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Thread: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

  1. #6951
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    Quote Originally Posted by Jexter View Post
    I support Theresa in all this. I have from the beginning and I still do today. But, enough is enough already. Melissa won't change, Joe won't change. At some point, Teresa just needs to realize and accept this and move on.

    In Teresa's defense, the stubborness runs in the family. Her father and aunt have a comparable feud going that seems to have lasted a lifetime.
    That's a puzzling part. Why be so concerned that their father would be upset that they're not on good terms? If anything, it seems he might see the differences as somehow 'justified.'

  2. #6952
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    candor hit that Teresa nail directly-on-the-head!!!!!!!
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    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  3. #6953
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    Quote Originally Posted by candor View Post
    Teresa's biggest problem, and the one that keep her in constant battles, is that she's a right fighter. It's more important for her to be right and to win an argument than to make peace. And even when she's wrong, she'll ignore the evidence so that in her head she's right. That's why she can say with a straight face that she doesn't hold grudges, when in fact she dresses in grudge, eats grudge for breakfast and poops grudge in the afternoon.

    There was no reason for her to start another fight about the hospital visits. None whatsoever. But she's so driven by her need to be right and to win arguments that she's constantly on the look for ammunition. I think she's got some sort of personality disorder. No normal person can be that blind to their faults.
    I agree with this, but there is likely a reason for Teresa's obstinance. I say this because I'm similar (although age is making it less extreme). My own experience is that I never felt as if I had a voice. Adulthood (or what should be adulthood) set in and I realized I could actually speak out loud...at which point, I had a constant need to be "right". But I don't think that is even accurate. For me, I just wanted someone to listen to me and understand my perspective. Lacking self-confidence is a side-effect of growing up feeling invisible and mute and that further exacerbated it.

    Teresa might be coming from a similar place. Especially growing up in a household in which men were king. It took me 48 years to clue into this part of who I am. Teresa has about 8 years to go - unless she learns the lesson sooner than I did.
    Last edited by Jexter; 06-25-2013 at 07:22 PM.

  4. #6954
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    Jexter, I completely understood what you are saying here and, up to a point, I agree with you about Teresa. I think just judging from the fact that her father and his sister (Kathy's mother) haven't spoken for years that she comes by it naturally.
    Like you, I also didn't feel I had a voice but I had a mother very much like Teresa...stubborn, always had to be right, etc. Unlike Teresa, I decided early on that I would never be that way. I think Teresa is just repeating the pattern she saw as a child. It's time to think for herself but I don't think that will ever occur to her because she thinks she's "Right."

  5. #6955
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    Teresa seems to exhibit a person who is not comfortable in her own skin, thus she seems to feel the need to HAVE to be right, but she has to YELL to do it, to make sure she is heard.

    In my family, I was the quieter, more stand-offish one in the group. Fortunately, I was less like that when I was away from them. To this day, I still can feel like the "odd-man out", and can't help but wonder if I am really related to these people. I think I found my voice in a moment when I realized that someone was actually listening to me, and that I was being heard; interestingly enough, the person "hearing me" was a man. I remember feeling like I was on that first steep drop on a roller coaster ride. I was amazed at how I felt, and I never looked back.
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    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  6. #6956
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    Tiny person, loud voice might come into play with Theresa. Plus there might be a natural loudness to their family. One person of a different ethnicity was describing that to me decades ago.

    A lot of women have MARS (martian/men) communication trouble. Someone that is not romantically involved with you might listen better because that person is not looking for hidden messages or criticism and that person does not have conflicting interest. Of course there are couples that meet early on and really understand each other. That is a beautiful thing.

    I come from an amiable family where everyone felt important. I always felt loved, and spend a lot of time trying to make other people special. And THEN in a relationship with a man, I all of a sudden did not feel listened to, became anxious, and was quite challenged. And the freeing factor for me was when this nice person (me) who never cusses or yells after two years started cussing and YELLING saying basically that I would do whatever the H double hockey sticks I wanted to do (and meant/mean it). I felt so much better. I think there was an inner and an outer healing. Even my skin improved.
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  7. #6957
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    Probably all this contributes to Teresa's inability to move on, i.e. repeating family patterns, not being heard while growing up, ethnicity and method of communicaiton, maybe even on the flip side, a little bit of ego (my way or the highway).

    Who knows, but geeze. The drama between her and Joe and Melissa is wearing thin. Time for a new story line.
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  8. #6958
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    Quote Originally Posted by Lizard View Post
    Tiny person, loud voice might come into play with Theresa. Plus there might be a natural loudness to their family. One person of a different ethnicity was describing that to me decades ago.
    Lizard, I'm a tiny person who comes from a long long line of many many loud Italians.
    which seemed to make me into a person with a very quiet voice. You don't need to repeat what you saw as a child. You can choose what kind of person you want to be.

  9. #6959
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    As one of the quieter people from a small family....we weren't a family of whispering people, by any means.....I made the mistake of marrying into a big boisterous family (7 children) where everybody screamed over each other. I have come to recognize that that was a less than great move for me. There were "female issues" in that group, in that the girls tended to be very protective of their brothers and resentful of their wives/girlfriends. The guys were easier to get along with than the girls and the mother; I've never been so glad to get away from a family in my life! I don't like clannish/cliquish people. Oh well......live and learn. Seems like I prefer smaller more intimate groups....from having been raised in a smaller "pod", I guess.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

    When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!

  10. #6960
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    Re: The Real Housewives of New Jersey

    I don't think it's the yelling that's at issue -- otherwise Rosie would be given the villain role -- I think it's Teresa's combativeness.

    Adulthood (or what should be adulthood) set in and I realized I could actually speak out loud...at which point, I had a constant need to be "right". But I don't think that is even accurate. For me, I just wanted someone to listen to me and understand my perspective. Lacking self-confidence is a side-effect of growing up feeling invisible and mute and that further exacerbated it.
    Jexter, that was an insightful post. Were there times when you knew you were wrong but battled anyway? Or did you think you were right throughout? I'm curious what's going through Teresa's head when she's in the middle of these conflicts.
    "If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." Will Rogers

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