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Thread: Bethenny Ever After

  1. #271
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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    I guess to many, including me, it just doesn't ring true that someone who wants to be in the spotlight in every other aspect of her life that we've seen suddenly doesn't want a birthday party with a few dozen good friends and close family in attendance because she's uncomfortable being the center of attention. It also doesn't ring true because she at least seemed to be greatly enjoying working with the party planner, securing a fancy location and decorations (which she said were exactly what she had in mind), fussing over what she was going to wear, getting professional hair and makeup, etc. Those things don't exactly scream, "leave me alone ... I don't want a party." Bethenny is practically the poster girl for assertiveness and doing things her way (not saying that's wrong of her), so if she really didn't want Jason to throw her a party, I'm willing to bet there would have been no party ... unless Bravo insisted and has the power to force her into it.

  2. #272
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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    Again, you're missing what actually upset her. It was not the party itself. My guess is she was planning to have a party all along.

    True, at a birthday party the birthday girl is the center of attention, but it's very different, having people coming up and saying "happy birthday i love you so much" and moving on to another conversation, and still being a member of a group, then standing in front of a huge group of people who are all staring at you, waiting for your reaction to something that you don't know what it is, judging your reaction, all the while dealing with the fact that this is what you specifically said you didn't want to have happen.

    Bethenny didn't plan this party, she met with Shawn and had him do it.

    As for the hair and makeup, it would have been better if she showed up looking terrible?? From the beginning, it was clear she was struggling to make this work.

    My guess is that Jason really, really wanted to throw her a party, but he wasn't willing to do it on her terms. He just assumed she'd love these surprises. And I bet if he'd done them in any way but the exact way she said she didn't want, she would have. And she did love Terri showing up, right? Because that didn't require her to be the awkward center of attention that way.

  3. #273
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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    Maybe I will have to catch this episode on a rerun, because I don't know why standing in front of your loved ones receiving gifts is so hard. It happens at all b'day parties, bridal showers, baby showers, etc. You open gifts and are expected to respond in some way. Usually just saying thank you, making some remark about what a great gift it is, giving a hug or something is sufficient and not worthy of a nervous breakdown. Has Bethenny not ever been the center of attention at a party before, receiving gifts? I dont know, but I tend to think she has at some times in her life. I didnt think it was a "huge group," either ... 35 or 40 people, wasn't it? She's spoken before larger groups in personal appearances and they were all staring at her waiting for what she had to say and she was fine ... and they didn't all love her, either!

    As far as her showing up "looking terrible" if she had not had her hair and makeup professionally done, what does that say about the rest of us? LOL. I really doubt Bethenny would look terrible if she didn't have professional help.

  4. #274
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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    Quote Originally Posted by Lucky22 View Post
    Maybe I will have to catch this episode on a rerun, because I don't know why standing in front of your loved ones receiving gifts is so hard.
    Speculation on my part but honestly when your life experience is that when you grow up in a situation where people are doing things ostensibly "for you" but really are making a big show of things based on doing what they want, wanting to hear how great a party they threw, and giving gifts to hear how generous and great they are, you'd just as soon skip the party. It truly sucks to be treated as invisible and held to an expectation of extreme gratitude, and have everyone say how great the party thrower is time after time when they aren't doing diddly squat anything that acknowledges who you are as a person. All they care about is what people say about them, not what others want.

    While I don't think that Jason is narcissistic in general or was when planning the events of Bethenny's party (and yes others planned the details, Shawn repeatedly said how hands off Bethenny was compared to her involvement with her wedding) the behavior was very similar to the narcissistic behavior Bethenny grew up with. Jason did refuse to consider that Bethenny really didn't want a big party, and ignored her preferences. This is why the biggest gift he could have given her would have been the party she wanted, not the party he wanted to throw for her.

    I think that we also need to keep in perspective that Bethenny's reaction was hardly a deal breaker. Bethenny did appreciate the effort and where he was coming from compared to where her mom came from and I think that Jason is finally starting to get that a "normal" and "functional" life isn't about living the life that he grew up with, but living a life that acknowledges and allows people to be treated is ways that matter to them.

  5. #275
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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    Quote Originally Posted by Boann View Post
    Speculation on my part but honestly when your life experience is that when you grow up in a situation where people are doing things ostensibly "for you" but really are making a big show of things based on doing what they want, wanting to hear how great a party they threw, and giving gifts to hear how generous and great they are, you'd just as soon skip the party. It truly sucks to be treated as invisible and held to an expectation of extreme gratitude, and have everyone say how great the party thrower is time after time when they aren't doing diddly squat anything that acknowledges who you are as a person. All they care about is what people say about them, not what others want.

    While I don't think that Jason is narcissistic in general or was when planning the events of Bethenny's party (and yes others planned the details, Shawn repeatedly said how hands off Bethenny was compared to her involvement with her wedding) the behavior was very similar to the narcissistic behavior Bethenny grew up with. Jason did refuse to consider that Bethenny really didn't want a big party, and ignored her preferences. This is why the biggest gift he could have given her would have been the party she wanted, not the party he wanted to throw for her.

    I think that we also need to keep in perspective that Bethenny's reaction was hardly a deal breaker. Bethenny did appreciate the effort and where he was coming from compared to where her mom came from and I think that Jason is finally starting to get that a "normal" and "functional" life isn't about living the life that he grew up with, but living a life that acknowledges and allows people to be treated is ways that matter to them.

    That makes sense. But if what Bethenny is so bothered by is people doing nice things in order to get the attention for themselves, why does she do that to others? Normally, if someone is highly sensitive to a bad behavior, they're highly aware of doing it themselves too. But Bethenny does nice things for other people to get attention for herself all the time. She did a makeover for her assistant that was covered on two shows (her own and Rachel Ray) so people could see how nice she is. She took Gina for a pedicure and televised it so people could see how nice she is. If she views that as horrible behavior, you'd think she wouldn't do it.

  6. #276
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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    Quote Originally Posted by AcookerTV View Post
    That makes sense. But if what Bethenny is so bothered by is people doing nice things in order to get the attention for themselves, why does she do that to others? Normally, if someone is highly sensitive to a bad behavior, they're highly aware of doing it themselves too. But Bethenny does nice things for other people to get attention for herself all the time. She did a makeover for her assistant that was covered on two shows (her own and Rachel Ray) so people could see how nice she is. She took Gina for a pedicure and televised it so people could see how nice she is. If she views that as horrible behavior, you'd think she wouldn't do it.
    The difference would be only doing nice gestures when the cameras are rolling. The difference is doing something that you know will be appreciated by the other person, versus doing something that the other person doesn't like. The difference would be if Bethenny had gotten angry or tried to manipulate them by being oh so disappointed and saying things like "well I was only trying to be nice" if Julie or Gina didn't show the excitement or appreciation she wanted.

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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    I think she was giving in to having a party, but did the planning herself so she could control what happened through out the night. And then Jason had his surprises, which she was not ready for and did not want and that is what caused her to meltdown. It's probably hard for me to explain, but I "get" the issue with her. I LOVE being center of attention the majority of the time, but I have my moments or events were'd I'd rather be a wallflower and just with my hubby.....

  8. #278
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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    I LOVE to be the center of attention but I HATE being put on the spot. I think that's the difference in having a birthday party for you, and what Bethenny got upset about with Jason and begged him not to do - put her on the spot.

    For those who claim she speaks in front of people all the time - she gets to plan that. She knows what to say and how to say it. She knows what's going to happen.

  9. #279
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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    Quote Originally Posted by reneekk View Post
    I think she was giving in to having a party, but did the planning herself so she could control what happened through out the night. And then Jason had his surprises, which she was not ready for and did not want and that is what caused her to meltdown.
    I think you highlighted something we forget about Bethanny. She MUST always be in control of what happens in her life. I'm not saying that negatively but just an observation of a fact.
    She became upset only during times that she had not orchestrated/planned. I think that's just who she has become, based on what's she learned in life. I think Jason only wanted to please her. In time, they'll understand each other better because I really believe that have a great love.

  10. #280
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    Re: Bethenny Ever After

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonlady View Post
    I think you highlighted something we forget about Bethanny. She MUST always be in control of what happens in her life. I'm not saying that negatively but just an observation of a fact.
    She became upset only during times that she had not orchestrated/planned. I think that's just who she has become, based on what's she learned in life. I think Jason only wanted to please her. In time, they'll understand each other better because I really believe that have a great love.
    I agree with what you've said, but I will say that your observation is a negative one in my book. Bethenny's insistance of always being in charge demeans everyone around her. Doing nice things for other people is a way to express love. That's what Jason and his parents were doing for her. By insisting on always being in charge, she's taking away opportunities they want to have to express their love. That's selfish and arrogant in my book, and not okay. Marriage is compromise. I was very happy that in last night's show, they returned to much more of the normal formula of the show, showing them getting into basic day to day situations, and being really funny working through them. I like watching that a lot better.

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