it. Unless you want to count the fact that both Will and Janelle probably got dumped by their respective significant others today.
Always happy to have a good reason to primp, the houseguests spent eternities getting ready for their special dinner. Will took the prize for going above-and-beyond the call of duty by applying mascara, curling his eyelashes and dabbing on a bit of lip gloss for the event. Janelle, ever the Prom Queen, wore a red dress with her tiara. The hamsters paired off in the obvious twosomes, leaving George and Danielle to take up the stodgy rear of the procession. The backyard was ever-so-slightly modified for the occasion, with a round table set with white tablecloth, china and crystal, set under a canopy. The menu was decidedly less than five-star, if you ask me. Steak and lobster tail is for amateurs! Show me a menu of grilled butterfish (freshly caught in Florida this morning) plated with slow-cooked heirloom beans with spinach, oven-roasted tomatoes, La Querca Pancetta, extra-virgin olive oil and aged balsamic vinegar, and I’ll show you five star. Damn, now I’m hungry.
After a toast from Boogie, (“I think it’s wonderful we all have a twice in lifetime experience. It gets crazy at times but this is something to remember.”) they fiendishly dug into the probably-cold food and probably-swill champagne. A little social lubricant is all that’s needed for the flirtation of Janelle and Will to kick into high gear. They feed each other bites of lobster. They stare into each others eyes. They lean in repeatedly and whisper and do that annoying “mm-hmm” thing. It’s all very gag-worthy while at the same time totally cute and watchable. At one point, Dani and George get a laugh by imitating the lovebirds, staring into each others eyes and having more of a scary staring contest than anything romantic. Dinner finishes, and Will and Janelle traipse off for a shared diary room session. BB lures everyone else into the house, offering more alcohol in exchange for an opportunity to clean up the backyard. Now there’s an offer no one could refuse – you mean you’ll give me free booze AND you’ll clean up my backyard? Done and done!
Hey Erin! Uh….Look Over There!
Is she gone? OK, good – I don’t want to hurt her feelings. DUDE, Will and Janelle were all over each other all night long. If you were like me, you strained to catch what exactly they were whispering about. Some more keen-eared feed watchers reported that Janelle said the following:
“I really like you.”
“I wish I could kiss you.”
“We’re probably broken up by now.”
Will mostly responded with non-committal “mm-hmms” and “uh-mmms”, but his body language belied his words. For the first time I have witnessed, he touched her freely, holding her head while whispering in her ear, putting his hand on her wrist, her waist, her leg. All fleetingly, but undeniably intimate. But I’m getting ahead of myself! And those of you that have stuck around for the juicy part (ha – caught you) are probably hoping I do this justice. I mean, you want it Harlequin romance-style, right? Ahem. Just me?
Perhaps I missed the beginning of this saga, but I flipped the feeds back on at about 11:30pm BBT, and Will and Janelle were sitting outside the HOH room “playing” cards. If by playing cards you mean casting longing glances, giggling and whispering in each others ears. I didn’t catch a single word, and for all I now they were just licking each others ears the whole time, but they carried on like that for a long while. Oh – I forgot the best part – Will was shirtless. *fanfanfan* Someone yelled from downstairs that Will and Janelle should join them, and Janelle replied with a terse “just a minute, we’re playing rummy!” Inspiration struck, and they realized that they could get into the unlocked HOH room and hang out there. They climbed right onto the bed, and Will declared that rather than playing cards they should lie down and listen to Erika’s Coldplay CD instead. They cozied up side by side and Will put the headphones close and cranked the volume up so that I could hear, too. Oh goodie, I love Coldplay! But wait- flames. I spent about 30 seconds ticked that Will accidentally shut me out of the experience, because I thought I might catch a little canoodling. But then it dawned on me (like the blush on a shy maidens heaving bosom) that he intentionally forced some private time for he and Janelle. I alternated between cursing him, applauding his genius and then cursing him again for the next…oh… 9 minutes and 42 seconds. Yeah, I timed it. Shut up.
When the HOH feed finally returns, Boogie had joined the sneaky, adorable bastards. What the heck just happened in there?! Did Will and Janelle kiss?? We’ll probably never know for sure, but there were some clues left behind:
Also suspicious is the fact that Janelle was wearing her silky pajamas before we got flames, and had disco-changed into her red track suit while we were shut out. Coincidence? I think not. Damn you, Will Kirby, and your conniving ways too!
Now That’s What I Call Janellousy
By the time I cycled through all of the emotions that this brief moment in time had left me with, I realized that Boogie was in the freakin’ HOH room, destroying the moment. He was clearly miffed at the whispering and giggling between Will and Janelle, and did his best to break up the love fest. He started by insulting Janelle: “I bet that if you saw Will at The Mansion you would pretend that you don’t know him.” Janelle brushes it off. Then Boogie questions what “Minnesota Janelle” likes about Will, because it’s clear to him that “Miami Janelle” likes his abs, his job, his good looks, etc. Janelle again brushes him off, saying Janelle is Janelle. Then Boogie asks her to play a game, in which Boogie lists a characteristic of Will and Janelle either has to co-sign it or reject it. Everything Boogie lists, from his 70’s hairdo to his fashion sense to his singing, Janelle enthusiastically co-signs. Boogie is momentarily stymied, and then changes tactics. He brings up Erin, Wills (former?) girlfriend and reminds Will that “homegirl is gonna be pissed” when they are out of the house. Will pretty much brushes him off and tells him to “chill – it’s a flirtmance, not a showmance.” (Hmm. I kind of think otherwise, but whatever.) He also wonders what the whispers are about, saying “There are no secrets in Chill Town!” Maybe this isn’t so bad after all, because it’s always nice to watch Boogie squirm in his seat.
In a last ditch effort, Boogie wonders aloud what Will’s mom must be thinking about all of this. Did I miss something? Does Will’s mom not like Janelle, or really, really like Erin, or what? I don’t get it. But Boogie has failed, and resigns himself to laying on the ground next to the bed (picking up the playing cards which are scattered all over) and listening to Coldplay. I have to laugh when Boogie nearly gets blasted out off the room by the high volume the player was left at. Serves you right, you interfering little twerp.
If this ain't some wacky version of the Heimlich Manuever, there's no good excuse for what we see here
Sub-Plot, in Which Not A Lot Happens
Meanwhile, Danielle and Erika are smoking Janelle’s cigarettes like there’s no tomorrow. For such an allegedly smart woman, how is it that Danielle has fooled herself into believing that we can’t see her when she is behind the couch? I mean, honestly. To make matters funnier, she has Erika squatting back there with her, as they pass a cigarette back and forth. If only Danielle knew that not only can we see her, but now it looks more like she’s smoking a doob than some plain old cigarettes. She even pinches the butt between her thumb and index finger. Hmmm. Imagine if Big Brother allowed marijuana in the house. The houseguests would mess up the food comps because they were all stoned and then they would get the munchies and have nothing to eat but slop. Of course, they would probably just fall asleep instead of letting their tempers get the best of them, but it’s something to think about. Or maybe they would actually like the slop. Or… maybe they could just allow Ecstasy once a week? Now THAT’s something I can co-sign on.
Ultimately, all but George end up in the HOH room, and they spend some time making fun of the only guy that’s not there to defend himself – the Chicken Man. Erika and Boogie make their way down to the green room and crawl under the covers. This isn’t the love story you tuned in for, so I’ll spare you the details. But suffice it to say that there was some smacking, and panting – and in true Boogie style, it didn’t last very long. Erika decides she wants her bed back, so they head back upstairs to once again interrupt the gigglefest. For a short time, all four of them stayed in bed together, but Will couldn’t hang and fought off Janelle long enough to get out of the bed. He then snuck downstairs to have a ciggy with Danielle (yep, he took at least one drag!) before Janelle shows up and plops herself into his lap. Then the flirting began all over again, but much more subdued this time because Will was feeling ill from the tobacco and/or the booze and/or the slop waffles that were has as a midnight snack. By 3am, everyone had settled in for the night. And no, Janelle and Will did not sleep in the same bed. Unfortunately, Boogie and Erika did. And George slept alone too – in case you were wondering what else Danielle was hiding. Eww. I just grossed myself out.
What have I done?!
The Morning After the Night Before
It’s the standard morning in the Big Brother house, as George is up bright and early cleaning and every is still snug as a bug late into the morning. The only anomaly is that Danielle slept in quite late by her standards. Does she sense her impending eviction? Apparently not, if you can co-sign on the conversation she had a bit later with Boogie. She firmly believes that George is going home, and Boogie is perpetuating that myth. Again, what happened to the smart Danielle? She wonders why Erika is carrying on like she knows that Danielle is leaving for a fact, but she still buys Boogies story hook, line and sinker.
Alas, and alack, I did not get to see Janelle and Will interacting before my shift ended! Will either of them have regrets about the night before? Will the flirtmance go on, or will the relationship be strained? All I can say is: Mm-hmm.