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Thread: Carson's Greatest Lines

  1. #61
    FORT Fogey eldee's Avatar
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    ChristNYC

    At the cop's house

    Carson tried on the girlfriend's top.

    Thom: I don't think you're quite a size 6.
    Carson: Damn it, now I'll never be a teen model!
    Thom: I know it sucks, doesn't it.
    Last edited by eldee; 08-22-2003 at 11:14 AM.

  2. #62
    FORT Newbie kiwigirl's Avatar
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    This one's really old. It's from the Butch/Brian ep:

    "Have these been alphabetized, ugly, ugly and uglier?"

  3. #63
    FORT Fogey candor's Avatar
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    Here's an edited compilation of previous posts that people can e-mail. Are the set-ups accurate?

    Straight guy: “People say I look like Keanu Reeves.”
    Kyan: “People say I look like Keanu Reeves!”
    Carson: “People say I look like Ellen Degeneres”

    On straight guy’s admission he bought a shirt from K-Mart: “Don't ever use that kind of language in front of me.”

    Seeing a made-over apartment: “They put a living room where the crack den used to be!”

    Holding up a pair of underwear: "Uh oh, there must have been an accident here. I see skid marks."

    Seeing a straight guy’s rocker girlfriend: "There's a hooker in Trenton who's missing her boots."

    Teaching a straight guy panache: "I said walk, not march like a weird little troll!"

    Pointing to straight guy’s cruddy couch: "...and there's a lot of room under here for storing cookies, ice cream."

    On straight guy’s shaved head: "It's very scratch n' sniff."

    On straight guy’s planned marriage proposal: "If she says no you get to marry one of us. So it's a win-win situation!"

    Looking in straight guy’s closet: "Okay, so you have no professional aspirations."

    At another closet: "I need a Ritalin smoothie before I can deal with this disaster."

    On straight guy’s wardrobe: "Have these been alphabetized: Ugly, ugly and uglier?"

    When a girlfriend worries her straight guy will be turned into a corporate yuppie: "What are we, the five fags from IBM?"

    Measuring a straight guy: "A 8 1/2 inch neck. You do the math."

    Looking at straight guy’s fingernails:
    “Are you a biter? I’m a kicker.”

    When a made-over straight guy says he looks like Ben Affleck: “You look like Ben and Jerry Affleck.”

    Fashion advice: "Don't match your denims, you will look like a crazed farmer."

    When Jai mentions that a certain store is like “gay hell”: “No, that's JC Penney”

    About a straight guy’s back hair: "We can tease it and it'll look like angora. People will think you bought cashmere."

    On a straight guy’s wardrobe: "Do you have bad credit? Or just bad taste?"

    When a straight guy holds up gob of chocolate on his index finger: “See, in our community that's frowned upon.”
    "If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." — Will Rogers

  4. #64
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    There was a line last nite that almost made me fall out of my chair - Im trying to remember the exact quote but I cant - it was near th e beginning of the show when he said something to the effect that he was stroking something while looking at him too... something like that - anyway it was another great episode last nite with funny stuff and an amazing transformation for that guy

  5. #65
    Loaded God Complex MajiH's Avatar
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    It wasn't stroking. LOL He had laid a bunch of pictures of clothing on a table and said he had "pulled" them out while thinking about George. Then he confessed that he had "pulled" some other things while thinking about George, too.

    Best line overall for me was when George's mom said, "Oh, we bought this couch at Seaman's."

    Carson's reply. "I have a seaman couch at home, too!"
    ~*~ Maji *~

  6. #66
    I think I have a clue 1083's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MajiH
    It wasn't stroking. LOL He had laid a bunch of pictures of clothing on a table and said he had "pulled" them out while thinking about George. Then he confessed that he had "pulled" some other things while thinking about George, too.

    Best line overall for me was when George's mom said, "Oh, we bought this couch at Seaman's."

    Carson's reply. "I have a seaman couch at home, too!"

    Actually the ever naughty Carsen said both things, one at the start of the show and then the other at the cauture outlet. He was on a roll last night.
    everybody has the right to speak their mind, so don't shoot me if I speak mine- ray davies

  7. #67
    FORT Newbie Oh! Boy's Avatar
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    yeah, the seaman [siemen's?] couch set-up was too easy

    but CK has such a great delivery it was still funny as hell
    can you help me OUT?

  8. #68
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    An early episode in the car telling the hopeless subject something like:

    "Now repeat after me...Ralph LAAAAAUUUUR-en, not lauREN, LAAAAAUUUUR-en".

  9. #69
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    The line was when they were clothes shopping and Carson said something like "I pulled these various things with you in mind....I also pulled something else but that's another issue."

  10. #70
    Adelitas Way 7.14.09 libra1022's Avatar
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    This one really put me on the floor during the George episode....

    When his friend, the girl in the blue shirt, was touring his apartment and they were discussing her "attributes"....

    I'm not sure who started saying that it must be cold in there and Carson popped out with "there must be some toros in the atmosphere". (Ok so I'm a sucker for the movie Bring It On, but dang that one threw me and I was )

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