This recap covers Monday noon to Tuesday noon.
Finally, the frenetic pace of the past week has slowed to a crawl in the Big Brother house. The hamsters have forgotten how strung out they were trying to fit a week’s worth of scheming into a day and a half, and have fallen back into a slump of resigned boredom. It’s the kind of day that’s great to watch on the feeds if you want to hear yet one more anecdote about season four or enjoy watching Chicken George put away another plate of slop concoction. I sure hope someone starts a rousing game of movie titles soon! That would cap off the night perfectly for a live feed recapper numbed by the brain dead chatter.
- There was a ceremony in there, and a chicken was sacrificed on the altar of dignity. Oh wait, that happened weeks ago for Mr. Fart. But George was put on the chopping block by Boogie.
- Word on the street is that George is safe: everyone but Danielle is saying they will vote out James with extreme prejudice.
- Will…oh, Will. He played with the cameras today – and with our hearts. He also broke some of the tacky decor and was reprimanded by Big Brother.
- The cameras were playing with visuals today. More on that later.
- Danielle is campaigning hard against Chicken George, saying he’s a wild card that no one can control.
- Boogie and Will are starting to argue about their showmances.
- James is operating as if he’s in the house for sure. Who knows? It wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong with these crazy rodents.
Where Waywyrd left off in her recap, Danielle had just approached Janelle and proposed a truce lasting one week: if either wins HOH on Thursday, they agree not to put the other up. It was a short conversation, but already the ripples are being felt in the house. Danielle tells James that Janelle agreed to a truce, but he tells her that Janelle would never put up a member of Chill Town because she “feels” like she’s one of them. Meanwhile, Janelle is telling Will about the truce as well. Will reiterates that James has been trashing Janelle behind her back, and she asks if he really called her a bitch that very morning. “About five thousand times,” Will says. Janelle is surprised, and says she just doesn’t understand why.
Meanwhile, Erika and Danielle are having a conversation about George. Erika spills the dirt: during his season, (where America voted out the hamsters, if you remember) his family at home started a campaign that saved him from eviction, but resulted in a very popular young woman being evicted in his place. The two think that George didn’t want to nominate Janelle because she was America’s Choice, and he would be repeating the mistake that got him evicted during his season. They talk about Janelle’s HOH wins and decide that she was thrown all of them but one. Um…is Erika trying to distance herself from those thrown competitions? Because it’s obvious to everyone that she’s the most throwingest hamster of them all. Danielle tells Erika that she needs a beer to gain some weight so that she can think clearly and trust Danielle. It’s 1:00, and if that logic makes sense to you, please seek professional help. Immediately.
When they are away from Janelle, Will tells Boogie about the truce. Boogie says that it will make what they have to do all the easier. It was quite the Godfather moment. In fact, it was the first of a few tense moments between Boogie and Will today; could there be trouble in paradise?
Later in the afternoon, Boogie asks Janelle directly about the truce and she snorts with derision at the thought of honoring it. Boogie tells her that Erika has told him she is voting to evict James, and Janelle puts two and two together about why Danielle is suddenly looking for a white flag – she knows that James is getting booted over Chicken George. I’m not sure if she’s figured out how Danielle would know that for sure, but Janelle is pretty clear on what she thinks of the offer. "Why would I want to work with somebody who has tried to get rid of me for, like, four weeks straight? Screw that! I'm going to check on my banana bread."
The subject of the truce comes up later when Boogie and Will are alone once again. Boogie, revealing more about how he thinks than Janelle’s game play, suspects the truce is just a story made up by Janelle; he tells Will that she’s playing them. In fact, he doesn’t like the way Will is entrusting so much information to Janelle. He himself doesn’t find it easy to talk to Janelle, and he definitely doesn’t want Will talking to Janelle about a final threesome. Will counters that he thinks Erika is the one with dubious loyalties, and says he’s worried Boogie is putting a lot of trust in someone who will flip on them in a heartbeat. Operation Double Date is sounding more like Operation Double Dogged about now; too bad neither Janelle nor Erika has a clue how they are dividing up the house’s true power couple.
Boogie: “I guarantee home girl will flip on us before Erika. I'm not saying either will do it, but I'm saying that's what Janelle does for a living. Erika is an upstanding girl, a good girl…I trust her with the big picture.”
Will says that he trusts Janelle with the big picture, and they are at a stalemate. For a moment they look awkward, but then Will says something neutral about being able to see where everyone stands next week, and they change the subject to how Danielle is to be handled. In a word, delicately – they will plant the thought that they have some concerns about James being a double-dipper, then tell her before the vote that they overheard James talking to Danielle, and they are convinced he is flipping back her way. That way their vote to evict James will seem like a last-minute decision. Still, they figure that they are running out of excuses with the rest of the house.
Boogie says that he wants to make it to the final four because he wants to win at the final competitions. He knows Janelle has the reputation for being up on the house trivia, but secretly he’s been studying like he’s in school. The two pretend to play cards while they drill each other, and Boogie does do well. As for Will -- well, I apologize to his legion of fans, but he’s not very good at it. Interesting that Boogie is so sharp with the details, isn’t it? He might just be working on beating his friend’s reputation as the most bad-ass player ever into the ground, and it’s looking more and more likely that he could succeed.
And what is Boogie’s upstanding young lady doing with her time? She’s downstairs in the red room, talking to the cameraman like a naughty little vixen. “Oh hello, I didn’t see you there,” she purrs, “are you looking at my boobs? Well of course, you always are.” She lays back suggestively and the cameraman obliges us with a slow pan up her body. Whew! Maybe Erika was auditioning for some other live streaming video site. She’d be cast in a heartbeat.
Red Room Rage
So yesterday, James spent a lot of time complaining that Big Brother is rigging the show for Janelle to win. He threatened to walk out, he pouted that he wouldn’t give any more DR sessions, and he re-enacted the POV competition with a pair of shoes to prove to the others that he is blameless. He’s still in a snit today. Every screencap I took of him today he has the same look on his face as if his jaw is clenched so tight his skull is in danger of bursting out through his skin. Man, he is wound tight. He has been waiting to talk to Dr. Zachary, the Big Brother staff psychiatrist, but was told she doesn’t work on the weekends. It’s Monday afternoon, and he wants to see the damn shrink already.
Danielle tells him that Erika wants to send him home, and his response is off-the-cuff: “Of course she does. She’s been lying to me all along and I have no I have no problem putting her up next week. I went against my alliance the last two weeks to make sure she was safe. What a bitch.” The cameraman gives us his opinion of the conversation by zooming in on the words “hostility” and “hatred” as James rants against Erika. Danielle listens to him vent, then fans the flames by saying that Chicken George is the obvious choice this week because his strategy makes no sense. She thinks that he’s keeping Janelle simply because she’s popular. He’s reluctant to move against Janelle for fear of evoking the wrath of the masses like he did in his own season.
James looks around the red room and comments that George’s decorations are disgusting; he only wants them on camera so that he can sell them later on eBay. James wants to make a Georgie doll and poke it mercilessly. (In fact, later in the evening he plots to make a gruesome George doll dripping with blood to hang in the red room…until Will tells him that he thinks it’s “kind of morbid” and James backs off.) He’s been put up against a f***ing dishwasher, he tells Danielle. She plays along but as he’s getting more agitated, she turns the conversation into a joke about how Satanic and evil the two of them are. She tells him she’ll say a prayer for him, and leaves him to stew by himself.
Alone, James speaks to Big Brother. “Shrink, please. Or the voodoo doll gets it.” Mid-afternoon, he finally gets his wish and is called to the DR.
Oh Yeah, There’s A New Table
After a short outdoor lockdown, in which nothing much happened (Chicken George did a belly flop in the pool, whoopee), the hamsters return inside to find that Big Brother has finally graduated them into the smaller table. Yes, it’s a milestone, but one that doesn’t seem to phase the jaded hamsters. Most of them take one look, shrug, and go their separate ways.
A greater milestone of the day is Chicken George finally breaking down a bit when trying to eat one more plateful of scrumdiddlyupmtious slop crisp. Boogie asks George politely how the slop is, and I have to say that after weeks of watching him dutifully plowing through bowl after bowl of the stuff, I’m shocked to the core when he says quietly, “This stuff tastes like sh**.” Danielle and Erika can’t believe their ears; George actually cussed? He’s just getting warmed up. "I've baked it, fried it, done everything I can with it. It's just nasty. That’s all it is. Just nasty."
In between the nothingness there are always snippets of talk and strategy. Danielle checks in with Will, seeking reassurance that James is safe; he gives it. Janelle checks in with Will and Boogie, seeking reassurance that Chicken George is safe, since he’s so nervous; they both swear that he is. Danielle lectures James on where it’s safe to hold private conversations, because it seems that Erika overheard him talking to Janelle about putting her (Erika) up. Wednesday seems a long ways off.
Hold Me Closer, Tiny Hamster
Will is bored, and possibly a little ticked off about the camera in the back yard revolving on a pole and following his every move. He decides to turn his charm on the viewers, breaking Big Brother etiquette by staring soulfully into the camera and addressing us directly. He starts by flirtatiously asking for a massage, then:
Will: Would you please vote for me for America’s Choice? [biting an apple suggestively] If any of you know my girlfriend would you please tell her that I miss her very much. I love you too, internet fans, but…I miss her so much. I don’t think you guys realize what it’s like to be in here. It’s easy to sit and judge us, but it is truly maddening sitting here day after day after day with nothing to do, talking about the same stuff. Like I really give a crap about season four. Geez. I think the general consensus is that season two is the best.
He begs for America’s Choice votes, then goes for the more direct route of making love to our computers.
Will: This is what it would look like when I’m making love to you, internet. See the six pack? See it? [changing demeanor] It’s not you, it’s me. I just can’t be in this relationship any more. Internet fans, I’ve loved you as long as I can. It’s about you and your possibilities. I think I need some time off. I’m sorry.
He walks away. The camera stays glued to the empty grass. Suddenly, he comes running back.
Will: Just kidding. I love you and I miss you and I was just kidding, internet fans. I’m sorry. I was going to cheat with that other camera but I couldn’t do it.
By now you’re thinking I’m some sort of love-crazed Will fan, but I’m not. It’s just that Will’s love fest with the camera is the funniest thing I’ve seen in the house for weeks, and it’s never, ever going to make the edited show. Why? The hamsters are told specifically not to talk to the cameras, because the show doesn’t want them to break character. So here’s to you, Will, for making my afternoon.
Will: I don’t know why you're doing this to me. It’s like I'm just a squirrel trying to get a nut. Its like you're corn flakes and I’m milk, and I’m just trying to make some cereal. Maybe the milk sat in the corn flakes too long and it got all soggy, and then you put it in the microwave and it evaporates, and then the milk thought it would re-crisp, but it didn’t. But I’m going to re-crisp you, because I love you. I want to be with you in a cereal way.
What does Will want for his America’s Choice? “A visit from my girlfriend and her dog. She may have dumped me, and I’m trying to win her back. I love her. It’s crazy in here, you get lonely, what can you do? I need a haircut really bad. I won’t be surprised if a baby squirrel falls out of here. A gay baby dolphin. At this point I would take a heterosexual dolphin. A baby, of course.”
The list continues: a unicorn, a trampoline, a scooter, a robotic dog, an iPod. Somewhere in there he tries to kiss the camera, and asks if the camera wants more. The camera moves! A firm right-then-left: NO. He starts giving shout outs, and we cut to flames.
I guess the honeymoon is over. We’ll always have the CBS studio lot, Will.
That Will Be a Buck Twenty-Five
After his long makeout session in the backyard with a cold, unresponsive camera, Will does a good job of making himself an absolute nuisance. Pool cue in hand, he walks in the kitchen and dining room, randomly thumping walls and floors for no reason – not hard enough to hurt anything, but enough to be loud and pointless. Big Brother gives him the “stop that” message in a peeved tone; he makes a face, then thumps the metal trash can a few times.
Bored with the pool cue, he starts kicking around a beach ball, hitting the memory wall and bouncing it off furniture. He kicks it up to the landing on the second floor and manages to shatter one of the plastic circles that are hanging on a string from the balcony railing. It’s the kind of thing you would never notice except for the fact that the cameraman made several pointed shots at the tacky plastic circles, then switched to what looked like a clipped toenail on the bare rug, then a close-up of Will sitting at the dining room table. Suddenly, the camera is jumping between shots like one of those badly-edited Godzilla films that equate camera jumps with excitement: circle-toenail-Will-circle-toenail-Will in a mad loop. The light finally dawns on this slow feed viewer. That’s not a toenail, it’s a piece of broken plastic. Will broke it! I get it, I get it!
Will is called into the diary room, and emerges a few minutes later to tell the others sheepishly that if they break anything else in the house, it’s coming out of their individual stipends. A more effective punishment would have been to make him pay for the broken items in slop days – say, $1 a day. That would cure those naughty hamsters in a jiffy.
Everyone’s putting on a show this evening, it seems. After drinking for most of the afternoon (from her secret stash, that sly devil), Danielle goes upstairs, puts on Boogie’s HOH music, and gets down. She’s shaking her booty and dancing like nobody is watching – all the while the camera is getting multiple angles of her being a dancin’ fool.
Downstairs, Will and Janelle begin to power walk their way across the yard about a thousand and one times. They share a lot of flirtatious, fun talk interspersed with conversations about James and Danielle, and how they are obviously in a tight alliance together. They call for Chicken George to join them, and he hangs on for ten laps. When you consider that each lap is about a quarter of a city block, that’s not saying much. Will tells a story of the two of them meeting as teenagers when their parents unexpectedly marry each other, and how they would deal with their undeniable attraction. It’s silly and lighthearted; it may be a metaphor for their time in the Big Brother house, but I give these two more credit. They’re both very aware of how much the other is playing them when it comes to a showmance. What do you think? Click here to read the transcripts of their imaginary step-sibling romance.
James interrupts Danielle’s wild booty shaking in the HOH to tell her that he’s worried about Will working Janelle while they walk outside. Danielle tells him not to worry, but you know he will. James rounds out his unpleasant night by going to bed early. He’s pouted all day, spent an hour with the psychiatrist, relented towards Big Brother, caved on the issue of DR’s, and does not seem to be turning in a voluntary walkout to protest the POV competition he lost. It’s time to call it a night.
Woogie Is Still Here?
Yes, they most are, and they’re thinking a few moves ahead; or trying to, at least. In the HOH room at an ungodly hour, Will and Boogie discuss their end game. Boogie thinks that Erika will take him to the finals, no matter who else is standing in the game, and Will thinks that Janelle will take the two of them to the final four, no matter who else is in the game. Does that sound like they’re butting heads?
Will tells Boogie that they’re getting ahead of themselves, because six people are still in the house. He tells Boogie to continue showmancing Erika (when did that become a verb?) and he will work on Janelle. They need to tell Danielle that James is getting the boot before the vote, but after exploring different scenario, they settle on the simplest: they will wait until late in the week and tell her they’ve overheard James “double dipping” (plotting with Janelle).
Will tells Boogie that he wants to vote out James for being such a bore – he’s just no fun. Boogie is sort of tense throughout this Chill Town meeting, and it sounds like Will is attempting to break the ice. Boogie is very nervous about working with Janelle. He says that if he (Boogie) leaves before Chicken George, he’ll be pissed off. He thinks that George will pull out some incredible feat of strength that will keep him in an endurance competition for 25 hours. Will tells him that Danielle has been talking up Chicken George like he’s some scary player with mad endurance skills, and Boogie is buying it. George is not some puppet master waiting to strike; he’s not going to do something spectacular in an endurance competition.
Boogie continues that he’s not happy with Will cozying up to Janelle. Boogie says scathingly that Janelle’s job is to “make men feel special between midnight and 4:00 A.M.”; she’s making Will feel special, and he doesn’t realize it. Will says that she’s not wasting her time trying to make him feel special. She’s making him feel like she’s alone in the house, and they can use that. He points out that Erika has alliances with Danielle and Chicken George both, and Janelle has no one but Chill Town.
Will: This is the week the power changes. We can either be with both girls, or turn against them…We’re bringing Yoko into the Beatles. We just have to figure out which girl Yoko is.
Boogie defends Erika to Will; he very clearly wants to be in a final three with Erika over any of the others left in the house. Will thinks Erika is shady, and points out that she even sucked up to Janelle during the POV competition. He says she will kiss up to anyone holding a bit of power, and she’ll throw any competition toward the player she wants to make herself safe with. Boogie gets heated. “Dude -- I trust her a million times more than Janelle.” Will looks frustrated, then tells Boogie he’s going to take a shower, then he’s going to spend the next two hours with Janelle, making it sound like work, of course.
While Boogie and Will are discussing the womenfolk (they include Danielle – she’s their mom, after all), all three women are outside on the red couches, sharing anecdotes and laughing it up. Sure, the wine is flowing, but could there be a girly-girl alliance on the upswing? All right, not really, but it’s nice to see the three of them chatting and reminiscing about Marcellas, the wake-up calls, the ghost of Alison. Ah, the magic of booze.
Maybe They’re Hawaiian Time
Will and Janelle were up the latest; it was around 4:30 before they hit the hay, so it’s no surprise that the house is sleeping soundly at 10:00 o’clock when James gets up. He putters around, cleaning up (“I live with pigs”), playing a game of pool by himself, lifting weights, until Danielle makes an appearance after 11:00. By noon, George and Boogie have dragged themselves downstairs. It’s the start to another long day for the hamsters with no amusements, ceremonies or competitions to look forward to.