*This recap covers events from noon Friday to noon Saturday
Sometimes there comes a time in a live feed recapper's life, when things happen that are simply impossible to write about due to their content. Therefore I'm going to let some pictures do the talking and give you a general idea here. Hang on, it won't be pretty.
When my shift started, we had just come back from the food competition, and since it's Friday they have veggies and beer as their food. Veggies and beer, two things usually not consumed in great quantities together, unless you count a Bloomin' Onion at Outback as a vegetable.
Marcellas enjoys a long, hard....pickle.
After they enjoyed their veggies, it was time for the nomination ceremony, which meant two hours of FLAMES on the feeds once more. When they finally came back on, these two jokers were on the block:
Soon after, more veggies were consumed and the drinking began. And continued, and continued, until much of the house was plastered. George falls asleep in the floor after a few beers, but the rest of the house parties on.
Nothing says "party" like rapping in your underwear.
Jase finds Will and Boogie in bed early, and decides to take off his pants and begin rapping. To be fair, he begins with a speech to America "America, you love Janelle. She's a ****ing barwhore. Do you want a barwhore representing America?" THEN he launches into his rap, which has such lovely comments such as:
- Janelle has no personality unless she's drunk.
- There are blondes with fake boobs everywhere
- He wants to be her pimp so he can slap her around
I cannot recap most of what he says, but it's worse than that. Much, much worse. Kaysar wanders in, and Jase switches to a rap about farm life.
Upstairs in the HOH room, they're just as nasty as can be. Some of the topics, such as grooming, are neutral enough, but it's the descriptive terms that puts even that over the top. As the night wears on, the topics get less recapper-friendly.
Erika and Danielle discuss waxing their hoo-has. I am not kidding.
Diane thinks, "I wish I could be a barwhore, too."
Janelle tells Diane "Not just anyone can be a barwhore. It takes hard work and a bigger chest."
Take a look at that photo above. That's Howie, and a vase. If you're reading this, you're familiar with Howie. Now, imagine the very, very worst thing that Howie could have been saying and pretending in that photo. Yes, that's exactly what Howie was doing! Worse yet, at times he mentioned Maggie, winner of BB6. That's all I can say about that event. OH, except this...see that horseshoe mark on his arm? Janelle had just bit him. Apparently, barwhores bite, who knew?
Kaysar came in, to tell the HOH room people that Jase was downstairs rapping. Thankfully this broke up this group before they could get any more depraved. Most of them ran down to the bug room, to see what was going on.
Actual Danielle quote: "Get yo pale ass out of bed and RAP, mofo!"
Jase raps a little bit of his farm thing for the new audience, and adds a few new items about various houseguests, but everyone laughs. Kaysar is beat-boxing for him. Boogie gets up and does a little rapping, and I'm no judge since I'm no fan of rap, but I think Jase had him beat. Danielle nearly pummels Will to death trying to get him to get up and rap. They want more rap, so they go wake up George, who comes in, raps, and during the rap manages to call James a dick AND a prick in the same sentence. Oooh, what is this lurking in Chicken George, a little animosity?
Being a barwhore looks like lots of fun!
A few of the houseguests wander outside, to smoke the hookah. Some of them continue to drink.
Erika drunkenly leers at Kaysar.
Really, who can blame her?
Janelle finally wanders into the house to take a shower, and hilariously sings "Like a Virgin" in the shower, the theme song of barwhores everywhere.
A drunk Janelle cannot remember if she was going in or coming out of the shower.
Diane, Erika, Danielle and Kaysar hang out into the wee hours, and Danielle decides to interrogate Kaysar about girls. He finally has enough and tries to kill her.
Eventually the drunks quit drinking, and people start to go to bed. The next morning, Will says he woke up in the middle of the night and Danielle was sitting there drinking by herself. She says she's never drinking again. Many of the hamsters look hung over and are sitting around glumly waiting for the veto competition to begin. For their sakes, I hope it's not physical. The feeds turn to flames as my shift ends, and I feel like I lost a little of my soul watching those antics. Some smut you just can't wash off, you know?
Thank you for reading this trip into drunken debauchery. There will be "Men In Black" memory erasers for everyone on their way out.
Diane and Danielle show how much they enjoyed my recap.
Want to be a MALE barwhore? apply to email@example.com