After last week’s “avant garde” challenge where a hot-glued dress won the day, I’m not sure the judges still retain a foot in reality. I also really miss Tim’s vlogs where he calls out the judges, but my expectation is that Lifetime has put a stop to that. This episode I fully expect the judges to go a bit crazy again. At this point, it’s a given.

Picking Teams

Heidi informs the designers they will be working in two teams of five, and neither team will have a team leader. Anthony, as he won the last challenge, gets to pick his first teammate, then the next teammate picks the subsequent and so on. After all the picking and choosing is done, Team Chaos is Anthony, Anya, Viktor, Olivier and Bryce. Team Nuts and Bolts is Josh, Laura, Kimberly, Becky and Bert. Vegas oddsmakers shut down the betting right here, as it’s pretty clear what will work and what won’t. Kimberly, Becky and Bert do not want to be anywhere near bully Josh and the other five are ecstatic they don’t have to deal with Josh at all.

What caused HP to stop making tablets.

In the workroom, Tim informs them that this is the “design your own fabric” challenge. Each team will produce a five-look collection, shoot a video to play in the background of the fashion show, and pick out the music all in two days. Betsey Johnson stops by to provide some words of wisdom (or an ad for her collection, whatever). On Team Chaos, Anthony throws out the idea of inkblot tests, everyone loves it, and they’re all moving forward. However, on Team Nuts and Bolts, Josh is adamant about using the Village People as inspiration, while Laura wants sea amoebas, and someone threw out clocks and trains, and they go with clocks. Clocks? Are they missing “Flavor of Love” or something?

The designers sit down and design some prints, most of which are black and white. Bert has issues with getting his design to print out and he swears at the printer. Well, this sets off Josh to the most psycho reaction ever. He’s upset Bert swore at he printer and goes off on him like Bert personally attacked his dead mother. You have to go far and wide to find someone who hasn’t sworn at a printer in their lifetime. Printers are sworn at by office workers daily. Has Josh somehow sworn an oath to guard and protect the hearts of printers everywhere? Anyway, he’s super-obnoxious, says he will forfeit (though he doesn’t—that would have been awesome) if Bert doesn’t clean up his potty mouth, and storms off.

Laura eventually brings Josh down out of the rafters by suggesting the two of them go shoot the video while the other three go to Mood. Viktor and Bryce head to Times Square for Team Chaos to film hectic New York to symbolize the chaos of the world. Josh has the idea to film Laura’s feet in different shoes getting out of cabs, as she’s a “girl on the go” and always late. Back in the workroom, Anya suggests doing a mirror image/kaleidoscope deal with the footage to represent the inkblot test but moving, which turns out pretty damn cool. Then, at the end of the day, Josh calls an announcement—especially for Bert—and apologizes for his outburst earlier in the day. Because he couldn't do that in private and with dignity, as that’d cut down on his camera time.

The wrong team picked the “chaos” name.

The next morning brings the second day of the challenge and the printed textiles. Team Nuts and Bolts has Josh’s graffiti print of words like “delayed” and “cancelled”, Laura’s numbers print, and Becky’s gear print. Team Chaos has squiggly lines, and ink blot prints. All of these are black and white, save for some grey on Becky’s print. Kimberly hates all the prints on her team, so since only 3 of the 5 looks must feature the print, she’s just not going to use any of it. Viktor is making a gown with a hand-painted inkblot for the bodice; Anthony admits it could go from ink blot to cow if they don’t pull it off right.

In the break room, Anya and Lauren talk about Becky’s simple skirt she’s making out of Laura’s number print fabric. Becky comes in and Laura says the skirt looks too “math teacher”. Anya suggests the gear print, as it is better, and Becky agrees to make another skirt in that fabric. She will ultimately make the skirt in all three prints.

Tim stops by for a visit with the teams. Team Chaos is humming along well, Tim likes the prints, and the use of the same squarish back of three of the five looks. Team Nuts and Bolts explains their looks and Tim is just troubled all around, at Becky’s jumpsuit, Becky’s skirt, Kimberly’s “faux poodle” fabric, and Josh’s overly complicated jacket that may or may not come with a top. He doesn’t see any cohesion among the group and he makes them join hands, form a circle, and vow to communicate with each other. Josh is bent out of shape with Tim’s critique so he cries about not having gotten home to see his family because he was working at a bar in New York to support his dream. He calls home to talk to his dad and cry about his mom’s birthday having been recently. At this point, I’m not so sure Josh’s mother is actually dead. She might just have faked it to get away from his bullying, histrionic behavior. That could be why his dad was so put together on the phone.

The models come in, Josh is civil with Bert and vice versa, Anya frets over Bryce’s shorts, and Anthony wonders when the hell Olivier is going to make the pants for his much worked-on jacket. The day ends and the runway show arrives and it’s back to the workroom. The models come in for their hair and make up—Nuts and Bolts wants a machine-like look and Chaos wants to go from messy to put-together—and it’s time for the show.

Left-field win.

The judges are Heidi, Michael Kors, Nina Garcia, Rachel Roy (designer), and Rose Byrne (actress). First up is Nuts and Bolts’ looks of:
Josh’s word print pants, sloppy blue tank, and black and white gear-cut jacket.
Becky’s word print simple short pencil skirt, a sloppy chartreuse tank, and a short black jacket with “articulated” sleeves.
Bert’s dress out of the gear fabric.
Kimberly’s chartreuse top and weird short skirt that sticks out at the hips.
Laura’s sloppy blue jumpsuit with a belt of the print fabric.

Chaos’s looks are:
Anya’s simple dress out of the two prints, with black cap sleeves.
Bryce’s ink blot print shorts and slouchy red tee.
Anthony’s skirt with hand-applied ink blots, print sleeveless top, and red bow/tie.
Olivier’s tailored jacket and print slim pants.
Viktor’s flowy gown with the ink blot bodice and sheer back.

It was a slam-dunk for Team Chaos and they get to talk to the judges first. Heidi loves the whole collection and thinks the prints are fresh. Michael is very impressed with Olivier’s tailored jacket, Viktor’s evening gown, and the video. He has issues with Bryce’s tee shirt and shorts, but overall likes it. Rose finds she could wear any of the designs, even if she’s scared of prints. Nina thinks it’s all well done and she wants Olivier’s jacket. Nina’s only critique is that the styling could have been more polished. When asked who should win, they equivocate, but when asked directly, Olivier says he should win. Victor, Anthony, and Anya also pick themselves, but Bryce picks Anya.

When Team Nuts and Bolts comes out, Kimberly rattles off some kind of explanation that sounds like a Miss America contest. My bet is she drew the short straw—she just barely refrains from the “such as Iraq and such as” gibberish. Michael thinks they went too literal on the concept and says the video with the shoes and cabs was like a hooker convention coming home. Nina saw it as an ad for shoes and cabs. Michael was pleased with their styling, but Rose disagrees. Michael points out that Laura didn’t exactly use the prints and Kimberly saved her ass by not using them. He wasn’t so hot on Becky’s design, but was impressed with the way Bert cut the fabric. Heidi wants to know who the weakest link was. Becky says Josh for starting everyone off in a bad mood. More yammering with the judges for Josh and then Nina just flat out says that all three prints are bad, so there! Bert would say Josh was the weakest, Laura would say Bert for his “under the rug” comments, Josh would say Becky for her weak design. Becky complains that she never got any helpful feedback from her team. Kimberly also goes with Becky because her style is so simple.

In deliberations, Michael is pro-Olivier for his tailoring, there’s much love for Viktor’s gown, and Anya’s mix of prints really worked well. As for the other team, there’s much hate on Becky for being too simple and some criticism of Josh’s over-detailed design and a musing on his level of taste. Nina points out that Josh made the worst print in a print challenge. Bert is a grumpy old man who can put together a dress.

The decision is made. All of a sudden, Anya wins despite Viktor’s clearly superior gown. All of Team Chaos is in, as are Kimberly, Laura, and Bert. It’s down to bossy-pants, anger-brows Josh and poor, dowdy, boring Becky. Becky is sent packing to design another day and miss out on the NINE collections shown at Fashion Week on Friday.

Up next week, Olivier learns about boobs!