I cannot believe I started out last week’s recap by commenting I’d seen SoaP, and then THIS is the week on Project Runway where planes actually have something to do with the episode. Man, my timing is off. Speaking of off, last week the judges were off their meds when they sent Robert home instead of Jeffrey and handed Vincent a victory for a dull dress.
My model, my self.
In typical fashion, on the morning after the latest aufing, the contestants post mortem the previous evening’s events. Kayne is sad that Robert is gone, since they had so much fun together making fun of the others. Vincent is glad he won because it really gave him a “shot in the arm” to keep going. Jeffrey is still angry at Angela and still can’t get over the fact he had to work with her mother. He blames Angela and her mother for trying to get him booted. I was unaware Angela told him to make the ugliest dress known to man. He’s so perturbed, he said he’ll never let Angela come down to the guys’ apartment again to smoke. Meanwhile, Uli and Laura are conversing about Laura’s now-showing pregnancy. Laura says she isn’t going to let being knocked up yet again slow her down in the competition.
We next see the designers at the runway for the model choosing. Heidi brings out the nine girls, of which two must go, since we are down to seven designers. Everyone chooses their usual model, so that leaves Danielle and Alexandra out. Heidi then tells the group that they are going to be designing for a hip, international jetsetter. Tim will soon provide the details, but Heidi is able to tell them that there are benefits to winning that will be revealed in future challenges. Oh, what a enigma you are, Ms. Klum.
There is some speculation as to who the “hip, international jetsetter” is going to be; there must be a never-ending plethora of Eurotrash who could be the “celebrity” judge. Jeffrey jokingly says it is him, since he’s such the hipster doofus. Kayne thinks its going to be Tara Reid, based on her Taradise show and her proclivity to show off her boobies. This is a good idea; maybe next season, Tara Reid can sit in for some episodes and the challenges can be making dresses that will stay up irrespective of the inebriation state of the wearer and what travails that may befall such a person at a rap mogul’s birthday party.
Tim enters the workroom and tells the designers that the hip, international jetsetter is, in fact, themselves and they will have to design their own outfits. They will have fifteen minutes to sketch, $75 for the fabric, and only until midnight that night to make the outfit. They will model their own creations, and the model they chose will be used in the next challenge.
Luxurious Euproe: A foreign concept.
Uli is excited because she fancies herself a hip, international jetsetter. Vincent is bummed because he’s never done menswear. Dude, you’re supposed to be international—pretend to be from Scotland and wear a kilt. Very hip, very jetsetty. Laura is just going to do a dress because it is easy. Jeffrey confuses himself with his IRL clients and decides to go with a rock star outfit. Angela is clearly struggling with the concept because she cannot conceive of flying around the globe to attend parties. The only person in her life that comes close is her cousin who travels internationally to go hunting, but he’s called a hillbilly jetsetter by his wife, and Angela knows that isn’t the look they are going for.
Off to Mood they go, all atwitter with the ideas of being jetset. Kayne is going after this psycho Versace print that he is going to add to a shirt he is going to make. Michael is searching for Hamptons-meets-the-Hood fabrics. Uli buys about a gajillion prints, and Angela doesn’t have a clue what to buy, because jetting to Europe is such a foreign thought to her.
Some things you should let go; other things you should keep on.
Then, in a frightening turn of events in the workroom, we are treated to a pants-less Vincent who, while extolling the virtues of working in his boxers, is trying to figure out how men’s pants are made. He enjoys being pant-less so much, he threatens to come to work every day with no pants. If this continues, I’m personally calling the FCC.
Meanwhile, in the sewing room, Jeffrey continues to yammer on and on about the Mom challenge from last week. He says he’d be alright if he went out on something that he loved and the judges didn’t get, but would have hated to go out on something that was the “ugliest thing he ever made.” He can’t believe he skated by on something so hideous. I’m sure Robert is just thrilled to hear this, wherever he is. Jeffrey carries on so much and so loudly in his passive-aggressive way, Angela gets agitated. Why Jeffrey admits it was the ugliest thing he ever made then turns around and blames Angela and her mother for being so mean to him is beyond comprehension. If this is an attempt to play the villain, it’s just kind of sad. Especially after crying to his mommy. (And, no, I can’t let that go at all.) Laura tells the interviewing camera that Jeffrey needs to let it go, but, because he’s an ass most of the time, it isn’t surprising that he is still harping on Angela.
Tim insults Holly Hobbie.
With about seven hours to go, out of the ten total to construct the garments, Tim comes in to see how everyone is doing. He sees Jeffrey working on some black pants that seem to be kind of stretchy and some shiny black or deep purple fabric that will be made into a jacket and have a lighter purple accent fabric on it. He’s supposedly making a tee-shirt as well. Tim looks a bit dubious, but says it is very “rock’n’roll” and very Jeffrey, which could mean he loves it or hates it. Tim is excellent at the ambiguity.
Tim checks out Laura’s cocktail dress, which is some kind of peachy pink soft knit, maybe jersey, and it is coming together as a halter dress but with a tie around the waist. Tim doesn’t say anything negative to Laura. He goes to Kayne who has made his fitted black button down (really snap down) shirt and is busy cutting out the Versace print to affix to the back of the shirt. Tim appears in physical pain at the prospect of putting the print on the shirt.
Next up, Tim visits Michael who is making cargo pants with some strappy ties on them out of seersucker and he is says he’s making a motorcycle jacket and will wear a simple tee under the jacket. Tim isn’t happy with that and tells him to re-think the tee, which Michael immediately does and comes up with an idea to make a shirt.
Finally, Tim checks out Angela’s progress. She’s pretty much cut out her pants but hasn’t put them together. Tim notices the eyelet detail on the pocket of the pant, and says it looks Holly Hobbie, or juniors-esque. Angela loves that idea, and is too excited by it. And we all know Holly Hobbie was just a jettsetting whore, right? Angela says she has time issues and is worried about finishing on time. She caps this statement off with a little pout and pushes her bottom lip out, ever demonstrating that she is a mature young woman.
Work it girl (give a twirl)/Do your thing on the runway.
Finally, the day of work is over and the designers are back at Atlas. Kayne and Michael are up on the roof, perhaps avoiding Jeffrey, and Kayne asks Michael for modeling advice. Kayne is really nervous about the next day’s runway show and needs some pointers. Michael did some modeling, and says it all in giving attitude. Kayne says it’s easier for Michael because he’s from the ghetto, whereas he is white trash.
The next morning, apparently quite early, the designers awake and head to Parsons. Two weeks ago, we saw Laura sleeping fully clothed; this we see Angela sleeps in someone’s grandmother’s tablecloth. They all roll into Parsons and have one hour for hair and makeup. Laura and Angela get their hair blown out straight. Jeffrey and Vincent get made up. Uli gets a bit touched up too, but Michael doesn’t bother because he is still working on the shirt he told Tim he would do. Kayne is also working (topless) to get his shirt done right. Of all the shows in the universe, this is not the one where we want to see the pants off of one guy or the shirt off of another. Well, maybe if it were Michael, but not the other guys. Please remain fully clothed for the remainder of the season.
In short order, the runway show starts. Heidi comes out in something she clearly borrowed from Angela’s wardrobe. The judges are the usual Michael Kors and Nina Garcia. The guest judge is some guy called Francisco Costa, the alleged creative director of Calvin Klein. This title is quite doubtful: why would some label as dull and stale as Calvin Klein need a creative director? What would he do, photocopy the previous year’s looks?
Out come our designer/models, which is fabulous because I’m already running late on the recap and I don’t have to stop and note which model is coming down the runway because they all still blend together for me.
Vincent is first in a heather grey V-neck pullover shirt and a fitted black trouser. It’s very plain, but it does look comfortable.
Jeffrey comes out with tight black pants that must have been made with some kind of stretch material. The fly is buttoned with (or so it looks from where I’m sitting) rhinestone buttons or Xs or something. Maybe Kayne bedazzled him. He’s got on the shiny jacket that is well-fitted and a black tee shirt with a skull done in more rhinestones. Jeffrey has a career waiting for him at Hot Topic. Skulls are sooo mass market right now, they are o-v-e-r and have been for a while.
Angela has on a pair of brown linen/silk pants, decked out in her rosettes on the butt, and a blousy tank in a shiny magenta fabric. It is billowy, too big, and her black strapless bra peeks out of the top, perhaps unintentionally. She is still wearing her mid-calf black Daria & Jane boots.
Laura’s peachy pink cocktail dress with the wrap around tie is next. The fit is great, although there was something odd with the hem in one spot It looks comfortable, and has her signature deep V neckline, but the color, the wrap, and the fabric make it look softer and less harsh than her usual mode of dressing.
Michael has made the seersucker cargo pants with ties on the sides, a white Nehru-style collar jacket with short sleeves, and a white shirt underneath. The clothes have a very crisp look to them and fit Michael’s style.
Kayne comes out with a fitted black trouser, a black belt with a buckle that spells out his name in rhinestones (what is up with this rhinestone obsession?), and his black fitted shirt with the Versace fabric affixed on the back and on the cuffs. The fit of the shirt and pant is nice, but the print is jarringly bright. Kayne still looked nervous walking the runway, despite Michael’s coaching.
Bringing up the rear, Uli comes out in a ****shock**** a long, deep-V halter dress made with her 3,567,492 prints. She looks like a crazy quilter exploded in her workspace.
If Elvis, a homeless person, and P. Diddy all stood in a row, this is what you’d get.
The judges waste no time and critique each outfit. According to the judges, Uli has gone over the top; her bright prints may work for a jetsetter in Miami, Hawaii, LA, or the south of France, but they won’t fly in European capitals. She says she only goes to tropical locales, but the judges are insistent that they want to see something different from her. Thank god they finally said it!
The judges similarly show no mercy with Angela. Linen? To travel in? Girlfriend, you are out of your mind, because you are a mess just standing there. OK, that’s not a direct quote from Michael Kors, but you get the idea. She looks like a tourist, not a jetsetter. Michael Kors says she looks like a homeless person, but that’s pushing it a bit much.
Laura said she thought of a jetsetter as someone who went to parties everywhere, so she went with a dress. There was some concern by Mr. Bland from CK that the tie would be uncomfortable on the back, but Michael Kors pointed out it could be tied in the front. Nina said it was a great dress because it could go anywhere on the planet and be appropriate.
The judges saw Jeffrey’s outfit for what he intended it to be—a rocker jetsetter. Heidi, demonstrating her love for money, again dolled out her compliment that it “looks expensive” for the $75 that was spent on it. Nina demonstrates that she is behind the trend and says it is “very now.” Honey, if I can buy a skull tee shirt at Target, it is so not “now,” it’s ancient history.
Vincent says his outfit was about comfort; he wants to be comfortable if he is traveling. Heidi calls it safe, Michael Kors wants a twist or something to make it not look like the pajamas they give you on transatlantic flights, and the Calvin Klein guy loves it…obviously.
Michael says he is the product of the hip-hop generation and was aiming for a party at P. Diddy’s Hampton estate. Michael Kors loves it because the seersucker is a great travel fabric. Both Nina and Francisco love it too. It’s mehhh to me; I hate seersucker with a passion only exceeded by my hatred for footwear that doesn’t properly cover the feet. But the idea is nice.
Kayne is the last to face the judges and they do NOT like his print choice. Nina calls it stuck in the Elvis era. Michael Kors calls it right: the fit is impeccable, but the print makes it costume-y. Kayne is clearly crushed because he thought he had a winner.
Leaving, on a jet plane, with no clue when they’ll be back again.
Heidi then says that one will win and one will be out, but not right now. The judges want to see how these outfits—designed for traveling—actually do travel. The designers have one hour to get back to Atlas, pick up their plane tickets and get to the airport for destination unknown. The designers scramble to pack a bag for an unknown amount of time for an unknown destination and hop in a van to JFK.
Once there, they (at the Delta counter, natch, given the cross-over promotion) find out they are going to Paris in first class. Laura is ecstatic because it is first class and she’s not fond of flying. Angela and Kayne are over the moon because they’ve never been to Europe. Once they are situated on the plane, in comes Tim, who is traveling with them. Or maybe he’s a secret air marshal, making arrests for the fashion police.
A few hours later, they are tooling around Paris in yet another van, catching all the sights: the Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower, the Seine, etc. Then the arrive at their destination: Parsons Paris. The designers enter their new workroom and quickly realize that there are seven of them and six work tables. Someone will be going home soon.
How close is Jubilee Jumbles to Parsons Paris?
Tim has brought with him the score cards from the New York show. He brings out special guest host Catherine Malandrino who will judge the outfits on how well they traveled. The designers do a little runway show right there in the workroom and she scores them. Angela freely admits hers traveled poorly, but everyone else looks amazingly crisp.
After tallying the scores, Laura and Vincent are in, and Catherine tells us the winner came down to Jeffrey versus Michael, or rock versus hip-hop. She chooses rock, and picks Jeffrey as the winner. Michael is in, obviously, and Uli is in. Then it is down to Kayne and Angela.
Catherine tells Kayne he looks ree-di-cu-lous, like a fake pop star, and tells Angela she looks like she came from another planet (at which Jeffrey snickers). Then Catherine tells Angela that she is out. Tim asks Angela to clean up her workspace (which she really hadn’t dirtied) and leave.
Angela heads out to a waiting taxi, pulling her suitcase behind her, like a Trump reject, off to Pattycake’s birthday party at Jubilee Jumbles, where dťcolletage is appropriate for kids under 12.
Tune in next week where the designers remain in Paris to construct their next challenge.