As a result, I decided I would never discipline my children physically until they were bigger than me. Guess what? I never had to. Not once. Even when they towered over me. , I never threatened physical harm, but I did make them wonder what I'd do next. If they were out of control, they got a shot or two from my water pistol. If they were unreasonably territorial about their special possessions (bikes, sports equipment, computers, etc.) they would come home to find I had donated that possession to some more deserving charity or family. They just never knew what I'd do if they got out of line.
They did, however, make me cry once in awhile. Not in the dramatic way Jacqueline does. Nevertheless, "making Mom cry" became an infraction they'd beat EACH OTHER up over.
Last edited by Poppy Fields; 08-22-2011 at 06:07 PM.
"Blessed is the lonesome pioneer." -- Judee Sill (1973, "There's a Rugged Road")
It's not easy raising children. We had more fun than we didn't, in my house and my son was running around picking up chauvinistic ideas from somewhere (probably his dad, and friends). I had fun dispelling those ideas....I could out-wrestle him AND out-talk him!
Last edited by prhoshay; 08-22-2011 at 06:30 PM.
"...each affects the other, and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one." - Mitch Albom, one helluva writer
When you throw a rock into a pack of dogs, you know which one you hit by the one that yelps!
I was never spanked as a child, never hit ...not even threatened to be spanked..my mother would say "we need to talk, come into the kitchen and close the door"...OMG!!! I usta wish she would just beat me and get it over with....I swear, those lectures were torture!....on the other hand (no pun intended) my husband was spanked, even beaten as a child....and he never has ever raised a hand to our kids, never even a threat to do so.....he is the most gentle man I know but he comes from a home where he was punched in the stomach for spraying whipped cream in his mouth....
I think Caroline is full of it when she says that she wouldn't care if the police came if she had to smack her kids....she bugs me for some reason, her self righteous attitude is beginning to wear on me...I like her but she seems to be getting to be a bit big for her "big girl panties". I wonder if she and Dina have made up yet and if they exchanged Christmas gifts or saw eachother at Christmas.
Remember the Charlie Brown/Peanuts cartoon movies? How the "adults" sounded? Waaa-waaaaaaa-waaa! Waaa-waa-waaaaaaa? Seriously, if you lecture your kids too much, that's what it starts to sound like. I can speak from experience with my own parents. There's a delicate balance between talking and action. Both must be present in equilibrium in order to be effective. Too much of one or the other can result in failure, depending on the child, of course.
To return evil for good is devilish; to return good for good is human; to return good for evil is Divine - Alistair Begg
I fell asleep on Suday before the show ended, so I finished watching it last night. I think that Jacqueline admitted where she went wrong with Ashley without realizing it. After she threw her temper tantrum and left the kitchen, while she was yelling things back at Ashley, she said that she'd always done everything she could to make her happy. That's the problem. In all the formative years, where Jacqueline was supposed to be teaching her a work ethic, and to appreciate the people around her, and how to be independent, she was trying to make her happy instead. She indulged her, bought her things, and tried to be her friend. As a result, she ended up with someone who will always have her hand out saying "make me happy". Jacqueline went into it with the best of intentions, I'm sure. But she made the mistake that many parents make -- she chose to be her child's friend for about 18 years, rather than working hard to teach for 18 years, and then being rewarded with a lifetime of friendship with her adult daughter. For Ashley's part, she's certainly not the only kid whose been raised that way, and many of them figure out independence in other ways. She needs to realize that she's not going to be given handouts forever, and that its time to stand on her own two feet. That she's 20 years old and still hasn't figured out that from time to time, she needs to show some respect and appreciation is kind of sad. But since Jacqueline has two more small children, I hope for her that she's able to recognize the mistakes she made, and choose to be a parent to her sons instead of a friend.
I think when they were in the restaurant the first thing one of the parents should have done is take that damn phone out of her hands and break it! That would have gotten her attention. Lord knows Jac and Chris pay for it anyway. It wasn't only disrespectful of her to text while they were trying to talk to her, it was just plain rude! While I think Jac could probably have done some things differently while raising her (what parent hasn't thought that), there is no excuse for her self-centered, disrespectful, rude, and bratty behavior. Not at age 20. Take away the car, take away the phone and quit paying for stuff. Based on Chris telling her to call a friend to come a get her, it seems as though she's not going to get to keep her car. I'll be surprised if she really get's thrown out because once she realizes she can't have her car, she'll probably change her tune.
As for Tereasa.... that woman hasn't got a clue. She's desperate to be the center of attention and her true colors are showing now that Melissa and Kathy are on the show. Melissa is somewhat of a narcissist but Kathy seems like a very nice person. I would love to try her food sometime. I'm sure she will be the next one out with a cookbook and that's certainly is one I would buy.
I still like Caroline. She is the voice of reason most of the time. I just wish she would tone down the 'thug' attitude.
On the physical punishment thing - I am not a huge fan, but will admit to a swat on the butt once or twice. When the kids are in diapers, it is much more shocking than painful - provided you are not trying to hurt them, which you shouldn't be. But sometimes, talking to them doesn't work and you need to get the message across. That being said, I have not had to swat either of my children in quite a while now - simply saying to them "do you want a swat on the butt" when they are mis-behaving works wonders. I think at the end of the day, it is all about consistency. Sort of like what prhoshay was saying above - your kids have to know you mean it and you will follow through - and then very few times is the follow through ever needed. I was laughing about someones comment before about being called into the kitchen - it used to be the same way with my dad. And that also comes down to respect - I loved and respected my dad and knowing that I let him down or disappointed him was 10 times worse than any physical punishment he doled out. I have said this in other threads - I love my kids and I think they are both really cool people. But I am not their friend - that is not my job. My job is to raise responsible, respectful adults. Once they are out on their own - THEN I can be their friend (provided I am still alive).
But I can guarantee you, that if I EVER spoke to my mother the way Ashlee speaks to Jackie, I would be walking around with a full set of dentures.
However, Ashlee acts that way because she has been spoiled and has been ALLOWED to act that way. Kicking her out is not the solution, but it is very difficult to undo 20 years of being raised thinking you are entitled.
If Ashley's behavior changes in the future, it'll have to be because she's learned the hard way.
There is no way she could learn from her parents. They constantly send her mixed signals. Jumping all over her at the restaurant for her lack of being responsible, all the while she's playing w/her cell phone, had driven there (arriving late) in a car given to her, wearing clothes, bought for her and not being held to any responsibilites around the house that she's allowed to live in.....It's a little late to expect her to be a fine upstanding young adult. How can you complain when you're causing a lot of it?