2/1 Project Runway Recap: Mow Me, Rake Me, Trim My Blades
Yes, yes, I know my title is awful this week! But look, these are all of the ones that went through my mind...
*Don't Look Under My Fig Leaf!
*The Greenhouse Effect
*Adam & Eve Had Nothing On This
*Please Water and Keep In Sunlight
*Tell Your Dog That My Dress Is Not A Potty!
*Get Your Grass Outta Here!
*Tim Gunn is HOTTTT
Some of them are thanks to the effect of cold medicine. I have a cold. So, I'm taking this..
*cold medicine from HELL*
I'm not really taking that, and this is totally random, but 666 cold medicine? What the heck?
Okay, I'm taking something else, and it doesn't matter what, but what DOES matter is that you, too, may need some for this episode, at least if you're allergy-prone. Let's get on with things!
The remaining six designers are gathered for Heidi's little informational speech about the next project. They'll be designing for a Garden Party! "Well I went to a garden party, to reminisce with my old friends..." What? You don't want me to sing..AND you don't know the song? Oh, okay fine. Heidi brings out the winning and losing models, Rebecca and Tarah. Daniel, last week's winner, says some nice things about Tarah, but stays with his model. Nick is visibly upset that Tarah is out, since she was stolen from him last week.
Back at Atlas, the guys are going to the roof to hang out. "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water let the mother****** burn!!!" FINE, you don't like my song selections? Well, you can see why I'm not recapping American Idol.
My impressions of the roof are this....it's a perfect time to get rid of the competition! Just a little shove and one step closer to Olympus Fashion Week! They don't have any homicidal tendencies (at least Santino's not showing his) and no one goes over the edge. *sigh*
The next morning, bright and early, Tim Gunn goes knocking on the door of 35D. I wish he would come knocking on MY door.....and that he was straight..because, let's say it all together, people..."Tim Gunn is HOT!" The guys are surprised to see him, and they're saying "Tim Gunn is here!" like it's a royal announcement. (Which it is, or should be!) Tim tells them they're going on a field trip, then he heads over to 21H to tell the girls. They just greet him with "oh it's Tim" because they do not respect the Gunn, and must die! Umm, kidding. Sort of.
Time for the field trip, and Tim leads them down the streets, to the flower district, finally stopping in front of The Plant House. They're told that they can go there, or to Fischer & Page or Jamali Garden Supplies, with $100 to spend, and an hour to do it in. No one looks excited, and they all comment at one time or another that they don't know exactly what they're doing. Santino spends $70 of his funds on the construction supplies alone, leaving him with a paltry 30 bucks for actual plants. He gets a guy to sell him three plants for what he had left, but I think it was just to get him the heck out of his store.
Back at the design studio, Tim comes in with an announcement: The winner of this challenge gets immunity next week, which essentially guarantees them to be in the final four. Santino wants the immunity so he can do something really offensive for the next challenge and not be penalized for it. You know, now that I think about it, Santino could be the spokesperson for that 666 Cold Medicine, couldn't he?
Chloe plans to put small leaves all over her dress "a simple summer dress" so that when you look at it from a distance, it looks like a print. Kara is braiding raffia. Santino is aiming for "pretty, sophisticated, sexy and whimsical." Daniel's using ferns and *gasp* FLOWERS! Andrae has my favorite line of the show with "I chose a lot of dead, or half-dead things, or things that would die beautifully." Hee. Nick's doing a bustier with a full skirt.
Tim visits the design room to check on everyone. He tells Chloe that her gluing of individual leaves is "very ambitious" to which she replies "I'm gonna glue this baby like there's no tomorrow." Kara tells him that hers is "happening organically." Daniel tells Tim of a plan to do some basket weave. Tim feels that Nick's design may become a micro-mini due to lack of materials to work with. There's just some general comments about Santino's leaves. Tim then says "What happened to Andrae??" which makes Santino giggle. Why, you ask?
Turns out that Santino does a mean Tim Gunn impression. The second Tim leaves to find Andrae, Santino is saying, in perfect Tim Gunn-speak "Designers, watch out for Andrae, he's our little lamb." Tim finds Andrae, and comments that his spanish-moss covered panels aren't going to hold up as a material. We then see back to back "Carry-on!" statements from Santino and Tim. And they're identical. Or spot-on, as Simon Cowell would say.
Time ticks on and on, and the talk turns to when the guys came out to their parents. For those of you in the dark, our four boys left in the competition are gay. Shocking, right? No, really! Did you any of you think differently? I did read somewhere that Santino is an equal-opportunity lech, and really, that was more than I needed to know. Daniel says he just came out a year ago to his parents. Nick is astounded. He says that made sense back in his day, when he was the rent-a-date for the Catholic highschool, since he could dance and dress well. Daniel says it's because he grew up in Michigan in a strict Christian family, and that his ex-girlfriend doesn't know. (she does NOW I bet!) Chloe freaks out, saying that's her biggest fear. Daniel cracks up, and says "your biggest fear is to date a gay guy?" Everyone laughs. (MY biggest fear is...clowns. Or dating a gay clown. Like say, John Wayne Gacy. But he was a serial killer, so that's a whole other fear right there.)
*It hurts Tim's head to be this hot*
Santino's Tim Gunn impression truly is hilarious, and he's made up a whole story to go with it, about a romance between Tim and Andrae, where they have spats at Red Lobster. If Santino doesn't win, maybe he can have a small gig as a Tim Gunn impersonator. Sure, there might not be a large demand for one, but he's simply freaking hilarious when he does it.
Tim's back for a design room tour, and approaches each designer to see the progress. When he gets to Santino, he requests to hear Santino's "devastating" impersonation. The other designers find this hysterical (and is it) and Santino says "Tim, you're going to make me blush." He then does a bit of of the impersonation, then tells Tim it was done with love. Tim seems to like it, and then announces "I'm verklempt!"
Runway day, and the guys are discussing the fact that someone's leaving. Santino comments how Chloe is not nearly finished with her dress. Andrae announces that he is NOT going home. *cue foreshadowing music* In the studio, they only have a couple of hours until runway, and Chloe is gluing like a mad-woman. Kara takes time to help her a little bit.
Tonight's judges are Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, and design team Mark Badgley & James Mischka. The models all do their job, and the deisgners are asked to all stay for the questioning.
Mark asks Nick why didn't he use more color? Nick says he just picked out the greens without really thinking about it, that it just evolved. Nina says she's surprised that all of the designers didn't use more flowers. Nick says he wanted to stray away from what they'd expect from him. Michael says it's not sophisticated.
Mark says that this one looked like it took the most time, that it's very cloth-like, very light, and most wearable. Nina thinks it's beautiful. Michael calls it professional and wearable.
Mark thinks it's the best fit dress on the runway. He likes the raffia work and the texture. Michael compliments it.
James (who knew HE could talk?) wants to know what it's made of. (Spanish moss, raffia, baby's breath and lavendar.) MIchael thinks the fit is odd, and says it looks like a doormat.
Mark calls it a "wasp-y garden party dress" and says he loves it. Daniel say he wanted it to translate from a 20 year old to a 50 year old. Nina's crazy about the basket weave on the bodice. Michael says it's adorable.
Mark thinks it looks plastic-y. Nina wants to know if he did something to the leaves, she doesn't like it. (He sprayed them with shellac to preserve the color.) Heidi has no problem with them being shiny, to which Michael says "that's because you're German!" So, Germans like shiny things? You learn something new everyday.
They all get to leave the runway, so the judges can chat. Blah blah blah. Heidi liked Kara's, Chloe's, and Daniel's. Michael says Daniel has a meticulous eye. Nina calls Daniel's impeccable. They all think Chloe's looked like fabric. Nina really liked Kara's. James says that Nick's was the most Paris Hilton thing he's seen on the show. Michael, who TWO shows ago said "It's hard to be dowdy AND vulgar!" now says "It's hard to make leaves look vulgar! I think he puts a little vulgarity in everything he does." Hey now, Nick's not the one who showed the "tootie" 2 shows back! You know what's vulgar? Michael! Heidi thinks Andrae's looked stiff. Nina says it was dull, but that he thought about it. Nina says Santino needs to think more about the woman.
*Vulgar man who WISHES he were Tim Gunn*
They're called back out. Santino's safe, Kara's safe. Daniel wins, and with it wins the immunity for the next challenge. Chloe's in. Nick and Andrae are left, and just look at each other. For reasons I don't know, Andrae has an inch-long hair sticking out from his otherwise bald head, right by his right ear. The lights are gleaming on it, and it's making me nuts. Heidi tells Andrae that his outfit was a poor fit, not innovative enough, and didn't make enough of a statement. She tells Nick that his taste level wasn't there, but that he's in. Nick hugs Andrae, and Andrae tells him that only one person is allowed to cry on the runway. Andrae graciously leaves the runway singing the chorus from "Garden Party"...."well, it's all right now, I learned my lesson well, see ya can't please everyone, ya got to please yourself..." Well, not really, but I wasn't done with that song yet. Bye Bye, Andrae!
For the record, Andrae's dress from last week, inspired by gutter-water, brought the most money in the Project Runway auction, selling for $760.
Join us next week, when the designers do head-to-toe makeovers for each other, and Nick quits talking to Santino!
I made MY design out of catnip, and call it "Project Contact-high!" contact email@example.com