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Thread: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

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    Being VIP Yardgnome's Avatar
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    RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    Welcome back everyone. It seems like it’s been forever since this show has been on but as soon as Vicki started screeching it didn’t seem like it had been gone long enough. I hope everyone had a very Brady Christmas and got everything they wanted and deserved…especially if you are shacking up with the local, wealthy, creepy man. My holidays were extremely busy. Between taking finals, moving, quitting my job, and holiday shopping I was rivaling Vicki in being completely crazy…minus the shrieking. This year for Christmas, I asked Santa for a rich, single, man to make me feel like being a princess because I’m continually being told that being rich is so much easier. All I have found is a very cute construction guy who is working in my building but since he doesn’t own multiple homes and chins I just don’t know if I should make my move. Anyway, enough about my shallow troubles, let’s get ready to examine the faux lifestyles of the maybe rich and not so famous.

    Stupid is as Stupid does
    To kick the show off tonight we join Lauri and her perfect family as Ashley and Mackenzie are out shopping for animal costumes. The goal is to get a bear costume to scare the family on the perfect camping trip. They instead end up with a chicken and gorilla suit. They will both be super perfect and super scary…or not. These girls are actually going to lug these ridiculous costumes on a camping trip and scare the family? More like kill the family as they are laughing so hard they die.

    The next morning the family is flying out to Jackson Hole and their plane leaves at 7am so they are all up early for the day. Limos pick them up and they all head out to the airport. George is the only “man” along on the trip but I doubt most of us consider him to truly be one so let’s just say the RV is full of ladies.

    Tamra is at the Country Club with her husband playing tennis. Simon likes tennis so Tamra has been taking lessons to get as good as him. She doesn’t seem to be very good and she tells us about the severe neck and back pain due to her gigantic breasts. After tennis, she and Simon are going to the doctor to discuss having her implants removed. In the car ride there, Simon is acting like a concerned husband and tells her he doesn’t want someone with mosquito bites, she needs to have something. What an ass!

    They arrive at the doctor’s office and meet with the doctor to discuss the procedure. She is planning to have the implants removed and then a lift. The doctor tells her that she needs to have smaller implants put in with a breast lift. The doctor passes around the sample implant and Simon caresses it lovingly and I’m sure they had to pry that thing out of his hands before he left.

    Now off to my least favorite housewife, Quinn. She is out on another awkward date with Billy and I basically want to just tune them out because they are boring. They discuss having kids and Quinn tells him that she won’t have kids unless she is married. OMG, these people are so weird together, I just don’t see the chemistry or see any attraction between the two of them. I think the only reason he sticks around is because of the eyeful he gets down her shirt every time they are together.

    We’re going to Mexico and Jackson Hole and we’re going to be Annoying!
    Vicki and her family are off to Puerto Vallarta with Jeana and her kids. Donn is not going because he probably doesn’t want to hear his wife shriek and be beaten by his wife when she starts drinking. The family is packing and getting ready to go and keeps screaming “We’re going to Mexico.” Seriously, if she was my mother, I would be moving away from her and cutting her off, which would probably mean getting a job and earning my own money so I wouldn’t be dependent on her. I’m looking at you Breana and Michael.

    Jeana and her family are much calmer as they get ready for the trip. They all lie around and make fun of how crazy Vicki is going to be. That kind of makes me laugh. A small bus, not a family van, picks up the families to take them to the airport. We get one last screech of “we’re going to Mexico,” I want to pop my ear drums so I don’t have to hear it again.

    Lauri and her family arrive in Jackson Hole and check into the Four Seasons hotel. That really sounds like roughing it to me. They go to pick up their RV and this is going to be pure comic gold. I love camping and go every summer I try to go a couple of times. RV-ing is not really camping, these people need to bust out some tents and really rough it. The kids are all whining about the RV and there being no beds or places to sleep. Laurie shows them how the chairs fold down into beds, and frankly I’m shocked that she actually knows what she is doing. Laurie can’t believe how bratty the kids are acting. Lauri mans the wheel first and they are off.

    Lauri is upset that she has to drive but she seems to be managing. There are also a couple of small dogs along on the adventure or what I like to call them, coyote snacks. Lauri can’t believe how sheltered George’s kids are and thinks this will be a great adventure for them. She also plays up to the camera and gives some speech about wishing that Josh was there since he would really enjoy this trip. If she cared if he was there or not she would be helping him through this rough patch and putting him in a top notch rehab facility and helping him get clean.

    Seriously, more screeching?

    Down in Mexico, the overzealous have arrived. They are going on a horseback riding adventure. This setup reminds me of being in Costa Rica a couple of years ago and going horseback riding. I’m not comfortable on horses but when you put me on a Spanish speaking horse it makes it even worse. Their horses seem to be better and everyone has a good time. They stop to go swimming and Vicki gets crazy and starts yelling at her kids about how they should be thankful and that she loves them.

    Later, they stop for lunch and Vicki and Jeana don’t want the kids going out alone. We also come to find out that at 2 or 3 in the morning Vicki comes in to check their beds. Can we all repeat together, PSYCHO! The kids start talking and Jeana makes some joke to Michael’s girlfriend about her being Vicki’s favorite ex daughter in law. No one finds it funny, although I kind of did. Jeana doesn’t drop it and starts to say some other crazy things. Really though, she is with queen annoying so I can’t see how either one has any space to get mad at the other.

    Meanwhile, on the Brady family camping trip the family enters Yellowstone Park for their big camping adventure. Lauri is trying to park at the RV campsite and she finds out she has to back into the space. George agrees to help her from the passenger seat. Most people would get out of the RV and help but I guess he’s afraid of attracting bears or something. Laurie ends up hitting a little post and tells George he has to back up. George climbs in and Lauri is shocked that she will have to help him. He gets it in all snug and tight and right here you should probably make your own dirty sexual innuendo.

    In Mexico, Vicki is getting the kids up to take them on a zip line adventure. I’m kind of excited to see this because I went when I was in Costa Rica and last year in Honduras, I already know Vicki is going to freak. Jeana’s family decided to not go and have an afternoon to their selves. They all get harnessed up and I will repeat again, no one looks good in a harness. They head up to the line and Vicki asks a million questions and she is off in a cloud of shrieking, screaming, and plain annoyance. If they had any hopes of seeing wildlife that is all passed now. A good time was had by all and they give Vicki the praise she craves.

    Gentle Handling of the Boob
    Tamra is at the doctor’s office for her surgery and she actually seems a little nervous as does Simon. As much as I like to make fun of him I actually find him to be a pretty decent guy. The surgery goes well and Simon probably asked for the old implants to take home so he can continue to have fun with them. Tamra is doing well after the surgery and looking forward to wearing the new hoochie mama tops she so likes.

    Over at Quinn’s house we get to meet her son, I didn’t know she even had kids. We find out her son is very smart because he is baking his second batch of chocolate chip cookies, the first batch had to be thrown out because he forgot the chocolate chips. Quinn is off to her ex boyfriends to pick up all her forgotten knick knacks from his house. David, the ex, is creepy right from the get go and I can’t blame her for breaking it off. They decide to have martinis and I’m sure he’s making them extra strong in hopes that her shirt will fall lower than it is. This woman is wearing a tank top with one of those built in bras. Those are meant to be worn by women with small breasts; Quinn should probably have a bra on with that thing because frankly she is ready to bust out.

    During their drinking extravaganza Quinn tells him about her date with a 25 year old later. She walks around and starts to collect her belongings. The whole situation overwhelms her and she starts to cry. I’m about ready to as well if she doesn’t put on a sweater or something and cover up those girls. She is on her way out and hopefully with a stop to a good lingerie dealer.

    Meanwhile, over in Wyoming, Lauri and gang is out on a nice nature hike. The kids are all complaining and I just want to smack them. They are at a place I would love to go and seeing some of the beautiful sites that America has to offer. Lauri continues to rip on George’s kids and the sheltered life they live back in the OC. Her kids are perfect and George’s are not.

    Back to Quinn and her boobalicious clothes, she is off to her date with the young, and slightly off looking boy toy, Jared. He lives in this spectacular home for someone so young. He actually has an elevator that leads up to his front door. I am slightly older than Jarred and I worked (or did) hard and I have no idea how he could afford all that unless he is living off some trust fund. They are having dinner on the deck and he busts out some fireworks to shoot off. What does a 40 something see in this? Next they are off to race Lamborghini’s, sounds like lots of fun.

    Ending the Trips of a Lifetime

    Their time in Mexico is up and the families are ready to go home. Vicki is still working and Jeana is encouraging her to start taking meds. Jeana looks highly medicated so it’s understandable why she is suggesting that. Some people are high strung and they can’t help it, not that I know anything about that.

    Back at idiot camp, Ashley and Mackenzie are going to perform their scary trick. They change into their ape and chicken costume and come rushing to the family RV. Like expected, no one is scared and mocking happens…mainly from me. These girls really are clueless, did they seriously think this would be scary. Scary would be taking a large coffee can, poking a hole in one end and knotting a string in the hole. Wet your hands and pull on the string and it sounds like a bear. That would probably have freaked the family and been much more entertaining to me. I wish I had been camping next to them; it would have been way too much fun.

    Next Week
    Tamra gets Botox, Quinn asks Billy to be her boyfriend, Laurie has a shower, and Vicki and Jeana fight some more over the house not selling. Should be a good time…or at least a way to waste some time.


    If you think I am selling myself short by demanding that my future husband have at least 8 figures in the bank, send me a PM.
    Last edited by Yardgnome; 01-04-2008 at 04:14 PM.

  2. #2
    Who? SindyLew's Avatar
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    Re: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    Yardgnome, I'm going to send your recap to those idiots at the OC Register that think they know how to write! Your synopsis is brilliant as usual!

    But according to Jeanna, other cast members and one uber-fan, there are only one or two people that think they are annoying, selfish, clueless and trampy. Should we count you as 1?

  3. #3
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    Re: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    Great recap. Thank you for capturing the episode for all of us who are so envious of the Wonder Housewives.

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    FORT Fogey Margaritaville's Avatar
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    Re: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    As always Yardgnome - spectacular re-cap !

    I also have a question for you regarding your man requirements - do you just require the 8 figure bank account? Or are you also requiring multiple chins and an 80's hair disaster, er, style.

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    Being VIP Yardgnome's Avatar
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    Re: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    Quote Originally Posted by Margaritaville;2740513;
    As always Yardgnome - spectacular re-cap !

    I also have a question for you regarding your man requirements - do you just require the 8 figure bank account? Or are you also requiring multiple chins and an 80's hair disaster, er, style.
    Those would be a nice bonus but I can't depend on being that lucky in life.

  6. #6
    FORT Fogey Margaritaville's Avatar
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    Re: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    Quote Originally Posted by Yardgnome;2740528;
    Those would be a nice bonus but I can't depend on being that lucky in life.
    So glad to know you are being realistic !

  7. #7
    withinterest withinterest's Avatar
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    Re: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    Very funny recap. Your Quinn comments killed.

  8. #8
    FORT Fogey
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    Re: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    GREAT recap! Yardgnome, Your recap of Billy wanting to have a baby with Quinn made me think. Maybe he really does want Quinn to have his child. She would be the surrogate for him and his partner!

  9. #9
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    Re: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    Thanks Yardgnome.....reliving it all again wasn't nearly as painful as I imagined.

  10. #10
    It's not easy being green Toad's Avatar
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    Re: RHOOC 1/1 Recap: We’re Going On Vaaaaaacaaaatiiiiion!

    Quote Originally Posted by Yardgnome;2740235;
    If you think I am selling myself short by demanding that my future husband have at least 8 figures in the bank, send me a PM.
    Make sure it's US greenbacks or better yet Euros!

    Great Recap again, Yardgnome
    Ribbitt

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