The Real Housewives of New York: Bullet-Cap, Episode 1

… aaaaaand they’re back! Love ‘em or hate ‘em, they captivate our attention and so here we are in this thread discussing them. Yep, The Real Housewives of New York City have returned to entertain us for another season. Well, some of them, anyway. In case you’ve been hiding in a cave, you perhaps missed the news that Jill, Kelly, and Alex have gone the way of the dodo. (Translation for those of you who are not as old of me, Bravo kicked them to the curb). Replacing them are Aviva, Carole, and Heather.

If you’re in this thread you probably fall into one of the following categories:
(A) You love this show and never miss and episode and can’t wait to discuss every detail with other fans
(B) You claim you will never ever ever watch this show, yet when you’re at home alone you watch it, and you lurk on the forums to see what everyone has to say about it
(C) You actually cannot bring yourself to watch the show, yet you can’t help but wonder what the ladies are up to and therefore come in here to get updates.

At any rate, here you are, which means you’re somehow fascinated with the show. And so this season, we will be bringing you the inaugural season of The Real Housewives of New York City Bullet-cap. What does this mean? Well, it’ll be a recap of each episode, with the key happenings highlighted by bullet points. (Get it? Recap… bullets…. bullet-cap…. yeah, ok, anyway). Now you don’t even have to watch the show to find out what’s going on! Or, if you do watch this show, this will hopefully be a handy reference as the season progresses to refresh your memory. Cause, you know, it’s hard to keep up with which ladies are besties and which are mortal enemies on a week by week basis.

So let’s dive into the season premier and see what our gals are up to since we last peeked in our their lives.

First, the new taglines for the season:
  • Aviva: “Never underestimate a woman born and raised in New York City”
  • Carole: “I may be a princess, but I’m definitely not a drama queen”
  • Heather: “My success is built on making women look and feel their best. Holla!”
  • Luann: “To some people, living elegantly just comes naturally”
  • Ramona: “I’m not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking”
  • Sonja: “A little Sonja will spice up any party”

Everything you need to know from Episode 1:
  • Aviva and Luann meet for lunch. They’ve known each other for years.
  • Luann and Jacques are still together
  • Aviva’s ex-husband and father of her son is Harry. Luann knows Harry from the NYC social scene. In fact, he was at the famous party when Sonja forgot the bottom part of her costume. Harry and Sonja used to date, and Luann even went out with him once.
  • Sonja hosts a party so everyone can meet. Aviva and Sonja greet each other with a hug. There’s some air clearing about how everybody gets along with everyone so there’s no need to worry. And Harry isn’t coming to the party anyway. (Darn!) Heather and Carole arrive together. Heather knows Sonja, but not Luann and Aviva. Carole doesn’t know any of them.
  • Aviva seems to have a bit of a lady-crush on Carole.
  • Ramona arrives with 2 bottles of wine. Luann and Ramona still hate each other but greet each other cordially.
  • Carole’s book is a memoir about her life and her husband’s death from cancer
  • Aviva has 4 kids: ages 10, 9, 4, 1. Carole does not have children. She doesn’t hate them, she just doesn’t like when moms talk about their kids.
  • Luann approaches Ramona and asks to talk. Ramona’s not feeling it but Luann pushes on. Sonja breaks it up. After being filled in on the previous drama, Heather takes Luann’s side.
  • Carole’s deceased husband was “technically a prince” who was Jacqueline Kennedy’s nephew. She is now writing a book about a widow who tries to reenter the dating world. She’s also writing a story on the Kardashians for Glamour magazine.
  • Heather’s company is called Yummy by Heather Thomson. They make shapewear. She’s worked for lots of famous people.
  • Ramona visits Heather at her office. Heather is not impressed and feels like Ramona keeps trying to outdo her. Heather talks about how her son had a liver transplant at 6 month old, and Ramona tells how her daughter almost died when she was born.
  • Aviva and Sonja go for a mani/pedi. Aviva wears a prosthesis, after losing her leg at the age of 6 in a farm machinery accident. She actually has multiple legs, with different skin tones and heel heights, and she whips one out of her bag right there in the spa so it can get polish to match the other two.
  • Ramona invites Heather and Sonja for drinks in the Hamptons. Heather found the invitation strange since she and Ramona didn’t really click in their previous meeting. Ramona is annoyed with Heather’s topics of conversation: business, her father’s recent death, and her opinions on how Ramona should resolve her spat with Luann.
  • Ramona and Mario host a dinner party at the Hamptons dwelling. In addition to Heather and Sonja, Aviva and her husband, also staying in the Hamptons, attend the dinner party. The friction between Ramona and Heather increases, and Heather fills Aviva in on how Ramona and Mario accused her of always interrupting.
  • Dinner begins. Sonja refers to her ex-husband as her husband. Ramona calls Sonja out about it, which hurts Sonja’s feelings.
  • Meanwhile, the next day in the Hamptons, Luann’s daughter Victoria has converted the garage into an art studio/showroom, and they host a party. Aviva attends with her husband. They have 4 children – one each from previous marriages, and 2 together. Heather and her husband also come to Luann’s house, but Sonja does not, which does not please Luann. and Aviva fill Luann in on how Ramona hurt Sonja’s feelings the previous night.
  • Carole was unable to go to the Hamptons, but decides to invite some of the girls to lunch once they return to the city. Luann, Aviva, and Carole arrive first. Luann tells them about a call she got from Ramona a couple weeks ago. Apparently there had been an incident when Luann hosted a party, and a kid drank too much before coming to the party, or snuck alcohol in, and eventually passed out. Luann called 911 when she couldn’t revive the girl. So after Sonja’s party, when Luann was trying to get an apology from Ramona, Ramona called Luann to threaten to expose the “things she knows about her children.” Aviva and Carole are horrified. Heather shows up, Luann leaves, and the others fill her in on the drama. When asked about the party in the Hamptons, Aviva says she felt that overall, Ramona and Mario were gracious hosts. Heather disagrees. The new girls decide they will not ever become “mean girls,” and that’s where the show ends.

So after all that, what’s the take-away bit of info from the 1st episode of the season? So far it’s everyone versus Ramona, with Sonja hanging out in the middle. Of course, as we know, this will likely change on a weekly basis.