Tonight we start off by seeing Vicki out with Jeana. Drinking. Those ladies sure like to get their drink on. They toast to Vicki’s decision to keep her big house in Coto and sell her new tiny Italian style house. Vicki is excited because she is not downsizing, and Jeana is excited because she has a fancy house to list.
Vicki tells us that she loves having a big home and everything that goes along with it. Yes, the smaller house would have meant less work for her, but she strives on work and stress. And alcohol. Jeana’s happy she’s keeping the house because Vicki has been sending her testy emails. I’m happy that they’re both happy.
What’s so hard about figuring out a house?
Tamra is also a Realtor, and wants to show Vicki’s house. Jeana tells us that she doesn’t know much about Tamra except that she is a young seller with a lot of kids. She says that she doesn’t know how much work Tamra gets, and stops short of snorting in derision and rolling her eyes. Seriously, she’s being really snotty about Tamra here.
Jeana is there while Tamra is trying to show the house. I say “trying,” because I’m not sure that Tamra has actually shown a house before… or even been in all that many. The set-up of some of the rooms seems to confuse her, but luckily Jeana steps in to clear things up, making Tamra look like even more of an idiot than she did before. She tells Tamra’s potential client that the house was really not ready yet, but Tamra was pushy and insisted that he see it right away and unfinished.
This little segment ends with Tamra calling her client cheap to his face, and then telling the audience that Jeana thinks she owns Coto, but she is taking over Jeana’s turf and she’ll be running circles around her in no time. I’m sure.
George brightens everyone’s lives. Well, not mine.
It’s Lauri’s turn for some air time, and she starts off by gushing about how romantic and wonderful George is and blah, blah, blah. George is perfect. Whatever. Anyway, since George is always surprising her with romantic stuff, she decides to turn the tables and surprise him… with champagne, strawberries and a couple of massage therapists. Oh, and a bubble bath. Just for the two of them though- the massage therapists are not involved in that.
Lauri talks about how much she is looking forward to becoming George’s wife, and then thanks him for making last year the best year of her life.
Isn’t alcohol a depressant? Why won’t they calm down and stop shrieking?
Next up: all the ladies head out for a party at Beach Fire. Tamra gets to go too, and Vicki says that she’s the new kid, but is fitting in well with the other women. I think by that Vicki means that Tamra can hold her liquor and is obsessed with material goods. Lauri comments that she is jealous the other women get to go to Boot Camp, and Tamra remarks that the trainer is very fine. Then she says a lot of inappropriate things, and ends her part of the conversation by explaining that the reason she has 4 kids was that she was really horny.
Out of all the ladies, Vicki seems to be the loudest, and that’s saying a lot. The other women describe her as the wildest and loudest and most insecure. Wait- that last one is how I describe her. Vicki loves attention, and will even hit people if they aren’t paying enough attention to her. She tells us that she requires a ton of attention and just doesn’t know why. I think it might be for the same reason she needs the best possible material goods, but I could be completely wrong. Vicki rounds out her evening by licking the waiter, screaming a lot, and then showing her booty to Tamra as she worries about what to wear for her big speech in front of 1500 insurance agents. Oh, and she also says that her relationship with Jeana has evolved to the point where they are now BFFs, which is nice for both of them.
Coincidentally, Tamra’s client happens to be at the restaurant too. For some reason, Tamra calls the guy an a****** to his face, which makes Jeana remark that she’s still training Tamra, and she doesn’t know that you’re not supposed to call your client that until after the sale is done. Jeana goes on to say that contracts made over wine are null and void, because there are better places to do business. Tamra feels that Jeana threw her under the bus, and Jeana feels that it’s best for a client not to see his Realtor drunk off her ass. I would have to agree with that one.
It’s not fair!
Jeana and Vicki are still doing their Boot Camp thing with trainer John, and Jeana’s happy that she’s lost 4 inches. That’s great, Jeana! Vicki has not lost any inches. That’s not great, Vicki! Not only has Vicki not really lost any weight, but she has to deal with the fact that Jeana has, and she hates that. She thinks that Jeana cuts corners and cheats when it comes to the work out, and it’s just not fair that she’s losing weight! The ladies bring Tamra with them to their session, which doesn’t help Vicki any as Tamra is a little too perfect for her. It stands to reason though, because Tamra tells us that she used to be a fitness instructor, and always tries to take care of herself. And just in case you didn’t know, she’s going to be 40 soon, so it’s now more important than ever. To her.
What kind of a boutique/ gourmet food store is this anyway?
We haven’t seen much of Tammy and her offspring this episode, but that’s about to change! Lindsey has gotten a job and is doing a print ad campaign for Java Jean Bar, which according to the OC Register is “one-half fashion boutique, one-half gourmet cafe.” Lindsey doesn’t see herself doing modeling as a career “for se,” but she doesn’t know how long she’s going to continue with the Angels either and she needs some money. She’s excited about the modeling, but this is a job- she’s not doing it for fun. She tries on clothes for the shoot, and Tammy really likes the tiny denim shortall things that I’m positive are going to fall down any moment leaving her daughter topless. Lindsey then has to pose with a freaky mannequin, (while still wearing the tiny denim shortalls), and her mom wants her to do suggestive poses, and frankly the whole thing is creeping me out big-time.
I’d let John go through my pantry any time.
Whew! Back to Vicki and her term life insurance! She’s hard at work when her trainer, John, shows up to raid her pantry. Sadly, that’s not a euphemism for something else, and he actually wants to look in her pantry. He’s going to find out why her butt is the size it is, rather than the size she wants.
Vicki immediately shows John some cupcakes that are sitting on the counter. She says she’s saving them for Donn and she hasn’t even eaten one, but Jeana ate hers. In the pantry, Vicki holds a bag of Splenda ™ to show how good she is, but then John pulls out chocolate chips, chocolate fudge sauce, snack bars, coconut flakes and the biggest box of brownie mix I have ever seen. Vicki says that all the junk food is for other people, and she doesn’t eat any of it. John says Vicki is kidding herself, and she buys a lot of snacks whether she will admit it or not. Vicki gets defensive and insists that John never even told her what she could eat, and I think she can safely assume that a ginormous box of brownies is not on that list.
Back at Java Jean Bar, Lindsey is now doing her photo shoot. She’s happy that this is a huge campaign and she’ll have lots of exposure, but is nervous because the shoot is more risqué than she thought it would be. Lindsey is all done up in big hair and lots of eye makeup, and oh yeah- she’s topless too. And her mom is there watching the toplessness with approval. Megan shows up and is angry that Lindsey is topless and that Tammy is cool with it. Megan is “not trying to be a mother,” but someone has to. Jeez! Megan complains to Tammy that the whole thing is wrong and it seems like Tammy is pimping out her daughter. Tammy says that Lindsey is not a baby and that sex sells. And that’s the end of that argument.
This is why I don’t watch Dr. 90210.
Hey- did you know that Tamra is turning 40 soon? Yeah, I did too- since she’s said it about 700 times already this season. She tells us that plastic surgery freaks her out, but injecting botulism into her face- well that’s just fine! She’s getting Botox injections, and reveals that Simon does not know. She won’t tell him, but complains that she knows that if she let herself go, she would certainly hear about it from him. Then she talks about how the injections feel like razors, and she can feel her muscles crunch when the needles go into her face. Gross.
The other night at the party, Lauri and Tamra decided that they must get together with their men and have some good times. It makes sense- two vapid women and their bland men. I’m sure this evening will be laugh a minute! As soon as they sit down, Lauri starts gushing about her wedding, and Simon admires her huge ring. Tamra tells us that she’s glad that Lauri’s found love the 2nd time around, then corrects herself, saying “2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th… whatever it is.”
Simon talks about how he works for Mercedes, which makes Lauri talk about her Mercedes and how George has nine cars. Tamra tells us that she’s excited that Lauri is going to be so rich, and I’m sensing a pattern here. The talk turns to kids, and how Simon had a vasectomy and how George is really fertile and that scares Lauri to death. To death! Tamra then makes a joke about how she doesn’t golf, but she always takes care of Simon’s balls, and Simon is embarrassed and I am embarrassed for all of them.
Way to go, Lindsey!
Back at Java Jean Bar, it’s now time to unveil the new print campaign. Tammy is extremely excited, and Lindsey is less excited, but happy that all her friends came out to support her.
Since her dad’s death, Lindsey’s life has changed a lot because she can’t go running to him for money all the time. Her dad did not have a will, so all of his money went to his current wife, who wouldn’t pay for Lindsey’s car so her BMW got repossessed. She needed a car though, so she bought a new Audi- all by herself. It’s under her name, and no one can take it away from her. Unless she doesn’t pay the note. She comments that if she needs to work four jobs, she’ll work four jobs, but she will keep the car. When she shows her mom, Tammy is so shocked that Lindsey was able to get the car herself that it’s kind of insulting toward her.
I can’t think of anything I’d love more than to take my mom to a club.
Ugh. More Tamra? Now, she and Simon are going out clubbing, and they’re taking Ryan who is now 21. Well, that has to be fun for all parties involved. When Tamra met Simon, he was a clubber and very outgoing, but as soon as they got married, he became very strict. Tamra loves to go out though, and always puts herself out there.
Out at the club, Tamra decides that she needs to find a woman for Ryan, and even knows his type- blond, stripper type with big boobs. She finds a girl and introduces her to Ryan, and the two head out to the dance floor. They run into Simon who is grinding up on some young brunette, but then cuts in on Ryan and grinds on Ryan’s girl. What a tool.
Jean’s turn to have her pantry rifled!
Jeana’s on vacation, which means that she hasn’t been going to Boot Camp to train with Jonathan. So when he shows up at her door, she’s got a bit of explaining to do. She tells him she’s been missing class because her kids are on vacation, and she stays up late to make sure they’re okay and to kick all of their friends out of the house, and just can’t get up at 5am to go to Boot Camp. John looks through her pantry just like he did Vicki’s, and finds a lot of the same stuff, but not the huge brownie box.
The two sit down to discuss Jeana’s eating habits. John thinks that food is representing something to her that it should not, and Jeana admits that she has separated from Matt, and food is her go-to comfort. She tells him that she’d rather be alone than in a relationship that is not good for her, and not good for her kids to see. Matt doesn’t enjoy doing anything with her except picking on what she looks like. She says she gained weight when they separated, and that Matt prefers to be alone, (and a jackass, apparently). Then she says she’s looking for a life partner, and that she and Matt had problems the moment they got married, because their relationship was based on physical attraction. Really? Matt? Huh.
Tune in next week to see Megan tell her mom “F*** you! I’m not talking to you again,” and to see Ryan’s shocking new tattoo!