Hello my little Runwayettes. We’re dwindling down to a select few which can only mean the cattiness and over the top designs will be more amplified than ever. Last week the cute, cuddly and so-not-right for this competition Emmett had to take his last walk down the Runway. Zulema won gold and Santino was kept around for another week to keep ratings up. Pssst…Santino: Yakov Smirnov just called. He wants his hat back.
Oh Snap! She Did What?
So as usual, all the little geese are gathered at the Runway to receive their next challenge. Today, it will be “Inspiration”. What challenges you? What drives you? Well, for me it is being able to fit into my mint green thong every summer. But for the contestants I suppose it’s the gig waiting for them at Banana Republic. Meh, tomato- tomahto.
Heidi reminds Zulema that since she won the last challenge she can have her pick of the model-litter. Or she can stick with her current model, Rachael. This is generally the part where the winning contestant coughs up some excuse for why they’re going to stick with the model they have. It’s usually that they are their muse or the way her emaciated belly looks in lace or something along those lines.
Well, sit tight girlfriends because Zulema is about to shake this little party up. She realizes Rachael isn’t working it enough for her so she elects to have a walk off between Danyelle, Tarah and Shannon. An audible “Oh Snap!” was heard around the world. Or as Daniel said, “It’s a motherf***ing walkoff.”
The lassies strut their stuff but in the end it was Tarah who wins the day. Nick sends some visual f-you daggers over to Zulema’s way to which Zulema responds with a giggle and a half hearted “I’m sorry, Nick.” The gloves are off bitch. I predict a death by sewing machine sometime soon.
Kors Muse: Doris Duke or Magnum PI?
I don’t own any Michael Kors clothing although he does sell a nice pair of leather sling backs that’ll look fabulous with my polyester pantsuit at next years Fetish/ Androgyny Expo. *Oops, wrong recap*
Michael gives a little speech on what inspires him. One inspiration of his is what he calls “Hawaiiana” inspired by Doris Duke, the late tobacco heiress. Seems Doris left the stodgy east coast behind for the sun, waves and flowery prints of Hawaii. In time she manages to cheat on her man with a surfer who dresses really bitchin dude. This dress code eventually gives way to the infamous Aloha shirt, now worn by balding middle aged men at barbecues with black socks and sandals who are reduced to fantasizing about what Doris lived.
Their mission for today is traipse around NYC and take pictures of whatever or whomever it is that catches their eye. They will have one hour to complete this task. From there they will choose one picture that inspires them and they will make a garment from the theme of that picture. After a little product advertisement of receiving an Olympus digital camera to shoot with, Michael gives them all a pat on the ass and a “go get ’em tiger” fist pump as they head out the door.
And shooting they did. From the tranny wearing a rainbow wig and John 3:16 sign to the graffiti on the side of meth lab, the gang snaps away in hopes of finding the perfect picture of inspiration.
Tough Love or Tough Sh*t!
Any way you say it, an attitude check doesn’t always sit well in the stomach but sometimes you just gotta get it out. At least that’s what Tim thinks. He feels that the last few weeks of assignments have been lackluster at best and it’s time do a beat down.
Daniel always excites Tim in the beginning but always falls short of expectations. Where have I heard that line before? Chloe needs to push the envelope or succumb to being a footnote in the annals of Project Runway trivia. Zulema needs to take risks to which she wonders if it’s not so much about taking risks as it is about time management.
Kara is the only one left who hasn’t won a challenge. She needs to get out of making things that would sell on Madison Avenue. You know, design things that no one in their right mind would buy. Santino is in serious jeopardy which is said with a wink of the eye knowing full well that he’s sticking around for a few more episodes. Andre and Nick are told to be more ambitious which is code for they are the best ones but the obligatory discouraging remarks are in order to maintain continuity.
How To Shop For An Elongated Marshmallow
It’s off to the thrift shop to select their fabrics. Each designer will have one hundred dollars to spend. Daniel gives us a sneak peek into his idea which is Japanese sleekness. Santino is going with his graffiti picture.
Nick is getting sweaty pits over his new dilemma. Calling Tim over for help doesn’t make matters any better. Apparently Tim was unaware of the now infamous “switcheroo” that Zulema pulled. When told that Nick was now designing for Rachael, Tim replies with a shudder. I’m giggling like a schoolboy as Tim goes off on a rant about Zulema’s former model. From her Gumby legs to looking like an elongated marshmallow, you would’ve thought it was worse than wearing white after Labor Day.
Back at the sewing rooms, it is Daniel who turns Nick’s frown upside down. Nick is worn. The walk off and Zulema’s invisible slap in the face has worn him down. It is Danny who puffs out his chest and gets all Rocky on him. It’s time for Nick to change his panties, suck it up and just do it. It’s the middle of the show. There’s always an inspiration segment in the middle of the show. And just as quick, Daniel’s tough personna is followed with an “I love You” and a response of “I love you too but not in a prison kind of way.
If you were in the kitchen getting some tofu spread and alfalfa sprouts as the show returned from commercial break, you would’ve thought it was Tim who was speaking. Nope. Who knew that Santino gave the best Tim impression ever? It was spot on. This lightened the mood a little bit and gave everyone a laugh.
Coincidentally, Tim just happened to walk in as Santino finished his stand up routine. He’s there to do his usual perusal and offer advice that is always just a day too late. Kara is taking her No Trespassing theme to literally, so says Tim. Yes, way to offer up that little gem of advice with only an hour to go before quitting time.
It’s the morning of the Runway and the focus is on the switched models. Tarah, who looks so beautiful she can’t be real, is bummed at the outfit Zulema made. Zulema, with her time management problems and all, will have to sew the outfit on her. Oh for the love of all things fashion, please don’t cut her.
Rachael on the other hand is going to model extra hard. Is there such a thing? “Yesterday I only modeled a little bit, but today my ass is gonna shake all the way down the runway.” This is all said in a monotone voice. Egads, I fell asleep just listening to her lifeless voice. Screw the extra modeling, somebody give her a banana and a coffee. Nick is Rachael’s favorite designer so she is doing it for him, not to get back at Zulema.
After some last minute fittings and the application of a few tons of makeup, it’s time for the showdown. Heidi reminds us that after tonight there will be six left.
Fashion Imitating Art
Judging tonight will be Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and the winner of last season’s show, Jay McCarroll- who will now be spouting his sophomoric advice on to the little nothings that sit before him. On with the show…
Andrae is up first. Drae turned his picture of water into an elegant evening gown. Everything shimmered in the right places and the back flowed nicely.
Kara follows next with her No Trespassing theme. It’s a skintight sleeveless black dress with the yellow and black horizontal lines that symbolize danger. Danger is right. Model Eden was electric as she walked down the runway.
Everyone’s favorite designer Santino showcases a frumpy crepe paper looking outfit. The top was a white strapp-y number and the bottom looked like the skirting around a buffet table you’d find at your local bingo night in the basement of a church.
Daniel’s inspiration came from an orchid. I call it a plastic model who’s head popped out of a mushroom. But hey, one man’s fungi is another man’s plant. The skirt was sexy I must admit. The blouse looked like an inverted skirt ala Marilyn Monroe over a windy sidewalk vent.
Chloe designed a cute little pastel number with horizontal bands around the mid section. It was safe. Nothing more, nothing less.
Now that the fluff is over it’s time to get down to the dueling designer’s. Nick is up first with a little number inspired by a pattern of crosses and circles (picture the design on the bandana you wear when scrubbing your kitchen floor while wishing you were on the cover of Vogue). Rachael came strutting down the runway like a show horse canters in front of the reviewing stand. Everything jiggled and juggled just right.
Zulema rounds out the fashion show with a red hot number worn by Tarah. Zulema was right when she said that Tarah’s look would compliment her work. It’s my personal fave of the night and I liked the combination of the tight top and flowing bottom which probably means that…
All are rounded up for the final critique. Daniel was basically hoisted up on the judges shoulders and paraded around the room. Chloe gets a ho-hum review. Chloe said her concern was lack of time to which Jay gets a chance to interject with a “Oh honey, I was in your shoes”, followed with a waving of a finger.
Once again the word ’literal’ comes into play with Kara’s dress. It’s too simple says Michael. Kara goes on a long diatribe about how simplicity is sometimes the best way to go. Jay retorts by saying her story doesn’t match her dress. And suddenly Jay is an authority on everything.
Andrae gets some mad props for taking dirty water and turning it in to something glamorous. Nicks inspiration of patterned fabric came off flat. In order to add more inspiration, Nick added that he pictured Paris Hilton on Mykonos wearing his dress.
It’s obvious that I don’t know jack. Zulema got lambasted over her design. It was described as a home sewn prom dress gone wrong. It was poorly executed. Santino’s dress doesn’t receive much more praise. Jay comments that his dress looks exactly like Austin Scarlett’s Grammy dress and when you see a split screen of the two, it does look like a match.
After some mulling over who was hot and who was not, the seven designers are brought out to face Mistress Heidi.
Chloe and Nick are told they are in and leave the runway. Daniel is announced as the winner in about the most boring way you could imagine. No trumpets, no twenty-one gun salute. Just a simple wave of the hand and off he runs into the arms of Nick.
Santino gets the save and he’s off to jump for joy. That leaves Zulema and Kara. Zulema’s dress left the judges uninspired and unfinished. She let the judges down. Kara’s dress was unoriginal and the judges felt that she needn’t take an hour to explain her design.
With that, Kara is told she is safe. Zulema is headed back to the dorms to design trashy prom dresses. Not even a beautiful model can cover uip the mess she made. And as usual my predictions at who is the best (or not) are usually wrong. I think I’ll stick with recapping and forgo my dreams of being a fashion anaylst.
Next week on Project Runway, the designers take a field trip to a location that leaves an audible gasp.
Want to join me at the next Blue Light Special? Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for directions to the nearest K-Mart.