Welcome everyone. Tonight is a very emotional night for me; it’s the last time I get to write about these tranny look-a-likes. I know there is a whole new batch coming along but the ladies from the OC will always have a special place in my heart, they will fit in nicely right next to the ladies from Flavor of Love. Last week we all witnessed the wedding of the century, Quinn embarrassing herself beyond belief, and the rest of the ladies doing stuff. This week we get to hear all the dish and what the ladies are up to, plus the rumor is that Jo will be making a special appearance and that might mean that my cable has to mysteriously go out. So, let’s all put on our waders because I have a feeling we are going to be fed a lot of crap.
To kick the show off we have a super cheesy host, Andy Cohen, sitting with ladies ready to ask some prodding questions. Joining him on the couch is Vicki, Tammy, Tamra, Jeana, and Lauri. Sadly, Quinn is missing. I assume it has something to do with a wardrobe malfunction and that could be remedied with a turtle neck and support bra. Enough with the jokes about Quinn’s boobs…although, this will be the first of many I am sure.
Andy jumps right in with the questions and asks the ladies why they have so much boob hanging out. Sadly, Quinn is not there to field this one. Vicki gives some lines about not letting hers hang free. A viewer wants to know what moment makes the women want to cringe the most when they see it. Tamra goes first and talks about her dancing scene, you know, the one where she drops it like it’s hot. Personally, her answer should have been when she grabbed her son’s ass. Vicki goes next and talks about her fight with Jeana and some nonsense about not remembering any of it.
The Screaming Heard Round the World
Montage now about adults at play, basically all the embarrassing moments from all the ladies plus its full of screeching from Vicki that makes me want to pop my own ear drums. Vicki comments on the screaming and how it’s embarrassing. I’m glad that she is able to recognize this. She claims that she will never do this again and that if she does her friends need to tell her to stop. Andy, the host, talks her into giving one final screech and I feel so embarrassed for her. Vicki enjoyed it way too much. Andy then talks about Tamra having fun on the montage as well and we get a nice little recap about the Tamra and Vicki kiss. The unsexiest thing ever seen on TV.
We are back to the viewer questions and someone wants to know why Vicki claims to be a Christian yet gets drunk on every episode. This question is stupid because I don’t think Christians claim to not drink. Anyway, Vicki talks about the footage that is used is about their social lives, not the time they are working. Granted, Vicki does seem to like to let loose pretty often but with that face, you would have to drink daily. OK, that was a really mean thing for me to say. I’m going to have a drink to make myself feel better and then do a couple of screeches and hopefully I will wake up my neighbors with my penance. She then talks about her kids and how they do respect her and that she is a good mother. I do give her credit for being involved in her kid’s lives…a bit overbearing but she still would be there for them no matter what.
Andy goes on to tell the ladies about their big, gay, following. He asks what they would do if any of their kids came out as gay. This is the stupidest question. Like any of the ladies are going to be like “I would hate and then disown them.” Of course they are all going to say love them. Tamra talks about the blogs talking about her son Ryan being gay. The first sign that they are reading the Fort. Hi ladies, hopefully you are enjoying this recap. Lauri talks about her gay brother and actually for once seems to have a sincere moment when she talks about him and his death. I actually see some emotions in her otherwise plastic face.
From Rags to a Rich Rag that looks Ragged
Andy gets right to the point and asks Lauri how much her wedding cost. Nothing like being rude. She claims to not know and he wants a ballpark figure. She tells him it’s somewhere between $300,000 and $500,000. That’s nothing. I plan to spend double that on my first and second wedding and my third is where I’m going to easily drop 2 million. You will of course all be invited to the real wedding of the century. Now I just need to find some prospective husbands with lots of cash…
It’s montage time again and it’s time to show how she has gone from rags to riches. I’m a little offended that it’s considered to be rags when you are a working person. I guess I live in rags because I work to make money and get through life. Actually, I don’t work currently and go to school full time so I must be sewer scum. When it’s over, the ladies ooh and aah over how sweet that was. Andy asks Lauri about her comment about saying that Sophie is the only one that has not disappointed her yet. Lauri replies that Sophie has not disappointed her yet and still has time to do that. OK, Lauri = completely clueless! Lauri then tries to claim that Ashley wrote that speech from the wedding but I’m still in denial over it.
We now get to Josh, and Lauri is asked what is going on with him. Lauri says that Josh went into rehab, moved into her townhouse with Ashley and is working as a waiter. Lauri is helping him with a new car and he has been attending AA meetings. She claims to be really proud of him and I really hope for Josh’s sake that she is helping and supporting him while he gets sober.
Andy moves onto Tamra and asks her about being the self-proclaimed hottest housewife and how it feels to be 40. It’s Tamra montage time. Good, we get a nice clip of Tamra almost freaking up on her son. These two seriously have the most off relationship. Andy asks her if she is going to get plastic surgery because she has some catching up to do. So he insults all the women and Lauri jumps in right away and says she has not had much surgery. I about choke on my box wine that I’m currently jugging. Seriously, look in the mirror, you look like a man!
Next, Tamra gets asked about her relationship with Ryan. She talks about how he was an only child and she wasn’t married so they became really close. She then talks about how they are really close in age and how all his friends think she is hot. She also talks about making the mistake about saying his father was never there for him. She obviously got an angry phone call.
Time to move onto her boobs. She says that Simon likes her new boobs and his comment about the mosquito bites was just a joke. Andy seems to be staring down her chest and that creeps me out a bit. Then Jeana comes in with the line of the night and asks Tamra is she was ever an exotic dancer. Tamra claims no but I think we all know better.
A viewer has sent in a question and wants to know if any of the ladies would pose in Playboy. Jeana has already done it and has no plans to go back. Vicki gives a very firm no along with all the other ladies except for Tamra. She says she will never say never. Jeana tells her she is a little old and Heff might be more interested in their daughters. Let’s not kid ourselves, Lauri and Tamra would both jump at the opportunity if it was ever offered.
Much to my utter surprise, Quinn is wearing a modest top that is not showing much. Andy tells her she looks great and Quinn tells him she has lost 22 lbs. I actually do think she looks really good. Andy tells her that she is America’s favorite cougar. I want to know when this election took place because I don’t think I would have voted for her. Quinn claims to not like the title and the other women agree that it’s kind of a derogatory term. We now get a nice little montage of Quinn as she tries to find the balance between her religion and sexuality. In other words, potty break!
To the questions, a viewer wants to know why Quinn would want to be with a man who is basically an ass although that’s not what the viewer said. Quinn says, Billy’s not her now is he. Andy asks if she misses him and she says no although you can tell she does. She also claims they broke up because he never wanted to get married instead of the fact that he was a huge jerk to her. Hopefully she will watch the episodes again and learn and maybe lose some of her desperation. Andy moves onto Jarred and she claims to have never kissed him. It was probably not in his contract to kiss her.
Andy wants to know how she is being received at her church now that the show has aired. She says that being a Christian does not mean that she can’t kiss, date, or get out there. Andy wants to know why she doesn’t date someone from her church. She basically says because they are boring and she wants someone that is wild, crazy, and a huge ass. She will never learn. Andy ends with the question that is on all our minds, real or fake. Quinn answers with fake and if I were her, I would be on the phone with the doctor demanding to have those puppies lifted.
We’re Going to Viiiiicki!
We get to Vicki and have a nice little montage that talks about her business and how it is growing so much. We also get a few surprise shots of Donn; who knew he even existed anymore. The montage ends with Vicki saying the line about how sometimes she wishes that she was single. Jeana is shocked and tells Vicki she can’t believe that she said that. Vicki looks like she’s ready to shed tears and seems kind of shocked that she said that as well. She then talks about how she and Donn have had a tough year and that Donn has been left behind.
A viewer wants to know how Vicki manages to balance a business and have a strong family life. Vicki, still looking like she’s ready to cry, talks about how it’s very tough. I feel kind of bad for her. It really seems that she and Donn might be at their ending point. Vicki makes some comment about juggling too many balls and Tamra loses it because she is thinking about juggling Donn’s balls. During this little outbreak, Vicki starts crying and Andy asks her where their relationship is going. Vicki tells him that they are in a crossroads and Donn wants things to change.
Andy asks Jeana where she thinks that Vicki’s marriage is going. Jeana likes Donn and she and Vicki have become very close and she is trying to help her. All the women comment that they would love to be in Vicki’s place and have such a loving husband. Quinn makes a comment about the grass always being greener on the other side and that’s so true.
I Wonder if Lou had a Will?
Its Tammy’s montage time and we get a clip about Tammy and her girls as they deal with Lou’s death. Tammy get’s asked about her kids and she claims that they are doing well now. Tammy talks about how she was not heartless and gave her girls money but not for extras like tattoos. Tammy actually does seem like a good, level-headed mom…although she sometimes looks more like a dad. Sorry, I had to get that jab in.
You are my brother, best friend forever
If anyone knows where I got the lyrics for this subtitle you will win a shiny gold star. We are onto Jeana and Vicki’s friendship and their business relationship. We get a montage of their trip and Vicki making a surprise visit to her other home. Andy asks first off who this Frankie character is. Vicki says that he was a fan of the show that emailed Jeana. Andy seems a bit shocked as do I. I guess I should start giving out my address to my recap fans and letting them move in with me. Jeana claims that Frankie emailed her and told her that her house needed some help and he was going to come in and do some painting and other things.
We then move onto the business part of their friendship. It still seems a bit tense but they both claim they are still working with each other over this and would continue to in the future. Vicki is high strung and Jeana is laid back and that just doesn’t seem to work in this sort of relationship. Jeana did make a good point about the fact that Vicki bought a new house and had a tenant in it right away, it was never empty. There are now different tenant’s in it that are planning to buy it from her. Jeana claims to have both of their wants in her best interest.
A viewer wants to know why Vicki gets such a hostile attitude when things don’t go her way especially with Jeana and dealing with the house. Vicki answers with, “because she was wrong.” Andy asks Jeana if Vicki is her most difficult client and Jeana tells him that your most difficult clients don’t remain your friends after the situation is over.
Tall Men with Mustaches = Porn Stars
And finally we get to Jeana, her montage is about her venturing into the world as a single woman again. Jeana makes a really funny comment about liking men that are tall with mustaches. It’s really funny to me because that seems to be such an 80’s look. Andy asks her what her current status is. She tells him that she is still married but they are legally separated. He talks about her comment that she made about her husband not liking her because she gained 20 lbs. She tells him they just never got along and he hurt her self-esteem.
He tells Jeana that she comes off as a very strong woman but has a completely different view of herself that she shows. Jeana doesn’t know how to answer and Lauri agrees with Andy’s analysis, as do I. Jeana talks about how hard her divorce has been on her and her friends. Vicki starts crying and says that this has been hard on her as well because she needs to put more work in her marriage. Jeana says that Vicki has really helped her through her separation. You can tell these two are really good friends.
Some People are Not Meant to Be Singers
A viewer writes in and wants to know what is going on with Jo and she wants her to come back. This has to be a completely fake email. We get a montage of Jo and my ears are assaulted with her singing. Jo makes an appearance and it seems a bit awkward. She is asked about her singing career and she claims its going really great. I think we all know it’s going to tank before it even hits the shelves. She is asked about Slade and she says that they talk but do their own thing. She makes a little pimp move for her new show coming out on Bravo about her dating life. Seems really exciting…NOT! (That joke was so 90’s)
The show is ending and we end with talk of Vicki and her little trip to the spa with her assistant. We get to watch the scene of her getting waxed all over again and I’m ready to call it a day. Lauri makes a final comment about coming back as the New Age Golden Girls which is a direct clue that they read the FORT and gave a nice shout out to MFWalkoff. I really think we will get another season with these ladies but sometimes you never know. Ladies if you are reading this, do it for us, please come back.
With that, thank you to everyone for reading the recaps and enjoying the show as much as SueEllen and I did.
If you can tell me what happens when you cross a peacock and an ass, please send me a PM.