*This recap covers from noon Wednesday to noon Thursday.
Grab a flashlight and a blanket folks; it’s getting downright spooky in the BB house. CBS is going for an all-out ratings grab by stocking the house with specters of houseguests past. If you read Totoro’s recap of the previous 24 hours, you’ll know that Big Brother started pulling stunts on the hamsters last night. Did they learn anything while they were screaming like little schoolgirls?
Things That Went Bump in the…Day?
- Big Brother had the hamsters hold a séance – but the feeds were blocked for the duration.
- A houseguest from each season appeared behind the walls with a clue:Season 2: Bunky had one of the tarantulas. His clue was “creepy” and the hamsters say he did a good job acting out his clue.Season 3: Josh held Marcellas's robe. Marcellas has been complaining all day that he touched it, and washed it twice.Season 4: Alison wore the mime's jacket. Word is that she looked really mean.Season 5: Holly was there holding the red duck and blathering on about fake boobs.Season 6: Eric was there holding a black knife. Oh, Caaaaaappppy!
- Season 1’s contestants are apparently unwilling to sign CBS waivers because they were represented by a chicken. A chicken wearing Chicken George’s chicken necklace. Get it? Me neither.
On the strategy front, the switch to live voting means there are no days off for the rest of the season. The major moves of the day were:
- Will told Danielle that Janelle and Kaysar are suspicious because James is so relaxed about the upcoming eviction. Danielle tells James to pretend he is “nervousing”, but he’s pretty bad at it if you ask me.
- Kaysar’s campaigning appears to have made Erika and George feel bad, but hasn’t won him any votes.
- Danielle kept a balance between the floaters and the Legion of Doom; trashing members of the other alliance the moment their backs were turned.
- Janelle and Kaysar are laboring under many delusions; namely, that they were paranoid about James deserting them, that Will is on their side, that there’s a 50/50 chance Boogie is voting to keep Kaysar, that Danielle told the floaters to vote James out.
- The whole house knows Janelle won’t be able to play for the veto next week, but she thinks only Will knows.
When the noon hour rolls around, the hamsters are on an outdoor lockdown. For feed watchers, this means endless bouts of bored pop culture games and half-hearted attempts to use the weight equipment. Lockdowns aren’t fun for anyone, and they’re a drag to watch, because there’s no game talk and a lot of self-aggrandization going on. The talk of this lockdown, though, revolves around the mysterious faces in the wall. Erika recounts again how startled she was since it was completely unexpected. And let’s face it, a troll-faced Alison staring down at you would be enough to put you off your slop. No, wait – Erika doesn’t need any help in that department.
The reason for the lockdown? Needed maintenance, as Boogie says he was told. We are shown a quick shot of a few workers in the BB living room right around noon. But somewhere in there, the flames come up for a long period, and when they come back, we hear that an event happened.
It wasn’t a competition, but it may be some sort of preview for the upcoming HOH competition. We learn that the hamsters held a séance inside the house, which most of them enjoyed. “That was actually fun,” remarks Danielle. Hold the phone – a Big Brother moment that doesn’t end in whiny complaints? It’s not long before Marcellas is complaining about Josh touching his bathrobe, saying it “hurts his heart.” Whew, our all-stars weren’t replaced by hamsterbots after all. Marcellas goes on to wash his bathrobe, using the double soak because he is that grossed out.
On lockdown again so that the BB elves can clean up the remains of the séance – rumor has it they made the house look spookier for the duration, or maybe the neon flames were put to good use at last – the Sovs huddle up and discuss what they learned from the experience. They review which houseguest was there from what season, and what their items might mean. It sounds like the voices were prerecorded, but the hamsters themselves were in the flesh, since they moved and blinked. The chicken may or may not have been real; Janelle and her gang couldn’t agree on that.
From a safe distance, watching Janelle, Kaysar, Howie and James, Marcellas remarks that no matter that The Four are plotting against James, when it’s time to talk game he runs right back to The Four. Marcellas says The Four a lot, but you have to imagine his voice dripping with icy disdain. Danielle seems to ignore the comment, probably because she’s told James to keep up the fiction that Danielle is after them. It’s not like he can hang out with the cool kids on the red couches, now is it? Not this week, at least.
It’s hard to communicate the frustration of live feed watchers who are trying to piece together the strategic conversations of patches of video feed interrupted by flames. I’m afraid I have to rely on the pithy but pointed, it sucks. It just plain sucks. The flames have been rampant, and instead of being on for a few seconds when someone sings, they’re apt to be on for ten minutes any time someone hums or whistles. Will didn’t help matters by bringing up his alleged scuffle in the DR over calling Julie Chen “sweetheart” on the live show. He could barely get out a “Les Moonves” before the flames snapped in place. His claim is that Julie Chen and her husband, who happens to be the head of CBS, were not amused by Will using sexist language to address the Chenbot during last week’s live show. The punishment? He won’t be asked any more questions during the live shows. He’s a loose cannon.
Whether Will was told this or not is unclear, since we all know he’s probably lying at any given moment of the day. But I tend to believe him on this because of the instant flames anytime the controversy was mentioned. It really serves no purpose with the other hamsters, either; and we all know that BB would be eating it up if it were only a bit of the ole’ razzle dazzle. Those of you playing the drinking game each Thursday night will have to revise the “drink every time Will flirts with a cyborg” rule. How about, “drink every time Julie Chen is roasted on the internet for being stiff, inappropriately dressed, and prone to getting HOH competition results wrong”? Sounds like a barrel of fun.
See how annoying that interlude was? That’s the feeds. Now back to the action. After a bout of flames, the houseguests are magically back in the house. Marcellas, Danielle, and Erika are in the HOH watching the spy screen when the canned voice of BB booms, “Erika, Marcellas, Danielle, please put on your microphones.” They react in horror; it may not seem like anything out of the ordinary, but since they all are wearing their microphones it’s BB’s way of pointing out they are together as a group. It’s a time-honored way for BB to make jabs at the houseguests it’s displeased with, much like playing Garbage’s “Stupid Girl” as a wakeup call the morning that Jennifer nominated Kaysar. Marcellas is incensed. “Especially since that blonde tramp was walking around all day without hers on,” he fumes. Can it be only a week ago they were posing together in their Chanel sunglasses?
Elsewhere in the house, James and Kaysar are talking about the upcoming eviction, and James is doing his best to appear upset and brooding. He goes so far as to show Kaysar his nails, saying they’re all bitten and nasty. Kaysar calmly tells James that Danielle doesn’t want him in the house – this is a reference to the conversation Kaysar had with Danielle where she was trying to get him to commit to be a sleeper for him. Kaysar wouldn’t go for it, so Danielle has no use for him. He doesn’t share that much detail with James, but he’s letting James know that he doesn’t need to be so uptight about the vote because he’s sure he’s getting the boot. It’s kind of sad that even when he’s being lied to by James, he’s unaware of it and still tries to comfort him. James’ conscience doesn’t appear to be bothering him one whit.
James drifts off, and Janelle pops in for a quick chat. Kaysar hasn’t left his spot on the ground; he conducts more than one conversation today lying on the floor under the covers. She tells him that Will reported to her earlier that he was told by Danielle to evict James since he’s the greater physical threat. Operation Keep-'Em-In-The-Dark is working well; Janelle even says that she feels bad for thinking James was already betraying him. They both grimace and say they feel bad about suspecting James. Kaysar shows his general lack of clue by thinking that he might have Boogie’s vote. They seem encouraged by Will’s intelligence briefing, but all indication behind the scenes is that Chill Town is on board with keeping James and evicting Kaysar. They’ve placed their trust in the wrong hands, which is news to no one but the three Sovs that remain loyal to each other.
Who Loves Ya? If You’re Reading This, Not the Hamsters!
Somewhere in the afternoon of long lockdowns and lazy conversation on the red couches, the subject arises of whether Big Brother would allow any ugly hamsters into the habitrail. Most likely this conversation arose around BB3’s Josh, who many of them say they didn’t even recognize because he’s gained so much weight since the show. Erika dated him not too long ago; her only comment is, “I know, I know.”
Will says that since the demographic for the show is 18-34 year olds – oh heck, let’s just let him say it in his own words:
Will: We don't need twelve fat 50-year-old women on the show. And you can't bring your cats.
Marcellas tells everyone about a hullabaloo on Housecalls, making it sound like some crazy woman was campaigning to oust him from the internet
snoozetalk show because he said he would “do” Howie. The woman got together a petition that she sent to CBS, complaining that Marcellas made the show too “adult.” She also visited his website and started an anti-Marcellas poll there. He refused to name her screenname for fear of adding to her web glory.
But it’s clear that some of the hamsters are scathing of the internet feed watchers. Will complains that fans of the show think it’s easy to be a BB hamster, and say they have nothing normal in their lives. Will and Boogie are both scathing when it comes to feed watchers, and say they would never make it on the show, they have screwed up priorities, they are judgmental, they have no right to make comments about Will’s girlfriend Erin or whether he’s a good doctor.
Will: If you have a husband, a wife, a cousin, a nephew, a friend, or a neighbor, cancel your feeds right now.
Will also pontificates on the hamsters who didn’t make it back into the house, saying all but Alison weren’t worthy of being called All Stars. He is especially vicious about Bunky, saying the only reason he’s involved in the upcoming competitions is that he’s desperate. Marcellas, Will and Danielle make fun of internet fans until it dissolves in the universal catchphrase, “Eat a d***, internet.” Back at ya, pathetic fame whores! Apparently CBS agrees, because the flames go up for no other reason than that they are pissing off the silent masses who have ponied up the cash and are quite sick of flames and spoiled brat hamsters.
Eat While You Can
Conversation turns to safe subjects when the houseguests congregate, but while others are in the kitchen making dinner, Will and Danielle talk quickly about Erika, and whether she can be trusted. Mike walks up in the middle of the conversation, and Will “shares” this new distrust of Erika with him in front of Danielle.
Will: "Erika is in the diary room. Dude she is playing us!"
Boogie: "No she’s not."
Will: [insistently] "She's playing us."
Boogie: [irritably] "Really? So you think she's in there saying that she's playing us when I am in there saying I'm playing her?"
Will: "We are all playing each other, but my whole point is there is three ways you can get information in this world. Telephone, Television, and Tell-A-Erika. As soon as you tell her anything she runs and tells the next group.
It’s an impressive bit of acting…or is it?
Howie earns a notch on his spy card today. Crawling around looking for his clippers on the bathroom floor, he hears Marcellas say that the coast is clear, and wisely stays down. Danielle and Marcellas are in the kitchen, unaware of Howie crouching below the level of the mirrors in the bathroom. They talk about how they will fake animosity after the eviction, and how they’ll enjoy celebrating this eviction in secret. When they clear out, Howie runs to tell Kaysar and Janelle in the backyard; they agree that James needs to know this information. They find him in the bathroom, and he tries to deflect them by saying they don’t need to talk a few times. Really, James couldn’t be more obvious in his wish to distance himself from the others, but the trio is persistent, and they pull him in the bug room to spill the news.
To an outside observer, James’ reaction is so transparent. He asks, wide-eyed, why they think anyone is voting to keep him. When they respond that everyone is, he says that makes no sense because he nominated Chicken George. Surely they can see through his innocent act, right? Even the body language is revealing; James sits on a cot with crossed arms while his three alliance mates sit on the ground underneath him, telling them they can get through this week if they stick together. “It’s a war again,” says James, playing mad. “Yeah, but thank goodness we’re on the same team this time,” says Janelle, patting him on the knee and smiling. James laughs uncomfortably, then makes a jab back in her direction, saying he was on her side last year, too. James is ready to break up this awkward (for him) conversation, but the other Sovs want to work on the trivia detail in the house. James sticks around to practice, hiding his mouth with his hands.
Their trivia discussion reveals a few more details about the séance we haven’t heard up until now. Here’s a list of pertinent details for those of you playing at home (don’t pretend you’re not playing a drinking game, you boozers):
- Josh said the robe smelled like Defeat. (Lame!)
- Someone says he loves Dani more than bagels.
- Eric held a black knife and said their fate was in his hands now. “Lights out, bitches!”
- Holly called them nicknames. She called Will Dr. Delicious, then said, “I love you Janie Doll!” She also told the world that Erika and Janelle have fake breasts.
The meeting breaks up when Janelle lets out a “man fart” (Kaysar’s term) and Janelle works hard to convince everyone that Howie was the real culprit. Just like that, Chicken George is standing in the doorway. Kaysar tells him it’s like the bat signal – he sees the “butt smell signal” and instantly appears when someone else cuts one. Hilarity aside, I can’t help but notice that during the gaseous interlude James slips out, leaving the three chuckling Sovs to themselves.
Janelle spots a rubber rat in the tarantula case, and the three of them are reeling with the implications – are there other replacements in the house? “Don’t tell anyone,” Janelle shrieks. They can’t find any other replaced items in the house, but they file away the rat for future use. Is it a message from Big Brother, that there’s a rat in the house? Actually, Will put the rat there a few hours ago, just for a joke. Boogie even suggested he could use it to throw the others off-track, but Will said that everyone knows the case is open, that no one would believe him. See? The Sovs aren’t the only ones deluded in the house. Will and Boogie have no idea just how clueless their “dangerous” opponents really are. It’s like bulldozing kittens with these guys.
Pumped with Howie’s secret knowledge, Janelle catches Will in the bathroom and spills that Howie has proof that Danielle is working with Marcellas, and that their fighting is an act. Will asks pertinent questions: where was Howie when he heard this? How long does he think they’ve been together? Janelle blithely spills it all.
Later, there’s a large crew in the backyard making fun of Howie during the spider web competition – Danielle, James, Marcellas, Chicken George, Boogie. The back door opens, and Boogie sings out, “Jannnneelllee…”, the cue for everyone to change the subject. Janelle comes out and makes small talk while Chicken George awkwardly makes an exit; I think he was embarrassed by the smirks that continued when she joined the group.
We learn that Marcellas and Danielle hate camping, but Janelle loves it. She says her family used to camp at Yellowstone National Park every summer, and Danielle seems floored by the idea. She can’t reconcile Miami-loving Janelle with the girl who grew up in the country and admits to sleeping in tents and going fishing.
Why am I telling you this? Because while a large portion of the house is engrossed in the camping conversation, Boogie slips out and makes his way to the HOH, where Erika and Will are waiting. Erika declares a “Chill Town meeting” and they discuss who is likely to be nominated next week. Will says that Marcellas will put up Boogie and himself, and Erika corrects him, saying that Marcellas is gunning for season 6ers. See how that works, folks? Erika volunteered information for free, just like that.
Will asks for clarification on when sequestration starts, and we go to flames for a few minutes. I have no idea if is question is answered, because he’s heading out the door when the feeds return. His parting shot to Erika is that they should take the opportunity to get rid of James this week, and the three of them can win every HOH for the rest of the game. He leaves Boogie and Erika to talk, and there’s an interesting thing here…showmance or not, Boogie is definitely holding his cards closely. For example, he tells her that he and Will’s votes don’t really matter, so they don’t care who they vote for. He tells her that in fact, they’ll probably decide during the live show who to vote for.
Will comes back to join the talk, and asks Erika who Marcellas is loyal to, and she says he’s loyal to no one. So Erika is also holding back a little tidbit or two. Will asks her what her priorities are for getting people out of the house, and she names her next three moves: Janelle, James, and Marcellas.
Erika: Maybe you guys should vote Kaysar out, just to be safe.
Outside, a serious conversation is taking place between James, Danielle, and Marcellas. James is defending himself for evicting Jase, saying Jase sealed his own fate by telling him his targets were Janelle, Danielle, and Marcellas. Marcellas tries to grill James on why he didn’t come to anyone else in the house for a deal, but James says it wasn’t really needed. I’m curious what Marcellas will say to that, but Marcellas chokes and sputters. It turns out he has just swallowed a fly. A little divine intervention here?
When Marcellas returns, James has turned his description of Jase’s eviction around. He’s in full righteous anger mode, saying that the other Sovs shook hands with Jase then turned around and evicted him a week later. Danielle interrupts him to say that it wasn’t “them”, it was “her.” Am I the only one who remembers that James was HOH that week? Marcellas wants to know why no one went off on Janelle for the Diane week, but the blonde tramp herself walks out to the backyard, cutting the bitchfest short. Howie follows, and soon the backyard group is joking around and talking about nothing.
It’s the wee hours, and lots of little strategic talks are going on . Danielle, Erika and Marcellas are in the HOH room talking prissily about “vengeful” players and how you have to be strategic. It’s just so passé to be loyal to friends and want to stick with alliances; their seasons were filled with game players, not friends. They discuss what they will do if Janelle wins the HOH competition. Erika says if Janelle “says anything about ‘giving keys’ or ‘bitches’” the war will be on. Danielle and Marcellas don’t think Janelle would do that; “she knows not to go there,” says Danielle, then adds that she will refuse to give up the HOH key until Janelle apologizes right there on national television. Marcellas is disgusted by the idea of Janelle winning HOH a third time, and says he would “drag her by her fake-ass blonde hair and open the door for her.”
Downstairs at nearly the same time, Boogie asks Janelle what she will do if Marcellas walks in the HOH and puts on her bathrobe (which he did for the four weeks the Sovs were in power). Janelle laughs, and says she will slam the door in his face, saying, “You and I are over. I don’t like fake people!” She and Howie are planning to celebrate “like it’s Superbowl” with lots of running around and yelling. (Later, Will and Boogie agree that it might look bad if Janelle and Howie include Chill Town in their whooping.)
In the bug room, Kaysar and Janelle are trying to get straight answers out of Boogie and Will about their voting plans. Janelle doesn’t want to vote against James if the vote against Kaysar is secure. I don’t really know why it matters so much, but Kaysar is so insistent on knowing that he even wakes Chicken George up to ask him one more time whether he’s going home. George sticks with a humongous guffaw and a “I can’t say, Kaysar! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” Anytime George laughs, it’s deafening; Kaysar punches him on the shoulder and leaves him alone.
Janelle and Kaysar spill all kinds of game talk with Chill Town, once again. They point out that James will most likely split off next week if Kaysar goes, and a Howie-Janelle alliance will suddenly not seem so threatening to the rest of the house, since they will be alone in the house…which would make Chill Town a bigger target. They tell them that Marcellas was screaming – literally raising his voice and yelling – at them to put up Chill Town, and when Kaysar asked Marcellas who he would put up if he were HOH, he answered, “Chicken George.” They all bust up at the re-enactment.
After Janelle and Kaysar take off, Will and Boogie discuss their options in nearly-silent whispers. They establish a formal agreement to split the money if they are in the final two. They discuss the merits of sticking with the Danielle/James arrangement over the Janelle/Howie/Kaysar arrangement.
They decide they should throw the next HOH competition, because a loud, raucous Howie or Janelle win will divide the house even further, and keep the targets from landing on themselves for that much longer.
Boogie says that he trusts James, but mostly, he trusts Danielle 100%. He says that when you look at it, it’s better to be in an alliance with a few outs that are hidden than to be in the alliance that everyone knows about. Will counters that he trusts Janelle, and points out that she’s more likely to win competitions. Decisions, decisions. Unfortunately, they are whispering and rustling around in their blankets so much that I can’t hear much detail. Maybe they will be throwing each other signals during the live show. “Pat your head to vote out Kaysar, pat your stomach to vote out James,” one of them whispers. We’ll be watching!
Two Cups of Black Coffee Later…
I headed for bed before the hamsters, and from reading the transcripts it doesn’t look like I missed much, except for a conversation between Danielle and James in the backyard after most of the house was in bed. Danielle told James that the other members of the Legion of Doom are questioning his loyalty, to which James exploded:
James: Why are they questioning my loyalty? I created the f***ing Legion of Doom! It was my idea! The internet people are going to f***ing hate me for this but I was the one who came up with the . I gave it a cool name, too!
One thing is for sure is that when James indulges in this kind of outburst, we’re seeing the real James. This is the James who is sweating bullets about next week, who thought he was rock solid and is starting to see that it’s not as certain as he think it is. This James is the reason why Janelle, Kaysar, and Howie have been suspicious of him lately – because his acting skills don’t come close to the seething ball of nerves he can be when he’s really threatened.
As the morning wastes away, the hamsters are allowed to sleep in a little. By 10 o’clock, only Danielle has bestirred herself; she’s washing her hair in the kitchen sink (where the only hot water in the house is). The flames return, and although we see a glimpse now and then that shows the hamsters have been woken up, the usual Thursday flamefest keeps us from finding out anything new before the noon hour.
Happy birthday, Kaysar!