Project Runway 9/22: A Whole Lot of Ugly
As it be my wont in this recapping position, I’m going to go a bit different on this one. Readers will still get the facts, but I’m going to streamline a bit. We are down to eight designers, eight of which are unqualified to lick the boots of any Bravo seasons’ designers, so short shrift seems appropriate. (Except Seth Aaron and Mondo….those dudes could have held their weight on Bravo.)
As per usual, Heidi sends the designers off to meet Tim, where he’s there with some tool from Garnier for the seasonal hair challenge. The designers are going to create looks for some band called The Sheepdogs, who look like they haven’t had a proper hair cut nor shave since 2002. Allegedly they are some kind of 70s throw-back to “real rock”—the kind of stuff that makes my ears bleed. The designers are going to be in two teams of four, but they don’t have to collaborate, which should keep the drama down. Bert, Laura, Anthony, and Anya (Team Harmony) will be on one team while Olivier, Victor, Kimberly, and Joshua (Team Untitled) will be on the other.
The band plays their dismal little song and the designers realize they have to make—oh holy crap—menswear! Olivier grasps his ears in pain, and I can’t blame him. Who the hell needs another crappy 70’s retro band? There’s something about dudes who grow unsightly facial hair to obviously cover up their fugly face that just irritates me. No designer is a winner here. If I designed for this band, it’d be a burlap sack for each of their heads.
The designers group off and pick a member of the band, which seems to work for everyone but Olivier who got the “fat” dude lead singer. Seeing as how Olivier may weigh 100 pounds soaking wet with weights placed on his appendages, I’m kind of over his fat comments.
They all head off to Mood, with regular insanity involved, except Olivier is just debilitating slow. Laura buys too much, Bert has cash left over and shares. Is this legal? Never heard of that before. Olivier gripes again about how big his client is. Oh, I’m sorry. Bitches like my curvy 8 self don’t want to be bothered with bland color schemes and flat-chested nonsense at any price, even if I had the cash to spend on custom-made. I have a serious hate going on for this Olivier character.
It’s back to mood where we see Josh’s hairy legs (you’d think he’d manscape them like he does with his eyebrows), Viktor and Anya talk about Olivier’s inability to deal with actual, live, human clients, and then Tim comes in with the Garnier fuzz-bucket. A whole lot of product placement ensues and, as I swear on my stack of S&TC DVDs, I will never buy a Garnier product in my life.
Day 2 of the challenge rolls around and it’s more frantic sewing at Parsons. Bert has realized he bought too little fabric and the dye he used turned his pants material grape purple. Tim turns up with the band for critiques. Laura’s red dye for the pants is too light, Anya is paneling some prints, Anthony has a wood print that his client likes, and Bert is making an old lady’s blouse. Viktor is distressing some denim and a pleather jacket, Kimberly borrowed fabric from Anya to save her design, Josh puts a big exposed zipper on the crotch of the pants, and Olivier makes a swan print shirt for the “super fat” singer. Tim chastises Olivier for all of his “big” comments and not being able to deal with a non-mannequin size person.
The band returns for a fitting, where the guys get their butts handled probably more than they’ve been handled in the past three years. More people talk about how Olivier is imploding on the challenge when he’s supposedly a menswear designer. The second day winds down with everyone feeling they could use more time.
Assault on the Senses
The day of the show arrives and the way they’re handling it is the band will play a song in one team’s outfits then come back and perform a second song with the other team’s clothes. The band comes in for their final fitting, which goes pretty well except for Olivier, who leaves the singer sitting in his underwear waiting for an hour.
The Sheepdogs play in Team Harmony’s clothes for the judges, Michael, Nina Heidi and Adam Lambert, first. I can’t describe these clothes other than mainly brown and purple smattering of ugly shirts and pants. Team Untitled’s outfits are the same. They are so fug, they’d make the Fug Girls’ heads explode.
The judges talk to Team Harmony first; Anya says that the inspiration was a moderinized Jimi Hendrix, but Michael sees no requisite swagger. Nina thinks the lot is literal and expected. Laura did a whole lot of tie-dying, and for some reason Heidi likes it, despite the blood spatter tank top. Adam thinks its contemporary, Michael echoes my concern about the blood spatter, and Nina says it could be from a lady’s store at the mall. Bert gets high praise for giving the singer a strong look but not a costume. Anya’s, however, was a costume—a Pocahontas costume that was poorly sewn. Anthony’s is not all that hot—the top is women’s wear and the pants don’t fit quite right.
Team Untitled then faces the judges. Olivier’s client doesn’t like the light pants and told him so but he made the pants light anyway. No one really likes the outfit and it doesn’t fit well, which surprises Michael, given Olivier’s menswear experience. Kimberly tries to spin her ugly shirt by pointing out all the details; Nina says it looks like old man pajamas, Adam sees Scooby Doo, Michael sees a big-button bowling shirt. Viktor explains the distressed jeans, western styled print shirt, and the pleather jacket, which everyone loves. Josh explains his exposed crotch zipper, saying it’s rock star and generally talks about the other items. Heidi likes it a lot, but there are a few too many details. Nina also says he went a little overboard but does like it.
As the judges discuss, Olivier, Anya and Kimberly are in the bottom. Anya’s tunic is terrible but as Michael points out, her pants did work and Olivier should have been able to do something better with his menswear experience. Kimberly’s top was inexcusable, but she has no menswear experience and knew she flubbed the challenge. Josh’s outfit made the guy look sexy (?), Viktor made a great jacket, and Bert gave his client an actual look.
The designers return to find Bert is in, Viktor wins the challenge, and Laura, Josh, Anthony, and Anya are in. It comes down to Olivier and Kimberly and Olivier is shown the door. Kimberly is really shaken up by the experience of being on the chopping block.
Next week, they go retro again and Anya may or may not have real fabric, due to her losing her cash at Mood. I think the Mood dog should be investigated. I caught my dog with my wallet this morning, so it could be a trend.