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Thread: The Real Housewives of Orange County

  1. #1971
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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    Brianna's really smart and has a great work ethic. I don't think she's living at home, maybe she came back for that weird uncomfortable three day blind date, because she was off in a condo somewhere before. Anyway, Ickie's giant success totem of a house is big enough where everyone may as well be living alone, voices echoing through bemarbled halls of loneliness, the only sound the taptaptapping of Ickie's laptop/lifeline as she achieves billionaire status/a massive coronary, whichever comes first and is less instructive.

    That and Michael belching....

    Oh, and Donn flipping through his little black book of years gone by, wondering who is still single....

  2. #1972
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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    Is "The Star" reputable/trustworthy enough to be quoted here?

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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    Quote Originally Posted by AngloAm;3763486;
    Is "The Star" reputable/trustworthy enough to be quoted here?
    Not sure but this is from the OC Register

    ‘Real Housewives’ Watchalong: Love on the rocks
    December 4th, 2009, 9:05 am · 14 Comments · posted by The Watcher
    Each week, the Watcher follows the “action” in the latest episode of “The Real Housewives of Orange County”

    It’s been a hard two weeks off for our Housewives, eclipsed during their Thanksgiving absence by White House party crashers and Tiger Woods’ mistresses.

    Not that they haven’t tried. The Star uncovered how Alexis Bellino dumped her first husband for a married man, and the Enquirer came up with pictures of Lynne Curtin’s daughter Raquel swigging liquor from a bottle.

    Not bad, but not enough to wrest the spotlight from a golf-club wielding Swedish model.

    No, our girls will have to earn their way back into the public consciousness the old-fashioned way: drinking and bitching their way through another episode …

    We begin with a quick refresher course. Previously on “RHOC”: The Curtins moved, the Barneys fought, the Bellinos fought, Gretchen and Tamra fought and Briana broke up with her boyfriend. Good times.

    Episode four begins at the Gunvalson estate, where Vicki awaits the arrival of Chris, Briana’s blind date. Chris is the son of a business associate of Vicki’s.

    Chris lives in Indiana. And the blind date will last three days.

    This gives us some insight into how Vicki’s mind works. Or doesn’t.


    Briana has been pining ever since her longtime boyfriend, Colby, dumped her for a 17-year-old. That kid may get his own reality show some day.

    Vicki is super excited about the prospects of Briana and Chris “hooking up.”

    Briana is, too: “My mom is always so controlling with everything.”

    Vicki goes to pick up the poor guy at John Wayne. In classic Housewife fashion, she’s talking on the cell phone while driving. I thought I saw her clip a couple of pedestrians on her way into the parking garage, but no matter. We have a scene to film, folks!

    We don’t get to see Chris until he is safely in Vicki’s garage and can’t make a run for it. He looks like one-time UCLA star Tracy Murray, but a foot shorter. To make a good impression on Briana, he’s wearing his very best T-shirt.

    The romantic sparks fly as soon as Briana and Chris meet. Briana breathlessly asks, did you have to sit in the middle seat? “I got a window seat,” her white knight responds.

    “We have a lot in common,” Briana tells us later. Like empty heads.

    **

    Then we’re off to visit with Gretchen, who also is talking on the phone while driving. A couple of school kids bite the dust in the crosswalk, but collateral damage is inevitable in war and reality TV.

    Gretch hops a plane to Michigan, where she checks in on the kids of her late fiancé, Jeff. At a backyard barbecue, she catches up with Jill, 21, Jake, 18, and a couple of Jeff’s friends, who make the Watcher look young.

    The kids are doing great. Jill is on probation for a DUI, and Jake is scheduled to lose his license the next day for too many tickets.

    Quasi-mom Gretchen dispenses helpful advice: “You can’t drink and drive,” she tells Jill. If only someone had warned her sooner.

    “The kids have acted out in a way that any normal person would act out,” Gretchen tells the camera. And by normal person, she means anyone on this show.

    Strangely, Jeff’s offspring actually seem happy to see Gretchen. Jake even shows her the hideous and disturbing tattoo image of Jeff he had inked on his back.

    “That turned out so great,” Gretchen squeals.

    **

    We shift to another backyard barbecue, this one at Vicki’s house.

    Vicki thought it would be fun to have a party in Chris’s honor. But we know that any time a Housewife says “I thought” she means “the producers made me.”

    Tamra is there, of course. Vicki is eager to tell Tamra about her matchmaking: “How cute is it that I picked Chris up at the airport this morning?” Not that everything is about Vicki.

    “I think it’s very awkward that he came all the way from another state just to meet her daughter,” Tamra says in a rare moment of clarity. Of course, she says that to the camera, not to Vicki.

    Because tonight’s episode is really dragging, the producers made Vicki invite Tamra’s husband, Simon, and Tamra’s 23-year-old son Ryan.

    Ryan has all the accomplishments of Jeff’s kids rolled into one fine individual: hideous tattoos and a suspended license.

    Simon and Ryan haven’t spoken in six months, since Ryan and his suspended license borrowed Tamra’s car while the couple was away. Simon wants an apology. Ryan refuses.

    “It’s just part of Simon’s way of trying to control everybody,” Ryan says. I thought that was Vicki’s job.

    We break the tension with a quick cut to Vicki tending the grill. “If I burn my 900 dollars prime rib, I’m going to freak out!” Vicki exclaims. $900? You need to shop somewhere else, lady.

    Meanwhile, future president Ryan and a couple of his friends are shotgunning beers in the pool while Simon looks on, seething.

    We learn that the real reason Simon is angry with Ryan is that Ryan trashed him on Facebook. This leads us to yet another fight between Simon and Tamra over her suspect mothering skills.

    “You need to put your foot down,” Simon tells Tamra. She also needs a time machine to put her foot down 20 years ago.

    “He’s still my son,” Tamra tells the camera later. “It’s still hurtful, and I don’t think that if roles were reversed I would ever do that to Simon.” Because Tamra gets along with everyone.

    **

    It’s time to switch scenes and see how our newest Housewife, Alexis, is doing.

    Well, it seems. She and husband Jim roll up to the Newport Beach Yacht Club in a Bentley.

    As the couple sits down to eat, Alexis informs us – apropos of nothing – that Jim has never changed a “No. 2” diaper. We wonder if Alexis ever has, either. Where are those troublesome children, anyway? With one of their nannies, I guess.

    As Jim lights up a gigantic cigar before dining – won’t that make the food taste great? – Alexis tells him about the highlights of her day. She squeezed in a run but didn’t get to take a workout class.

    Jim takes on the role of the viewer and starts needling Alexis about her busy schedule. It’s all about hair and nails and working out, he says. Alexis protests. She didn’t have her hair or nails done today or the day before. Being a full-time mom is a struggle.

    “You have to find a perfect balance between taking care of yourself and being self-absorbed,” Alexis tells the camera. Funny, I know a couple of people who have tipped the scale too far.

    Alexis maintains that it is important for her to keep looking good so Jim will stay in the fold. “Infidelity is one of the highest things of reasons people get divorced,” Alexis informs us. And what about incoherence?

    Jim, who is wearing a shirt that he hasn’t bothered to finish buttoning, still smoking that cigar during the meal and complaining about the food he can’t taste, has a different method of keeping Alexis in the fold.

    He breaks out a pendant for her with seven carats of diamonds. Alexis is moved to tears. The pendant has seven carats of diamonds, Jim repeats. Then says it again for good measure. Everyone get that?

    **

    We’re pretty far into the evening and have yet to experience major product placement. That is about to end at Lynne’s new house in Laguna Beach.

    Lynne’s daughters, Raquel and Alexa, are stressed about the family’s move and have been “acting out,” Lynne says. Because they were such well-behaved kids before.

    The family is having communication problems, so Lynne’s husband Frank “thought” (remember, this means the producers insisted) they should hire “youthologist” Vanessa Van Petten to help.

    Vanessa must have paid quite a bit for the spot, because it goes on forever. She talks to each of the girls, and in between the girls saying “like,” like, every other, like, word, we begin to sort out the family’s issues.

    The girls just want to have fun like any, like, regular teen: drinking, sleeping with boys and staying out all night. The parents think this is a big deal. “I’m like a caged little animal,” Alexa, 17, says.

    Oh, and Raquel wants to be an artist.

    Everyone is pleased with Vanessa’s work because they are contractually obligated, although it’s not apparent what’s going to change.

    “We have some goals now,” Lynne says, before the discussion devolves into whether Lynne ever ate hash brownies. Once again: I don’t make this stuff up.

    **

    The romance between Briana and Chris has reached fever pitch. She’s making him breakfast. Briana confesses that she eats her eggs with ketchup.

    “I want to see L.A.,” Chris offers.

    “I hate L.A.,” Briana coos.

    **

    Gretchen is still in Michigan, She and some guy named Tim go over to see Jill’s new condo. Jill isn’t wearing an ankle monitor, so her probation must be going well.

    Gretch is amazed that Jill owns a home, because a year ago she couldn’t do laundry. Judging by how Jill is dressed, she still can’t.

    As an experienced homeowner, Gretchen gives Jill helpful advice, like being sure to pay your HOA fees, which Jill hasn’t done. Anyone want to guess her foreclosure date?

    Gretchen asks more motherly questions. “Are you thinking about getting a job?”

    “No,” is Jill’s firm answer. Gretchen doesn’t seem happy. And what is Gretchen’s job again?

    **

    Tonight’s episode is so boring – yes, even by RHOC standards – that the editors hope abrupt cuts will make it more interesting. They are wrong.

    We land at another sponsor’s joint, Swirlz frozen yogurt shop, where Briana and Chris have reached passion’s zenith.

    “It’s good,” Briana says of the yogurt.

    “Really good,” Chris says.

    Briana confesses to the camera that this excruciatingly long blind date has become “awkward.”

    Chris gets a confessional, too: “Me and Briana are getting along very well.” This kid has no future on reality TV.

    **

    The weakness of this installment is underscored by a return to Michigan, where Gretchen and Jeff’s kids arrive at the local cemetery. They aren’t there to visit Jeff’s grave or to bury him, but to see where the kids want to bury him. Or part of him, anyway. Gretchen has half of the ashes.

    The real purpose of the visit is for Gretchen to shed a few tears and for the kids to endorse her dating Slade.

    “My dad would definitely want Gretchen to be happy,” Jill says.

    Gretchen is glad she went to Michigan, so she could get “closure.” We won’t ask about that half of Jeff’s ashes on the shelf in the garage.

    **

    Vicki and family take Chris out for a farewell dinner, the main purpose of which seems to be to place another local restaurant.

    Henceforth, all sponsors need to pay the Watcher for mention in this column. E-mail for further details.

    **

    Tamra is hosting a “wigged out housewives” bunko party, which requires the guests to wear funny wigs. And drink a lot, of course.

    Alexis and Lynne join the fun, as do two former Housewives. Tammy Knickerbocker arrives sporting a blonde wig and a tattooed arm band that any frat boy would be proud to display. To top off our evening of extreme boredom, the dullest Housewife ever, Quinn What’s Her Face, shows up and promptly disappears from view.

    Tamra explains the rules of bunko in the inimitable Tamra way, meaning that when she finishes, everyone knows less about the game than when she started.

    If you think watching a bunch of drunk women roll dice would be dull, you are correct. The sequence lasts maybe three minutes, but it feels like 30.

    The evening concludes, much as your own parties do, with Tamra pouring a drink down Tammy’s throat and French kissing a friend.

    **

    This painful evening draws to a merciful close with Tamra and Ryan lunching at another restaurant that I can’t name until the check clears.

    Ryan orders a shot of tequila and a beer.

    “You’re not drinking that much are you?” Tamra asks. “Nah, not that much really,” Ryan says as his tequila arrives.

    Things are going well for Ryan. He’s jobless, living at his grandmother’s and – oh, by the way - heading to jail for five days.

    After a conviction for driving with a suspended license, Ryan originally chose community service, then changed his mind.

    Tamra is distraught. Ryan urges her not to make a big deal out it. It’s jail, not prison is his ironclad logic.

    “I need to know that you’re done with this,” Tamra pleads. Ryan downs his tequila.

    **

    Next week: Raquel and Lynne go in for cosmetic surgery, Simon says Vicki and Donn aren’t normal and Gretchen and Tamra renew their fight. Sound good? No. But it has to be better than tonight.

  4. #1974
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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    Quote Originally Posted by socalgal;3763495;
    The Star uncovered how Alexis Bellino dumped her first husband for a married man.


    So if FURG is the married man she dumped her first hubby for; then this is probably the reason he seems like he has such control over her.....he is probably concerned she will do it again. So shower her with all the luxuries possible and keep her on a tight lease. JMHO.
    KAREN

  5. #1975
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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    Ryan is one pathetic soul. He is doing anything he can to get him mother's attention from Simon. You cannot convince me that he didn't reject the community service and opt for jail time because he knew it would jerk his mother around....and she played right into his hands. I'm just sorry it is not for more than 5 days. He really needs to man-up, and she needs to let him. She has done this kid zero favors, at all.
    "...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer

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  6. #1976
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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    Quote Originally Posted by momrek06;3763557;

    So if FURG is the married man she dumped her first hubby for; then this is probably the reason he seems like he has such control over her.....he is probably concerned she will do it again. So shower her with all the luxuries possible and keep her on a tight lease. JMHO.
    I agree...and you know the saying, once a cheater, always a cheater. If she cheated on her first hubby with him, he knows she can't be trusted if another guy comes along with a better offer...not to mention it explains his obvious lack of respect for her

  7. #1977
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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    Agreed, but he is a cheater as well. Maybe she's so compliant because she fears that he will do to her what he did to his first wife.....

  8. #1978
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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    You're right dustypants.....no wonder they come across with such a dysfunctional relationship

  9. #1979
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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    Yet they run around warbling (or she does) about how they "put God first." Utter tripe.

    You know, it's really repellent to me and any man who wants a woman to do that for him - to keep herself hawt for him because she can't trust that he loves her for her, but only lusts after her for her bod, deserves to be taken for all the seven carat jewellery he can afford. And any woman who's such a nitwit as to consider the only thing she has to offer her man is her body, which she has to keep all taut and young (while he can look like he probably smells of day old pizza, can't even tuck in his shirt for goodness' sake, and has to wave his phony-phallic cigar around like jumped up nothings do when they've got a bit of money), deserves to have him ditch her when she finally starts to sag. Both of them can't be so brain-dead as not to recognize the number they're running on each other.

    And how sad is that really, for us and for their three children. Oh, I guess it's not so bad for the kids; they probably think of the nannies as mummy anyway.

    Newsflash: If you're married to somebody who really puts God first, you don't worry about whether or not they'll stray if you don't go to the gym obsessively. If you put God first, you don't have hair that requires 'maintenance.' Your beauty comes from how you act, how you 'open your hand to the needy and extend it to the poor,' you 'are robed in strength and dignity' and 'open your mouth in wisdom.' You and your husband know "charm is deceitful and beauty vain, But a God-revering woman is much to be praised."

    Can anyone really say that about Saint Boob of the Rack?

    That's what makes me so angry. TamRAA, Gretch, and Poor Lynn at least don't pose behind a Bible to excuse away and puff themselves up. They're honest - they want money and to look like an adolescent boy's top-heavy fantasy. But Saint Boob and Ickie smear piety over themselves like they trowel on the foundation and use it to cover up their nastiness and triteness and to distract from their general emptiness. It's not that I dislike religious people, nor am I jealous of Saint Boob's money (I coudn't be with somebody who only cared about my appearance and who treated me like an errant nine-year-old, not for all the cash in the world), but when they put themselves on an faux pedastal and try to look down at the rest of us, I get very annoyed (putting it mildly). They might give truly reverent people a bad name, but luckily only the blinkered or those running a fake number like them can't see through them.

    Sorry if I've upset anyone. But while I deplore most of them (and while I enjoy watching them for the good TV they make!), I get really really angry everytime Frug and Saint Boob the Jewellery Whore come on, slithering all over their cross of hard cold gold.

  10. #1980
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    Re: The Real Housewives of Orange County

    And another thing...what kind of system is it that somebody like Ryan can get plastered, knocked off his butt drunk, and jump off a bus, break his foot, and then go on disability (i.e., have the taxpayers of Orange County support him)? He should be ashamed of himself. Love love love how he says that Simon is only mad about him STEALING HIS CAR to show that he's all 'top dog.'

    Hey, puppy, if Simon owns the car, he IS top dog and you're just a young pup who can't even feed himself. With the last eppy I lost my soft spot for his lazy looser a*s.

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