This recap covers noon Tuesday until noon Wednesday
I did two things yesterday: watched the live feeds and finished reading Stephen King's Salem's Lot. Between the combined powers of suggestion of the book and Dr. Will, it'll be a wonder if I get through today without tearing into someone's jugular and crying if I get sunlight on me. Although, come to think of it, we're really just describing my typical Wednesday.
He vants to suck...at life
Tuesday afternoon starts out with a literal bang, as Chicken George can't manuever his way around a lounge chair, and goes ass over teakettle off of it. He manages to keep a tight grip on the pickle he was holding at the time, exemplifying the type of mind-over-matter finesse that can only be displayed by a husky gentleman faced with the harrowing possibility of suddenly losing his snack.
Let this be a cautionary tale that lawn chairs are death traps
Thwarted by gravity, George heads for the pool, where his natural buoyancy makes for a much safer environment. While there, he, Mike Boogie, and Jase indulge in some trips down memory lane: snow days, Christmas presents, the last day of school. Merrily, they reminisce about water-skiing, off-roading and the like, and they seem almost human. Big Brother can't have us thinking that, though, so the feeds switch over to the kitchen, where we find Erika flirting with Kaysar, James sucking up to his live-feed-watching girlfriend, and Howie...being Howie.
The men ask Erika if she wants kids, which she does. With Kaysar, it would seem. In an awesome display of her grasp of rudimentary genetics, she tells him that their children would be dark. James is certain that he and Sarah will have tall, Division-1 atheletics types. His grasp of the inner crap-shoot-esque workings of DNA? Not as good as Erika's.
Melanin: Erika's worthiest foe
Howie wants to know who everyone would think would win in a fight between a Star Wars nerd and a Star Trek nerd. Howie is clearly ignoring the fact that in that scenario, we're all losers.
The afternoon progresses without anything of note taking place, except for myriad discussions about how the slop diet is giving Chicken George the worst gas on the planet. It's bad enough that Marcellas, in a discussion of it later, claims he was stunned by the funk. We all know that unless George Clinton is intimately involved in some way, funk should never stun a person.
Chicken George and his P. Funk All-Star
At that night's dinner (sushi, if you're keeping track), Will can't stop laughing about the fact that while he can't figure out how to possibly eat any more, Chicken George is outside, "literally dying". They all joke about how he's doing the best he can to make the slop palatable, but failing at every turn. It's actually a lot less malicious than it sounds; it was all in good fun. They're imitating him, saying things like "Hey Will, a bird crapped in my mouth - that's protein, right? It wasn't bad!" "Hey Howie, I just ate my shoe - and I liked it!" They all agree that if he were to make it to the final two, he'd win just by virtue of being able to say "I ate that s*** for 60 days. That's all I have to say." Nobody would give the other contender a second thought at that point.
After dinner, people break apart into small, ever-changing groups. Marcellas and Danielle spend a lot of time talking in the backyard, although very little strategy takes place. Mostly gossip. Marcellas does say that if Will makes the final two, he'd give his vote to whoever else was there with him. He then, in one of the worst displays of taste ever shown by a gay man, talks about how he would totally do Mike Boogie. He eases the sting of that terrifying confession a little bit, by following it up with "He looks like he'd be dirty, though. Hygenically challenged. I have really good white sheets, I can't have a person like that in my life." Also of note: they both feel as though James would be an idiot not to propose to Sarah the second he steps out of the house, since he'll never do any better, and Marcellas and Omarosa are good friends.
Upstairs, Erika and Janelle are playing a semi-drunken game of chess. It takes them both forever to make any moves, and I'm quite confident that, while I suck at chess, I'm a top-notch grand master compared to these two. Moving on.
Boogie, Will and Jase are hanging out in and around the hot tub. They all agree that Danielle is in the best position in the whole house. They think she controls both Season 6 and the floaters, and they're all surprised at how likeable she is. This evolves into some strategy talk, with Will verbalizing a plan to force Season 6 to cannibalize each other: Get HoH, and go to each of them individually. Say "Look, I have to put two of you four up. You tell me which ones to nominate, and that's who I'll choose." Boom, their alliance falls down around them. More people wander over, and they start talking about how the diary room interviewer tricked Will and Boogie into sounding gay. Boogie thought they were talking about Batman and Robin, something, but ended up saying how guys love villains too. Erika offers to make out with Boogie if he thinks that'll set the record straight. You have to admire a girl who so staunchly refuses to use her feminine wiles to further her position in the game. Oh, wait, no, this is just the opposite. Well, you know what they say about women in their thirties, the horny little minxes. Except for her, it's not so much "horny" as it is "desperate".
In an effort to show us his softer side, his human side...his cowardly side, Boogie goes into a whole spiel about how he's afraid to go back to his real life once the show is over. Not because of what he's said or done, but because, well, who wants to face mundane tasks like going to the bank (what is he, some kind of sucker?) when you've been MIKE MOTHER-LOVING BOOGIE, TV STAR?!? Will takes this in a different direction, saying he's afraid of that first phone call he'll make to his girlfriend, which will go a little something like "Hi, Erin? Are we still together, or did you dump me because I suck?" They all agree that there's no way in the world they'll check the internet sites this time around, because they don't want to know what people think of them. That's probably for the best.
But enough with all the mundanity (I'm 91.3% sure that's a word). You want to know about the scheming, and where everyone stands right now, don't you? You're all "Enough about birds crapping in mouths, Amanda." If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me, I'd buy CBS right now and make Julie Chen do the robot during each live show. Fitting, no? The entire show, too, not just as an opening or closing number.
Okay, fine. Boogie spent some time working Diane, wherein she said she was totally voting Jase out, stopping just short of calling him a stupid poopoo face with cooties. Within ten minutes, she was back with Jase, relaying all the details of the conversation. That evolved into how much they both hate Erika, and what a f***ing kissass she is all the time. Diane thinks it's a bad idea to be seen with him for long, so she heads back inside.
Danielle and Kaysar are having a heart to heart about the game. Or Danielle is trying to, anyway, Kaysar's keeping it a little bit tight-lipped. She wants him to tell her exactly what he's thinking about everything. "Tell me your pros and cons for each nominee, Kaysar." Right. Also, tell her your social security number, your mother's maiden name, and the city of your birth. Favorite pet's name, too. He doesn't just spill it all, instead just telling her that he feels like he can talk game with her without it being too personal and either of them getting mad. She asks if he's playing for the good of his alliance, or for his own personal good. He answers with the former. She asks if he thinks the other three are also playing for the greater good, which he answers with a no. He's not dumb, he says. Honest, but not dumb.
Forgive but don't forget, girl, keep ya head up.
Up in the HoH room, Janelle, James, and Howie are discussing what their move should be. Well, first they're yelling at each other about last year, but come on, let's all get over it already, shall we? James is trying to rally the troops to get rid of Will, but they're resistant. Stupidly, stupidly resistant. They decide to call Jase into the HoH to try to get a feel for what they can get out of him. James tells Jase that they're running through their options, and Janelle is concerned that if they keep him that he'll nominate her, should he win HoH next week. So, Jase, why should we keep you? Jase says that yes, he's been saying he'd put Janelle up, because he heard she had it in for him. They all disavow him of that notion, noting that Janie was the one pulling for him the most. Jase says that the way she was acting with Will, he figured it was a foregone conclusion. He wants to go out like a man. He wants to go out as a player of the game. He respects the game. He starts singing the Rocky theme. It's all very moving. They ask him if, were he to be saved, if he'd pair up with Mike Boogie. Hell no!, he exclaims. "You can only take my word on this, but I wouldn't nominate you. I would go after floaters. Marci, Erika. Boogie's campaigning against me, I know he is, so how high do you think he's rated for me right now?" He goes on to say that if they were to evict him, "We all know what Will is, what he's capable of, you'd all look stupid if you kept WILL over me, I'd look stupid for aligning with them when I wasn't a full-fledged member." He likens himself to Marvin, as the fifth member of the Santa Monica Van Boys, but gives them his word that he would not nominate any of them for the next two weeks, ensuring that they'd all make it into sequester. "Dude, sequester's like 30,000 dollars." That should just about pay for his gel and bandana needs for the next fiscal quarter. Jase leaves, and they seem to think he was speaking truthfully and from the heart.
I need a bandana THIS BIG!!
So, I'll be honest with all of you. Shortly after that deal was cut with Jase, I went to bed. It was like 3 a.m. Chicago time, and I figured "Oh, how nice, they wrapped it up for me." Clearly I'm a live feeds virgin, because that wasn't anything close to true. Upon waking up this morning, I learned that no, Jase was again the one on the outs. They'd called Dr. Will up to the HoH room, Boogie had gone to the HoH room, they'd worked their magic. Remember how I said earlier that I'd just finished Salem's Lot? Part of the book dealt with how, when dealing with the head vampire guy, you CANNOT look directly into his eyes. If you do, he'll suck you right in, and you'll want to be part of his army of the undead. Well, they all looked into Will's eyes (Boogie is his human familiar, I guess.) He's safe, Jase is gone, they're all insane.
When they were awoken this morning - by Nelly's "Hot In Herre", which I wasn't expecting, and which scared the absolute crap out of me when it suddenly started blaring out of my speakers, leaving me to furiously start closing browser tabs and think to myself "Damn, I downloaded Nelly?" - the strategizing began anew. Just moments after he got out of bed, Will had Danielle outside, saying "I think Jase should stay" to her. She doesn't really understand, and goes to get Boogie to try to work this all out.
When Boogie joins them in the backyard, he tells him "Dude, I don't want to get trapped here. I think it's better for everyone if I go home." He's saying all of this for Danielle's benefit, since he knows she'll go right back and put that bug in everyone's ear. Maybe he doesn't know that S6 already plan on keeping him? I'm not sure, and I won't pretend like I am. Danielle asks Boogie that, if both he and Will were left in the house, who does he think people would be gunning for? Boogie, cluelessly, says "Will." Nope, sorry buddy. She quickly brings him up to speed on the fact that people don't like how vocal he's been about trying to break up the S6 alliance, and he's seen as more volatile. He seems genuniely shocked by this news. "See?", says Will. "You have to vote me out now, because I don't want to get stuck in sequester." He makes Danielle promise she'll vote him out, and she agrees (which probably means absolutely nothing.) Boogie promises too (which absolutely means absolutely nothing.) Jase comes out and joins them, learning for the first time that his rock-solid deal from the night before has already gone by the wayside. They ask him if he intended on keeping his bargain with S6, and he says "I gave them my word; I was serious." He's very "Screw them!" now, which, I suppose, he's earned that right. Danielle and Will take off, Jase and Boogie stay behind. Since the S6ers screwed him over, Jase has jumped right back into Chilltown (he thinks). He wants to know if Boogie thinks they should have a big staged fight to throw people off of their "alliance", but Boogie wants to keep it more low-key.
Up in the HoH room, Danielle is talking to James, and they both conclusively say that they're voting to keep Will in the house.
Not too long after this, Will and Boogie meet up in the supply room, and just start cracking up over the coup they're pulling off. Will admits that he's playing this one a little close, but it's all still coming up Milhouse. Plus, because of Boogie's conversation with Jase, in which he spilled everything about the deal he made with S6, Will has a perfect excuse to nominate two of them if/when he wins HoH. "You guys were cool with me, but when you made that deal with Jase, you left me no choice but to try to break you up." He says his next gambit will be to spend two or three weeks screaming about how he's going to make a voluntary exit. He told the diary room that "Chilltown has two members, but we're always accepting applications. Some applicants, though, aren't going to make it."
"We are so smart! We are so smart! S-M-R-T!"
So. That pretty much brings us up to today at noon, BB time. Enough happen for you in those 24 hours? I hope so, because I need a nap like you wouldn't believe.
Thanks to the various people from whom I stole the screencaps!
Two things: I'm a registered Democrat, and I totally do have some Nelly downloaded. email@example.com