Welcome back to another week with the insipid ladies of the OC. Just to get everyone up to speed, last week- Jeana and Vicki fought in a limo, Tamra cried because her kid got a tattoo and is kind of a screw-up, and Quinn embarrassed herself with Billy out on the golf course, and in front of his friends at his birthday dinner. There. Everyone caught up? Let’s dive into this week’s episode!
Vicki has been working out of home, but now thinks it’s time to get an office. A really big office. Lauri doesn’t work for her any longer because of her upcoming marriage to George, and Duff doesn’t work for her anymore because he went back to construction, so I’m not sure who works for Vicki now, but it must be a lot of people because that office is pretty big.
Vick has a new assistant named Tammy, (because there are not nearly enough women on this show already whose names begin with “Tam”). Apparently, Tammy emailed Vicki and told her that she needed to hire her, Vicki ignored said email, and then Tammy sent another outlining all the reasons why she should be fired, and Vicki decided to hire her. Take note, reality TV stalkers- sometimes sending crazy emails works! Tammy is from Wisconsin, and the first time we see her seems to be wearing both a banana clip and a gigantic bow in her hair. That’s quite an accomplishment! Vicki doesn’t really care about Tammy’s hair accessories, and says the match is a good fit.
Jeana’s been working out regularly, and her friend Frankie is her workout buddy. Remember how Jeana and Vicki fought about Frankie last week? I think that makes him a good audience when Jeana needs to complain about her friend/ client. Jeana calls Vicki the most difficult client she’s ever had, and cannot understand why she micromanages everything. Frankie tries to point out all the great stuff that’s been done to the Altamira house, and Jeana tells him that she doesn’t understand it, but can’t help that Vicki is frustrated with things. Then Jeana drops the bomb that she’s helping Matt find a house in Arizona so that he can be close to Shane, and I just ask why? Why help an asshat who seems to spend more time in prison than out lately? After she talks about helping Matt, Jeana declares that she just wants to move on and have some fun. After she helps her ex find a house, I guess.
Lauri and George and their assorted children are back from vacation, and now it’s time for everyone to throw themselves into planning for the wedding. Lauri pulls Ashley aside to ask her to address some invitations, (in cursive please, not the usual weird penmanship Ashley usually uses), and then formally asks Ashley to be her maid-of-honor. I think it says a lot about Lauri that her daughter’s reaction is to say “You’re lying!” Laurie has to convince her daughter that she is not lying and really wants her as maid-of-honor. Ashley tears up and accepts, and then Lauri outlines all of the things she needs Ashley to do before the wedding. When Ashley balks at all the chores/ errands, Lauri tells her that’s what a maid-of-honor does, what, “… be your bitch?” Ashley asks, and I want to stand up and applaud. I have to say that having been a maid-of-honor more times than I care to remember, that line was something I often thought, but didn’t have the guts to say, so great job, Ashley! Not that her mom will back off or anything, but still cool! Ashley asks her mom if she’s going to get a good present for being maid-of-honor, and suggests a car. Again, way to go, Ashley!
Quinn’s ex-boyfriend David is in town, so she’s having a party to introduce David to all her friends. Well, not to Billy. Or Jared. They’re not invited. David gets put to work on the grill and Quinn tells everyone that she and David met when David was working part-time at a local tavern. She tells us that the relationship was pretty tumultuous, and he partied all the time. That was probably because he was 20, and that’s what 20-year old guys do. Even when they’re “dating” 40-year old women. Quinn has some boy talk with her girlfriends, and tells them that Billy hasn’t called her his girlfriend yet, and she’s worried that she’s wasting herself on someone who doesn’t appreciate her.
Now on to Tamra! When we see her, she and Tammy are on their way to a Botox party, and Tamra is squealing about how much she loves plastic surgery. Tammy has booked the consultation, and Tamra is excited to see what suggestions the doctor has for her, because, as she tells us, she is going to be 40 soon. I’m glad I don’t have friends over tonight for the “I’m turning 40 soon” drinking game, because I think I’d be passed out by the second commercial break.
Tammy likes the idea of the Botox party, because the office has supplied sushi and liquor, two things I find helpful when I’m trying to decide if I should have surgery or not. The plastic surgeon the ladies are meeting with is kind of creepy and also kind of a jerk. He tells Tamra that she’s not a bad looking girl, but a brow lift could help her. I’m glad to see that she does not go along with this, but she does decide to get some more Botox injections… but only if Tammy does too. Tamra screeches that she’s a Botox junkie, and Tammy tells us that it was her first time. Hmmm… I’ll bet it’s been a while since Tammy has been able to say that.
After the ladies get injected with icky stuff, they admire themselves in the mirrors, and Tamra tells Tammy that now “Maybe you can find a 25-year old like Quinn!” And then lo and behold, who shows up but Quinn herself! What an absolutely amazing coincidence. Tamra hugs her, because they’re BFF obviously, and tells her that the doc thought she should get a brow lift, but she got Botox injections instead. Quinn comments that she is the oldest girl there, and Tammy agrees, making Quinn comment that Tamra and Tammy are catty. Quinn tells us that the doc did not recommend anything for her, and she is happy… and a liar. Well, I think she’s a liar. She opts for an oxygen facial because Botox is not her style. Nor is a supportive bra, apparently.
Back to Lauri and today she and George are at the St. Regis Hotel to taste appetizers for the wedding. Lauri says this is the toughest decision the two of them have to make, and I really feel for them and their hard lives. Lauri likes an appetizer with dates, and George likes figs. I really hope this does not break them apart. Lauri announces that she likes the dates, and it’s her wedding, her day and all about her. Um, Lauri? Yeah, you can get away with that crap for your first wedding, but not so much for your fifth. Shut the hell up, please. They compromise and decide on both, and then Lauri starts in on how George wants to serve calamari. She does not want calamari and doesn’t know who on earth would eat it, (right here, Lauri), and thinks more people would enjoy beef. Well, we all know how much Lauri enjoys beef.
I was hoping we would get through an episode without seeing Ryan, but that is not to be. Tamra asks him if his room is clean. It’s not. She then yells at him for not cleaning out his bottle. Tamra is angry because Ryan is not keeping to their agreement- he is not cleaning his room or taking out the trash. Wait… is this guy 12 years old? What? He’s in his 20s? Yikes!
Ryan wants to move out but is worried that the amount of money he is making at the dealership will hinder him in finding an acceptable place and being able to pay rent. Then for some reason he tells Tamra and Simon that his bill came to $70 when he went out the other night, and he paid it. Simon rolls his eyes at the camera, and Tamra tells us that it’s her fault because she’s been too lenient with Ryan his whole life and has created a monster.
It’s Vicki freak-out time! Vicki hasn’t been over to the Altamira house for over a month, and she decides to show up early without giving her renter, Frankie, sufficient time to get ready. A while ago, she told Slade he could store some of his things in the garage, and Vicki is very upset to see that Slade’s stuff is actually in her garage. As soon as she sees the clutter, she shrieks that she is going to have a nervous breakdown. Frankie looks like he’s just woken up, and seems like he does not want to deal with crazy Vicki. She swears and carries on, and tries to call Jeana but gets her voice mail. She just can’t figure out why everyone does not operate the same way she does. Loudly.
Vicki has to get some things moved out of the house, so she hires some movers who also don’t do things the same way she does. She tells one of them: “It’s $85 and hour. I love you, but haul ass.” I’m sure they all love you too, Vicki!
Vicki finally reaches Jeana and asks her to come over to discuss the Altamira house. She tells Jeana that the house is not showable because of the mess in the garage. Jeana counters that she never lets potential buyers go in the garage, so this shouldn’t be a problem. Really? That’s weird. Vicki insists that she would look at a garage before buying a house, and I have to agree with Vicki on this one. Then Vicki says that she would fire Jeana if she was only her Realtor. Ouch.
Quinn’s out for some fondue with Billy, and she tells us that seeing David reminded her that she has spent far too much time with men who don’t want to commit. Billy asks her how she’s been and comments that they haven’t seen each other in a while, and Quinn replies “I’ve been, I’ve been… I’ve been missing you.” Wow. Way to lay it all out there to a guy who seems only marginally interested in you.
Quinn tells us that if she is in a sexual relationship with a guy, he is her guy and she hopes it will end up in marriage. Billy asks the waitress about a dish with wild game, and Quinn says (in front of the waitress, and the cameras), that she can go wild. She can do the wild thing all night long! Oh, I am so embarrassed for her. So embarrassed. She then comments that Billy has never been married, and maybe he’ll stay a bachelor forever.
Billy chatters kind of nervously throughout the meal, and it’s driving Quinn crazy. Personally, I think he’s worried that she’ll say something else horrifying, and he doesn’t want to give him the chance. Finally, Quinn has had enough of his talk and tells him that they’ve been seeing each other for three months, and she doesn’t know if he’s her boyfriend. I think his silence when you asked this question should provide the answer, Quinn. Billy actually tries to change the subject, and I am just cringing at the whole thing. She tells him that this has never happened to her before, and she just doesn’t know what to do. I’d say drop the dud and buy a better bra. Just my two cents.
RHOOC teaches me so many things! For example: I did not know that it was appropriate to have a bridal shower for one’s fifth wedding. It must be, because Ashley’s throwing her mom and fancy party, and all the lovely ladies of the OC are there to help her celebrate. And one special lady we haven’t seen for a while- Kimberly from season one! Looks like someone wanted some face time! Kimberly gushes about how much she loves Lauri and how happy she is for her and how great life is.
Lauri does some gushing of her own- about George of course. Boy, I never ever get sick of that! Lauri simpers that she and George will never run out of things to say to each other, and that they can stay up all night just talking. Meeting George has taken a huge load off her shoulders and she has truly found her Prince Charming. Jeana cynically remarks that it’s all a fairy tale now, but marriage actually takes work. The other women mostly ignore her.
Lauri didn’t know what type of shower her daughter was throwing her until she started opening her gifts, and they are all sorts of trashy lingerie. Excuse me, beautiful lingerie. Our ladies of the OC would never gift anything trashy. Lauri opens a bunch of different pieces of lingerie, and then opens some very special packages containing body frosting and a special necklace for a man to wear on his… parts.
Vicki toasts to her friend Lauri, and tells everyone that George is “so nice” about 700 times, and then Ashley also gives a toast and cries at the end. Lauri also cries and tells Ashley that this is the nicest thing she has ever done for her mom. She is floored that Ashley organized the shower for her.
Ugh. More Tamra and Ryan. Tamra asks Ryan how work is going. He says that it’s easy, but now what he wants to be going at the dealership. Then he announces that he wants to buy a Harley. Simon tells Ryan that he needs to get his life together, and not buy a Harley. He tells Ryan that it’s hard to make ends meet and pay rent, and that he will help Ryan pay his rent on a sliding scale. Wow, that’s very generous of Simon, but I think at this point he really wants the kid out of the house and would do almost anything to make it happen.
Finally tonight, Vicki is treating her new assistant Tammy to a makeover! Vicki really like Tammy and thinks she’s doing a great job, and wants to treat her for all her hard work. Tammy tells Vicki that she’s never had her hair done professionally before. Wow, really? I’m pretty sure they have salons on Wisconsin- probably some pretty posh ones too. Whatever the story, Tammy is excited that she is finally going to be cool!
Jeana shows up for the festivities, and arrives just as Tammy is going in to get waxed. The aesthetician tries to explain what a Brazilian wax is, and Vicki recommends a bikini wax, and then asks some very personal questions about Tammy’s hair removal regime that Tammy thankfully does not answer. I’m not sure what kind of wax the ladies decide on, but apparently it’s very painful and takes forever. Tammy is super loud during the whole process, and now I see why Vicki likes her so much.
Vicki comments that she thinks Tammy is stuck in the Midwest, (um, I have to disagree with that one as I am a Midwesterner myself, and have not worn a banana clip since 4th grade), or maybe stuck in the 80s. Tammy ends up with a nice haircut and style, and then Vicki presents her with a trendy sundress. Tammy puts it on, and she looks great, but I just know she’d going to pair it with a big floppy hair bow and sensible flats the next time she wears it.
That’s all for tonight, but make sure to tune in next week to see Jeana do some Playboy stuff, Quinn act embarrassing around men, and the return of Josh!