Did everyone know that this show moved to Tuesdays last week? Well, I didn’t, and judging by the mini recap at the start of this week’s episode, I missed out on some good drama! Dang!
First off, can we all agree that Captain Azmyth and his minions are a trio of tools? Good, I’m glad that’s out of the way. Second- although Joe Don had kind of ridiculous hair, I am sorry that he was set adrift last week, mostly because I wanted to see him kick Azmyth’s scrawny ass overboard.
To start off tonight’s show, we see that Captain Azmyth and his Officers are very angry with Kendra. It seems that she promised to vote the way they wanted her to, and in exchange, they would be kind enough not to give her a Black Spot. Well, that sounds… fair, I guess. Actually, that sounds sketchy, but this is a competition after all, and I guess threatening and blackmailing is as good a way to win as any.
It’s the day after Joe Don was cut adrift, and there seems to be a little bit of wind out on the high seas. Some of the pirates still don’t have their sea legs, so while most of them are just stumbling around on the deck, some of them are heaving over the side.
Today’s challenge? Why, a leisurely trip down the Rio del Muerte, or the River of Death for you non-Spanish speakers. Oh, who am I kidding? I only took high school Spanish, and I don’t remember much past “¿Dónde está la biblioteca, por favor?” (“Where is the library, please?”), which shockingly comes in less handy than you would think.
Ahem. Back to the show. The pirates will be taking a trip down the Rio del Muerte, and since it’s the River of Death, they might just see some ghosts… right in front of them! Dun, dun, dun!! Suddenly, Cameron gives a whistle, and all of the previously cut adrift pirates come climbing out of their graves, (or sequester), and over the side of the ship. Jay is definitely not happy to see them, and frankly, they’re probably not all that happy to see him either, so that’s fair.
I'll bet you thought you were done with these people.
Cameron announces that in lieu of picking teams for today’s challenge, Captain Azmyth and the pirates will be the Black Crew, competing against the Ghost Pirates, (who are actually alive- I don’t want to scare anyone). The winning crew takes all the treasure, and if the Ghosts win, they will leave the ship without a captain until the next expedition. They’ll also select the three pirates who will be the lucky black spot recipients. Ben knows this can be nothing but bad for Captain Azmyth and his Officers.
Now, I don’t want to talk too much about what happened during the expedition, because I was really hoping that the Ghost Crew would just annihilate the Black Crew so that they could gift Azmyth and his boys with some Black Spots, but that’s just not what happened.
From the start, the Black Crew is in the lead, they make it to shore first, and then find the first clue and finally the key they will need to use to open the treasure. Unfortunately for them, at this point they decide to go south, but the map shows they need to go east. The Ghost Crew sees that the Black Crew made a mistake, and go the right way. For a moment, I am hopeful that they’re going to take this thing, until it’s revealed that John, (remember John? Scientist/ Exotic Dancer?), has lost their key, and now they have to search the jungle for it.
The Black Crew figures out pretty quickly that they’re going the wrong way, and think that they’re screwed. I guess they underestimated John’s ability to lose things and sabotage his team. Of course the Black Crew makes it to the final destination- the Angel Tree, before the Ghost Crew even finds their key, wins the expedition, and breaks my heart a little.
When Cameron joins the group, he chastises the Ghost Crew for not even making it to the graveyard, and they explain that although John is probably a terrific exotic dancer, he is not a very good key holder. Joe Don tells us how disappointed he is, because he know exactly who he wanted to put up, and Cameron tells them all that they had their shots at revenge, and now it’s time for them to disappear. He doesn’t actually call them all two-time losers, but it’s implied.
The Black Crew counts the booty and it comes out to a whopping $50,000, half of which goes directly to Azmyth. The rest of the crew looks less than happy about this arrangement, and then Cameron tells Azmyth that he has the option of picking two new officers. Azmyth chooses to keep his Triad complete, which somehow surprises some of the crew members.
Back on the ship, Captain Azmyth and his boys divvy up the money and fantasize about what they’re going to buy with their loot, (a guitar, a microphone, a new turntable), while outside, Louie and Nessa fantasize about mutiny. They seem to think they might be able to get Ben and Jay to go along, but I don’t think either of those guys want their gravy train to end.
Jupiter’s also been thinking about mutiny, but instead of discussing it discreetly, like Louie and Nessa, she decides to bring it up in front of the whole crew during dinner. She explains that some people are not happy and want to mutiny. She just wants everything to be fair. Azmyth counters by telling her she’s making more money than all of them because she’s the cook, and is paid for her services. She stresses again how things should be fair and aren’t, and Azmyth thanks her for bringing everything up, and then goes back to the Captain’s Quarters to bitch about it to Jay and Ben like a 12 year old school girl.
Ben thinks that Jupiter slapped everyone on the crew in her face with her comments and was incredibly disrespectful, and Jay thinks that Jupiter and Laurel have been plotting and stirring things up in the kitchen. Azmyth doesn’t think Jupiter has his back, because she wants to mutiny and all, and they decide that for the betterment of the ship, she should really go.
The next day, the Triad of Terror decides to Black Spot Kendra, Jupiter and Lauren. Lauren and Kendra are not surprised, and Jupiter wasn’t expecting it, but figures it has something to do with the mutiny threat she gave at the dinner table.
Welcome to the first official meeting of the We Hate Azmyth club.
To sum up their speeches:
Laurel- doesn’t feel like she has an attitude at all. When Azmyth tries to interrupt her, she tells him she would appreciate it if he shut his damn mouth and let her speak. She asks the rest of the members of the crew if they would share the booty as Captain, and they all answer that they would. No one’s going to be happy with Azmyth as Captain.
Kendra- loves being on the ship, and feels she’s getting stronger and stronger with each competition. She will never stop, even if she gets injured.
Jupiter- is just shocked. She didn’t know that asking for change would put her in this predicament, but she still wants it. She loves everybody and wants to remain on the ship.
Cameron asks Azmyth to explain why the crew should not mutiny, and he states that he is fair, and his officers are great, so why would anyone want to challenge their authority. Everything is going so well, he can’t see why a change would be necessary.
This man is deluded. And kind of an ass.
The Pirates cast their ballots, and we learn that Kendra won the pardon with her $4,000 bid, but she didn’t need it because she did not receive a single vote. Cameron announces that Laurel is also safe, which leaves Jupiter and Captain Azmyth. The vote is unanimous, and… Azmyth is safe, which means Jupiter has been cut adrift.
I’m really hoping to tune in next week to see Azmyth and his silly fake accent cut adrift. How about you?