Arrrgh, ye scurvy dogs. Itís another night of Pirate Master and I am probably the only one to know it has changed nights. I will fill you in on the happenings and in return you will all supply me with rum because itís going to take copious amounts for me to make it through this recap. Last week, Azmyth and officers took over again and become a bunch of serious asses. His faux British accent returned and we all laughed at him instead of with him. Joy was cut loose and no one was surprised. Tie on your bandanna, readjust your shoulder parrot, and start downing the rum like itís going out of style, itís going to be a long night.
Please Sir, May I Have Some More
Up in the captainís quarters the captain and his officers are getting drunk on rum and getting a little cocky. They also seem to be sleeping in a large bed together and with all that rum we can only guess what has been happening once the lights go out. Below decks the rest of the crew wants to take Azmyth down, especially Joe Don. Who by the way, every once in a while I find attractive, making me question my own sanity. Yes he has large hair, a serious weakness for me, but he is such an ass and so darn weird.
The crew gathers on deck for their gruel and no one is happy with the amount of food being dispersed. Azmyth greets the crew and assigns extra duties to Joe Don and Louie. He wants to weaken them for the expeditions so they canít win. This is all coming from the mind of man who speaks in funny accents and thinks he is cool? He goes up with his officers and gorges on extra food and doesnít feel guilty. I am hoping there is a mutiny on the horizon.
A well fed man
Long Live the Triad
Itís finally time for the challenge and each team is searching for the treasure hidden by the purser. The black team is Azmyth, Ben, Jay, Laurel, and Jupiter. The red team is Joe Don, Louie, Kendra, Nessa, and Christa. Each team gets in their boat and heads for shore. Sometimes I hope one of their boats will flip and a shark will be circlingÖ
The black team takes an early lead but the red team is close on their heels. Joe Don makes a move for the red team and they are now even. On a side note, they keep showing this little map of this island and I wonder if while they are ďsailingĒ if they just travel in circles around this little island. This makes me lose respect for them even more. Back to the task, both are competing and running, and jumping, and digging. The red team reaches the final point first and they are busy digging. The black team, which is completely lost, follows them and finds the treasure first.
Everyone arrives back at the boat and the red team is especially down. Joe Don has to sell the pardon and that pretty much means he is going home this week. The winning team brought in $35,000 in gold coins, which donít have chocolate on the inside. The captain and officers donít plan to evenly split the money again because they are now greedy bastards.
The Black Plague
Below decks the crew is discussing if anyone plans to bid on the pardon. Nessa plans to bid on it and hopes that she and Joe Don can keep it between themselves. She also hopes once the show is over they can live in a cozy little boat and have a happy little pirate family with occasional pillaging.
The captain and officerís talk and they want Joe Don out. They are truly jealous of his large hair and feel that it is a threat to them with scoring with the ladies or maybe heís just a threat to winning the game. The letters are handed out and Louie, Joe Don, and Nessa all have received the black spot, which sounds like a horrible disease.
Louie loves the ladies and frankly that creeps me out more than anything. If the ladies loved him back they would chop off his hair and never speak of that monstrosity again. Joe Don is worried because he doesnít have the pardon and the women all think of Louie as a father. Wait, didnít Louie just say he loves the ladies? I am getting this really creepy family vibe now and I donít care for that at all!
Daddy's Little Girls
Time for Someone to Get Cut
Pirateís court gathers and the marked pirates take their place at the front. Each gets a chance to say why they should stay. Nessa goes first and talks about not wanting to lose and not having gold. She talks some more and not a whole lot is said. Louie goes next and talks about loving the ship, liking the men, and loving the ladies. Joe Don goes last and gives a speech about being a Warrior. I think I heard this speech before in a movie called Braveheart, it was crappy then and itís crappy now. After the talks are given my dish goes out from the storm we are getting. I assume I missed nothing.
Look at my hair, it's glorious!
It comes back on right as the ballots are turned in. There are no votes for mutiny, and Nessa wins the pardon. One of them has one vote and the other has 3, Joe Don is done and will be sent off to sea where hopefully seals wonít find him and have their way with himÖalthough it would be amusing. Before he leaves, Nessa comes over for a little make out session and itís almost sad, with almost being the key word.
Make sure to remember that this show airs on Tuesdays, and be sure to tune in to see the ship attacked by another ship of pirates. How crazy is it, that there are two pirate ships in the ocean with crews, contestants, and TV cameras. Seriously, what are the odds of this happening? All I can say is hopefully that other ship has an exotic dancer/scientist on board.
If you own a parrot and would be willing to loan him to me so I can complete my pirate costume send me a PM.