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Thread: QEFTSG 8/12 episode: Andrew Lane, Troglodyte impossible

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    Swinging in the hammock Ilikai's Avatar
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    QEFTSG 8/12 episode: Andrew Lane, Troglodyte impossible

    Our victim today is Andrew Lane, a troglodyte in today's world. A camera assistant on the film crew, 27 going on 5.

    Carson:"Come on guys, we got to do something with that Drew Carey look right now!" and the battle is on!!! They run out and capture him before he can get away. We next get to go to the straight guy pigsty where all sorts of biological experiments are going on. Tearing into the living room turns up a condom crop that hasn't been harvested in years. Porno books litter the floor so that you don't have to get a splinter from the wood flooring underneath. Carson Line #1:"I heard he's hung like a bee." On to the bedroom it's Plaid city in there, with only two pair of blue jeans to keep them company. Thom Line #1 " I am guessing you got that sofa and chair free with a fillup." Taking Andrew out into the backyard (which looks like the town dump) they hint that it's going to cost a bundle to redo him by quoting lines from the opening of the show "The Six Million Dollar Man" Appropriate since his interior design sense is stuck in a 70's time warp too.

    Time to meet the girlfriend Diana- a perky thing that swears Andrew has enough hair to be a furry bear. Co-worker says it starts at his butt and goes up to his forehead, Brother claims it's a family curse. So off to the Spa for our intrepid crew for a back waxing. My guess is the wax so that the girlfriend can surf his pole later on after the date. Watching Carson take one of the hair-filled tapes, he uses it as a portable chest hair patch. A manicure is next, with a blurb that it should be done every 3-4 weeks and in Andrew's case, no nose picking in between sessions. Off to Gerry's for new duds and he goes to the plaid section like a lost lumberjack. Carson steers him away with a pry bar to show that there is fashion sense in the world and he is going to force feed it to Andrew in little spoonfulls. After Diana comments that she spent one night at his place and probably never again, we see the results of massive sand blasting and sterilisation steam cleaning to the apartment. Did you know that there is a floor there? A recconoiter session with Ted in a resturaunt for wine and lobster and we head back to the homestead for dessert and coffee lessons.

    Next shot is watching the trained ape prepair for the date, first throwing all the new clothes in a wrinkled bundle under the bed and tucking boxes anywhere they will fit. Cutting himself repeatedly, showing he does not need to be around sharp or thinking about being sharp instruments, he is finally together for the date. Thom line #1 "He is a bad after school special."

    The mission is a success when he meets Diana, she is spellbound by his attemp at joining the human race. Intrigued that he learned enough social grace to make it through dinner at a 2 star hoity-toity greasy spoon. After dinner we meander back to the house for coffee and dessert, exspertly fired and table side flambe'd for a good night.
    Andrew Lane- now Troglodyte Gentleman. Let's just hope he has the ability to absorb class cause he is going to need it to keep Diana.
    Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!" -- Steve Parker

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    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    Ilikai, that was such a quick and accurate recap! Thanks. I think the porn just belongs to his brother. His girlfried was very smart and pretty. I'm glad for both that he got that make over. Next, he could even find his own place all on his own.

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    Starbucks is your friend Bill's Avatar
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    Intrigued that he learned enough social grace to make it through dinner at a 2 star hoity-toity greasy spoon.


    too funny!
    "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
    -- Arrested Development, Season III

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    OK, my opinion of tonight

    Well, let's see, we meet the guy he dresses very shlubby. We then see his apartment. Is it me or is everyone's apartment messy on this show? There are things everywhere in each of the bachelors living rooms, bedrooms and bathrooms. This guy's place looked like the guy with the Armenian girlfriend's place. I am amazed of the size of the apartments. And this one actually is in Manhattan. I am curious when it came to the bathroom how they cleaned the stuff from the bath tub floor. That's difficult to remove. I have inherited apartments with bathtubs like that. The outfit looked nice, the meal looked nice, but as someone who likes guys with glasses. Did he really need contacts?

    David

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    I think I have a clue 1083's Avatar
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    Why do I get the feeling that our young "retarded" Andrew (and that from Thom of all people) is going to need to get a new job farrrrrrr away from QE soon because the kidding is NEVER going to stop- I wonder what his apartment looks like now. He seemed to be the first victim who didn't seem to be much liked orr rspected in the end by the guys which is kinda weird because they work with him. She definetly seems like a catch.
    everybody has the right to speak their mind, so don't shoot me if I speak mine- ray davies

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    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DNBursky
    .... I am curious when it came to the bathroom how they cleaned the stuff from the bath tub floor. That's difficult to remove. I have inherited apartments with bathtubs like that. .....David
    Same here. When you find out, let me know. I've used bleech, but that only works when in full strength. Ah, I'm looking to move anyway.

    ******************
    When Andrew was getting his back waxed, I didn't believe Kyan used the C word. LOL
    Last edited by eldee; 08-13-2003 at 01:18 AM.

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    FORT Newbie Mugsy Malone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1083
    Why do I get the feeling that our young "retarded" Andrew (and that from Thom of all people) ...
    Not the first time...in "Make Room For Lisa", Thom wondered if Tom was "retarded" when he is reading off of Tom's bouncing to-do list.

    m.
    "It's Aesop's fable of Staten Island and the kitchen table" - Dallas

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    FORT Newbie Rio Pacheco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DNBursky
    The outfit looked nice, the meal looked nice, but as someone who likes guys with glasses. Did he really need contacts?

    David
    As a guy who wears glasses and who is attracted to other guys with four eyes...I completely agree!!!

    I'm assuming they made him ditch the specs because they were going for more of a dramatic transformation (and I doubt that the guy is going to keep the contacts)...

    I was disappointed that Thom wasn't featured more...and I wasn't too jazzed agout his flippant use of the word "retarded" either...but he's still "my guy" on the show...and I think this was my favorite interior design makeover thus far...I just love the couch he picked out!!!...did anyone catch the name of the catalogue he purchased that out of???

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rio Pacheco
    did anyone catch the name of the catalogue he purchased that out of???
    I'm pretty sure that was the West Elm catalogue. Once you get on their mailing list, you will not get off. ;-)

    Andrew Lane has some serious housecleaning/grooming issues. I can't believe he even had a girlfriend. She really liked him too and didn't seem to see him as a project as go-go booted Lisa seemed to view her long-haired boyfriend.

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    The race is back! John's Avatar
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    Great recap, Ili!

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