Tonights victim is Josh D. a 27 year old Data Entry Tech who just shed
100 pounds last year and wants to take his main squeeze out dancing.
The only problem, besides the usual mess, is the guy doesn't have any
rhythm at all.
The Arrival Ambush:
The Fab 5 come in the apartment and take over the place, which
isn't too hard since Josh seems to have very little to start with. All his stuffs
are in little islands in the rooms. Spartan comes to mind, dirty spartan since
he (like the others before him) seems to enjoy doing experiments in his
bathroom, mainly how many different varieties of foot fungus can you
grow in a bathtub. The sink is a breeding ground for food for the sewer
monster. A fire hydrant is the only thing of interest to Thom in the whole
house. Ted has his work cut out for him since the refrig has nothing in
it to feed the masses much less the church mouse. Josh does grow
tomato plants out on his balcony, in itself the model of cell block 2
styling with bare concrete block and brick caps. Josh is plain and
unimaginative. And sloppy, Thom trying to pull the candy jar off the
coffee table where its stuck with organic glue, and Ted suggests
a oyster raw bar pre-dance snack for Angie, Josh's amazon queen.
The last thing he needs is raw food, god knows what the CDC in
Atlanta will say when they view the petri dish slides of this place.
The City Shopping Spree:
Off we go to get new clothes since Josh still has the old
Extra Tubby size shirts and pants from last year. He may not buy
anything but he sure doesn't throw anything out either. Rochester's
is the place where Carson takes our intrepid hero to show him that
there are colors out there that look good and give you distinction
and panache. Well not in that orange sports coat, makes him
look like a giant squash. Ted, Carson, and Josh at the fish market, now
anyone in the oyster section is looking to score, and with that fire hydrant
back home, the boys are going for hot, smoking mattress wrestling for Josh
and Angie. Off to get the teeth whitened and then some furniture that tries
to match each other, and not like it was picked up the day after a community
yard sale in the not-sold pile. Jai finishes Josh off with some dance lessons,
where it is soon shown that Josh can't carry a beat, move his feet, or prance
real neat. After showing him the minimum to not look like head Geek on the
fairground midway, its back home to get him ready.
Getting ready for the date, Josh does well with the instructions that Kyan
left on doing the hair products, but if he was going any faster while shaving he
would have taken off two layers of skin. Jumping back into the bathroom we find
out that Josh abhores underwear, Now that was Way Too Much Info. He is going to
snag that thing one day and find out why underwear is good around zippers. Angie
arrives and has lots of kisses to share, and a raw bar to eat. Josh did ok with
shucking the oysters, not bad for a rookie. Off to the club we go where everyone
wants to see the new look and his dance moves. He obliged with one dance but
still real stiff, like frankenstien's monster getting going the first time. Lube those
joints with another bottle of wine and then jump start him on the floor and we will
see a happier Angie in the long run.
Not too bad of a job considering that Josh is living in the 70's still, and
they had almost nothing to work with in the apartment shown by the fact that there
was nothing thrown out at all!!! a Fab 5 first.