Aye, tis a fine time to be reminding ye the purpose of this quest. It’s all about the booty--Captain Henry Steel’s treasure, that is.
Last monthIn 1726, the production crewhe and his scurvy band of pirates hid their gold all over the island. Clues to the booty are hidden in recently discovered chests. One booty will lead to another booty and ultimately to Captain Steel’s enormous booty to the sum of one million dollars.
On the pirates’ last voyage, Joe Don made a pact with Jay, Alexis felt like a log and didn’t pull her weight. On the expedition, she was a liability while Azmyth led the red team to victory. They elected him captain and he divided the booty equally across the board. Louie wants to cut Joe Don adrift but Jay sets his sights on Cheryl. He pays Sean to vote his way. However, with Azmyth’s persuasion, Sean betrays Jay and votes for Alexis making it a tie. Blimey! The decision falls on Captain Azmyth who votes to send Alexis floating into the darkness. For more on last week, check out Yardgnome’s fabulous recap.
Screw Me Once, Screw Me Twice
Cheryl realizes that she had a close call and that the game has been more of a popularity contest. Now maybe she’ll remove the proverbial stick from her ass and loosen up a little.
Jay is furious at Sean’s betrayal. He tells us that Sean left the four who voted for Cheryl looking like a bunch of idiots. I say that in those costumes, they’re doing a good job of that on their own. But what do I know? I’m not a pirate. Ya know, I’d consider becoming one for Johnny Depp but that’s really not the point. Sean apologizes for his hornswaggling and tries to explain. Towards the end, he just couldn’t see why they wanted to get rid of Cheryl. Jay’s philosophy is “Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.” and vows that Sean is dead meat. Finally, we might see carnage! I mean, on a pirate show, is a little carnage to much to ask? I want to see Sean walk the plank or dance the hempen jig. Come on, Jay! If you aren’t pirate enough to send him to Davy Jones’ locker, at least demand your money back.
All Hands Hoay!
Rise and Shine, me hearties! Time to swab the deck. *cue cheesy pirate music* Ben is calling out, “Sea water. Get your buckets of sea water.” What, are you going to run out or something, Ben?
Nessa is a big flirt and likes “all the boys.” She’s all giggly as she slings sponges and soapy water at them. Of course she isn’t the first woman to use her feminine wiles to get ahead in a game but Joy and Christa are not amused. They look on and mock Nessa’s giggling and snicker about her wet and now see-through pants. She thinks Nessa is working the wrong side since the girls outnumber the boys and it’s going to come back and bite her in the butt. Hmm, I have a feeling Nessa might like that.
One Big Party And A Talk With God
Azmyth’s reign as captain is one big party. Ben (I’m not liking Ben much.) doesn’t approve of the tomfoolery. After all, it’s a pirate ship, not a cruise boat. Joe Don’s iron fist style of rule is much preferable to Gentle Ben because pirating is serious work.
Cheryl wants to know Azmyth’s plan. His plan is to relax for the moment and find a spot to have a talk with God. In other words, there is no plan and he‘s going to take a nap. Partying and racing crabs is hard work, Cheryl. Haven’t you been paying attention?
Laurel is a little bothered by Azmyth’s phony accent since the first day on the ship he told her he was from Seattle. While I can’t say that I blame her, she really shouldn’t complain about annoying accents. When she speaks, I picture a little old nasally Italian lady back East sitting on her plastic covered couch and wearing alot of gaudy jewelry. I’m not kidding. When he uses the accent, Laurel doesn’t look at Azmyth as a normal person but as a weirdo. And I think she would know a weirdo.
A New Booty
Cameron Daddo arrives with the clue to the next booty. Wouldn’t you love to see his booty? According to the clue from Captain Steel, the booty was hidden by the ship’s master craftsman whose name I won’t even attempt to spell. He apparently was not only a devious dealmaker but also a vain fellow who never missed a chance to look at his own reflection. What does this clue mean? Let’s find out.
The lots are cast. On the black crew…Captain Azmyth, Jay, Jupiter, Laurel, Christa, Cheryl, and Joe Don. This leaves Louie, Gentle Ben, Joy, Kendra, Nessa, and Sean on the red crew.
Louie couldn’t be happier that he’s on the red crew opposing Joe Don on the black. He’s pumped and ready to take Joe Don down. However, Sean is upset. In his opinion, the black crew is made up of the strongest, smartest, and fastest while his crew is made up of the weakest people on the ship. Azmyth isn’t worried at all and is pleased with his crew. He plans on winning. To the longboats, people!
Once ashore, the pirates are to find the anchor on the beach where they’ll discover a trail into the jungle leading to the sabotage. The first crew there can use it to slow the other crew down. From there, they must make their way to the crocs’ heads landmark where the next clue awaits. The red crew makes landfall first but their lead is short-lived. The black crew passes them just as they reach the sabotage. Azmyth pulls the rope to release an avalanche of “skulls” into the path of the red crew. They drag themselves from the rubble and continue on.
The black crew arrives at the crocs’ heads and is first to get the next clue that’s hidden in a small box under a pile of rocks. They’re to travel back to a nearby cave where their map fits into a frame on the wall. Sunlight filtering in reveals the location of the booty with the reflection of an X mark on the map. Azmyth takes a quick look and knows exactly where to go.
The red crew finally gets the clue and arrives at the cave. And I wish Joy would pull her shorts up. I know she’s tired but I bet she could move a lot faster if they weren’t hanging off her backside. Once inside, Ben takes a look at the reflection and realizes the booty is back at the anchor.
The black team passes the anchor. Azmyth leads them farther down the beach on a wild goose chase. Although Joe Don and several others suspect that they’re in the wrong place, they trust their captain and follow along.
It seems Kendra and Joy with her saggy shorts are slowing down the red crew. Sean has an arm wrapped around Joy’s midsection and is practically dragging her downhill. If he squeezes any harder though, she’s going to pop right out of her top. Meanwhile, Louie is helping Kendra through the jungle and at one point, he grabs her ass. When she calls him on it, he answers that if she slips, he’ll do it again. As I’ve said, it’s all about the booty.
Azmyth admits he doesn’t know where the hell he’s going so the black crew heads back to the cave to get another look at the clue. They realize that their trusted captain had them running around aimlessly and the booty is back at the anchor. They arrive to find the red crew still digging. Azmyth jokes that it was a good run. Ha! Not funny, Captain. It’s a good thing I’m not on his crew because if he’d made me run frantically through the jungle for that long, there’d be mutiny.
Both teams dig furiously but the red crew finds the booty. Back onboard the ship, they count the gold to learn the booty is worth a measly $5,000. The crew is disappointed since the last win was much more. They elect a reluctant Louie as the next captain and he in turn, chooses Sean and Nessa as officers.
I Beg Your Pardon
In the chest with the small booty, was “The Royal Pardon.” For those of you comparing this show to Big Brother or Survivor, it’s the equivalent of a Power of Veto or an Immunity Idol. Whoever holds the pardon, cannot be cut adrift at pirate’s court. As captain, the pardon belongs to Louie; however, pirates may bid on it. All bids must be received before the black spots are given out. The highest bidder will then be revealed and he/she must pay for the pardon whether it’s needed or not. If the pirate who buys the pardon doesn’t use it, he/she must then sell it before the next pirate’s court.
Who Has The Biggest Booty?
Back in the captain’s cabin, Louie divides the small booty equally because he’s no hoarder. Joe Don was a hoarder and that’s why he hates him so much. Speaking of Joe Don, the hoarder, they realize his booty is bigger than anyone else’s and they’re in a position to make him pay top dollar for the Royal Pardon or be cut adrift. Louie is a little doubtful and suspects Joe Don may be a tightwad like himself.
Sean explains the pardon to the pirates and things get heated between Joe Don and Louie. Joe Don points out the fact that Louie has benefited from all four booties, is now captain, and is therefore not in need of money earned from the pardon. Louie quickly fires back that the greed of Joe Don and his officers, hoarders that they are, has made them the richest pirates on the ship. An indignant Captain Louie calls Joe Don on the thirty grand he’s hoarding and lets him know that he will have to bid high in order to stay on the ship. Joe Don says he does want the pardon and would be totally bummed(Dude, what is he? Pirate or surfer?) if he was set adrift. I’m really beginning to dislike Joe Don, the hoarder. Captain Louie should take his booty and feed him to the fishes. Now that’s the pirate thing to do.
Joe Don tries to bully Jay. He tells him to get Louie off his back and keep him from being black spotted, or their deal to have each other’s back is over. Jay doesn’t take kindly to Joe Don’s threats and calls off the deal himself. He’s so pissed (and maybe a little drunk) that he lets everyone in on the happenings. He decides to bid his entire booty of $6001 to see how much the ol’ hoarder ponies up and use it for leverage if necessary.
Louie never wanted to be captain but figured it’s the best way to get rid of Joe Don. If he can’t do that, he’ll take out Cheryl, Joe Don’s little powder monkey. Louie also feels that every time a captain loses power, he should black spotted and therefore, Azmyth should get the mark. Black spots are handed out to Azmyth who is confident he’ll be safe, Cheryl who is upset, and Joe Don who saw it coming. The pardon should be a great twist at pirate’s court.
A few of the pirates are disgruntled with their captain. Joe Don thinks he’s after his booty and has gold in his eyes. Jupiter is upset because Cheryl is upset. She says the game’s taken a turn towards anger and thinks Louie’s on a mission to get to Joe Don. She’s a perceptive one, that Jupiter. Jay decides to give Joe Don a pep talk to make him believe they’re still friends. He reinforces what we all know; if Joe Don doesn’t get the pardon, he’ll be cut adrift at pirate’s court.
The Powder Monkey Floats Away
Court is in session. Louie gives his reasons for black spotting JD, Cheryl, and Azmyth. He does not like the blue jacket of captainhood but it has it’s advantage--Joe Don on the black spot. Cameron wonders how Louie can resent Joe Don so much for taking half the booty when that’s the pirate code. Louie says no captain is worth half the pay.
Those black spotted have one last chance to plead their case before the vote. Azmyth says he knows he’s there because the black crew lost but doesn’t view it as a total loss since they gained experience and memories. Forget the sap, Azmyth! It’s all about the booty! Cheryl finds it difficult to understand why she’s there for simply associating with Joe Don. Joe Don doesn’t know what Louie is talking about and thinks Louie is an angry captain who is only focused on the booty. He says he loves Louie and doesn’t deserve the misplaced anger.
Ballots are cast and to my dismay, no one loses a limb. Before the judgment is revealed, Cameron announces the winning bidder of the Royal Pardon. No surprise, it’s Joe Don. He pays $7,000 for it and ironically, he didn’t need it. The votes are counted and Cheryl is cut adrift. The pardon could have saved her but she didn’t bid on it. If they didn’t want her, she felt she should go. She’s proud to say she didn’t succumb to the lying and backstabbing. Wait! Isn’t that what pirates do? Good riddance. The powder monkey obviously wasn’t destined to become the Pirate Master.
Tune in next week to see how a secret loan from Joe Don to Nessa changes the game.
Drop me a pm if you’re all about the booty.