*This recap covers events from noon Thursday to noon Friday
Thursdays. Not the most exciting Big Brother live feed day to recap, although you would think it would be with an eviction, a new HOH and all of that. The problem with Thursdays is that it's flame-heavy, with that damned Big Brother theme blaring constantly. I'm taking donations for the lobotomy that is going to be required to remove that from my head once the season is over. So far, I've got $2.12.
Will prepares to decapitate Danielle
What happens on the live feeds on Thursdays is primping and lots of it. That's if the feeds EVER come back from flames. We get a whole, whole lot of Jase's last Zoolander faces. He knows he's a goner but daggone it, he's going out with every little twig of hair arranged just so. Flat irons and blow-dryers threaten to overload the Big Brother power circuits, but our hamsters don't care. Their only concern it looking good for their limited airtime on the live show. Janelle changes outfits a couple of times, on the advice of her fashion consultant, Marcellas.
Janelle makes sure all her parts are still there.
The only thing else remotely interesting during their prep time is the screen in the Big Brother living room. It keeps flashing the words "loyalty, betrayal, honesty, deceit, love, hate" over and over. Danielle gets the hint and goes to study the definitions of these words on the walls of the BB house. As we all know, those words played a big part in the HOH competition during the live show.
So, without further ado, Jase is out, and the feeds come back after the live show, with our NEW Hoh.....
Barwhore Barbie! Oh okay, Drinking Barbie! All right, all right already, Jedi Barbie, are you happy now?
Janelle is our new HOH, and when the feeds return it's a whole lot of Will and Boogie. Will thinks his jokes bombed during the live show, which they did. Here's the thing about "funny", if you try too hard, you'll fall flat. Or you just might suck at being funny. I should know, I bomb regularly twice a week in my non-funny recaps. But Will is pleased that he got air-time, and really, that's what most of our reality "stars" want anyway.
*Actual disgusting conversation*
Boogie: "What are you going to do tonight to get ahead?"
Will: "I don't know, f*** Janelle?"
Boogie: "Now would be a good time to ply your wares."
"No one knows what it's like, to be hated, to be fated..."
Tonight is the last night of their catered meals, and they get Chinese food. Poor George retreats to the bedroom, so as to not be tortured by the succulent smells since he's on slop. He's soon called to the diary room, and I have to wonder, do they sneak him any real food in there? I mean, the guy's not in the best shape, they could be slipping him a power bar or something, right?
Diane shows us the photos she's going to use in her work as an escort.
The most pointless bit of Big Brother chatter you will EVER read is about to be put in this recap...ready? During season 2, Will ate something that was "chunky, fishy, creamy, bubbly" then got on the trampoline and pooped on himself. Ewwww. Calling Dr. Stinkypants.
Now, cleanse your mind with this gratuitous Kaysar shot.
Finally Janelle gets her HOH room, and it's PINK. It's the pinkest pink you've ever seen. I don't see how it could possibly be any pinker. But she loves it, and that's what counts. She admits she even had a coat like the bedspread. Marcellas asks, "when you were ten?" and she replies "no, about 3 years ago." Later on, lots of strategy arguments take place in the den of pinkness, which amounts to James disagreeing with the rest of his alliance.
What the heck?
Now being a cat, I am a creature of habit, so it was alarming to me when Big Brother decided to change something up, because it messes up my recapping schedule. I might need to write CBS and complain. Anyway, they decided on a night-time food competition, blocked from the feeds! I am mighty ticked off about this development, but I work through my anger to bring you the bare minimums I know:
- There was an individual food comp.
- Balls were involved, as was eliminating other players.
- Howie, James and Kaysar get to eat.
- Everyone else (besides HOH) is on slop.
So there you go, that's all I can tell you. Other than Erika deemed it "unfair" because to her it involved brute strength.
As I have said before, some smut you can't wash off.
So you're in the Big Brother house, with nothing but time on your hands. Nothing to read, no television to watch, barely any music to listen to, what will you do for excitement? To what lengths will you go to overcome the doldrums? Would you watch a grown man bathe for hours? Well, okay, I probably would if it was Kaysar, but I find myself participating in the washing of the Will....
Obviously this is quite an exciting event for the evening. He does a little story-telling involving rubbers ducks and wooden massagers, and it all revolves around houseguests, and more importantly, Janelle's supposive attraction to him. By all accounts it's more entertaining than watching the hamsters lay in their beds all day.
At one point, Will attempts to drown himself.
Kaysar waits for Will to die.
The most interesting thing about this tubby? When Will emerges, HOURS later, he's non-wrinkly. Exactly how much Botox does it take for you to no longer wrinkle in the tub?
Either Kaysar is disappointed that Will didn't die, or he's in disbelief that he just watched a man bathe.
At least Howie got new undies since last season.
Not everyone is intrigued by Dr. McFullofhimself's smarmy dazzle, some would rather hang out in the backyard. For whatever reason, Marcellas spanks Howie with a flip-flop. These are some bored people, I tell you!
So what else happened? Nothing really. Wasn't flip-flop spankings and 3 hour baths enough for you people? Okay some slop whining, some nervous talk about nominations, but nothing really was decided FOR SURE. They stay up late, and the next morning they sleep in. If you can't wait to see who was nominated, click here.
And as always, I hate to leave you all with so little to go on, so I will present you with something to ponder...
Howie finally gets blown in the Big Brother house.
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