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Thread: Doll Search 3/13 Recap: See Ya Later, Gyrator!

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    Mixing Old Fashioneds PhoneGrrrl's Avatar
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    Doll Search 3/13 Recap: See Ya Later, Gyrator!

    At the end of last week’s episode, when the final nine contestants were selected, each girl got an official PCD-sanctioned feather boa. So, in preparation for tonight’s episode, I pulled out my personal feather boa, donned my four-inch heeled lace up can-can dancer boots, and settled in on the couch--God knows you can’t stand long in 4 inch heels—to see which of our finalists gets the can-can boot out the door next. Or maybe a shank…with Lil’ Kim on the show, it’s anyone’s guess.

    Home, sweet home.

    The nine remaining contestants will share one abode located on Sunset Boulevard. It’s a fairly non-descript building on the outside, but on the inside it’s a dance studio! A huge kitchen! A workout room! A music rehearsal space! And a rather pathetic open-bay barracks kind of room. One can only hope someone goes all Vincent D’Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket on Mikey. The dance studio portion was apparently decorated by the same morons who do the set dressing on The Surreal Life, as there are huge pictures of each of the real PCDs on the walls.

    Robin welcomes them to their “PCD boot camp” where they will practice singing and dancing for seven weeks, day and night. The girls run off to claim their beds by such means as licking them and/or leaving stinky socks and shoes on the beds. Clearly they are sophisticates. After running around marveling at the vastness of the space, one of the girls realizes that there’s a video message for them to play. The girls gather around the giant TV screen and it’s the PCDs yammering about confidence but saying nothing of import, other than directing the girls back to the dance studio to see Robin.

    Confidently being confident while shaking one’s derriere.

    Back in the dance studio, Robin addresses the girls and says the next challenge is all about confidence. In comes Jessica from the PCD who brings everyone a flower, and Robin two, because Jessica knows who signs the paychecks. Jessica says some more meandering stuff about exuding confidence and John Beasely, the music guy, and Mikey Minden, the dance guy, pop in. Robin finally gets down to brass tacks and says that for the next challenge, the girls will be divided into three groups of three, who will each learn a dance routine and song in the next two days. They will then have to perform the song and dance at the Pussycat Dolls Lounge On Sunset Strip™. One can only hope Aaron Sorkin is not involved in that venture; I don’t think these girls can walk and talk really fast at the same time.

    The three groups are: Asia, Chelsea, and Melissa S. performing “Crazy in Love”; Sisely, Anastacia, and Melissa R performing “Pon de Replay”; and Mariela, Jaime, and Brittany performing “1, 2 Step”. I will confess now I have only heard that “Crazy in Love” song and I think it was on a commercial. On the other hand, that’s good news because I had that god-forsaken “Buttons” song in my head for nearly a week after last week’s show.

    Practice hardly makes perfect.

    The groups are having a variety of troubles. Jaime constantly sings the wrong note when practicing “1, 2 Step” and worries about losing her voice. She was really sick last week and her throat feels all scratchy. Eric, the other music guy from last week, is really hard on her, but he delivers his criticism with a tone that reminds me of a particular Kenan Thompson-Rachel Dratch sketch on SNL. He eventually tells her she’s got to master being confident so one note doesn’t get her booted out of the competition. Also not having a good vocal day, Sisely is having serious trouble with the pitch and “Pon de Replay” in general.

    Meanwhile, Chelsea can sing just fine, but her dancing is terrible. While rehearsing “Crazy in Love,” Mikey constantly chastises her, and harshly points out her lack of dancing talent. Melissa S. worries Chelsea will bring the whole group down. Back at the house, Melissa S. lays on the icky-sweet niceness to Chelsea so much, Chelsea is suspicious. With good reason, it turns out, as Melissa S. and Asia rehearse together, leaving Chelsea on her own.

    Brittany has a different type of dance problem. As Mikey says, she’s confident, but way too confident. She dances like she’s on the stripper pole, and while we’re told the PCDs are sexy, they are classy-sexy, not trashy-sexy.

    Class-sexy defined.

    After the day’s work is done, Robin gathers the girls together and tells them she’s got a special treat for them. She and Mikey are taking them all out to dinner and they have one hour to get ready. Soon enough, they’re at some LA restaurant eating what appears to be a never-ending supply of fried foods. I guess you can do that when you dance all day. After a while, a show starts in the restaurant…curtains go up and there are two dancers doing a burlesque/go-go dance in glass enclosures above the tables. It’s kind of like a peep show, but the girls are dressed. The performance really takes me back to the last go-go show I went to at some weird bar in the French Quarter. Of course, the dancer was a tranny who looked like Lurch and was called Ambrosia Salad, so there was a bit of a difference…but not much.

    The girls are fairly surprised by the performance right there in the middle of their dinner. Robin then pipes up and says that one of the ways to learn confidence is to do a performance like the two women are doing. The girls see where this is going and do not like it. Nevertheless, the girls get up and dance—in outfits pre-selected for them—in front of the crowd in the glass enclosures. Jaime, in a bid to overcome her lack of singing confidence, volunteers to go in the first group of dancers. She’s joined by Asia and Melissa R., who is worried about her parents and her priest seeing her doing the dance. The idea of a priest tuning into this show amuses me. Next, Sisely, Melissa S., and Anastacia dance. Someone comments that Melissa S. has “bootie for days” but to me, she looks a bit like a clichéd movie hooker. The final group was Mariela, Chelsea, and Brittany, where Brittany was shaking it up, Striperella style. Mikey was not impressed yet again.

    As a reward for meeting the challenge of public humiliation of dancing, after a full meal, in hardly anything, in front of a live crowd, a national television audience, and quite possibly more than one priest, Robin announces that the girl who exhibited the most confidence will win a immunity from elimination for the next challenge. Robin comments that Asia made everyone watch her, Chelsea has a beautiful body, Jaime show confidence that she can build on, and Brittany needs to rethink the vibe she’s giving out. Then Asia is announced as the winner of immunity.

    Brittany is, understandably, disappointed. Jaime thought she had a dog in the fight, as she was the first to volunteer to dance and showed a lot of confidence. Asia is thrilled at winning, and even calls home to her mother, who is taking care of Asia’s young daughter. Asia misses her little girl, but says she has to make it in life for her daughter.

    Showtime!

    It’s finally time for the contestants to put on their shows at the PCD Lounge. The girls each have a makeup table and a director’s chair with their name on it in the dressing room. They get their hair and makeup done, but the outfits look homemade. After getting dressed, the girls come out and there’s out host, Mark McGrath. What purpose he serves is anyone’s guess. Oh yeah, he introduces the judges—nothing that couldn’t be accomplished by some handy graphics—and they are Robin, Ron Fair from Geffen Records, and everyone’s favorite ex-con, Lil’ Kim, of the lopsided collagen lips.

    First up is the “Crazy in Love” group. Melissa S.’s vocal performance is terrible. She forgets the words and gets out of step. Chelsea has great vocals, and has a pretty good stage presence, but her dancing is still crappy. Asia’s vocals are merely so-so, but her dance is much better than the other two combined. After the performance, the judges critique the girls. Robin is disappointed Melissa S. didn’t learn the song but finds the group okay overall. Ron thinks Chelsea is a great singer, and says Asia didn’t show her personality through her performance. He thought they did not work as a group at all.

    Next, we get to hear “Pon de Replay”. Now, maybe it was the feed I got, but the vocal track that was coming out of my TV sounded overly produced, perhaps with a lot of compression put on the vocals. The three girls sounded pretty much the same, and we know that Sisely, Ansastacia, and Melissa R. all have different sounds. The dancing was fine, but Anastacia’s crazy hair really got in her way. Robin thought the group held it together well and found a lot of potential in Melissa R.’s voice. Lil’ Kim thought Anastacia brought the “whole package.” Ron didn’t like Sisely’s singing, finding that the song was just wrong for her. Sisely knew that in rehearsal, but there was nothing for her to do about it.

    Finally, the “1, 2 Step” group is up. Jaime finally belts out some singing, Mariela has awful tone, and Brittany was channeling a “Solid Gold” dancer who had hit bottom and was stripping on Sunset Boulevard. Robin thought this group had the most energy, but Ron heartily disagreed. He said they were luke warm at best and Brittany had terrible vocals. Lil’ Kim also found Brittany’s ass shaking to be a bit too much and chided Mariela for not staying on the beat and the note. Robin, wanting to end on a positive note, said that Jaime had shown a great improvement over the rehearsal time.

    Decisions, decisions.

    The girls are sent backstage to wait while the judges deliberate. Chelsea has a laugh about Melissa S. and Asia doing poorly, noting that karma is indeed a bitch. Chelsea seems too smart to be on this show. Meanwhile, the judges determine that Brittany and Melissa S. are in the “maybe” pile, while everyone else is likely safe.

    The girls are all called out on stage, and line up with their feather boas on. Robin congratulates each girl who can stay, and goes through them in quick order. The last two standing are Brittany and Melissa S.; Robin says that Melissa S. should have learned the song and Brittany is not sophisticated in her sexiness. With that, she tells Melissa S. congratulations, and tells Brittany that she’s out and must hang up her boa. Brittany exits, and is teary-eyed as she puts the boa back in the dressing room. She says she put everything in God’s hands at the start of the competition, so it’s beyond her control now. With that, she turns out her makeup table lights, and she’s gone.

  2. #2
    Toby's Slave kimrs's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhoneGrrrl;2279131;
    One can only hope someone goes all Vincent D’Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket on Mikey.

    The performance really takes me back to the last go-go show I went to at some weird bar in the French Quarter. Of course, the dancer was a tranny who looked like Lurch and was called Ambrosia Salad, so there was a bit of a difference…but not much.
    great recap PhoneGrrrl. And so quickly too! I can't wait to read what happens next!

  3. #3
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    to see which of our finalists gets the can-can boot out the door next. Or maybe a shank…with Lil’ Kim on the show, it’s anyone’s guess.

    In comes Jessica from the PCD who brings everyone a flower, and Robin two, because Jessica knows who signs the paychecks.

    They will then have to perform the song and dance at the Pussycat Dolls Lounge On Sunset Strip™. One can only hope Aaron Sorkin is not involved in that venture; I don’t think these girls can walk and talk really fast at the same time.

    Brittany exits, and is teary-eyed as she puts the boa back in the dressing room.
    They don't even let them keep the boa?
    That's pretty cold

    Great job, Phonegrrrl

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