Bethenny Getting Married?

[stcroix]

It's easy to tell someone to 'move along' but unfortunately not everyone is emotionally equiped to do so. I,too, have a childhood abuse history that at age 56 still have problems with. And I was an only child. I only wish I had had the guts to get therapy when I was in my 20's because I honestly can't just get over it. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing.

[Debb70]

Yes, it's amazing how things that happened in our childhood follow us so many years later. I am seeing some big issues in my parents now that they are in their 60's and 70's. It involves things that happened when they were kids, but it still effects them like it was yesterday. They are going to have to get some therapy or I fear it will make their senior years very miserable.

[ubidiah]

Sometimes I think that misery is a choice because it is safe, and comfortable and KNOWN. Letting go of that can be very hard, but you don't do it if people keep enabling your misery. Happiness can be scary because you think it can be taken away if you dare to acknowledge it. But that's just a behavior or a defense mechanism. A habit. Some people can make piss out of lemonade, and just maybe it wouldn't hurt to remind them that that is what they are doing. Now that she has a baby she won't be so self-absorbed.

[Lucky22]

Sometimes I think that misery is a choice because it is safe, and comfortable and KNOWN. Letting go of that can be very hard, but you don't do it if people keep enabling your misery. Happiness can be scary because you think it can be taken away if you dare to acknowledge it. But that's just a behavior or a defense mechanism. A habit. Some people can make piss out of lemonade, and just maybe it wouldn't hurt to remind them that that is what they are doing. Now that she has a baby she won't be so self-absorbed.

Going to therapy to get in touch with how a traumatic childhood is affecting you in the present ... and believe me, it does keep affecting you whether you're aware of it or not ... is hardly "enabling your misery." It helps you become more aware of how the pain and rejection you experienced affects the life choices you keep making. If anyone can just let go of all that and become happy, well-adjusted, well-balanced people all on their own without any help ... by telling themselves or each other in effect "snap out of it and move on" ... they are one in a bazillion. Many people never really do move on in a psychological sense; they just grow older and think they have. They are as impatient, unkind and intolerant with other people as they no doubt are with themselves.

[ubidiah]

And some people are just too self-absorbed.

[Lucky22]

And some people are just too self-absorbed.

Yes, "some people" apparently are.

[ubidiah]

If by "some people" you mean Bethenny, then we're in agreement.

[tears.and.rain]

I don't understand where you're getting that Bethenny is self-absorbed because she has issues with her family. I commend Bethenny for getting the help she needs. A weaker person could have let their upbringing bring them down, used it as an excuse for failure. Clearly, Bethenny hasn't done this.

Although Bethenny mentions her upbringing frequently, it's not always in a whiny, pity-me way. Sometimes she's just being matter-of-fact.

I agree that comparisons bring us together, sharing common experiences. But judgment doesn't. Putting one situation up against another and judging who's is worse, or deciding that what works for one works for all, helps no one and accomplishes nothing.

[ubidiah]

It's self-absorbed if she brings it up frequently. Which she does. And it's not just the family thing. She's a complainer. Complain, complain, complain. I don't know how Jason puts up with it. What a saint.

[tears.and.rain]

I'm sorry, but how is that self-absorbed? She's not neglecting to consider the needs of anyone else just by mentioning her family.... whiny maybe, but not self-absorbed.