Well, if it isn’t another episode of shameless self promotion, product placement, and scripted “reality.” Yep, it’s time yet again for “The Princes of Malibu” to shove their ˝ hour infomercial for the Jenner Boys, their mediocre band, Mom Linda Thompson, and several other in-your-face product placements down our throats. I didn’t include David Foster’s name in that list because, well, I actually kinda like the guy, and really, he doesn’t seem to need to self-promote—he’s huge in his industry already. But is this what we should start to expect from network television with the advent of TiVo and all of it’s bastard offshoots? I mean, really, if I should expect this kind of product placement and promotion of already wealthier-than-most-small-nations families style of television, I’ll toss my DVR out the window right now if it will prevent it.
In Case You Missed It...
Last week on "The Princes of Malibu", we met the Jenner-Thompson-Foster family. Step Dad Dave wants Step-Sons to stop being lazy leeches. Mom enables sons. Everyone swears a lot, and FOX bleeps the curses, covering their mouths with a word that starts with the same letter. Yadda yadda yadda, I mentioned the bisque. In case you need a history, might I recommend watching the cool intro credits to the show? The intro credits pretty much sum up the entire situation with a cool looking bobble head like paper dolls segment. You can glean the whole background right there.
Eddie Haskell Has a Plan
Tonight's episode starts off with Brandon and Brody's friend and *ahem* manager Spencer convincing the boys to sell one of Dave's Grammy Awards on Ebay. After Dave busts the plot by merely showing up, Spencer gains his approval to get the boys into the movie industry. He has a plan, not to somehow get the boys jobs as actors or models, but to show an unrealeased Martin Lawrence movie as a drive in movie on the grounds of the estate. Yep, that's some tight thinking there Spence. Everyone knows you can only get a finite number of cars onto a particular area of grass. However, the Jenner boys movie potential is INFINITE.
Take Your Bro to Work Day
The next morning, Dave decides to get Brody, or "Bro" to come to work with him. 20 minutes after Dave gives "Bro" 1 minute, he finally shows up for the ride to work. At the office, "Bro" learns to work the phones like a pro, and is quickly learning how to irritate Dave by talking to singers and songwriters who offer their music unsolicited. I think "Bro" thinks he can get in with some of these guys and maybe get some press for his own band. Let me tell ya, Bro...get some talent in the band first, Bro. If you can't make it in Boulder, CO, where there really isn't much good local music, you suck.
Elvis is Dead, and He Was Fat When He Died
Still at the office, Dave and Brody riff with Michael Buble, a multi-platinum recording artist, who harasses Dave about Elvis. Dave doesn't really like Elvis, and prefers no one really talk about him. You see, his wife Linda used to date Elvis before he died. Across town at a cafe, Linda, wearing a well placed promo for Brody's band, tells Spencer and Brandon about some movie dates she went on with Elvis. He would rent out an entire movie house late at night and bring 20 of his people in to watch a movie. Sorry, Dave. She remembers Elvis, and she remembers him well.
The Big Setup
Later in the day, back at Casablanca, all of the boys are sneakily setting up for the drive in movie that night on the estate grounds. Out on the street, some other friends drive around with a light up sign to help promote the movie. Back at the estate, Linda, the enabling mom, helps the boys keep the movie from Dave by telling them when he has gone off to take a nap. Immediately, the guy with the giant, inflatable movie screen shows up. Where the hell is that guy when I need him anyway? Like when I first got my Star Wars Original Trilogy DVDs? They borrow couches from Dave's office, and even steal his old fashioned movie popcorn maker. Which, it turns out they don't even need, since McDonalds has decided to have a booth at the movie. Product placement rules!! Flash that Quarter Pounder, earn another million!
Packing 'Em In
Dark is upon them, and Dave still hasn't woken up from his nap. Lucky fart. Cars are rolling in, and the boys are getting a pretty good gate from their drive in concept. Brandon's girlfriend drives up, and FOX decides she can pay with a slutty open mouth kiss with her boyfriend. Girl, have you no dignity? Next in line is a police cruiser. Everyone is worried that perhaps they need a permit. Not when you are rich and semi famous!! You got peeps when you're rich, and they know people, who know other people, and, well, they know the cop. He's a regular, like Kato Kaelin at OJs house.
Dave's Millieu, Dave's Revenge
Finally, Dave wakes up from his long winter's nap, and decides he wants to watch a movie. Could it be he wants to watch the shamelessly promoted Martin Lawrence movie that the boys are about to show? He looks through the house frantically for the unrealeased DVD, hoping someone didn't bootleg it and send it out on the internet. That's big trouble if it's not for a promo spot on a FOX show. As he searches through the boys' wing of the house, he turns off more lights than are in my entire neighborhood, and decides to do something about the situation. He removes all the lightbulbs!! It's the Great Casablanca Blackout. After he gets done darkening the wing, he can see headlights flashing and car horns honking. What the *flute* is going on here?
It's OK, They Paid to Park Here
Dave runs out to the scene of the drive in in a huge huff, calmed down only by Linda, who happens to believe in her boys' idea. She even tells him that it's all OK, since everyone paid. Yeah, Linda, it's ok because they paid your boys. Spencer defends the drive in too, telling Dave he ok'd them getting into the movie business, and hey, this is one hell of a movie scam. Dave shuts down the whole movie, and heads back inside.
But Does He Like Me, Like Me?
Back in the mansion, Brandon, Brody, and Spencer contemplate with Linda about Dave's antics. They think he hates them. I would have no problem with it if he did hate them, since I am starting to also. Linda points out that Dave does like Spencer, he just doesn't know how to take him. I say take him anywhere, just get him off of my TV. Dave shows up with a sly grin on his face. He tells the boys what he has done with their light, trying to teach a lesson by telling a parable about his own father's lessons. His lesson with the lights seems to backfire, though, as his step-sons light some candles and pull some girls into their wing of the house as Brody declares "You want a war Dave? You got one!". That's one threat that never gets old, does it?
Next Week on PoM
The boys create more mayhem, Dave cuts off their food, and the boy's impersonate Dave and use his private jet to fly to Vegas.
If you can help me self promote my new album email me at firstname.lastname@example.org