1192LikesNothing more boring and "pain-in-the-assy" than an adult who needs 24/7 reassurance. I've always believed that we take our cues from our parents about how we react to situations. Parental hysteria is never a good thing for our children.
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Nothing more boring and "pain-in-the-assy" than an adult who needs 24/7 reassurance. I've always believed that we take our cues from our parents about how we react to situations. Parental hysteria is never a good thing for our children.
"...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer
When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!
I totally agree with the prior two posts. On one hand, if you force someone with a phobia onto a ride or a plane against their will, it could quite tramatizing. I'm not sure anyone really understand phobias, but they respond to desensitization. The person, though, always has to be the one in control-- deciding what level of stress they can tolerate at any point. On the other hand, I do think parents can gently nudge a child in the direction of feeling more in control during periods of stress and to self- soothe, and also to overcome fears by gradual risk-taking.
My parents did the reverse-- give in to my fears, and also not help me to cope with anxieties on my own-- which tends to give you the idea that the more you avoid frightening things, the better it is. You can end up with much worse fears if you use avoidance as a primary coping strategy. Phobias diminish in response to desensitization, but intensify in reaction to avoidance.
I'm sure she must have had a terribly difficult childhood, with the accident itself, how hard it may have been with other kids, or at least how awkward, and how left out of activities she must have felt-- plus given her parents' reaction. Maybe Aviva's parents had the reaction of building up her sense of victimization and then right to special treatment or something of the sort. Striking the right balance must be a huge struggle for parents .And I do feel for her-- and her parents-- on that level.
She seems never to have outgrown her childhood sense of herself though. She becomes so easily and persistently enraged in the present, over small things, or things that aren't really her problem-- and to cling to Reid for soothing.
But to find her hard to take now is not to overlook the great challenges she faced as a child. Just as an adult I find her really harsh and superior-feeling. Understanding someone's childhood trauma may cause you to give them some slack- but at a certain point, you can just find them hard to take.
I have to take Xanax and a couple of cocktails at the airport before getting on a plane. And I don't take any plane alone! Takeoffs and landings are still no picknic, but no drugs in the world would get me on a small plane like you have to take into St. Barts. So I can really relate, but though she may have overdone it, I would have hoped the other women could have been more gracious about her husband acompaning her under the circumstances.Originally Posted by OceanView
Completely agree. IMO, Ramona and Sonja were the first to overreact. Still, their lack of decorum is precisely why they are on the show (I personally like both of them a great deal).
As much as I like the new wives (and so far, I like all 3), the show would be a snooze fest without their dramatics. LuAnne is a buffer. I'll be curious to see how the series plays out for everyone - and with the new season.
It's interesting to read all the viewpoints regarding Aviva and her actions. In some ways, it's understandable how her childhood experience of losing her leg traumatized her adn would have lasting effects. But given her evident self confidence, her extensive education, and the way she comports herself, she seems to have found a way to live a great life so I don't think I can say that her childhood is the reason she acted the way she did.
I understand phobias..have some of my own. I either avoid the situation completely or if I must face it, I'll do it and be glad I made it out alive...something I'm sure I wouldn't!! and leave it at that. I don't need a gold star from everyone for having faced my own fears.
Apparently, Aviva does. So to me, it's more about her needing attention than the phobia because when you break it all down, her anger was all about the response she got.
How differently everyone would have handled it if she had arrived, wanted to just talk to her friends about how hard it was, how glad she was that she did it and was happy to be alive, etc etc !
Good analysis Dragon lady (1) desire for attention versus (2) fear management.
Good Cave. Avoidance is not a cure for phobias. A phobia about everyday non dangerous things should be managed. Phobias that bring pain or rob your life of rest must be managed. Establishing dependency on a person is only satisfying for the co dependent, the person that needs to be needed.
I thought Heather's little display was kind of cute. I am mad.. I will go do me (since I am not getting attention from anyone else.) Attention is a little validator. (Mommy mommy mommy)
Aviva has a attacking or name calling problem. White trash Aviva with her double dealing husband. (Me thinks her brother in law got untroubled for double dealing and that shame is readily on her lips. Double dealing obviouslyis not in regular dialogue)
Last edited by Lizard; 09-17-2012 at 08:38 AM.
"Honest concern for others is the key factor in improving our day to day lives. When you are warm-hearted, there is no room for anger, jealousy or insecurity. A calm mind and self-confidence are the basis for happy and peaceful relations with each other. Healthy, happy families and a healthy peaceful nation are dependent on warm-heartedness." Dalai Lama
One of the things I'm anxious to hear about is the effect of Reid's not-so-nice words affected his life, e.g. overweight middle-aged women.
Probably not so much at work since I imagine he works with men mostly. Maybe in his and Aviva's social circles.
SUPERB!!!!
Hell, I am in a panic even being on the high end of a see-saw...I kid you, not.
The stupid relatives that I played with were older and all weighed more....and they thought it was funny. I tried not to react, but I'm sure my face was a dead giveaway.
"...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer
When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!
Aw, I feel for him, and he's lucky to have a parent who's sensitive to that fear rather than trying to force him. Because to people who like those rides, the fear seems silly. But if you're on the other side -- like I was -- it is a nightmare. The most terrifying thing in my life was a tilt-a-wheel type ride. I was about 8 years old and I screamed so loudly they had to stop the ride to let me off. People were always trying to pressure me to go on those stupid rides, even as a teenager.
I read the quotes about Caroline in Teresa's cookbook and I don't see anything hurtful in them. Unless, of course, you don't like being gently joked about - something friends do with each other all the time. The same applies to the "stripper carwash" quote. Caro has earned that one. She staunchly supported her son's purported goal of opening one, saying there's nothing wrong with it and it's not illegal. I had to wonder at the time if she'd feel the same if Lauren decided to work in one.
Caroline has manifold problems with her relationships and very few of them could be laid at Teresa's doorstep, imo. But I suppose that's the Bravo script this year. Two years ago it was "Teresa is an animal."
I have read that Melissa and Joe campaigned for years to get on the show and when they propoused making it all about their issues with Teresa, Bravo bit. They were signed without a word of warning to the Giudices. They have an ugly history together. Teresa and Melissa have been backstabbing each other for years. I guess it makes for good TV.
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