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Thread: Project Runway 1/6/05: The Case Of The Purloined Pattern Piece

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    For Your Entertainment lobeck's Avatar
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    Project Runway 1/6/05: The Case Of The Purloined Pattern Piece

    Hello, boys and girls. Yes, it's that time again…time for a Project Runway recap. Of course, a recap is no good without an original episode of the show to write about, and the folks at Bravo have obliged by giving us a new episode after what seems like an eternity of waiting. The show starts out with the typical "Previously, on Project Runway" montage, except instead of just talking about the last episode, they remind us of everything that's happened so far this season. Of course, they kinda need to, since it's been about 20 years since we've had a new episode, but I digress.

    Once we get through the montage, Heidi's on the runway to tell the remaining contestants about this week's challenge, and she says that the challenge this week is all about rock & roll. Hmm…this bodes well for Jay, I think. For Wendy? Not so much. Anyway, Heidi continues and says that the designers will be creating an outfit for "rising singing star" Sarah Hudson. Sarah then joins Heidi on the runway, and we get to see a clip of the video for Sarah's latest single, "Girl On The Verge (Of A Nervous Breakdown)". Wow, I didn't know that Sarah had recorded Starr's theme song? Or is it Nora's theme song? Vanessa's theme song? Oh, never mind…I'm getting ahead of myself here. Sarah takes some questions from the designers and says she'd describe her look as "little girl gone crazy". I'd describe her look as "Tori Amos-meets-Cyndi Lauper", but that's just me. It's not an insult either, as I like both Sarah's look and her song. I could see it doing well on radio (though I haven't heard it anywhere yet), and I might just buy the CD. However, this isn't American Bandstand, and I'm not Dick Clark, so let's get back to the show.

    Once Sarah leaves the stage, it's time for the weekly which-model-gets-the-boot ritual. Since she won the Banana Republic challenge last week, Wendy gets to pick first, and she chooses Morgan. We go through the process one designer at a time, and, for the second week in a row, it is Robert who will pick last. He must choose between Audrey and Josie (who, ironically, was his model last week). He ends up going with Audrey, and Josie is sent packing. Robert is so worked up that he wants to go off and cry, and I'm thinking that "Girl On The Verge (Of A Nervous Breakdown)" should perhaps be his theme song.

    We're back at the Parsons workshop, and it's time for the weekly meeting with Tim Gunn, the school's Fashion Director. He reminds the group that they will be designing a performance outfit for Sarah, and he goes on to explain that Sarah will be joining the group shortly. This week, each contestant will have five minutes to pitch his/her idea to Sarah, who will then choose her top three ideas. Those people will become "team leaders", and they will choose two "assistants" each from the designers who aren't selected by Sarah. We then see a montage of the designers pitching their ideas to Sarah, and the most frightening moment is provided by Jay, who says, after his time with Sarah, "We totally hit it off. She totally wants to f**k me." OK, eeuuww. Just eeeeeuuuuuwwwww. Can someone pass me the brain bleach? I need to get rid of the visual that gave me.

    All the contestants have made their pitches, and it's time for Sarah to announce her three choices. She chooses Jay, Austin, and Kevin, and they in turn choose which designers will join their respective teams. When the dust settles, we find out that Kevin will be working with Nora and Alexandra, Jay will be working with Kara and Robert, and Austin will be working with Wendy and Vanessa. Vanessa whines a bit like the last kid on the playground picked for a kickball game, but she attributes it to the fact that she apparently can't sew to save her life. Um, sweetiedarling, if you're going to be a successful designer, shouldn't you at least know how to sew a little bit? Tim goes on to explain that each team will be given $150 and will have one hour to shop for all their necessary materials. Jay says that the look he's going for is "French whores in 2050." Um, OK. Austin says that he thinks he really gets what Sarah is going for and adds, "She really likes 'pouf'." Well, girl, if a pouf is what she wants, then she certainly…Oh, never mind. I won't go there.

    The teams go shopping, and we start to see/feel a bit of uneasiness between Vanessa and Wendy. Wendy says that Vanessa "has issues with Austin's vision", while Vanessa notes that Wendy "hardly speaks" and that "something feels weird about her." Meanwhile, Jay says he's using Kara for her creative abilities and is basically treating Robert "like a slave". Kevin is excited about his selection of Nora as a team member and says he looks forward to their collaboration. Oh, if he only knew…but, there I go getting ahead of myself again.

    The group is now back at Parsons, and the teams are busily working on their creations. People are starting to get a little pissy, as the judging is one day earlier than usual, so the stress level is multiplied. Nowhere is this more evident than with Nora, who just refuses to do things Kevin's way. Um, hey Nora…a couple of things I wanted to remind you of. First, you weren't chosen as one of the team leaders. Sarah didn't like your design enough. Apparently she did like Kevin's design enough, and that's why he is a team leader—your team leader, to be specific. Since he is your team leader, he is the one whose vision/idea is supposed to be carried out by your group, not the other way around.

    It's about 10:30pm on Day 1, and Nora and Alexandra are frantic. Well, Nora really is, actually. I had kinda forgotten that Alexandra was even on the team since it had been the Nora Calguri show up until this point. But, I digress…Anyhoo, it seems as if a pattern piece for the dress she's been working on is missing, and Nora starts to freak out. Kevin returns from wherever he was and tells Nora remarkably calmly, "I'm gonna fix this." For some strange reason, this sends Nora further over the edge, and she storms out. Outside the workroom, Nora complains, "I came here to compete. I didn't come here to be f****d over like this." She then goes on to say that she thinks this is all some sort of plan of Kevin's to mess with her head. Then, she thinks that the piece was stolen by someone else in the competition. Oh, yes, Nora. That's it. The whole group is out to get you and sabotage your chances in the competition. Geez Louise, Nora, did you—the one who said earlier in this very program, "I never forget the details"—think that you might have misplaced or lost it? This apparently never crosses Nora's mind, as she goes on and on about how someone can steal the pattern piece, but that won't stop her blah blah blah. I'm apparently not the only one who is over Nora's melodrama, as Kara looks up from her workstation and says, "I would have just made the piece over and not accused everyone." Good Lord, judging by the tears that started flowing, you would have thought that Kara shot Nora's puppy right in front of her! Nora's voice goes up about fifteen octaves as she tells Robert between sobs that she *sob* doesn't understand *sniff sniff sob* why *sob sob* Kara would say *sob* such a thing. She finally regains a bit of composure and continues to work on whatever it is she's working on while mumbling, "I'm too good for this." Honey, if you're "too good" for this, I'm sure there are others in that workroom who would be more than happy to show you the door and escort you to the curb.

    It's now the day of the show, and Nora has made it through the night. She does think, however, that she could very well be the one going home this week even though she "saved Kevin's ass by making him do work." Riiiiiiiiiiight, Nora. You saved Kevin's ass. I guess I just missed the scene where you were cracking the whip over that slug Kevin. That must have been somewhere in between those sobs and hysterics, I guess. Anyway, the group reconvenes at Parsons, where Tim tells them that they have about two hours to get ready for the judging. Since each team will only be showing one design, the team can choose which one of the three models its designers have selected will be used for the show. Austin's team chooses the "tragic" (to quote Kara) Morgan, and it seems that Miss Morgan is involved in her own melodrama at the moment. Austin is sent to find her because she's crying about something. Oh, no. Did Mommy forget to wake her up again? No, it's not that. She's upset because they want to dye her hair red. According to Austin, she had first agreed to do it. Then, she changed her mind. Now, she's wigging out (no pun intended) and doesn't know what she's going to do. She says, "But, I'm booked as a blonde next week", and I don't see why they can't just dye it back after the show. But, I'm no Vidal Sassoon, so what do I know? Morgan finally acquiesces, and her hair turns out a nice strawberry blonde. For the love of God, Morgan, it's not like they wanted to make you the next Lucille Ball!

    It's time for the runway show and judging (dum dum DUM!), and Heidi introduces the judges for this week's competition. Michael Kors and Nina Garcia are back, and they are joined this week by Sarah Hudson herself. She then explains that one of the team leaders will be the week's "winner", so the only ones eligible for immunity are Jay, Kevin, and Austin. As for who gets eliminated, well, Heidi says that will be explained later (dum dum DUM!). Oooh, can't you just feel the suspense! Anyway, the show gets underway, and the first dress out is from the Austin/Vanessa/Wendy team. It's not bad, and I could maybe see Sarah wearing it, but I think it might be a little too Little Bo Peep-meets-Marie Antoinette for what Sarah wants for now. The Kevin/Nora/Alexandra dress is out next, and the first thing I think of is the cover of Cyndi Lauper's "She So Unusual" CD (God, I'm dating myself there.). Anyway, I like the dress and think this is more in line with what Sarah is looking for. The Jay/Kara/Robert design rounds things out, and, while I probably like it the most, it's also the one that I think is the least likely to be picked by Sarah.

    Heidi calls all of the designers onto the stage and tells Jay, Kara, and Robert that they are safe this week. They haven't won the competition, but they're not the worst, either. She then turns to Michael, who gives a soliloquy on teamwork before we move forward. Heidi then puts another wrinkle in things when she tells the six designers still on the stage that, one by one, they will have to say who they think should be "out" this week. (At this point, I'll refrain from making any sort of connection between Austin and being "out") Kevin says that they didn't know they were going to have to do this when they were selecting teams, and Heidi says—with a Cheshire Cat grin plastered across her face—"I know, but you know now." It's then Austin's turn to get all weepy, and he says, "This is horrible…*sniff sniff sob*…I'd rather leave myself." Hmm…maybe Austin is the "Girl On The Verge (Of A Nervous Breakdown)"? Once again, I'm sure there are plenty of people still on the show who would be willing to help Austin pack his things, but nobody volunteers. Oh, and while I'm on the subject of Austin, is it me or, with the lace scarf tied around his neck and another tied around his waist, does he look like a waiter at a Red Lobster in West Hollywood? Anyway, Nora says without hesitation that Kevin should be the one to go. Now there's a shocker. At first, Alexandra says nobody should go, but she finally agrees with Nora and says Kevin should leave. Kevin talks about Nora's meltdown and says that, for that reason, she should be the one to take a hike. Wendy says that Austin should be the one to go from her team because he did not demonstrate strong leadership. Austin says in a confessional that that is "utter bullsh*t", and I have to say that I agree with Austin on this one. Vanessa basically commits suicide in this competition when she says that she herself should probably be the one to go because of her lack of sewing skills. Finally, Austin reiterates how much he loves both Wendy and Vanessa blah blah blah, but he finally says that Vanessa should probably be the one to go because of the same lack of sewing skills.

    The six designers leave the stage, and the judges begin their bitch session deliberations. Sarah says that Kevin's dress was "to the T" and he remained faithful to the pitch he made to Sarah in the beginning of the episode. As for Austin's dress, Sarah says that neither the color of the dress nor the hairstyle on the model are what she and Austin talked about during the original pitch, and that pretty much sews it up (no pun intended…heh heh) for Kevin as far as I'm concerned. Plus, I wonder if Morgan is watching this now thinking, "That BITCH made me dye my hair, and it wasn't even what they talked about!" Backstage, everyone is anxiously awaiting the judges' decision, and Nora is overly blasé about the whole thing. She says, "I'm over this whole thing. I don't even f***ing care right now." Well, if you don't care, Miss I'm-Too-Good-For-This, why don't you just leave? Yeah, I didn't think you'd go that far…

    The six designers are brought back onto the runway, and Sarah first announces that she's chosen Kevin's dress as the winner. That means that Kevin will be immune next week and cannot be voted out. He leaves the stage, and then Heidi tells Wendy, Alexandra, and Austin that they are all "in". That leaves us with Nora and Vanessa. One of them is still in the competition, and one of them will be going home this week. After reminding Nora that she had a meltdown that disrupted her team's progress and telling Vanessa that she sold herself short in admitting her sewing weaknesses several times, Heidi says that Nora is still in the competition. That means that Vanessa is the one to go home this week. Heidi then tells Vanessa that she basically took herself out of the competition and left the judges with no choice, and I have to agree with Heidi on that one. With that, Vanessa leaves the runway and heads backstage to tell everyone goodbye. Well, it looks like she tells everyone but Austin goodbye, as Austin has begun sobbing again on the couch and is practically gathered up into the fetal position.

    Vanessa says in a confessional at the end of the show that she is really disappointed that she didn't get to show us more of what she can do, and I'm disappointed as well. I really liked what I saw from you, Vanessa, and I'm sorry to see you go at this point in the show.

    Next week on Project Runway: The group finds out that they'll be designing wedding dresses for the models, and Morgan gleefully says, "Jay is going to be my bitch." Hmm…I wonder how long it's been since he's heard that. Well, from a woman, anyway…


    To contact the author of this recap, send e-mail to lobeck@fansofrealitytv.com.

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    FORT Fan Stellaluna's Avatar
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    Great recap!

    I loved these lines.
    and the most frightening moment is provided by Jay, who says, after his time with Sarah, "We totally hit it off. She totally wants to f**k me." OK, eeuuww. Just eeeeeuuuuuwwwww. Can someone pass me the brain bleach? I need to get rid of the visual that gave me.

    (At this point, I'll refrain from making any sort of connection between Austin and being "out")

    Morgan gleefully says, "Jay is going to be my bitch." Hmm…I wonder how long it's been since he's heard that. Well, from a woman, anyway…

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    FORT Fogey Frostelized's Avatar
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    Awesome recap. Very funny.

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    Retired! hepcat's Avatar
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    Wow, I didn't know that Sarah had recorded Starr's theme song? Or is it Nora's theme song? Vanessa's the

    OK, eeuuww. Just eeeeeuuuuuwwwww. Can someone pass me the brain bleach? I need to get rid of the visual that gave me.

    People are starting to get a little pissy, as the judging is one day earlier than usual, so the stress level is multiplied.

    Good Lord, judging by the tears that started flowing, you would have thought that Kara shot Nora's puppy right in front of her!

    (At this point, I'll refrain from making any sort of connection between Austin and being "out")

    Heidi says—with a Cheshire Cat grin plastered across her face—

    Hmm…maybe Austin is the "Girl On The Verge (Of A Nervous Breakdown)"?

    Hmm…I wonder how long it's been since he's heard that. Well, from a woman, anyway…
    Wow, Lobes, awesome recap! I loved your coverage of the big catfight.

    Great job!
    You've gotta hustle if you want to earn a dollar. - Boston Rob

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    Endlessly ShrinkingViolet's Avatar
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    Great recap, Lobeck! The whole thing was funny, but this quote really cracked me up. Such drama queens we had in this show.

    Oh, and while I'm on the subject of Austin, is it me or, with the lace scarf tied around his neck and another tied around his waist, does he look like a waiter at a Red Lobster in West Hollywood?

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    hellooooooo sher's Avatar
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    great recap as usual, lobes! thanks!!

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    Starbucks is your friend Bill's Avatar
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    For the love of God, Morgan, it's not like they wanted to make you the next Lucille Ball!


    Great recap Lobes!
    "George Oscar Bluth II, aka GOB, featured magician in the best selling videotape, "Girls With Low Self Esteem" invites you to enter his world.
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    Courtesy and Goodwill Mantenna's Avatar
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    Brilliant recap, Lobes! I always lurves me a Lobeycap, and this was no exception. I think everyone on the show is starting to go just a little crazy . . . hopefully you won't follow suit!

    Quote Originally Posted by The Lobenator
    Of course, a recap is no good without an original episode of the show to write about <--- Ah, but you are so wrong.

    Wow, I didn't know that Sarah had recorded Starr's theme song? Or is it Nora's theme song? Vanessa's theme song?

    Well, girl, if a pouf is what she wants, then she certainly…Oh, never mind. I won't go there.

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    Maine-iac LATAS's Avatar
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    Very funny recap! I will have visions of Austin every time I go to Red Lobster!!!
    TRUTH, BOREDOM, HUMOR
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  10. #10
    Yoffy lifts a finger... fluff's Avatar
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    "She really likes 'pouf'." Well, girl, if a pouf is what she wants, then she certainly…Oh, never mind. I won't go there.


    Plus, I wonder if Morgan is watching this now thinking, "That BITCH made me dye my hair, and it wasn't even what they talked about!"
    Great job, Lobes

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