Thanks to a tenuous partnership between Fansofrealitytv.com and the Media Review department of the First United Evangelical Fundamental Science Church of 1˝ Revelations, we are pleased to present their advance screening review of Fox Reality’s upcoming show, Paradise Hotel 2.
“Paradise” “Hotel” Truly Has No Room “Service”
Staff writer: Irene Almond
I must confess that I had never heard of Fox Reality’s new TV show “Paradise Hotel 2,” because usually the only TV show I watch is “60 Minutes” and sometimes “Deal or No Deal” when my sisters come over and we’ve had a few slices of rum cake. I once tried to watch another one of these “reality shows” that my daughter-in-law is always talking about, and that was called “Forever Eden.” I must admit that it was a little different, but I liked it and probably would have kept watching it if Steve had come out and fixed my TV antenna. Something is wrong with it, and Earl can’t possibly get up on the roof in this bad weather because of his gout. “Global Warming”—that’s really a funny joke, isn’t it?
But what’s even more of a joke is this new reality show they sent me called “Paradise Hotel 2,” because I don’t see any hints of paradise in it at all! See, there are these eleven “sexy singles” that have to find a roommate or they’ll be cast out of paradise by a glorious angel with a flaming sword. This sounded okay to me, but then I found out that these ROOM MATES are MIXED with BOYS and GIRLS in the SAME BED. They say the original show “took America by storm” but the only storm I can see this show causing is one like the Tupelo flood of ’33 where God rained his furious judgment down on America and that Elvis Presley music. Or maybe it was that “Hannah Montana” that my grandkids are always talking about. I don’t know.
And even though it doesn’t seem to me that there are many “rules” in this “hotel,” they say that the rules can change at any time, and the guests’ stay will be “full of surprises.” The only surprise that I SEE HERE is that people would actually watch this show! I’m also surprised that Michael Huckabee is not doing as well in the election because he’s definitely my favorite candidate. That Mitt Romney fellow is also pretty good and rather handsome, but I hear that he’s a Moonie or something, and my flower shop doesn’t need any more competition, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
The “action” really “heats up” on the show when two of these jezebels go after the same boy, and the “sparks fly.” Since there are five boys and six girls, one of those sinful strumpets will be placed in solitary confinement if she cannot “room up” with someone. If you ask me, that’s where they belong—these “young adults” who think they’re “going steady” are really just going down a STEADY ROAD TO EVERLASTING JUDGMENT.
Also there were several scenes where everyone stripped down to their bloomers and danced, and those scenes were pretty good.
So let’s tally up the results:
Thou shalt honor your father and mother: -3
Thou shalt not murder: -1.5
Thou shalt not commit adultery: -10
Thou shalt not steal: -4
Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor: -7
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house: -2
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife: -10
Thy total score: -37.5
So as you can see, it looks like this “Paradise Hotel 2” has NO RESERVATIONS and it’s definitely one that you CHECK OUT of before noon and steal the key, even though it’s not very charitable, but they need to be taught a lesson.
Hello Steve? Steve this computer box is asking for my password again. What is a password? Steve!? Steve, do not hang up that phone—I am your mother, Steve. Steve?
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